For the past few hours, the Impala the Cutie Mark Crusaders have been driving in, drifted through space. The only time they stopped was when they needed food, or had to go to the bathroom, or to see "Out Of This World." The #1 show in all the universe, and Redshore City.
For the past few hours, Applebloom and Scootaloo tried to get Princess Sweetie Belle to go back home to Planet Equestria, but to no avail.
For the past few hours, they were oblivious to "Spaceball One" following them, waiting for the opportunity to make their move.
Dark Helmet and Colonel Snails watched intently as the Impala slowly but surely came into firing range.
"Princess Sweetie Belle's ship is in range sir." Colonel Snails said.
Even if he couldn't tell underneath the helmet, he knew his friend was smiling"good, fire a warning shot across her nose."
What was supposed to be a calm drive to nowhere was suddenly interrupted by laser blasts on the sides of the car, "What's going on?!" Cried the princess.
"It's either the 4th of July, or someone's trying to kill us!!!" Answered Applebloom.
Scootaloo shot a glance at the source of commotion, and immediately knew we were in trouble, "It's the biggest ship in the galaxy, and I think it hates us!"
Princess Sweetie Belle whipped out her phone, muttering, "I don't have to put with this, I'm rich."
"What are you doing?" Asked Applebloom.
"I'm calling my sister." Answered her friend, and proceeded to dial "1-800-EQUESTRIA" as another blast rocked the ship, although this one too close for what little comfort there was in this situation.
"Hey, hey, hey! Careful you idiot, I said across her nose, not up it!" Dark Helmet said, noticing the laser blast. He may be a bad guy, but he knows not to scratch a car, let alone one from a long running, award winning TV show.
The soldier in question turned to him, lifting her visor up, revealing her crossed eyes, "Sorry sir, I'm doing my best."
Dark Helmet could only mutter in annoyance, "Who made that guy a gunner?"
"I did sir, he's my cousin."
Turning to the voice, the two commanders saw another colonel also cross-eyed.
Confused, Dark Helmet asked "Who's he?"
Colonel Snail's answer, "He's an asshole, sir."
"Yeah, I know that, now what's her name?"
"That is his name sir: Asshole, major Hugh Asshole."
Dark Helmet was still trying to process this, "And what about his cousin?"
"She's an asshole too sir: gunners mate, first class, Phyllis Asshole."
Now this just got even more confusing, "How many assholes have we got on this ship anyhow?"
"YO!"
Looking behind him, Dark Helmet saw that basically everyone besides him and Colonel Snails had their hands up.
"I knew it, I'm literally surrounded by assholes!" He said, realizing that he was surrounded by Derpy's possibly distant relatives. Nevertheless he lowered his Helmet and said, "KEEP FIRING ASSHOLES!"
The laser blasts started as quick as it stopped. But thankfully in that brief moment, Princess Sweetie Belle managed to make the call to her sister.
"Hurry Rarity, hurry! There's laser blasts all around us!! I'm scared!!!"