It’s too hard to explain what’s wrong, so what’s the point…?
---
I sit at a table with my friends, staring at the ground and poking at my food. We were at one of our weekly Tuesday brunches and I couldn’t help but be miserable. I had tried to open up to them before but it was hard for me to do so.
I jumped slightly as my friend Lilly tapped me on the shoulder. “You okay, Script?”
I turned to look at her. This was my chance to tell her what was wrong. I opened my mouth to speak but couldn’t figure out what to say. I want to die. “I’m fine.” I folded my ears back as I said that.
“You sure? You just seem a bit off more than usual today.”
I don’t know what to do anymore…
“Yeah, I’m sure…”
There I go again, unable to speak my mind… I just got up and walked out the door without saying another word.
Lilly came running up to me, a look of concern in her eyes.
“Script, are you sure you’re alright?”
No, I’m dying inside…
“I’ll be fine…” I muttered as I began walking home.
“Wait up, I’ll walk you home!” Ellie offered.
Thank you, but that’s not necessary…
“Okay…” I mutter.
Ellie tried to talk to me as we walked back to my place.
“You sure you’re okay, Script?”
No, I don’t wanna be alive anymore…
“Yeah, I’m fine, just tired…”
“You do look like it, have you not been getting enough sleep lately?”
Sleep isn’t the problem…
“I guess…”
“Maybe you should get to bed early tonight.”
Sleep doesn’t help…
“Maybe…”
We just spent the whole walk to my house in a short-sentence conversation. Once we approached my house, Ellie hugged me.
“Know we’re here if you need anything, Script,” she says.
“I know, thank you…” I muttered in reply.
---
I look at myself in the mirror, finding Angel of Darkness. I just glare at her. “Why won’t you let me get the help that we need?? I don’t wanna live like this anymore!” I shouted.
Angel of Darkness only chuckled. “You know that speaking out will just cause more trouble.” She uttered.
“That’s not true!”
“Oh, but it is. After all, anytime you do manage to open up it just makes everything worse. Remember what you did to Rose Diamond?”
My eyes opened wide as I let out a soft gasp. Memories flashed through my mind as tears formed in my eyes.
“She forgave me though…” I whimpered.
“Yes, but you still caused her to die.”
“Get out of my head!” I yelled as I punched the mirror. Tears fell down my cheeks as I pulled my hoof back and stared at the blood. I collapsed to the ground as I began sobbing.
I opened the drawer finding a knife hidden in there. I grabbed it and brought it to my hooves and slashed myself quickly, wincing slightly in pain but the pain quickly subsided. I then put the blade back into the drawer and walked into my bedroom and began to sob underneath the covers.