//------------------------------//
// 8 – Why? 
// Story: Can You See What I See? 
// by Avery Day 
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Autumn has always been my favorite season. I could spend forever waxing poetically, describing Fall with all the tired, florid depictions everyone else tends to do. Let’s just say I like it for most of the same reasons anyone else does. It’s pretty to look at, and it’s not hot. That, and I get to wear all my cute sweaters again.

Out of all five of our main senses, smell is the one most closely linked to memory, and autumn air has a very distinct fragrance. Walking around outside, breathing in the cool air, I’m reminded of quite a few things I’d like to forget. It was this time exactly one year ago I was on the precipice of enacting a poorly-thought-out plot I’d been scheming for months.

Since then, so many things have changed that it has distorted my perception of time. Events that happened only a year and half ago feel like they happened over half a decade ago. Three hundred and sixty-four days ago, I was a completely different person, yet it felt so much further away than that.

Under different circumstances, I could see myself being consumed with guilt and self-doubt around this time of year. Even though it all felt like ancient history, I didn’t like to think about what happened at the Fall Formal last year. Nearly losing myself to magic I had no hope of controlling, turning an entire student body into mindless thralls for a nebulous goal of world domination, almost dooming not just this world, but another one entirely – all things I’d done that I wished I could forget.

That didn’t seem to be weighing on my mind like I thought it would. Maybe it was because I was so ready to forget that chapter of my life. Maybe it was because, for the first time in my life, I felt happy.

More realistically, it was probably because there was something more pressing that demanded my attention. This year, there was another plot I had been planning to enact. It was far less ill-advised, and the stakes were significantly lower, yet it was somehow more anxiety-inducing. If everything didn’t work out in the end, I wouldn’t be left with the same overwhelming feelings of regret and existential dread as my last failed plan. However, that didn’t mean it wouldn’t be just as emotionally devastating.

Yesterday, I took the first step toward that plan: there was a test next week, and I had asked Twilight if she wanted to study for it at her place. As expected, she accepted without hesitation. That was the easy part. The rest would be complicated, and I had a limited window of opportunity. I just had to find the right moment, and when I did, I couldn’t choke. Not again.

When I arrived at Twilight’s an hour after school, she greeted me with a hug at the door. She led me up to her room, and rushed right in front of me just like the week before. This time, I slowed down a little more on the walk through the hall. Before I turned the corner into her room, I heard her open and shut one of her drawers. Looking at the dresser in her room, I noticed there were no photos sitting in a pile at the corner like last time. She must have realized I spotted them last time. I couldn’t wait to tell her I did.

Then we began to study. Well, at least she studied. Twilight diligently pored over her textbooks and notes, but I just stared blankly at mine. Thankfully, I thought ahead. 

Knowing this would be an issue, I spent the night before going over the material on my own. There was no way I would be able to focus on studying, and I wanted to be sure I could answer any questions Twilight might have. If I were studying with any of the other girls, this might have been a necessary precaution, but Twilight was smarter than me. As such, she didn’t really ask me anything.

While we studied, she’d sometimes start to ask something, but halfway through it would become apparent she was using me as a sounding board. With her immersing herself in her own studies, I had plenty of time to think of how to ask her out.

There was just one problem: I had not even the slightest clue how I wanted to ask. As I stared at my book, my eyes scanned the same passage over and over, my nerves continuing to mount. It was hard to focus on what to do next with all the fear and anxiety swirling within me.

What if I couldn’t think of how to ask her out? Was this going to turn out like every other time I’ve tried to ask? Would I keep waiting for “the right time” only for it to never come? How do you even know what “the right time” looks like?

Time dragged on sluggishly as my vacant eyes read the page in front of me over and over. My mind ran through so many scenarios, but everything I came up with just didn’t sound right. I wanted to be romantic, but I didn’t want to be cheesy. I wanted to be straightforward, but I didn’t want to be too direct. I wanted to be casual, but I didn’t want to seem like I was treating something like this flippantly. In short, I had no idea what I wanted.

After about an hour of pretend studying, I stretched and yawned. While I wasn’t doing anything physically, all that thinking was running me ragged. Twilight looked up from her book as I yawned out loud. She suggested we take a break – get up and move around to get the blood flowing through us again. When I asked what she had in mind, she told me about a nearby park in her neighborhood. There was a bridge over a lake that provided an especially pretty view around this time of year.

That was what a “right time” looked like. If I was going to do it, I was going to do it then and there. This was finally going to happen. 

Oh Celestia, this was going to happen, wasn’t it?

With that, we both stood up and stretched. After putting on our coats, we made our way outside. It was going to take a little while to reach the park. This was both a good and a bad thing. This meant I had a little more time to think of how to ask her out, but it also gave my anxiety even more time to mount against me.

After following her for a little under what felt like half a mile, we made it to the park. It was enormous. The fact that this was sitting in the center of her neighborhood served as a testament to how affluent the area she lived in was. Even though the plants were wilting away with the changing season, the park was brimming with natural beauty as far as the eye could see.

The brick walls surrounding the park were draped in withering ivy. The path inside sat between both patches of tall grass and mixed flower beds. Grass pushed through the cracked cobblestones we walked. As we made our way deeper, the paths curved around thickets of birch, maple, oak and evergreen trees. Sometimes the sky above would be obscured by thick, gnarled branches of oak, each one coated in leaves and moss.

My eyes wandered all over as we made our way into the depths of the park. It wasn’t like me to get so enraptured in the beauty of nature like this, but there was a reason I was so focused on our surroundings. Every time my eyes fixed on Twilight, my stomach would twist. The anxiety welling within me was reaching critical levels, and my mind was seeking refuge from that in any way it could.

It didn’t help that most of our walk was quiet. This was pretty normal for us since Twilight wasn’t much of a talker. Usually, that was one of the things I appreciated about hanging out with her. I never felt pressured to be engaged with a conversation, or to keep one going. We could silently enjoy each other’s company and get just as much out of it as we would if we talked.

This time, however, I might have enjoyed having something to talk about. Every step forward was another step closer to finally asking the burning question. Soon, there would be no better time to ask Twilight out. It felt as though I was being walked to the gallows, except instead of dying I was asking my best friend out – two things which I could only imagine were equally stressful.

Finally, we came to a wooden bridge lined with an iron support and railing. All the metal looked like it had long oxidized, and the planks themselves were warped and discolored. Leaves of all sizes and shades of red to yellow dotted the planks. The bridge stood over a body of water – a confluence of two rivers that ran throughout the park surrounded by trees.

Twilight stopped in front of the bridge momentarily. “Here it is,” she said. She continued forward, and I followed close behind. When she made it to the center, she stopped and leaned against the railing, placing her elbows on it as she rested her head in her hands. I stood next to her, leaning forward with my crossed arms.

Turning my head slowly, I took in the sights before us. “You were right,” I remarked, desperately trying not to choke on my nerves. “This is a really pretty spot.”

“This has always been my favorite spot in the neighborhood,” she remarked. “No one really goes this deep into the park, so I come here sometimes just to be alone.”

“I’m just amazed this is somehow tucked away in the middle of this massive neighborhood. This feels like something that’d be downtown,” I responded.

Silence found its place between us once again. For a few minutes, we just stood there, staring off into the cloudless sky. We faced west, and I could tell by the fact that the sun was barely hidden behind the trees in front of us. I never liked how early the sun set in the colder months, but from this perspective, it made for a pretty view.

A brisk wind blew toward us. I could feel my hair flowing behind me, the cool air nipping at my ears. Twilight’s hair, being tied in a bun, mostly stayed in place. All except for the tendrils she let hang in front of her ears. The ones she often twists when she’s nervous about something.

As if on cue, her left hand reached up and coiled one of them around her index finger. A feeling of concern pierced through my anxiety. Maybe she brought me out here for a reason. I may have had something I wanted to say, but if she needed to talk about something, that would have to take priority.

“Something on your mind, Sparky?” I asked.

“Me?” She turned to face me. “No, I’m fine.” The nerves in her voice were evident, but I didn’t want to press. When she turned away, I shrugged. There was something more there, but I couldn’t afford to dwell on it.

This was my moment. Everything I’d done with her over the past half year led up to this. I couldn’t get cold feet this time – I had to ask her. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. There was no looking back now. I opened my mouth, and took a deep breath.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a little while.”

The breath I just took sat still in my lungs. Those words weren’t mine. It was as if Twilight had taken the words from me for herself.

My stomach twisted itself into another knot. Was she about to ask me first? Was I being beaten to the punch? My heart started racing. I could feel my face begin to burn. What else could it be? Why would she bring me out here otherwise? This was it. This had to be it.

“What is it?”

Twilight took a deep breath. “So you know the Fall Formal is tomorrow, right?”

My entire body began to tremble. It was really going to happen like this. All this time, I had never even considered the possibility that Twilight might ask me first. All that agonizing over choosing the right words, the right day, the right time – all for her to seize the moment and do it herself. I could feel my heart palpitate, jumping into my throat as I gulped. Part of me felt like laughing, but I held firm.

Twilight’s gaze met my own. My mouth was bone dry. Unable to summon any words, I just stared back and nodded. It must have been incredibly easy to see how flustered I was. I was trying my best to play it cool, but my body was actively working against me.

“I…” she began, letting out a sigh before she could get any further. “J-Just… promise me you won’t take this the wrong way?”

Once again, I felt laughter bubbling up inside me, but I quickly shoved it back down. If only she knew how I’d been feeling this whole time. Once I told her, I’m sure she’d laugh just the same.

“Of course I won’t, Twilight. You’re my best friend.” My lips curled into a grin. It was a struggle not to let it stretch from ear to ear. I was so excited. It was finally happening.

“Well… Timber and I have started talking again recently…”

…What?

“… And he’s been really apologetic about everything that happened between us…” she continued.

…What?

“…So at one point I told him about the Fall Formal, and how I wasn't planning on going…”

…What?

“…And he asked me if I would like to go with him, and I-I said yes,” she hesitated. “He seemed sincere, so I decided to give him a second chance. He’ll be taking me tomorrow,” she concluded.

My mouth hung agape, but there were no words. No coherent thoughts came to mind. For a few seconds, I couldn’t speak, think, or move at all. Even breathing became difficult. All kinds of feelings swirled through me. I was angry, bewildered, shaken, and, above all, heartbroken. All I could do was stare as I felt the life drain from my body.

“I-I just wanted to make you aware. Just so you don’t see him tomorrow and think he showed up just to start something,” she nervously added. “I understand if you’re still upset with him, but I’d like it if you two could get along.”

Why? Why would she do this? Why would she bring me all the way out here to this spot only to drop that bomb on me? She was going to go with him? The guy who made her feel guilty about her not letting him grope her? Not only that, she wanted me to get along with him?

My stomach fell through the ground. All that build up, all that anticipation, all for it to happen like this? Was I that much of an idiot? To get my hopes this high? To think even for a fraction of a second that Twilight – meek, timid Twilight – would have asked me first? To think she would have asked me at all?

This was all my fault. How could I be stupid enough to think this would work out? Every time I felt a sliver of hope about anything, this is what always happened. If I wasn’t such a moron, I wouldn’t feel every neuron in my body firing off at once.

My mind was completely overloaded. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to punch something over and over until my knuckles shattered into more pieces than my heart. I was overwhelmed with every single negative emotion that could be named. My head pounded as if my skull was pressure cooking my brain.

I was furious at Twilight, furious at Timber, but furious at myself most of all. How did I let myself believe this would work out? Why was I allowing myself to be overcome with all these emotions? How disgustingly selfish could I be? My level of anger could only be matched by the immense shame I felt over everything I was feeling.

When I didn’t respond, Twilight turned her head toward me once again. She looked startled when she saw my expression.

“S-Sunset, are you okay?”

A thousand words tried to exit my mouth at once, but I could only sputter out one of them.

“W-What?”

Twilight looked confused. “I-I said he’s going to–”

“I heard what you said, I just... What?” My body began to shake. “I can't believe–”

No. I stopped myself before that thought had a chance to escape. This wasn’t going to happen like this.

With a frustrated exhale, I turned away from her. I wasn’t going to do this. I couldn’t do this. There was a choice to be made here, and whatever choice I made would decide the outcome of our future together. I just had to calm down. She needed me to be happy for her. That's what I needed, too. It wasn’t about what I wanted right now. I would have another opportunity later on. I…

Who was I kidding? What I needed was to get out of here. Pretending to be happy had been eating away at me for months, and I was at my breaking point. I was just so furious and heartbroken. 

Everything about this feels intentional. Like I was set up to fail from the start. Like she knew this would destroy me. If I stuck around, I was going to detonate, and she would be caught in the explosion.

It was just so hard to walk away. Maybe I should just explode anyway. I’d never felt this angry at her before. I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel this way about her. That only made me feel even more disgusted with myself, but I couldn’t help it.

Still, if I wanted any chance of salvaging our relationship in any way, I had to leave this instant. There were only a few times in my life where I’d felt this much fury before, and something horrible happened each time. I had the power to stop that. I turned my back to her and started walking away.

“Sunset, wait! Where are you going?”

“Twilight, just don’t.” I replied as sternly as I could.

“B-but I don’t understand!” she exclaimed. “Y-You said you wouldn’t be mad!”

“Twilight!” I shouted, stomping as I stood in place. “I said don’t!” Once again, I started to walk away.

As I attempted to depart once more, I heard Twilight’s footsteps from behind. “Sunset, please! I’m sorry! Please don’t be mad!” she begged. “Please, just stop and talk to–”

Stomping even harder this time, I turned around, glowering at her. When our eyes met, she stopped dead in her tracks. My heart was already bleeding, but seeing her so frightened only twisted the knife in it. Tears began to well in my eyes. I was so mad at her, but how could I expect her to understand? I was the one who hadn’t told her how I felt. This was my fault.

With that in mind, I gave her one last chance. If she let me go, we could salvage this later. If she didn’t, then I guess I was going to destroy the best thing I had going for me.

Again.

“Twilight, just let it go. Let me go. I don’t want to do this. Don’t question me, just. Let. Me. Go.” I begged.

I looked her in the eyes. She was on the verge of tears. I couldn’t stand to look at her anymore. It was hard to tell if I couldn’t look out of anger, or because I knew I was the one hurting her. I just turned around again and began to leave once more. Every step I took, my mind screamed for her not to follow, not to speak another word to me. I didn’t want to think of what would happen when I lost the last vestiges of my self-control. More than that, I didn’t want her to find out.

My broken, beaten heart sank as I heard footsteps yet again. She wasn't going to let this go. My entire body began shaking. I knew I wasn't going to be able to stop what came next. No one could ever say I didn't try to walk away.

“Sunset, I–”

I turned around again. “How could you do this to me?” I screamed.

Twilight flinched, the color quickly draining from her face. All the concern in her face vanished into the fearful expression that replaced it.

Her lips quivered, sputtering syllables as she tried to push out any words. “D-Do wh–”

“How could you go back to him?” I shouted. “What the fuck is wrong with you? After everything he did to you, you’re going to take him back? You want to go back to that?”

Twilight recoiled again as my voice raised in intensity. As I took one step forward, she took one back.

She subtly trembled, only able to stammer out more incoherent sounds, unable to complete a single word.

My tirade continued. “It was bad enough seeing you with him in the first place! I spent all that time being happy for you when it made me miserable! I was never happy about it! I’ve never been happy!”

Twilight was now visibly shaking. Another step forward for me, another step backward from her. I could feel part of myself desperately fighting for control, trying as hard as it could to reel me back in. But if the terror in Twilight's face wasn't enough to stop me, nothing would. The heartbreak I felt was months in the making, and I could feel every bit of it like venom flowing through my veins.

“That piece of shit is lucky to have a pulse after what he did to you! But suddenly he comes back and says he’s sorry and everything’s fine?” My voice began to tremble as tears welled in my eyes. “How, Twilight? How can I even pretend to be happy about that? He treats you like that, and he still gets what I want! How is that fair?”

For some reason, I took another step forward. This time, however, Twilight was still. The fear in her face was now matched with shock as her mouth hung agape.

“W-Wait! Sunset, what are y–?”

“I love you, Twilight!” I shouted, tears finally escaping as I shut my eyes tight. Nothing she could do or say was going to stop me.

“I am in love with you! I have been in love with you for months! When you were having nightmares, I was there for you at any hour because I love you! When you felt like you didn’t fit in, I helped you make friends because I love you! Everything I have ever done for you, I have done because I love you!”

There was a vague, metallic taste on my tongue as if my throat was bleeding from shouting. My mouth was so dry, and my voice was getting hoarse from screaming so loud. Everyone in Twilight’s neighborhood must have been able to hear me, but I didn’t care. Nothing mattered anymore. This would ruin every bit of closeness we’d cultivated, but what else was there to do?

My rant continued. “What did I do wrong? All those things I did for you, all those times I was there for you, all the times we had together – all of that just for it to mean nothing! I never meant anything to you! So fine, thanks for wasting my fucking time!” I screamed with all the energy I had left.

The only sound other than the wind for a few seconds was the sound of me panting. Twilight hadn’t budged an inch. I looked at her, and she looked back at me. My breathing began to slow as we stared into each other’s eyes for what felt like hours. I could see the tears pouring over her cheeks. It was hard to say who was crying more.

The longer we stared, the more I realized what I had just done. All that pain, fear, shock in her expression – that was me. That was my doing. I did that. All because of my inability to control myself. All because I couldn’t have my way. In one fell swoop, I had unraveled months worth of friendship.

I could feel my stomach dropping as everything sank in.

Oh. Oh Celestia, why did I do that?

The more I looked at her, the more everything hurt. It was a different kind of pain – much different than what I felt before I lost my temper. No matter what just happened, I couldn’t stand to see Twilight in this state. Whenever anyone made Twilight upset, defensive anger would swell within me. This time, it was a pointless feeling. There was no external enemy to aim it toward, because I was the enemy.

Slowly but surely, all of the rage drained from me. In its place was nothing but overwhelming shame. And I deserved to feel every bit of pain and discomfort it caused.

My breathing had stabilized from all the shouting, but increased once more as I realized the magnitude of my outrage. First came shame, then regret, and now panic was thrown into the mix. Every bit of that emotional tempest raged through me, leaving nothing but destruction and emptiness in its wake.

“I-I’m… I’m so sorry, Twilight,” I stammered. “I-I didn’t… I didn’t mean–” There were thousands of things I could have said, but I couldn’t express anything coherent.

Twilight was still frozen in horror and refused to budge. I waited for a move, a word, a gesture – anything reaction at all – but nothing came. There was nothing I could say to salvage this. No apology would ever be enough. There were no actions I could take to make up for what I’d done. Much like I had many times throughout my life, I had ruined everything.

Run. I needed to run. That’s what I should have done in the first place. I had to get out of here now. I had to leave. Not just the park, not just Canterlot City – I needed to leave this dimension. I could never face anyone here ever again.

As I took a step backward, Twilight still didn’t move. Another step back. She was still frozen. All the fear I instilled in her had left her paralyzed.

Turning away from her, I began to run as fast as I could, shutting my eyes tight as tears flowed once more. I had to get as far away from her as I possibly could. If I really loved her, I’d make sure she never saw me ever again. I had to let go. Let go, run, and never look back.

Perhaps in an act of karmic retribution, I stumbled against one of the warped planks at the end of the bridge, launching me forward. Maybe it was because of the overwhelming panic, maybe it was because I felt as though I deserved it, but I fell down face first. All of the wind was knocked out of me as I felt my face and stomach make impact with the stone walkway. Clamoring to pick myself up, I flailed and fell over again.

The shame I felt increased tenfold. I acted so horribly cruel to her, and now I was a sniveling, whimpering mess on the ground. Instead of trying to get back up, I got to my hands and knees and stayed there, trying desperately to catch my breath before attempting to escape again.

Trying to catch my breath was impossible. Every time I inhaled, I would cough until I retched. More than anything, I wanted to remove myself from her sight, but I couldn’t even do that. I looked pathetic. I felt pathetic.

I was pathetic.

As I lay on the ground panting and crying, I heard Twilight’s slow footsteps approaching from behind. Curling up, I receded into myself as she drew closer. If she had any sense, she’d kick me in the ribs while I'm down and walk back home without me. That would be the least I deserved for what I'd just done to her. When her footsteps stopped, she was still for a few seconds. I sat there bracing myself for impact. If not to be struck, to be told what a worthless piece of shit I was.

Surprisingly, neither came to pass. Instead, she knelt down and tried to pick me up. At first, I resisted, pulling my arm away from her as she tried to grab it. Why would she help me? She shouldn’t. I didn’t need help, and after everything that just transpired, I certainly didn’t deserve it.

“St-Stop,” I choked. “Just leave me here.”

Twilight refused. Instead, I could hear her struggle the more I resisted. When it became clear she wasn’t going to give up, I caved and let her pick me up. My hair was messily draped over my face. It felt appropriate. I couldn’t stand the idea of anyone seeing my face, least of all her. I just kept looking down at the ground and refused to look anywhere else. 

As I regained my equilibrium, Twilight took my arm over her shoulder and guided me forward. She held me up as I limped down the path we came from. I could have carried myself, but when I tried to, she would physically insist she keep holding me up. 

We arrived at a wooden bench next to a lamp post, and that’s when she coaxed me into sitting down. When I was settled, she sat down next to me. At first, there were no words. Just the sounds of nature surrounding us.

Eventually, I leaned forward into my hands and quietly sobbed. I could feel Twilight’s arms wrap around me. She was trying to comfort me, but it just made me feel worse. With what little mental wherewithal I had, I tried my hardest to stop myself from turning into a weeping mess once again.

It just didn’t make sense. Why was she doing this? I wanted to push her off of me, but my body wouldn’t respond. I wanted to ask her why, but I was incapable of saying anything. I tried to take deep breaths, but it was like my body was trying to deny me oxygen. After a particularly nasty coughing fit, I heard her breathe deep. She was trying to guide my breaths to match hers – something I often did for her when she panicked.

I didn’t want to follow at first. I could get through this myself, and she was the last person to help me through anything. But she was persistent, and eventually we both got into a rhythm together. After a few minutes, I caught my breath and regained some semblance of composure.

I leaned a little further back on the bench. I rested my elbows on my knees, crossing my arms across my thighs as I kept looking down at the ground. Things were quiet for a while. I didn’t know what to say, nor did I feel it was my right to say anything. I had no idea what could possibly be running through Twilight’s mind, either. It was like waiting for a bomb to go off. She was nice enough to not leave me a blubbering mess on the ground, but I couldn’t reasonably expect anything more than that.

Eventually, she leaned in close. “You know,” she began, “I don’t think I’ve ever had to guide you through breathing exercises. Usually it’s the other way around.”

I wanted to grin, but I impulsively bit my tongue so hard I tasted blood. It was my brain’s way of telling me I wasn’t allowed to smile.

Even still, her comment provided a little bit of comfort. For the first time in a while, I looked up from the ground. As I did, I saw her hand move toward my face to brush the hair out of my eyes. At first, I tried to block her hand. However, just like with everything else so far, she was annoyingly insistent. 

As her fingers pulled back the curtain of hair draped over my face, I kept looking forward to the grove of trees in front of us. I didn’t want to face her, but, moments later, she didn’t give me a choice. She cupped my cheek in her hand and gently pulled until we were face to face.

My eyes were shut tight as my head turned. I was terrified of how she’d look. How hurt would she look? Would she be angry? Was she still crying?

To my surprise, she didn’t look upset at all. There was no trace of fear, no sign of tears beyond when she cried earlier. No, she was slightly smiling. A warmth spread through me as I looked in her eyes. As much as I wanted to smile back at her, I couldn’t. The same part of my brain that made me bite my tongue made me physically incapable of returning that smile. I felt awful for not doing so, but at the same time I still felt like I didn’t deserve to smile. I had no reason to. Not after what I’d done.

I felt myself choke up again. “It’s not too late to leave me here, you know.”

She didn’t respond at first. Instead, she tried to grab my hand. I pulled my hand away when she did.

“What are you doing?”

“Sunset,” she spoke softly, “I’m not upset with you.”

“What?” I asked. “How? After what I–”

She put her finger over my lips, her sympathetic grin giving me a faint sense of warmth in my chest. “Let me just talk for a bit, okay?”

It was hard to tell what was making my head spin more: the residual shock of falling onto the unforgiving ground face first, or her calm demeanor after everything I’d done. This was all so confusing. It was hard to wrap my head around why she was still being so nice to me.

Instead of arguing any further, I just sighed. “Okay,” I surrendered.

Her smile widened a bit more as she grabbed my hand once more. “Do you remember everything that happened at the Friendship Games?” she asked.

Chuckling emptily, I nodded. “How could I forget?”

Twilight nodded back in turn. “You got angry at me because I was messing with stuff I had no right to be messing with.” She paused with a giggle. “And you were right to do so. In retrospect, everything I did was ridiculously dangerous. I was being stupid.”

“Yeah, but–” she placed her finger over my lips again to quiet my protest. That was something I’d heard from her before, but I never agreed. I could have said something without exploding. If I hadn’t yelled at her, she might not have been pressured into unleashing the magic from that pendant device she had in the first place.

“Not even twenty minutes later, I realized just how right you were.” Her expression and tone hardened. “When I was possessed by Midnight Sparkle, I was fully aware of everything, but I had no control. It was like being forced to watch a first-person horror movie. It was the most terrifying experience of my entire life.”

That was a hauntingly familiar feeling. Every time we’d ever talked about this, the conversation rarely lasted longer than a couple sentences, so I didn’t know a lot about how she felt while it was happening. Remembering the whole magic demon thing was much harder for her than it was for me. In an attempt to comfort her, I squeezed her hand, and she squeezed mine back in response.

She broke eye contact, looking at the trees in front of us.

“Not just because of Midnight, either. At first, I thought the battle was going to end with you doing away with both me and Midnight. And… if it had gone that way, I wouldn’t have blamed you. I would have rather been destroyed with her than continue being her puppet.”

That implication made my stomach turn. “As long as I had options, I would never have done that to you,” I replied.

Twilight turned to me and smiled again. “I know. When I thought it was all over for me, I cowered in my own mind. That’s when everything went white. When it did, I thought that was it. But then I saw you standing right in front of me. Even after everything I did, you were trying to save me – that idiot girl who ruined the games and put you and all your friends in danger.

“You vanquished her, and after that, I was myself again. I’d never been so relieved in my life, and I'd never been that happy to be myself again.” She let out a mirthless chuckle. “I haven't since, either." I hated the fact that she said that, but I let it slide.

“It was just… so much to take in. The girl who had just exploded at me for being the reason everything turned into such a mess miraculously fixed everything and saved my life.” A blush splashed across her face as she paused. “A-And, I’ll be honest, she looked absolutely beautiful while doing it,” she continued.

My cheeks burned as hot as hers. Was it really fair to say that, though? The influence of magic just seems to be able to make anyone look beautiful. Admittedly, even Midnight Sparkle – as evil as she was –  was kind of hot. I’d never admit that to anyone, though – least of all Twilight.

“After all that, things were just… Well, weird. Everyone was so nice and friendly to me, but it always felt so forced, you know? It was like everyone was expecting me to be just like Princess Twilight. I couldn’t help but feel like everyone was sorely disappointed to find out I was nothing like her.”

“I know exactly how that feels,” I remarked. “After the Battle of the Bands, I felt like everyone was being fake-nice to me for a while. Sometimes, I still do. It’s a weirdly isolating feeling, so when you transferred, I did my best to be nice to you. I didn’t want you to have to go through that alone like I did.”

Twilight smiled. “At first, I wasn’t sure why you were so nice to me, but I realized how genuine you were after that night at Pinkie’s.” she continued.

I let out a chuckle. “What a night that was,” I remarked. “I don’t know how you’ll take this, but I’m hoping your memory of that night is kind of sparse. I still feel embarrassed about it.”

She giggled. “Oh, don't worry. I remember every detail – especially the part with the whipped cream – but I’ll get to that in a little bit.”

Damn it. Now there were two people who were going to hang that above my head forever. I blushed again and looked away from her.

“Anyway, do you remember how bad my nightmares were at Camp Everfree?” she asked.

“Once again, how could I forget?” I asked, “No offense, but the last time I remember being that sleep-deprived was midterms last year.”

She looked a little embarrassed by that comment. “Y-Yeah. Sorry about that.”

“Hey!” I exclaimed. “What did I tell you about apologizing for that?” I gave her a playful nudge. “Besides, didn’t you ever wonder why I was so ready to get up and hold you in the middle of the night?” Once what I said registered in my brain, another blush spread across my face.

Twilight sheepishly looked away, her face flushed. “I-I did, but I always thought it was just because you were being a good friend.” For a moment, she played with one of the tendrils of hair hanging in front of her ear.

“A-Anyway,” she said, clearing her throat, “the last night we were there, I actually did have a nightmare. It just… turned into a dream before things could get really bad. And it was a really nice dream, too,” she trailed off, looking up at the sky.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m almost too embarrassed to tell you about this, but… you remember how I thanked you on the bus ride home from camp?” 

“Another moment I can never forget,” I replied. “I was trying really hard not to seem heartbroken about you and… yeah.”

Detecting my awkwardness, Twilight squeezed my hand again. “Well, defeating Gaea Everfree helped me overcome my fear of magic, but the nightmares didn’t actually stop until one specific dream I had.

“At first, it started out like a nightmare. Everything seemed normal, then Midnight would show up. It was so long ago that the specifics are a bit fuzzy, but I remember her cornering me. As she was backing me into a wall, I ran into something…” 

Twilight started playing with her hair again, her eyes wandering around. This was getting too cute. I already wanted to pick her up and squeeze her, but I had to wait for her to finish.

“I was scared it was just her appearing behind me, but then I felt arms around me. When I looked at whose arms they were, that’s when I realized…” Her eyes finally met mine again, her face more red than I’d ever seen. “It was you.”

The urge to squeeze her was already incredibly hard to resist, but now it was next to impossible. How was she capable of being this adorable? This wasn’t fair.

“You held me close, and you told me not to worry, and that you wouldn’t let her hurt me anymore. And just like the day we met, you vanquished her again. And then… I looked up at you, a-and you looked at me. We started leaning in close and… A-Andthenwekindasortakissed,” she stammered. Her tone was hushed as she tried her hardest to get that last sentence out as fast as she could.

“Oh my gosh you are way too cute I can’t take it anymore!” Unable to hold back any longer, I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her so tight I was afraid she might pop. She let out the cutest squeak as I did. I knew she’d do that!

As I let her go, the embarrassed look on her face was priceless. It was almost enough to make me grab her and hug her again, but I restrained myself. 

Recovering from her embarrassment, she cleared her throat before continuing. “After the whipped cream thing, I wasn’t really sure how I felt about you, but I knew I felt something,” she explained. “It’s really weird, but I'm very particular about letting people touch my face, so when I didn't react badly to you doing it, I was very confused for a time. I tried to tell myself it was just because you were the first real friend I ever had, but after that dream, I knew I liked you more than a friend.”

As embarrassed as I was hearing Twilight mention the whipped cream incident, Rarity had always told me that moment was “foundational”. Once again, she was right. It’s so frustrating how often that was the case. She wasn’t even here and I could see the smug grin on her face.

That raised a question, however. “If you knew how you felt, why didn’t you tell me?”

Her expression shifted a few times as she contemplated her answer. “I thought about it, but I could never work myself up enough to say anything.” She paused, looking uncomfortably at the ground. “I thought the way you encouraged me with Timber was a subtle way for you to tell me you weren’t interested.”

“Considering how you hit it off with Timber, I thought it was safe to assume you were straight,” I replied. “That was part of what was so heartbreaking for me.”

She shook her head. “Back when he and I first got together, I was still questioning my sexuality. After everything that happened in that relationship, I’m not even sure I’m that interested in boys at all.”

Pursing my lips, I exhaled out of my nose. Rarity was never going to let me live that down either.

“I guess I just kept going with Timber because I thought he was my only chance at love.” She let out an empty laugh. “I knew you were bi, but I decided it was best not to bother you about how I felt. To be honest, after hearing what you said on the bridge, I’m still not entirely sure I’m not dreaming. I never thought you’d be interested in someone like me.”

My eyes went wide as I looked at her. “Why wouldn’t I be interested in you?” I exclaimed.

She shrugged. “You’re smart, outgoing, incredibly talented, and you’re easily the prettiest girl in school.” She blushed, scratching the back of her head. “A-At least I think you are. So what could someone as amazing as you see in a lanky, socially awkward nerd like me?”

Suddenly, my mind flashed back to the sleepover. All the way back when I asked why she wasn’t confident. It had been so many months, but she still thought so low of herself. It broke my heart back then, and it still did now. My fledgling feelings back then hadn’t had time to develop, but after all this time, I knew exactly how I felt about her. Finally, I was getting my chance to tell her what I truly saw in her.

“You can’t see what I see,” I replied.

I took her other hand in mine. She looked down at them. When she looked back up, I met her eyes with a half-lidded stare, my lips curling into a wide smile. A few seconds of silence went by as I gathered my thoughts.

“I’ve always liked you a lot, Twilight. At first, I thought it was just because you were basically the only person at CHS who wasn’t there to see what a horrible bitch I used to be. That made building our friendship a whole lot less complicated. It was one of the reasons I tried so hard to get close to you in the beginning. The other reason why is because I could tell you felt like you didn’t fit in – even when we were with the girls.

“That night at your first sleepover, when you said all those mean things about yourself, I felt offended. It was like I couldn’t believe anyone could say that about you. After we went back to bed, I stayed up for another hour thinking about why I felt that way. By the next morning, I realized it wasn’t just because I wanted to be your friend so bad. There was a lot more to it.

“Almost everything you said about me? That applies to you, too. I meant it when I said you’re the smartest person I know – you’re the only person in CHS who’s smarter than me, and I’ve known that since you smoked me at the Friendship Games. You’re every bit as talented as I am, if not more. You pick up on things so quickly – just look at how fast you’re learning guitar! 

“And stop calling yourself lanky! You’re not! You’re literally the cutest girl I’ve ever seen in my life, and that should come as high praise considering there aren’t many humans I find remotely attractive.”

I could see a blush spread across her face as she stared at me, wide-eyed.

“You know how you get going when you talk about a subject you’re knowledgeable and passionate about? The rest of the girls always tell you to wrap it up, or speak English, but I love it when you do that. I can never get enough of that. When you get excited about explaining something, no matter how overcomplicated the subject or explanation, I just become enamored with you. It's one of the cutest things you do.”

Her face was burning up. I could tell she was getting flustered. She couldn’t even hold eye contact anymore. But I was just getting started.

“And that's just one way I think you're cute. Every time I take you for a ride on my bike, I go slow on purpose. Not just for your comfort, but because the way you hang onto me for dear life is so cute. It melts my heart when we go to a party and you’re following right behind me everywhere I go because you’re too anxious to be left alone. All those things are so endearing, so cute.”

Twilight squirmed in her seat. She was so flustered, but I was hardly done.

“Your face, your voice, your hair – every single part of you is so unfairly adorable. How can you not wake up every morning, look in the mirror and think "gosh I'm so cute"? I really don’t know how you can’t recognize how cute you are. I don’t know how anyone couldn't see you as the cutest girl in the entire world. I know I’ve said the word cute fifty times in the last two minutes, but you have to understand I’ve wanted to tell you all this for months. I’ve held back because I didn’t want to be weird, but it's been eating away at me the whole time. You’re just… too fucking cute, gosh.” I concluded.

If I were in a more coherent state of mind, I would have probably used more flowery language than calling her cute a million times. But it had been less than twenty minutes since I kissed the pavement. Cut me some slack.

Besides, I don’t think Twilight minded my overuse of the word. If I wasn’t holding her hands, Twilight would be trying to hide her face in them. A wide grin spread across her blushing face. The way she got so embarrassed about being told she was cute was in and of itself cute. Twilight was made of the very essence of cute – a cuteness elemental.

I couldn’t help but squeeze her again. As an example of just how cute she is, she squeaked again. If she was going to make that sound every time, she’d better get used to being hugged that tight.

“Regardless of all of that, you’re the most important thing to me, Twilight. I would do anything in the world – this one or any other – for you. I mean that more than I've ever meant anything in my life.”

“G-Gosh, I-I don't know what to say," she stammered.

I let her pull back from the hug and our eyes met once again.

“I love you, Twilight.”

“I-I love you too, Sunset.”

Every single bit of negativity in my body was immediately vaporized. Hearing those words from her mouth made me feel more alive than I’d ever felt. I couldn’t even remember how bruised my ribs felt, or how much my throat hurt from all the screaming. I loved Twilight, and she loved me. I smiled at her and pulled her into yet another hug.

After a few seconds, I pulled back again. My smile faded as my eyes wandered over to the bridge. Suddenly, I remembered everything I had said not long ago. Guilt and shame had returned, and they were expecting their dues. As happy as I was now, there was one last thing to do.

“Listen, Twilight,” I began, “I’m… really sorry. About everything. About how mad I got, about how I reacted earlier, about what I said to you. I should have just told you how I felt instead of… well, all of that. What I did was really fucked up, and I just hope you can forgive me. I promise if you do, I’ll never let something like that happen again.”

She gave me a comforting smile. “I’ll forgive you, but only on two conditions,” she said.

“Anything,” I replied.

She held up a finger. “The first condition: you have to go to the Fall Formal with me.”

“I would love to,” I answered with a smile. I felt so silly. Twilight had really beaten me to the punch after all.

Then she held up her second finger. “The second and more important of the two: you have to forgive yourself, first.”

At first, I didn’t know how to respond. I just kept staring at her. Her eyes darted off to the side, then back to my blank stare. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that she was aware of how unrelenting I could be toward myself. Twilight and I had spent so much time with each other these past months, after all. By now, she was probably more than acquainted with how much I struggled with and against regret, but it still felt uncomfortable to have it called out like that.

It put me in a very strange situation. Asking me to forgive myself was a tall order. A monumental task I could rarely even do for myself, much less anyone else. But this wasn’t myself asking. This wasn’t anyone else asking. It was Twilight. And I did just say I’d do anything for her. And I meant that.

“I'll try my hardest, but I can’t promise I will right away,” I answered, “I... might need a little reassurance.” That last part pained me to say, but it was true.

“Good enough for me,” she agreed, “And I’ll give you all the reassurance you could ever ask for and more.”

This time, she was the one who squeezed me. In response, I held her close. We sat there for a few seconds. A few seconds turned into a few minutes. Just like all those times before, I waited for her to give the signal to let go, but she never did. If it were up to her, we’d probably be sitting here on this park bench hugging each other forever. And if it were up to me, I’d probably decide the same.

Unfortunately, I was the one to pull away. As I did, she refused to let go of my arms. I wasn’t sure why at first. Then, as they’d done many times already, our eyes met. She didn’t say anything, but as I looked at her face, I could tell why she wouldn’t let go.

We both began leaning into each other slowly. She closed her eyes, and I did the same. Time seemed to slow as we got closer.

Finally, I felt her lips. On the chin. And I kissed her on the nose. We missed each other.

Opening our eyes at the same time, we both pulled away and blushed. When we looked at each other again, we both began to laugh. After a few seconds of laughter, we went in to try again. We stopped a couple times just to let out another giggle that would have interrupted the moment again.

This time, I felt her lips against my own. I held her close as we kissed. I don’t think the words to describe how I felt existed. As the seconds ticked by, I wished this moment never had to end. The world could end at this very moment, and I would be okay with it. For the first time in my life, everything felt right. I felt at peace with everything. Not just with my life, but with myself.

She pulled away. “I love you, Sunny.”

“I love you, too Twilight.”

We sat on the bench for a little while longer, watching as the evening welcomed the moon and the night with it. I would have loved nothing more than to sit under the stars with her until night turned to day once more, but after a little while, I could tell Twilight wasn’t handling the cold all that well. When it got too cold to stay outside, we finally stood up from the bench and began our walk home.

Hand in hand.