//------------------------------// // Ch 15 - All the way to Nowhere // Story: Chaotic Visage // by Orderly Disassembly //------------------------------// My breaths came out in long jagged gasps. Each inhale cut at the back of my throat, and the air in front of me was tinted a milky white every time I exhaled. My body shivered. We’re a monster, Typhon. Nothing existed beyond the edges of my mist. No color, no sounds, no shapes. Just a perfectly blank and black void filled my vision. They hate us, Typhon. I looked deeper, listened harder, and tried to perceive anything, anything at all. No smells greeted me, no heat struck me, and the mist remained.  My heart was silent. Do we really have one, or was its beat as fake as Pathfinder? The emptiness before me was absolute. Is it really empty, or are you blind? After all, you didn’t see the signs. My breathing quickened as I screwed my eyes shut and clenched my ears with my hands. It was so obvious too. I curled up, trying to shut the voice out. The joints on my claw were turning white and my ears were burning.  So many hints, and you just let those wastes of air waltz in to take everything from you.  I could feel lines of wetness crawl down my face. I was weak, not a monster, just weak. Monsters are strong, monsters do what is necessary. I am not good, I am not bad, I just… am. Some monsters are selfish, and some can be powerful. However, all monsters are evil, all are decisive. We are selfish. Images of the tower strolled through my head. Pictures of the destruction that I caused followed soon after. The false memories of the consequences I never suffered because I ran… they sat still, smiling at my cowardice as if even my own thoughts wished to mock me. We are powerful. The second sun that I ignited above the tower blinded me with its brilliance. The ludicrous feat of absorbing the concept of knowledge made itself known through drips of understnading from my personal pool of information.  We are evil. Towers of skeletons sprouted from the earth wherever I gazed. Salty sweet blood dripped into my mouth. Five hundred faces screamed at me and fled my vision on the necks of withering bodies. Yet you flounder with every decision you make and end up accomplishing nothing that you want to. Am I justified, or am I a monster? Why wouldn’t this voice leave me alone? Why can’t I just decide already?  Time could have rushed by like a raging river, sat still like a boulder, or even swirled around me like sand in the wind. Whatever time did, I was frozen and would have remained so, if I hadn’t asked a simple question. ‘If it’s so easy, then why don’t you do it?’ The voice went quiet for a moment. For that brief respite, my mind was silent, empty. However, my peace was just that: brief, momentary, so the return of the voice was inevitable. Because I’ve never been given the chance. Before the voice whispered, it shouted, it laughed, but everything it said was done in complete confidence. However, this... this sounded tired. Not the haggard choppiness resulting from exhertion, nor the slurring of sleepiness, but rather, the defeated airiness of bone-deep exhaustion. You have had so many chances to make a change but refuse to do so. You have such an abundance of possibilities and get twisted up over one. You hold one of the greatest gifts of all, yet you do not use it.  The voice died for a second, but renewed spite seemed to push its last words to the surface of my mind. All I can do is watch, Typhon. Do you know what it feels like to have no control, no choice? I went quiet as I closed my eyes. Just another person that I failed. I failed Helga, Sugarplum, Heart, and now I’ve failed this voice too. Is that all I could do? Despite all the power in the world, could I only lose? An eternity passed in the dark with nothing, not even my heart accompanying me on my voyage to nowhere. Where was I going? Was I going anywhere? Would I ever open my eyes to the light again? … Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. It's peaceful here. No ponies to hunt me down with pitchforks and magic. None here to lie to me just so they could stab me in the back at the first opportunity. Maybe that other world had too much light. Maybe the sun was so bright that instead of revealing the lies, it blinded me? Maybe when none can see me, I can walk freely. … No, for one time, for at least one person, I will not fail. I will not give up. I will not give in! Maybe every action before and after this will reveal itself to be a mistake. Hell, maybe even this one will be, but it will be a mistake borne of success. A grin split my face as giggles jabbed their way out of my throat. Tears still stained my cheeks as I began to chuckle through clenched teeth. Finally, I laughed and laughed and laughed. The cold vanished beneath a bonfire in my chest. The warmth spread from the center of my body, to my neck, and soon overtook my head. My brain practically vibrated while my consciousness shifted in its socket within my mind.  What are you doing? Alarm infected the voice, and panic seeped into its words. However, my response sent him whirling into a state of shock. “I am giving you a chance!” Before he could respond, I finished the spell and the world went white once more.   Clover trotted down a cobbled road. Her hooves clopped on the stone beneath her. Her pace was neither quick nor slow, but it was unwavering. New muscles bunched and coiled as she went, acquired on a long journey that she hoped would soon come to an end. Clover smiled as she glanced around. Bushes lined the road. They weren’t tall enough to hide an attacker, but they still broke through the sea of grass to add some variety to the forest floor. The trees remained steady while a gentle breeze ruffled their canopies. Swaying branches creaked, and shifting leaves crinkled in the wind.  The sun just barely peaked over the eastward horizon, casting golden rays through the grainy haze of a morning mist.  The world was at peace. Then Clover raised her head to sniff the air. The faint aroma of grass graced her nose. The sweet smell of distant pastries waltzed through her nostrils and danced on her tongue, but only for a moment. One last scent wafted about Clover, whisking away the pleasant odor of sweets, but try as she might, she couldn’t quite put her hoof on what it was. The smell reminded Clover of grilled carrots on a warm summer day, of the bitter smell emitted from bubbling tea… of fire, wild and uncontrolled. She frowned as she crested a hill. The town before her should have been at peace. The ponies within should be bustling in the streets behind the wall. She should hear wisps of a buzzing crowd carried to her on the wings of passing gusts. The odor of freshly baked bread should be invading her nostrils and forcing her mouth to water. Instead, there was silence.  Instead, the roads were empty.  Instead, she smelled smoke.