//------------------------------// // Hot Like Fire // Story: The Hoofmaid's Tail // by GaPJaxie //------------------------------// A request by Kenku: Chollywood: Changelings realize that their shapeshifting abilities make them uniquely suited to be actors, and enable them to feed on the love of their fans. The mare on the screen was a teenage fantasy: tall, toned, perky, plush. She had muscles like an amazon warrior, shiny fur, full curves. Her coat was patterned like a deer, white on her underside that slid up under her tail, emphasizing her body shape and those elements her tail only just concealed. Tiny spots like freckles touched her neck and face, and her eyes were wide and sweet and soft. Her horn was sharp like a wizards, her wings wide like a stunt flyers, her hooves broad and yet so perfectly kept. “Hey there everypony,” she smiled down at her camera, like she and it were conspirators in some inside joke. “I’m Felicity, and today, I’m going to be telling you all about how common arguments against utilitarianism don’t stand up to second-order analysis. We’re gonna get weird with edge cases, and—” A sound effect like a pony kissing interrupted her, and she cooed. “And, we’ve got our first tip already. Philiosipone455 asks, ‘can you say Kant is your favorite philosopher on screen? And, have you ever experimented with bondage gear?’” Felicity belched, a loud, deep sound, laughing and rubbing her belly to cover for the awkward moment. “Sorry, changeling moment. Philosi-pone, I can feel how much you love me, and if you want to see me tied up and cropped, I’m happy to do a video for you, but a mare has to have her standards. Kant is a hack who-” “Twilight?” Twilight slammed the lid of her laptop shut, staring at the creature who had interrupted her. The dragon. She stared at Spike. “Hi. Hi Spike. Yes. Hello. Here you are. In my room. Where you are without asking. Which seems like a violation of my privacy.” “I called to you, you didn’t answer.” Quickly, Twilight slipped out her MarePods. “I had earphones on. Is this important? I need some private time, Spike.” “Uh… it’s a royal missive…” Spike frowned. “Are you okay, Twilight? You’re really flush.” “It’s hot outside.” “And you’re sweating.” “It’s hot inside.” “And you look…” He hesitated. “Thin? Like you’ve actually lost a lot of weight.” “Parasites frequently cause weight loss in their hosts and also I’m supporting artists.” Spike frowned: “What?” “Oh for,” Twilight hissed. “What was the message?” “Luna is concerned,” Spike pulled out a scroll, “she said there’s a new service called OnlyBugs that she thinks might be a changeling plot to—” “Luna is a crank, Spike. Everything is fine.” She gestured at the door. “Now please, leave me alone.” “Last thing,” Spike said, hesitantly. “I was doing the finances for the month, and it seems we spent 16,000 bits on something called ‘micro-transactions’? Do you know what those are?” “They’re the future of love, Spike! Get out!” Concerned for Twilight’s health -- and her views of romance -- Spike wrote to an expert on the subject. If anypony knew how to deal with the situation, it would be Princess Cadence. Several minutes later, upstairs, Twilight was lashing her tail and breathing heavily. On screen, Felicity was looking right into her soul, her hooves doing interesting things with her own nether regions. “So if I were to bite your ears,” she said, “there would be a short-term drop in utility in the form of your pain, but that warm, beautiful feeling of being taken by a passionate lover would result in a net gain. From this example, we can see that negative event avoidance is an overly simplistic—” The kissing sound effect triggered again. “Oh, and we’ve got a big tip from a long-time viewer. PinkPosterior_233 asks me to say, ‘Hey, Twilight, your brother and I like this channel too, XOXO, Cadence.’” Felicity frowned. “Not sure what that mean-” Twilight’s scream carried across the whole of Ponyville, and she chucked her laptop clear out the window.