//------------------------------// // Parasi // Story: A Witch in Broad Daylight // by Epsilon-Delta //------------------------------// Scootaloo knew something was wrong as soon as she attempted to use her magic. It was like trying to take a step forward only to realize your leg was no longer there. Something was missing. She felt a sharp pain in her head. She tried to grab onto it, but her hooves could only thrash about in an attempt. Scootaloo could still move them, but they hardly responded at all. Her vision faded to black. The brunt of the pain was gone now, but she felt… severed by it. She was sure something had been cut off, but couldn’t tell what. Something important was simply missing! In a panic, she tried moving her ears. She felt both of them but controlling them took much more conscious effort. It just seemed like her coordination was gone. That thing where your body parts seamlessly moved without too much thought, whatever that was called, had been cut off! She could still move, it just had to be conscious and deliberate. And soon after, she also realized her alicorn magic was gone. An attempt to move the timeline failed to even get started. What was she even supposed to do? She needed to focus, but Scootaloo managed to give an awkward flap of her wings. She could still feel her normal magic, as a pegasus. That was enough to force herself into a sitting position. She shifted her hooves one at a time and awkwardly pushed herself up to her feet only to find balancing impossible in her current state. She at least managed to sit upright. If Scootaloo wanted to get anywhere, she’d have to drag herself along in this position. Was there even anywhere to get to? Everything was black. Until she felt something warm wrapping around her, like a pony grabbing her perhaps. That and magic similar to her own alicorn magic. She blinked once and the world returned. There was no darkness anywhere in the world now! The sky became a hyper-blue beyond anything Scootaloo had ever seen before as vibrant rainbows lit up the sky. Scootaloo weakly twisted her neck about, finding herself on a floating platform of white stone. And there, on the far end, sitting on a massive throne surrounded by swirls of rainbows was Dash herself. She looked majestic, mesmerizing! Did her mind conjure this up? She liked Rainbow Dash but felt her imagination was going a bit overboard with the glorification here. “Rainbow Dash? Is that you?” Scootaloo stumbled back, looking at the rainbow-bedazzled hyper-blue sky. “I think I’m hallucinating. Are we still in your house?” “Technically I am.” Rainbow Dash jumped off her throne. “Don’t worry, I’m hallucinating too.” “Should that make me feel better?” “I dunno.” Dash helped Scootaloo up to a more normal position and held her tight with a wing. “Are you hurt?” “Maybe not hurt?” Scootaloo tried putting a hoof on her head, missing it badly. “Just… awkward? What is this?” “We’re in this accelerated mind illusion thing,” said Dash. “Just roll with it. I brought somepony who could help. Speaking of which, why is she like that?” Dash turned to address whoever this mystery pony was. Scootaloo struggled just to follow her gaze. “If you’re looking for your basic motor functions, they’re right over here!” A new voice announced. Scootaloo finally managed to point her head toward the voice. There were two ponies standing barrel to barrel over there and Scootaloo didn’t know which one to be more confused by. The first was Golden Feather? Scootaloo wasn’t the best student in the world, but even she could recognize Equestria’s founder. This had to just be a pony dressed like her though, right? Golden Feather lived maybe ten thousand years ago or something! Then the second, smaller pony next to Golden Feather was Scootaloo. At least, it looked very much like Scootaloo, just a bit more wild? It acted like a dog controlling her body, sniffing about and looking around with the most dumbfounded expression in the world. And the weirdest part was Scootaloo could almost hear its thoughts, or whatever shadow of a thought a dog might have, as though it really were her. It thought in blurs and colors. Seeing the rainbows above made it think of some vague imitation of Dash’s face and scent. That Scootaloo remembered a recent pain, too. She was looking for it, jealously guarding something against the bad. But it couldn’t find the thing that hurt it. “I’m getting more confused.” Scootaloo pressed up against Dash, the sanest thing in the place. “Okay, fast as possible.” Dash pointed to Golden Feather. “That’s the element of laughter. She’s kind of a jerk but she said she wants to help us. Just stay cautious.” “Help us with what?” Scootaloo asked. “I guess to reign that thing in.” Dash pointed to the other Scootaloo. “I think that’s the thing living in your brain?” Scootaloo squinted at her double, skeptical and unsure of exactly what that meant. It’d explain why Scootaloo could feel what it did. She’d always had that ability, though not until recently had it expressed anything but blind anger and tiredness. Wasn’t it supposed to look like a feather? Scootaloo had always imagined it as something between that and an insect. She could feel it at times, in the back of her head, its spindly tendrils sticking into her like little legs determined to hold on. But now it seemed closer to a dog. Somehow, it was even more confused than she was. It kept looking up at the rainbows and sniffing, thinking about Dash. It could smell her but had yet to pick up on the fact that Dash was on the other side of the room. “Did you take it out of my head?” Scootaloo didn’t get her hopes up just yet. “I still feel connected to it.” “Somepony mentally separated the two of you!” Laughter made a chopping motion with her hoof. “Since the parasite takes care of your motor functions, you might have trouble walking until you’re back together. But on the plus side, each of you can feel what the other one is thinking to an extent. Cutting you in half means you can see each other for the first time.” Scootaloo turned to Dash, still not understanding, and waited for a simpler explanation. “Best I can tell, somepony cast a spell that put a wedge between you and your other half,” said Dash. “This is all an illusion.” Scootaloo resented having that thing called her ‘other half’. She kept quiet but that didn’t help. Whenever awake, that parasite homed in on anything that made Scootaloo upset. It could be so dim in most areas, but in that one way, it’d always been keen. And now its eyes went straight to Rainbow Dash and at last noticed the older pegasus. Back in the old days, were it this awake, it would have pounced on Dash right then and there. It’d become more chill since she started wearing that necklace Twilight had given her and seemed to let it slide as soon as she saw Rainbow Dash was there. It had some of Scootaloo’s memories, she realized. It remembered last night, Scootaloo lying between Rainbow Dash and Twilight, feeling secure. If it lay down next to Dash, it believed, then Scootaloo would be safe. So it walked what it thought was her body over to Rainbow Dash and lay down, hoping Dash would somehow fix whatever all this was. Dash was forced to lift a wing to accommodate it on her other side. She looked back and forth, a Scootaloo pressed against either side of her barrel. Just watching it filled Scootaloo with indignation at the gall of it. Rainbow Dash was on her side, not that thing’s! “No! Get out of here!” She yelled at it from Dash’s other side. Scootaloo managed to roll over to look it in the eyes. Her anger towards it, oddly, confused it. It had no idea what was going on. It almost realized that Scootaloo was Scootaloo, but not quite. It couldn’t fathom a way to react to Scootaloo’s anger being directed at itself. As if she’d never been angry at it before? Maybe this was Scootaloo’s chance to finally make it understand. It still didn’t understand at all! It seriously thought it was helping her every time. Hadn’t it always been there for Scootaloo? Whenever she got angry or afraid, it was there! Hadn’t it always been her guardian? It never did anything but protect her. She knew that it seriously believed all of that. Somehow its ignorance made things even worse. Scootaloo wanted to hate it so badly. It’d never done good before, not once. Did it matter how well it meant if it always screwed up? “No!” Scootaloo shook her head, knocking off tears. “No, you haven’t! All you do is hurt me.” How could it possibly think any of that after all it did to her?! “How can you?” Scootaloo closed her eyes tight, keeping more tears in. “How can you not know that I hate you?!” She lay there trembling, barely able to open her eyes. She felt a wing over her. Dash helped her turn her head up to look the older pegasus in the eyes. “Scootaloo,” said Dash. “I understand why you’d be angry at it, but–” “No, you don’t!” Scootaloo turned away, closing her eyes tight. “You don’t know what it’s like!” “Okay.” Dash exhaled slowly. “You’re probably right about that. I’m not trying to say your life wasn’t unfair.” “But what?!” “Well things have a way of staying unfair until you force them to change,” said Dash. “I get that thing is a horrible monster and it’s fine if you hate it. But it is changing, isn’t it? Maybe it doesn’t have to be a burden forever?” Scootaloo looked back at the monster, still staring at her with a wide-eyed innocence it hardly deserved. She didn’t want to say it out loud, it wasn’t something she should ever have to admit, but it really had changed since Twilight gave her that necklace. It had become less aggressive. Even now, it should be destroying things rather than sitting around dumbfounded, believing that things would be okay so long as it was lying next to Rainbow Dash. “It’s not less aggressive,” Laughter closed her eyes and held up a hoof, “just more intelligent. Part of being friendly is the ability to know who your friends are. A stupid alligator bites everything it sees, but a smart alligator won’t bite its friends.” Strangely, Scootaloo understood what it was saying and knew it to be the truth. Even when she felt it waking up a little, its anger was at least focused. It used to barely be able to tell what was making it angry and would just smash everything even after the threat was gone. Was the difference really just that it could tell what the danger was now?” “I remember it being smarter than this in my head.” Scootaloo looked at her double, still unimpressed. “Recently, I mean. A few times, I almost heard it talking to me with words. Thinking something like ‘if you’re not going to save us, then I will’. Why isn’t it like that now?” “You’re two different parts of the brain,” said Laughter. “Just like you can’t walk straight without it, it can’t go past animalistic thoughts without you.” That made some sense. Even more recently, it never seemed to have its own thoughts outside of ‘destroy thing that cause hurt’. It sometimes reacted to Scootaloo’s thoughts and emotions, but that was it. “Well.” Scootaloo closed her eyes. She was still trembling, despite trying to calm down. Maybe. Maybe if this was the closest she could get to getting rid of it. “What do you want me to do with it, exactly?” “You gotta accept that this is you if you want to get along.” Laughter fluttered over to its side and crouched down next to it. “Just like your eyes are you and your memories are you, so is this. That’s what it wants. If you accept it as part of you, just like all those other things, then it won’t be any more of a burden than your wings and hooves are.” Give it what it wants? “No!” Scootaloo tried shaking her head but could barely manage. “I don’t care if it sits around in my skull, but I don’t want it doing anything. I’m the one who does the thinking. You don’t do anything ever. That’s the only ‘deal’ I’d ever accept.” “Too bad that won’t ever work,” said Laughter. “You’re never gonna get total control over it until you can let go of your hatred for it.” “Huh?” “Yep! Stop hating it for at least a few seconds, give it a name, then you’ll be good.” Laughter clapped her hooves together. “Anyway, that’s that. Waking up now!” “Hold on!” Dash held out a hoof to stop her. “Already? That can’t possibly have been eleven minutes!” “What? I already did everything I can for now. I can’t force them to like eachother.” Laughter took to the air, forehooves upturned. “She’s already better off now that they can see each other. So bazingers.” Dash tried protesting, but Scootaloo could already feel her reality shifting. Despite knowing of the attack in advance, Allgood’s official response couldn’t be too swift else it would look suspicious. He needed to wait until the crisis became public. The plan took an unexpected turn both up and down at once. Sunset Shimmer had deemed it worthwhile to personally respond to the attack. Evacuating a school from even a relatively powerful monster wasn’t something one of the elite four lowered themselves to. He knew an attack on a rich school like Ponytown Hill would send shockwaves of rumors, but Sunset Shimmer had made sure that those rumors were deathly serious and talked of immense danger. He didn’t need to wait long until one of his agents heard of the incident organically and phoned in the emergency call. Things only took a downturn when he arrived on the scene and saw the utter lack of destruction. Here he was aboard an airship specifically designed for this, looking down at a school with no visible damage from the outside. The foals were all long gone, leaving not even a panicked crowd. This troubled Allgood deeply. Subject 2 was not responding as he had expected. Where was this restraint when she’d flared up countless times in the past? She’d had no trouble destroying millions worth of equipment and facilities back then. The Subject 2 he knew, when uninhibited by an SCU, would have obliterated the entire school before going on to rip apart whatever else happened to be around. It wasn’t enough! All he could hope was that one or two foals had died, at the least! If he couldn’t get the destruction up a little, there would be no arguing his case. At the very least, he had to be the one to take down Scootaloo. It’d be a delicate line between taking her down immediately and letting her destroy more. Not only was he racing against Rainbow Dash, but other S-rank ponies and the psychic’s guild would be mobilizing shortly. And only one of them was on his side. Lightning Dust, one of the S-rank ponies, had been called in under a max level threat alert Allgood issued, supposedly after getting word of the attack moments ago. She came above board as Allgood waited and hoped for another explosion down below. Lightning Dust was no equipped with blocky, metallic armor that took on a blue sheen. She frowned at it, knowing it would inhibit her movements. Yet that alone could mitigate the effects of Subject 2’s powers. Without it, capturing her would be too difficult. The green mare was lean even for a pegasus and a few deep scars could be seen even with all this gear on. Not one of those injuries seemed to have put any fear into her, if the way she carried herself was any indication. Lightning Dust walked to the port side and looked down at the school, grumbling at what she saw. “With all due respect, I’m used to fighting stuff that would have blown up the entire school,” said Lightning Dust. “I’m not interested in fighting a monster that can’t even handle that much. The others will probably show up and handle this soon. You’d save money like that.” Allgood cringed while his face was still turned. This had almost been a perfect plan. “Subject 2 is behaving strangely.” Allgood fixed his composure before turning back to her. “But that only makes her more dangerous. You’ve seen photographs of what she’s capable of. Sunset Shimmer is down there herself. She’s taking this threat seriously but doesn’t have the equipment to neutralize Subject 2.” “Yeah, yeah.” Lightning Dust didn’t look impressed just yet. She fidgeted in the awkward, blue armor. “This goes in the neck?” Lightning Dust gave one of the six injectors provided a test jab. It was a thick cylinder with a needle that retracted when not pressed down upon. It contained enough drugs to leave Subject 2 in a coma for a few days, no matter how bad her episode was. Lightning Dust frowned at the injector. A pony like that undoubtedly preferred to simply bash their opponent’s head in. “Yes. Even if she appears to be acting normally or under control, you must inject her with this anyway,” Allgood went off the cuff. That wasn’t typically part of the protocol. “Subject 2 is in an unstable state and could flip between normal and chaotic at any moment. We can’t risk her next flare-up leading to deaths.” “Alright, I’ll handle it.” Lightning Dust took to the air. “But if that kid doesn’t even put up a fight, I’m never working for you again.” She accelerate with such speed that the airburst forced Allgood to wince. By the time he opened his eyes, the blue streak had already made its way to the front gate of the school. He frowned heavily. There wouldn’t be a lot of time. He only waited for a second longer to ensure nopony else outside the loop was listening before talking to his engineer. “I want to hit her with all three of them next,” said Allgood. “And turn one of them to full power this time.” “Sir.” The engineer faltered at the order. “Full power is intended to kill her.” “She’s obviously grown resistant to our attacks!” Allgood turned to bark the order at him. These idiots! Their job wasn’t to question him. “It’d rather take that chance than the alternative. Do it!” Those not born into power always had slave mentalities. So despite thinking it was wrong, he sulked off to obey. Allgood turned to the mountainside on the opposite side of the Ponytown river, wondering when his less savory associates would make their move. The one thing Mass Hissteria couldn’t stand about Ponytown was all the damn psychics. You couldn’t get close to that place until you were ready to go in guns blazing. And so he was out on the barren mountainside opposite that river along with a few other members of the Ghost Adder mercenary group. Twelve elite agents, heavily armored with the kind of guns you could only get from the Mad Science Cartel or the like, sat with weapons loaded and ready. One of them had a score of huge rockets Screwball managed to get to them. One of these suckers had a range of a few miles. They weren’t too accurate, but they didn’t need to hit anything in particular. Through a telescope, he watched the school where Allgood said he planted the first device. There was some movement there, but not as much as he’d expected. This had better not be a bust. That town was so steeply sloped you had to run uphill to get anywhere in it, too. Such a pain. Finally, his radio came to life. The one agent he dared to send in was ready to report the situation. “Silverstorm is struggling to undo its magic. Distracted,” said King Cobra. Despite her new name, she was actually a tiny little mare with a high-pitched if unemotional voice. “At the house: Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Derpy Hooves, Trixie. At the school: Moonlight Raven, Silverstorm, Sunset Shimmer. Lightning Dust and three other S-rank ponies are moving in on the school.” They had a deal with Allgood. He’d alert them when the device went active, giving them a chance to potentially capture one of the bounties. In exchange, their attack would make it look like Ghost Adder or the Bloodstorm Cartel more generally might be responsible for Scootaloo’s condition. “Rainbow Dash is behaving erratically. She shoved her head into a tub of ice cream. Pinkie and at least three other psychics noticed me. Less than one minute remains,” King Cobra finished rattling off her list of notes. Shoved her head into ice cream when confronted with this? A world full of horror and that was the pony Screwball was scared of? Well, the dangerous ponies had all left the building. This sounded like an easy billion. “Whatever.” Hissteria dusted himself off. He jabbed about a makeshift map, assigning each of his agents their points of attack. “Remember, we don’t have the firepower to take out any of their strong fighters. If you see an S Ranker or worse, make a stalling retreat. Derpy Hooves and Rainbow Dash are the only real targets here.” “Sorry!” Anaconda, the biggest of the bunch, rose his hoof. “If we attack such a rich area, Equestria’s going to declare war on the pirate coast for sure. Screwball might–” “That’s exactly what the big boss wants.” Hissteria tapped his head. “They’re all going to tear themselves apart if we kick over enough powder kegs. Even Silverstorm. That’s the plan.” He motioned for the pony on rocket duty to begin. Then the rest of them broke up and ran to their targets. Scootaloo blinked. Suddenly she was back in the real world. Maybe. She looked around. The colors were no longer hyper-saturated. Her motor functions were back and she lifted a single hoof to celebrate. But she also wasn’t in her house. That was never a good sign. Scootaloo had never been in a normal school, but she’d seen them in cartoons. There were classrooms and bulletin boards with crude drawings pinned on them. That’s where she was, some random school. Likely an elementary school. Though a familiar swirling spire of darkness wasn’t normally part of the scenery. At least the screams that typically accompanied it were nowhere to be found. She looked around in a panic, finding Twilight and an unfamiliar, but heavily armed, unicorn staring her down. Twilight looked ready to cast a spell. Scootaloo doubted it was intended to hurt her, but all the same, she couldn’t help stumbling back. “Wait! I’m in control again!” Scootaloo reassured Twilight. They relaxed at that. Though truth be told, Scootaloo wasn’t as sure of her condition herself. She could still feel that nameless freak, a bit differently from before. That little episode left it far more awake than normal but also far more ‘intelligent’ than it had been even in that throne room. It thought with near-coherence the odd accusation that Twilight wanted to make Scootaloo cold. It made no sense and Scootaloo repeatedly told it to shut up and go to sleep in her head. They were fine. It wasn’t cold at all. Eventually, it got the message and let her handle things. Twilight turned more of her attention to the spire. She must have been able to keep it under control. At least, Scootaloo hoped she had. Just beneath her were cracks, Scootaloo just now notice. Multiple cracks were all around her! It’d been a long time since things had been this bad outside of her specific containment facility. “Did!” Scootaloo gulped, flattening her ears. “I didn’t hurt anypony, did I?” “As far as I can tell, we’re still good.” Twilight nodded at her. “Sunset Shimmer personally evacuated everypony.” Scootaloo sighed and allowed her ears to perk back up. “Do you have any idea what happened?” Twilight asked, keeping her eyes on the shrinking pillar. “I suspect something targeting alicorn magic washed over us. Did you feel anything odd?” “The element of laughter was talking to me and Dash,” said Scootaloo. “She said somepony was… kind of slicing my brain in half? I passed out, but she helped me. I’ll be okay unless, uh…” Despite Twilight’s best efforts, the cracks had already spread far enough to make one of the walls crumble, revealing an empty classroom. “Unless it happens again.” Twilight flicked her eyes to look out the window. “We need to find whoever’s responsible.” “There aren’t a lot of suspects,” the armored unicorn spoke up. “Starlight. Allgood.” “Allgood?” Scootaloo’s ears swiveled to the mare, her mind immediately assuming he was the one behind it. “It has to be them, right? They’ve been studying me my whole life! They probably have all sorts of anti-me whatevers!” “We can’t say that for sure just yet,” Twilight warned. As if to prove her wrong, a newcomer burst through the window, shattering it. A green pegasus, her body crackling with lightning slid across the ground, skidding to a halt right before Scootaloo. The lightning died down, but her electric yellow hair made it seem as though some of it still lingered. Most important, and more intimidating than all of her scars was the armor she wore. It was the same all of her ‘caregivers’ wore, the same designed by Allgood. Scootaloo tried to warn them, but the mare’s eyes locked onto her. She could sense an attack was imminent. That parasite was already giving her problems. Before she could act, a fancy, runic spear materialized and stabbed into the ground between Scootaloo and the pegasus, getting the latter’s attention. “Stay out of this, Lightning Dust,” warned the grey mare. “We have the situation under control.” “Eh?” Lightning Dust looked over her shoulder at her. “Shut up, Raven. The situation isn’t under control while that thing’s blowing up a school. I was told that kid is a max-level threat. I have a sedative that will take her out.” An injector dispensed from the left boot of Lightning Dust’s getup. Scootaloo shuddered at the sight of it. She’d been injected with that stuff once before and did not like the experience. She had chills for a week even after waking up. “If we need you, we’ll call you,” said Raven flatly. “Wait outside.” “You don’t give me orders!” Lightning Dust lowered into a fighting bow. Scootaloo got the impression the two of them might start fighting soon, so she backed up. She needed to focus on maintaining control, especially now. Twilight teleported to Scootaloo’s side. “I’ll take the sedative if it makes you feel better,” Twilight offered. “But we don’t need it! She’s not dangerous right now.” Lightning Dust hesitated, scowling even at Twilight. But in the end, she straightened herself out. “Okay, I’ll let you try whatever brilliant plan you’ve come up with.” Lightning Dust rolled her eyes. “But I’m staying here just in case you screw it up.” “No,” Raven said flatly. “You’re leaving.” Lightning Dust edged closer to a fighting stance once more. “You’re being overly confrontational,” Twilight scolded Raven, who merely shook her head calmly. “Just let her stand over there.” “You don’t understand. This pony is the worst possible–” Scootaloo felt it again! Similar to before but far more intense. Burning heat ripped through her head and seemingly into her eyes, which throbs so hard she feared they would burst! Amazingly, even like this, it didn’t make her black out this time. Simply, her thoughts became hard. They couldn’t escape that fire inside her head. The thing, it made her scream, it conjured waves of blackness! It felt like its old self again, lacking the intelligence to even direct its anger at the thing actually hurting them. And Scootaloo couldn’t tell it to stop! She couldn’t focus enough for even that much! Lightning Dust’s body glowed blue and she was on them in an instant. Spitfire and Fleetfoot met up as soon as signs of an emergency broke out. They flew up high above Ponytown to assess the damages. Too loud. Explosive shells. The attacker was too easily spotted on a rooftop. The younger and less experienced Fleetfoot almost took the bait, but Spitfire stopped her before she flew down there. “There’s no way that one guy thinks he can take both of us,” Spitfire warned. “He’s trying to distract us.” Fleetfoot nodded. Spitfire scanned the town for signs of more activity. She found some soon enough. Fire came rushing towards them from the mountains on the other side of the lake. Soon it became apparent these were large rockets being fired at the town, though Spitfire could see no discernable target. They were just firing them randomly into populated areas, trying to cause panic. “Intercept the rockets. Wait until they stop firing, then go to their source,” Spitfire commanded. “I’ll wait to see what they’re after.” Fleetfoot nodded and rushed off in a burst of air. She was already closing in on the closest rocket, managing to fly under it and tilt its trajectory upward with a powerful gust. Then, with her incredible agility, she spun out towards the next one. If only Spitfire could still move like that. She strafed out of the way of another heavy gunshot. At least she was still good enough for that. She looked around, dodging his attacks as she assessed the situation. The school was under attack, but the ponies present could handle that. Then there was an explosion near Pinkie’s house. Unlikely whoever was there was in real danger, either. Her gut told her both were a mere distraction, to keep the strongest ponies in town pinned. But for what? Another loud bang. Spitfire effortlessly dodged it, finally sparing the attacker a stern glare. Finally, he got the message and fell back. She turned back to the school just in time to see lightning erupting, tearing off the side of the building. Dammit! Was Lightning Dust down there? Dash shook her head, back to reality. And now her head was all sticky. Though she got rid of the ice cream in the acceleration zone (or whatever that place was called) here her head was still green from the mint chocolate chip melting into it. “Okay, I’ll bite,” said Trixie. “Where are you going with this?” Dash groaned and walked over to the sink. “That was a prank.” Dash grabbed a towel. “Good one?” Trixie shifted her eyes awkwardly. “Is now really the time for–” “Get down!” Pinkie tackled Dash to the ground. A gunshot sounded from outside! The kitchen window shattered as the bullet ripped through. From the mark on the ground, it seemed to have been aimed at Dash. “Heh.” Trixie wasn’t even fazed. “Either that’s an assassin or the neighbors don’t like your–” Before she could finish whatever stupid comment she had, a second shot fired, digging into her neck. Trixie barely staggered. She simply tore out the bullet and the hole closed with little blood. “Ouch!” Trixie winced and looked at the bullet. “I know this kind of gun. MSC makes them. I bet it’s those Ghost Adder–” A third shot hit Trixie again, silencing her for another second. Unless there were a bunch of them outside, these shots were coming way too fast. Even an expert marskpony needed five or six seconds to reload. Dash cast the murder spell and sent eight of her crows outside to investigate. She found a rather small mare wrapped up in layers of scarves and jackets, wielding a type of gun Dash had never seen before, one with a telescope attached to the top of it. Two much bigger guns were strapped to her back, as well as a belt around her barrel covered in explosives. She must have known about the crows because the assassin immediately shot down one of them as soon as Dash got outside. Then, without even moving a bolt, she fired a second, then a third time. Where the buck did she get a gun like that? It seemed like she could fire it non-stop without ever reloading. Trixie implied it was made with mad science. Then the mare switched to a huge rocket launcher strapped to her back, pointing it at Dash’s house. The rocket fired but didn’t get far. Pinkie grabbed the missile, forcing it to burn in place, not moving more than a few inches from the barrel. That forced the assassin to drop the rocket launcher and roll off the roof, into Pinkie’s backyard, just before the rocket exploded. “Three more!” Pinkie shouted at Dash as she jumped across the street. “Gotta get this one first! Can’t let them blow up the mini-golf course!” At that, one of the crows in the house decided to turn back. Across the street, she could still hear gunshots and explosions as the two of them fought. “I’m willing to bet those ponies are behind the attack on Scootaloo, too,” said Trixie. “I’ve fought these mercenaries before. Four out of ten strength, but they’re tricky.” “Dash!” Derpy came running into the room. “What’s happening over here? Should we bring out the robots?” If more were coming, maybe they should retreat. Dash looked down at the element of laughter. It seemed to float in the air just in front of her chest, making Dash assume it had decided to be worn by her at some point. She could almost feel an invisible chain around her neck. Would she be able to help Scootaloo from the castle? The range seemed global. “Fall back to the castle!” Dash dragged Trixie by the leash, running towards the basement stairs. They got to the living room as an explosion blew the front door off its hinges. Not soon after the door came a pegasus armed to the teeth. He pistol-whipped Dash hard in the face with his rifle, sending her reeling until she tumbled back against the couch. Their leader, Dash assumed, had his gun trained on Dash’s head before she could stand back up. It was a gamble if she could cast the murder spell before he could fire. To make matters worse, a second, much larger pony had come in from the kitchen. The one slammed his side against Derpy, sending her to the ground. Then he threw his weight down on top of her, pinning her to the ground by sitting down on her back. The large gun at his side pressed hard against her head. She glanced over at Derpy, then back at the main pony, deciding they didn’t seem in a hurry to kill anypony. This was the time to stall for as long as possible. Instead, she stayed down, looking around the room. Three just like Pinkie warned, one of each type. A unicorn to Dash’s right and a tall earth pony to her left. They managed to surround her. Two of them had the same scoped guns as the pony across the street. The large earth pony stallion had far bigger guns, the kind you needed to keep strapped to your side. And that was just the start of their gear. All of them wore green body armor with an added layer of belts around their barrels and boots, all of it dripping with smaller weapons. On their flanks, where their cutie marks should be, was spraypainted a purple snake skull. Their leader was noticeably older than the other two, but Dash couldn’t help but assume he was the most dangerous. He reminded her a bit of Arachnado, one of those chimeric ponies Screwball created. His eyes were slitted like a snake’s and a single, silver fang hung out of his mouth at all times. He gave that fang a small lick with a forked tongue, adding to it. So they went from spiders to snakes. What was the next one going to be? “Find the portal! Shut it down!” He barked orders at the one mare in the group. She teleported down into the basement, Dash presumed. Her reinforcements were going to be cut off! Though how did they even know about that in the first place? “Now then.” Their presumed leader took out a small gun. Without taking his eyes off Dash, he shot a single bullet into Trixie’s side. “Silver bullet.” His silver fang glinted as he grinned. “That’s for the curse you put on Striking Viper.” “Oh come on!” Trixie curled up on the floor. The lodged bullet burned her away at the same rate she healed, leaving it to sear without actually wounding her. “That was the one good curse I did. Why is that the one I get punished for?” “Now you.” He focused his scope at Rainbow Dash. “Name’s Hissteria, two s’s. We’re here for that bounty. Screwball wants you alive, but I don’t have any reason not to kill this other pegasus.” He flicked only his wing in Derpy’s direction, the gun pressed against the back of her head. “Unless you can think of one.” He flashed his silver fang once more. “Eight. Seven. Six.” This was getting intense too fast! Dash had to focus! She closed her eyes tight, her mind desperately searching for an answer. She did have an artifact of immeasurable power in her possession. That had to count for something. But how to use an object that didn’t want to be used? It didn’t like getting touched without consent. If she could get them to try and snatch it away, it might play a ‘prank’ on them. And if she could introduce it in a way that could be considered funny, it might let them see it! “I’ll go quietly!” That stopped the countdown. Dash held up the element of laughter. “But only if I can take this banana with me.” Hissteria opened his mouth but didn’t manage a word. He turned his head slightly away, then watched Dash with narrow eyes. Most likely, they hadn’t been able to see it until just now. “It’s just a normal banana!” Dash smiled. “She’s a tricky one,” the big pony whispered. “That must be explosive. Or it’s cursed or something.” Hissteria hissed and flicked a wing toward the coffee table. “Oh no, you don’t.” Hissteria never took his eyes off Dash. “Put the banana on the table. Slowly.” That could work. In an almost comical fashion, Dash moved with swiftness closer to a statue than a snail. She wasted a good fifteen seconds just turning in the right direction. “Not that slowly!” “Exactly how slow do you want me to go, then?” Dash looked back at him. “Just put it on the ground!” He stomped his hooves. “Three times as fast as you were just moving.” His impatience was a good sign. It meant he didn’t think he had long, either. Dash moved at a more reasonable pace this time, but Hissteria grit his teeth. He wanted to move fast but couldn’t, a feeling she knew herself. He might get impatient and do something stupid if Dash let him. “Now!” His eyes briefly flicked down to the element of laughter. “Back up to the wall. Move along it at a normal trot until you’ve circled to the front door.” Dash complied. Her eyes went to Derpy and she decided not to test his patience any longer. If she at least stalled for a little, that would be enough. When Dash was about halfway around, the mare teleported back in. “Sea Snake!” Hissteria called to the unicorn as she returned from the basement. “Get that banana out of here. I think it’s a high-powered explosive so be careful.” The unicorn scanned the room. She didn’t look at all impressed when she found the element. “Are you seriously falling for something this stupid? You’re getting too old, boss.” Sea Snake kept her eyes on Hissteria as she lifted the element of laughter off the ground with her magic. The perturbed look from her companions made her reconsider her earlier confidence. She looked back to find one banana levitating and one still on the floor. She tried to pick that one up only to now find three bananas. Now the three assailants were visibly worried. But Dash struggled to think of what else she could do. If that was Pyrite Feather’s best ‘prank’, she was seriously not impressed. Dash could think of nothing but to continue her bluff when all eyes went to her. She smiled, her smugness trying to approximate that of Trixie’s, as she looked the guy in the eye. “I don’t know what stupid trick you’re trying to pull but it just cost you your friend's life,” Hissteria warned. “Kill the grey one! Then we blow this entire building to the ground.” Then Dash was no longer smiling! She just screwed up big time! Her heart skipped one beat. But only one. No noise came, not even a click. “I uh!” Everypony turned to the big guy. He was now holding a banana at Derpy’s head. Derpy winced even now. “I tried. My gun seems to be a banana, sir.” Finally! He took his eyes off Dash long enough! Dash burst into a murder of crows and swarmed the room. Hissteria cursed and swatted those harassing him. “This is just like in that temple!” Sea Snake’s eyes widened as she leaped back and pressed against the wall. “Oh! I’m going to get cancer now, aren’t I?!” “I know not to mess with whatever this is!” Hissteria turned a hoof upward. “Scramble! We’ll settle for the grey one!” The other two both turned and used small explosives to blow holes in Dash’s walls in opposite directions. Meanwhile, Hissteria took aim at Dash! Hissteria managed to gun down six or seven of them as he jumped back to the broken window, then rolled out onto the lawn. “I’m back!” Pinkie’s voice sounded as she landed on the lawn. “Pinkie!” Dash turned back into a pony. She pointed both forehooves in the direction of the big guy. “Go left! They’re taking Derpy!” “Roger!” Pinkie dashed after the big guy. Through the destroyed door, Dash saw Hissteria give her a hesitant look before running after Pinkie instead. She looked around frantically. What was her next move? Chase after Derpy or– She felt something hard hit her wing, sending her stumbling forward. She turned to see her wing bleeding badly, and felt a searing heat running through it. That unicorn stuck her tongue out at Dash, holding her smoking gun down, before running away. At least she had a reason to use that healing spell Twilight gave her. Dash sat down and focused on closing the wound. Meanwhile, Trixie had just now finished pulling her bullet out and got back to her feet. “How much longer does my head need to cool down?” Dash asked the element of laughter. It glowed with a shower of blue sparks a second time as if in response to her question. The glow shone far more intensely now, filling the room with light. Dash realized that must have meant whatever weapon they used against Scootaloo was firing again. And this time it was far more intense!