Jake came to slowly, eyes heavy. Blinking, he lifted a hand to his face, rubbing over his forehead down to his stubbly chin.
"Good morning."
His reaction was to jerk away, but he found himself merely blinking again before he turned his head towards the voice.
"Purple," he murmured through the screaming hot dust in his throat.
"Yes, I am," the voice replied before he felt something cool on his lip.
The tiniest trickle of water entered his mouth, and he swallowed it before opening it wider. The same trickle entered, and this process was repeated until the bonfire in his Adam's apple was drowned.
Sated, he felt his eyes growing heavier than ever, and he closed them.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Jake awoke, this time in a flurry of slow blinks. Reaching up again, he rubbed his eye before scratching at his cheek. Finally opening his eyes, he stared at the white ceiling for a moment before his head creaked to the side.
It took him a moment to remember where he was. The remembering took longer than he liked, and he blamed it on the small purple horse asleep in the large chair by his bed.
Lifting his arms, he flexed blood and feeling back into his fingers before slowly pushing himself up the headboard. Glancing over at Twilight again, he saw what he needed on the small table between them and reached over to snag the tall glass filled with clear water.
Lifting it over to his chin, he looked at the shiny stick drifting in the drink, seemingly hollow from the end, pointing at him. With a shrug, he swirled the glass to move it out of the way before taking a small sip.
Glancing around the room, he took in the decorations and slowly emptied the glass. Absently he returned the vessel to his table, flinching as it made a thudding noise against the wood.
He watched as one of Twilight's ears flicked a couple of times before she opened her eyes, blinking sleepily at him before yawning.
"Welcome back," she murmured before glancing at the glass on the table and frowning. "I hope you drank that slowly, or you'll be throwing it back up."
He snorted but otherwise didn't reply.
"How bad is it?" he asked, using a hand to gesture at his head.
Her eyebrows creased, closing the gap between themselves.
"I mean, it's not to my usual tastes, but it's not bad?"
Jake blinked at her before scowling. "Twilight, what in the hell are you talkin' about? How's my head?"
"Oh!" she said, blinking before giving him a slight smile. "Sorry. It's fine? The healer did what she needed to and then healed it all back up. You're good to go as soon as we do some basic tests; make sure nothing in there healed poorly," she said, waving a hoof at his head.
"Oh," he said, reaching up to gently test the skin and hair on his head. He even pushed in a couple of places to test his skull. "I expected stitches an' bandages."
"Why?" Twilight asked, cocking her head. "I healed your head the first time without them, remember?" Her face drew further into a worried frown, and she leaned forward. "You do remember that, right?"
He waved his hand at her. "Yeah, an' I also remember you sayin' you weren't a trained healer, so I di'n know what to expect."
She let out a hmpf before standing up. "Alright then, smarty pants, let's see what else you remember."
She used her magic to open the curtains on the singular window slightly before lifting a stack of papers off the table.
Jake looked at the stack, then at her, before grunting and closing his eyes again.
The next fifteen minutes were her quizzing him on things she'd learned about him and things she'd tried to teach him, and was immediately followed by a series of math and vocabulary questions. He'd tried to get out of the tests but found his clothing restricted to just the blanket when he'd stood up.
He still threatened to leave until Twilight used a spell to stick the blanket to the bed. And then the same spell to attach the bed to the floor when he began dragging the whole thing to the door.
"Come on, Jake, I can't even ask you half of these!" Twilight complained. "They're all society questions that I haven't gotten to yet!"
"To hell with society, gimme my pants!"
In the end, she'd trimmed her tests down to two pages for him, followed by a quick physical (his reflex system wasn't anything like a pony's, so Twilight reduced the tests to a series of pokes that led to a series of complaints) before she finally gave his clothes back.
He glanced at her before sitting on the bed and pulling on a thin white garment that covered his thighs and buttoned up to his chest. Pulling on his socks next, he scoffed when she finally blushed and looked away long enough for him to pull on his trousers and boots. Her gaze returned when he slipped on his shirt and buttoned it up before slowly standing from the bed.
His head swam for a moment, but it went away quickly, and he sighed as he buttoned his trousers and threaded his belt around his hips.
"Alright, last tests," Twilight said with a click as she brought her front hooves together.
Jake glanced down at her before he was across the room with a leap. She made a squawking sound as he pulled open the door, and he turned and smirked at her before he slammed the door.
He was off at a sprint down the hallway, sliding to a stop next to a window at the end of the hall. Glancing out of it, he pulled it open before sitting on the sill. He heard a door slam open down the hall, and he glanced back towards a huffing Twilight, her wings flared and fluffed as her eyes met his.
Raising his fingers to his forehead, he flicked them to her before kicking himself out.
Twilight was at the window moments later, her shoulders out of the window and legs on the sill, looking down and out.
She flinched when Jake gently patted her cheek, sitting on the grass and looking up at her.
"Ground floor," he told her before standing and putting his hands in the curve at the base of his back before leaning back to crack his spine.
He glanced back at Twilight before gesturing at her muzzle. "Ye'r fly-catchin'," he said before glancing at the horizon. "The blue an' purple one, right?"
There was a sputtering noise that he ignored as he started walking towards the large crystal star.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Twilight huffed again as she closed the doors behind them. She'd been doing that the entire walk to her home, trying to push the fact that she was giving Jake the silent treatment, but he'd ignored every one of her sounds.
Even now, he just glanced at her. When she pointedly looked away, she heard the sound of his boots moving on her crystal floor. Looking back, she watched Jake disappear around a corner that led towards his borrowed room. She stood there, fuming until he poked his head back around.
"Done yet?" he deadpanned.
She huffed but quietly said, "It wasn't funny, Jake. I thought you hurt yourself, again."
"Also weren't worth twenty minutes of attempted silent treatment," he said before putting his left hand on his hip. "Was it."
She frowned up at him. "We need to work on your grammar," she eventually said.
"Only a fool works an empty mine," he replied quickly. "Now, d'ya need me for anything, or can I go take care of my guns? They should have been cleaned as soon as I was done with 'em, but I doubt that happened."
"You just got out of the hospital, Jake," she said, frowning at him. "Shouldn't you be more worried about your health? Maybe take a break?"
He snorted. "Break from what? Ain't been doing nothing last few days besides sleepin' and bleedin'. 'Sides, it needs bein' done, and I can sit while I do it."
She frowned before sighing. "Alright. Just bring it to the dining room? You haven't eaten in a couple of days now; nothing solid anyway."
He frowned, nodding, before finally disappearing down the hall.
She'd filled the table by the time he'd made it to the dining room with several cloth sacks in hand.
"Don't think I can eat all this," he said, dumping his packs on a chair. "Don't think ten of me could eat all this."
"I've invited my friends over, but that's not the point," Twilight said, adjusting several of the dishes at one end of the table. "I need a comprehensive list of what you can and can't eat. You mentioned earlier that you've never eaten anything you were allergic to, but that doesn't mean you aren't allergic to anything. Plus, you're an omnivore, I'm guessing, and that means you'll need different nutrients to stay healthy."
Jake looked at her blankly.
Sighing, she said, "I need to know what makes you sick and what might make you sick if you don't have enough."
Jake hummed. "Fruit, bread, and meat." he said, glancing at the carrots before adding, "Vegetables. Coffee is nice too. Sailors say limes or lemons. Oranges."
"Meat?" Twilight asked, looking along the table and lifting a dish. "I have fish here."
Jake looked at the offered plate, raising an eyebrow. "Ma'am, this is raw."
"I made sure they have the heads, too!" she replied with a wide grin. "Fluttershy says that's some of her friend's favorite part."
Jake looked at the fish, then at Twilight, then at the fish again.
"Twilight, may I borrow your kitchen?"
Twilight's ears perked up, and she let him take the dish before leading him to the kitchen they'd been in earlier.
"Now I'm no cook," he murmured, setting the fish down near a wooden cutting board before rummaging through the drawers nearest him, "but I've rode in the wagon with a couple of'em, one from Loo'sanna. Fella liked the seafood down there, and I seen him cut up a couple of river fish like these."
Understanding what he was looking for, Twilight pulled the drawer open.
Quickly shuffling through it, he sighed before pulling out a Prench knife Rarity had gifted her.
"Now, ol boy knew his way around his work, and he had a roll of eight different knives he kept. I guess you don't have a cleaver, seeing as you mostly eat greens, but that's what he'd use."
Without another word, Jake pulled a fish from the tray before setting it on the block and slamming the knife down, scooting the disembodied head to the side.
Twilight watched, fascinated as he carefully cut down the fish's belly and moved the viscera to the side. Without much thought, she pulled a metal tray from one of the drawers and moved the discarded pieces into it.
"Another small one, please," Jake muttered before sliding the knife down from the tail, flipping the fish, and repeating the process. He tossed the remaining carcass in the new pan before he began massaging the fresh cuts of fish he had. Using the knife and his thumb, he pulled small, thin bones from the meat and tossed them in with the tails, repeating the process until he couldn't feel any remaining bones.
He moved to the sink and reached for a pan before stopping and just twisting a knob. Rinsing the meat under cold water, he rinsed his hands before turning the water off.
Twilight reached for a towel, but he was already wiping his hands on his pants.
She sighed, but Jake was busy grabbing a pan from the rack over her kitchen island and placing it on the stovetop.
"You got wood for the oven?" he asked, looking around the kitchen.
"Wood for—" Twilight started before stopping and shaking her head. "Turn the knob on the front, Jake."
He did so, startled by the small flame that popped into life, before moving his pan to it.
Licking his lips, he turned to Twilight and asked, "Do ya have, uhm, salt?"
Pointing with her horn, she opened a cabinet that held a mixture of bottles and bags. "Use what you like," she said, noticing how his face paled slightly.
"So I'm guessin' they aren't expensive, then?" he asked, grabbing a couple of jars and twisting the lids off to smell them.
"Some of them are, but don't worry about that," she told him, gesturing at the bottles, "I don't mind paying whatever to learn how you season food."
"Just find what tastes good," he muttered, carefully sprinkling some powdered Five-Spice Pinkie had gifted her before carefully licking the powder. Making a face, he put it back before continuing the process.
In the end, he only chose two seasonings; powdered cayenne pepper and salt.
Mixing the two in a palm, he rubbed the mixture into the meat of the fish before cursing.
"Do you have—" he started to ask before glancing at Twilight. "You wouldn't have a little lard to slick the pan?"
"Hmmm, what is it?"
"Well, I hesitate because it's pig fat," he replied.
Twilight frowned and thought for a moment. "I have butter?"
He nodded, and she magically pulled a stick from her icebox. Jake used a hand to indicate how much she should toss in, then used a towel to grab the pan's handle and swirled the frothing butter around before throwing in the fillets.
Twilight couldn't help the face she made when the smell of cooking fish filled her kitchen, but the only reaction from Jake was a growling she heard from his stomach.
Twilight watched as he kept the pan swirling. The fish stayed in place for a bit, but after enough moving and heat, they slid around the pan. Reaching in with his spiced hand, he carefully flipped the fish onto its back.
"Plate?" he asked, nodding when she floated him one.
Repeating the swirling process with the flesh side, he poked the fillets every now and then until he judged them done and slid them onto the plate.
Setting the pan aside and turning the stove off, he rinsed his hands as Twilight looked over the fish.
"It's black," she said with a frown. "Did you burn it?"
"Nah," he said, rooting through an earlier drawer and pulling out a unicorn fork. "Lucas got cussed the first time he made it. Says it's the fat and the spices getting good color. His tasted good, but you don't have all the spices he kept."
"Really? Huh. Maybe Pinkie or one of the local griffons have something similar. Do you know what they were?" she asked, taking the fork he offered her and poking at the food.
"Ah think one was powdered garlic."
Twilight hummed, nodding. "That's why I don't have it. Ponies are allergic to garlic and the rest of the alium family. Like leeks and onions," she told him.
"Mmm, onion sounds right as well," he said before chuckling. "Are ya gonna try it, or jus' poke it?"
Twilight made a face before summoning a book. Quickly flipping through it, she read something before the book vanished back to where it had come from.
Using the side of the fork, she cut a tiny corner off the filet and speared it before closing her eyes and putting it in her mouth.
Muttering, she shivered at the taste before actually tasting it.
"It's salty and a little spicy," she murmured, "but it doesn't actually have a lot of flavor. Tastes... wrong, but my book says it's not harmful as long as a pony doesn't eat much."
She jumped as Jake pulled the fork from her magic, cutting off his own piece and popping it into his mouth.
He hummed before shrugging. "Tastes fine to me. Must be a horse thing."
She kicked his shin, waiting for him to look at her before she corrected, "Pony. Po. Nee."
"You kick me again, and you'll see a 'nee'," he said, pointing his fork at her before picking up the fillet plate and leaving the kitchen.
"Jake, was that a threat?" she called after him, following through the hall and back towards the dining room. "I don't understand. What is a 'Nee'?"
Pausing in front of the doors, Jake turned to her and lifted his leg before pointing at the angle where it bent.
"Knee," he said before swinging it back and thrusting it forward towards her face, lifting his eyebrows.
Twilight frowned. "Wouldn't that hurt you too?"
"Only if I got yer horn," he said, reaching down and rapping his knuckles against the bend, producing a dull thud with every tap.
Walking forward, Twilight raised her hoof and pressed her frog against the bend. "Oh, it's bony!"
"Likely 'cause there'sa bone in there," he said, dropping his boot and turning back to the doors to their dining room.
"There's a bone in where?" called a slightly panicked voice from further in, causing Jake to glance into the room.
He took in the multitude of ponies in the room, plus a squat lizard-looking creature. There were only four he didn't recognize, although the rainbow one was a fuzzy memory.
"Pick a spot," he told the pale pony with swirling purple hair, pointing at his ribs. "Full'a them, honestly."
"Oh," she murmured, leaning back in her chair before narrowing her eyes. "But they're supposed to be there, correct?"
"Yes'm," he said, nodding.
"Good," she huffed, sighing.
There was an awkward silence as he stood in the doorway before he slowly raised a hand and took the fork from his plate before using it to place a piece of food into his mouth.
Twilight cleared her throat before pushing herself into the room between his leg and the door. "Jake, these are the friends I mentioned would be joining us for lunch," she said with a wave of her leg. "You already know AJ, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and I've told you a bit about Spike," she said, pointing at each creature named, each waving with their own intensity, Spike the most reserved.
"Mr. Dragon," Jake murmured, inclining his head.
"Beside him," Twilight continued with a smile of her own, "are Rarity and Fluttershy." The former nodded at him with a polite smile, while the pegasus simply gave him a single wave. "And then there's my ex-student, Starlight Glimmer, and her marefriend, Trixie."
Starlight gave him a warm smile and a nod, but the last unicorn merely tilted her head to the side and said, "What are you?"
Twilight slapped her hoof over her eyes, but Jake smirked and replied, "An undead affront to God."
Trixie looked confused, but Twilight cleared her throat. "We're not getting into that again. Trixie, this is Jake. He's a creature from another world or plane of existence; we haven't narrowed it down yet."
He reached up to tip his hat but found only his hair. Blinking, he turned his hand and instead waved at the group.
"Hello."
There was a quiet chorus, minus one pony, and he nodded before walking over and placing his plate next to the bags he'd left on the table. Picking them up, he dropped them underneath the chair before sitting between Starlight and the empty chair at the head of the table that Twilight quickly took.
Starlight smiled up at his face before glancing at his plate. The smile wobbled as the smell hit her, and she cleared her throat.
"So, uh, Jake? What'cha, uhm, eating?"
Glancing down, he gently pushed the plate away from her before he said, "Fish, ma'am."
"Ah," she said, swallowing dryly before nodding. "It smells familiar. It is always, uh, spicy?"
Fluttershy perked up, looking at his plate before looking back at him. "Oh, did you accidentally put some capsaicin on it? Here, I can—"
He held up a hand to the suddenly talkative pegasus, smiling. "It's okay, ma'am; I added it on purpose. Just a little cayenne and salt for flavor. Ah'd reckon you're the lady to thank for the food?"
"Oh, uhm, yes," she said, eyes widening before she dipped her head underneath the forelock of her mane. "You don't need to thank me, though; I keep them around for my animal friends."
"Still, thank'ya," he said, smiling gently at the pony trying to duck underneath her own hair.
She murmured something he couldn't hear before dipping further into her hair.
He glanced at Twilight, who smiled slightly and shook her head. Nodding, he looked around the rest of the table before reaching out towards his plate again with his fork.
"Oh, Jake, I see you're using unicorn cutlery," said the white unicorn, perking up and smiling.
"Uh, I suppose, ma'am," he said, glancing at the implement in his hand. "Are there different forks?"
"Well, dear, the more slender ones like that particular implement are harder for hoof use, so earth ponies and pegasi use a knobbier, thicker version or forsake them entirely," she said, glancing at AJ as she frowned through the last bit of her sentence.
Jake looked down at his plate for a moment before looking back at her and slowly raising a finger to his pointy noise.
"Mm, indeed," she murmured before looking at Rainbow this time, "but that doesn't stop everycreature."
Rainbow coughed something that sounded suspiciously like priss before reaching out and grabbing a bowl of leafy greens. "Speaking of eating food, I'm starved."
"Oh, of course, everycreature feel free!" Twilight said, waving at the table.
There was a general shuffling as the table began moving food to plates, passing hoof to paw to hoof to hand to hoof as everyone began filling plates. A few ponies were cautiously curious about Jake's fish, and he gave up half of one of the fillets to be cut and shared among the others.
Only Spike seemed to enjoy it, though he looked conflicted about it.
"It's okay, Spike," Fluttershy ended up comforting him, wrapping a wing around him as she told him, "it's one of the ones from Harry."
"Harry?" Jake asked, perking up.
"Oh, yes," she said, shrinking in a little before she said, "he's one of my animal friends, a bear."
"Oh," he said, slumping in his chair and nodding. "Right, right," he muttered, sliding a hand over his eyes.
"Jake?" Twilight asked, sitting upright in her chair. "Is everything alright?"
He nodded, glancing over at her before chuckling. "Harry is a man's name, where I'm from, so I thought... But I'm the only one, right?"
Her expression dropped, and she gently nodded.
He sighed before smiling at Fluttershy again. "Will ya thank him for me? I'd get sick without some sort of meat, so I appreciate it."
"Oh, of course, Jake," she said, managing a small smile before she busied herself with her own plate.
After a few more moments, Trixie cleared her throat. "Twilight, did you, uh, have some cravings today?" she asked, levitating a radish beside a bowl of pale beans and a fruit salad. "Some of these just don't go together."
"Oh, right!" Twilight said before carefully gathering a varied selection from all the dishes and piling them on a fresh plate. "There are two reasons for this lunch. The main one was to introduce Jake to my closest friends, and Trixie—"
"Hey!"
"But it was also to test if Jake has anything he can't eat or is allergic to!"
She 'gently' set the plate in front of the human, most of the table twitching at the thud before grinning at him.
Jake looked at the plate, noted that he could no longer see the short dragon, and sighed as he picked up his fork once again.
In the end, they discovered quite a few things, the biggest one being that Jake's best manners were not entirely up to Rarity's standards. He disliked the tastes of the raw grasses on display and mentioned that they had his stomach turning, but he wasn't actively allergic to any of the array.
"Well, that means you're able to eat just about anything you come across in Equestria!" Twilight proclaimed as he pushed away the last of the spice jars she'd summoned from the kitchen. "Just stay away from anything that says 'hay,' and you'll be good."
Jake nodded, holding a fist over his lips as he burped, quietly for most of the ponies at the table, before muttering an, "Excuse me," and slumping in his chair.
"So, we know you don't like any of the assorted grasses or hay items," Twilight said, lifting a notepad again from the table and scratching on it with a quill, "but was there anything in particular you liked, or would have liked?"
"Uhm," he murmured, scratching the top of his head as he slumped in his chair. "The apple dumplings were fantastic," he said, nodding his head at AJ's 'Thank'ya', before continuing, "but I suppose I enjoyed the, what did you call it, the... mee soh eggplant?"
"Ooo, how refined of you, Jake," Rarity tittered behind a hoof.
He raised an eyebrow at her, and she returned with a prim smile.
"Yer makin' fun'a me," he accused.
Her smile only curled.
Twilight cleared her throat. "What did you like about it, Jake?" she asked, glancing at Rarity.
He narrowed his eyes at her. "The... taste?"
Twilight opened her mouth and glanced at Jake's utterly confused look before closing her mouth and nodding. "Anything else?"
"Everything else was alright," he said, shrugging. "The beans needed lard and onion, garlic, but otherwise, everything else was good."
"You eat lard?" AJ asked from across the table, and three creatures turned to look at her.
"You know what that is?" Twilight asked.
AJ snorted. "Ah raise pigs, Twi. They're good at findin' truffles in tha Everfree an' White Tail, but they pass on eventually, an' griffins will buy them for food. Never touched the stuff, but ah know what it is."
Twilight glanced at Pinkie Pie, the other mare who'd looked at AJ. She shrugged and just said, "Griffins use it in some pastry instead of vegetable shortening."
Rarity turned green.
"Oh, right, Pinkie," Twilight said, dropping her notepad to look at the baker, "do you know if griffins can eat alium? garlic and onions? Jake says they were staples of his."
"No, nooooooooo," she said, stretching the words, "No, no, no, they're even more poisonous to them than they are to us. Especially garlic."
"Uh, Twi?" AJ asked, "You know cows eat both'a those, right? Daisy-Jo would likely know where to get some."
"Really?" Twilight said, looking surprised for a moment before she scribbled on her pad. "I had no idea, Applejack; thank you..."
The rest of lunch was quickly gathered up and distributed to whoever wanted the dish, most of it relegated to Twilight's icebox, and the ponies each gave their goodbyes before trickling out of the castle.
The last was Twilight, who excused herself to do some cross-referencing in her library to ensure there were no interactions between the foods she was used to and the ones Jake requested.
After the table had been magically cleared and Jake had digested enough food not to be uncomfortable, he reached under his chair and retrieved his bags from earlier. Pulling a dirty cloth out first, he set his revolver in the middle when a small voice beside him made him jump.
"Hey."
Looking down, he saw the small dragon standing there, Spike's large eyes dark and glinting.
"Uh, hello, Mr. Dragon," Jake started but stilled when Spike held a paw up.
"I don't know where you come from," Spike said, slow and steady, "but I know it's not a good place. I can smell it on you, on your clothes, and your bags."
"Smell what?" Jake asked, straightening in his chair.
"Fire. Sulfur. Fear and anger." He blinked slowly. "Blood, and not just yours. Lots of it.
"I don't know where you come from," Spike repeated, "but I know at least one thing. If you hurt my friends or their family?"
He leaned forward, and Jake found himself leaning away, cold sweat forming at the base of his spine and on the back of his neck.
"You'll find out why Dragons are the apex predators on this world," he promised.
Jake couldn't think of anything to say, his eyes trapped in the swirling emerald of this tiny being.
Spike snorted, a plume of smoke rising from his snout, and Jake flinched.
Looking satisfied, Spike relaxed his posture. Blinking slowly once again, he turned away and walked out of the room.
Jake watched the doors for some time, feeling the sweat on his brow and neck chilling his skin before he picked up the greasy cloth from the table and swiped it away. Flicking it out, he replaced his pistol and got to work pulling it apart and cleaning it.