//------------------------------// // But he's cool // Story: Lupin III: Horseshoes and Hand Grenades // by Abremelinthemagus //------------------------------// Shining Armor pawed the checkerboard floors of Canterlot Palace in a mix of fear and irritation as he looked on the spectacle before him, a few of his stallions noticing his tension wearily leaned their heads just in case their commander was once again ready to rear into action despite his still diminished strength. Around a hundred feet from his face, and talk yelling to the princess herself was a very large human who had been doing that for around an hour already. Though he wasn’t a paleontologist or a mythographer, Shining judged by his voice as well as the way this human had barged in and immediately acted like he had some kind of authority to talk to Princess Celestia of all ponies without even requesting an audience, Shining Armor had to guess this human was male. The human, or ‘inspector Zen and gata’ as he called himself was still wildly gesticulating in front of the princess either completely oblivious to the slack jawed confusion, indignation and horror of the various ponies that surrounded the man. Not that any of them attempted to do anything, word on the street was that he had shrugged off several attempts by the ROYAL GUARD to block his entrance and hadn’t used enough force for Shining Armor to get personally involved save as a safety precaution in case the human somehow got even rowdier. Still even though he was forced to not do anything, Shining was clearly disgusted by the lack of respect this literal alien with no jurisdiction was showing the sun raiser herself to demand that he take control of all of Equestria’s armed forces, in the name of hunting down a petty crook! Shining almost hoped he got a little too aggressive with the princess or the guards, just so he could give him a bit of a lesson in humility. Celestia, being the bastion of patience and decorum that she was handled the situation with the grace, civility and nobility that was expected from any pony who could deal with his sister when she got into one of her ‘moods’. Her face was a perfect serene mask that though not a smile so as not to offend the admittedly ridiculous human still carried no signs of anger, fear or anything else that would alert the already frazzled mares and stallions present. After the human had finally shut his mouth, Celestia sighed and put a hoof to her snout as intending to showcase that the wise leader of ponykind was clearly mulling what this intruder had said thoroughly. “Inspector.” “Yes your highness.” He barked, like a child absolutely ready to say the answer to a question that they most likely didn’t know. “If this… Lupin… is as you say merely a thief, especially a relatively conspicuous one due to his species, wouldn’t it better to simply leave him to the local authorities.” Shining saw the human tense, that line clearly struck a nerve as even more frantic energy seemed to fill his body. The human, most likely in an attempt to stop himself from literally exploding grabbed onto his tie and tugged it tightly. “Your highness! Lupin isn’t ‘merely a thief’, he’s my world’s premier criminal mastermind, one that’s continually avoided and escaped arrest over two thousand times!” Shining Armor snorted, he wondered if the human didn’t know that by hyping this ‘Lupin’ up he only served to make himself look foolish. “Inspector… this still doesn’t explain why we should allocate almost all of her military and police resources to catching someone whose most dangerous goal is to steal some common gems.” “Common gems? COMMON GEMS!” The human had moved from talk screaming to scream screaming, several guard immediately raised their spears but once again Celestia silently ordered them to put them down. “Not only does Lupin only go after the world’s rarest objects but he’ll do absolutely anything to get them! This is a man who created a new fault line because he wanted some pajamas! A man who built a pyramid and took control of a whole country’s antiquities department because he didn’t like some insurance scammers! A MAN WHO ALMOST CAUSED A COMPLETE SOCIETAL COLLAPSE BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE STALKING HIM ON SOCIAL MEDIA!” The human paused, arms falling to his side as just a slight hint of embarrassment came over his face from the last outburst. He ran his rather large hand over his face and let out a heavy breath. “Listen your highness, I’m sorry for the outburst but not going on red alert the minute he steps into your nation is the absolute worst thing you can do! In fact if you don’t do anything he’ll probably be walking away with Equestria’s treasury by the end of next week.” Celestia, though not mad began to look uncomfortable either due to the potential danger of this Lupin character or due to the potential mental instability of the human who had decided to ‘grace her with his presence’. She rubbed the underside of her jaw a little more vigorously this time doing it for real instead of merely to show that she was taking this seriously. “Alright Inspector, if what you’re saying is true then this Lupin may very well be a major threat to Equestrian security.” The human’s eyes lit up as he practically jumped for joy before Celestia’s next words caused him to sag like a pierced balloon, “But even so as a member of an outside agency with no formal ties to the Equestrian government I am afraid I cannot let you lead the forces intended to take him on.” “You can’t do this, the ICPO protocol states that…” “Protocol or not, from what you’ve told me I’ve gathered that your ICPO doesn’t exist on this planet.” Shining smirked a bit at this verbal takedown as the once proud human seemed to deflate just a little bit more with every word. “But I’m the only one here whose familiar with his tactics!” Celestia gave one of her trademark gentle smiles, the kind she used to give Twilight as a filly when she was upset that she didn’t have something important to do. “Which is why if a task force is created then you will be put on as chief consultant. And in the meantime I give you full freedom to explore Equestria.” “You mean when a task force is created?” He asked a little bit of venom in his voice. “If, even though he may be a potential threat, Equestria does not believe in pre emptive action for crimes not committed. And seeing as Lupin has not committed any crimes in Equestria nor is there any record of his crimes save for your admittedly quite impressive testimony, we cannot prosecute him.” “You’re serious?” He asked with a far bit of incredulity. “Gravely” Responded the Solar Diarch. The human hung his head low before once again meeting Celestia in the eye with little to no hesitation, “Very well your highness. I realize I have no place to stop you from following your own laws” He said before compulsively straightening his tie, “But I’m warning you that you’re making an awful mistake.” After that he merely gave a salute and began to briskly walk away not even deigning to acknowledge the rest of the court. Celestia’s eyes grew just a bit wider at this strange creature’s exit which was almost as strange as his entrance. A vein popped in Shining’s head, this was too much! Bursting in like you owned the place was one thing but not even waiting for her to dismiss you was another thing entirely. In a burst of speed the white Unicorn had cornered the bedraggled detective horn glowing though admittedly with very little inclination to fire. “And just where do you think you’re going?” Shouted Shining. “To find Lupin.” He sad matter o-factly quite literally walking around Shining Armor, his eyes still intently focused on the door. “Did you not hear what the Princess said? You have no authority to arrest him!” Screamed Shining who was now furiously trotting alongside the inspector. “I know. I never said I was going to arrest him.” Shining stopped, in one of the very few times in his incredibly eventful life he had been stumped. Seriously? What was wrong with this human?! “So why in Tartarus are you going after him.” “If he knows I’m here.. he’ll know that if he gets too cocky..” Zenigata pulled out a pair of handcuffs as several more fell to the floor, “There’ll be repercussions.” With that the inspector walked out, paying no heed to the crowd of ponies who had come to gawk at him. Jacket swaying in the breeze as he vanished into the crowd of reporters eager to pester him about just who and what he was. All Shining could do was join in their baffled silence as this four in a world oddity walked off into the sunset.