//------------------------------// // Chapter 13 // Story: Ace Flier // by nixf //------------------------------// Rainbow Dash yawned as she awoke, trying to sleepily push away the warmth that was on top of her. However as soon as she tried to push it away, she felt it shift and wrap itself around her. She opened her eyes and was unsurprised to see Pinkie Pie snuggled up close to her, resting the bottom of her jaw on Rainbow’s shoulder blade as she stared back at her. “Good morning, Dashie!” Pinkie Pie sang as she sat up, noticing that Rainbow Dash was now awake and uncurling her legs from around her. “I thought you normally got up with the sun so you could get all your parting in?” Rainbow Dash groaned, letting herself flop back onto the mattress now that she no longer had a hyperactive pink blanket trying to smother her. “I wanted to make sure you didn’t wake up alone,” Pinkie Pie told her, moving close and giving her cheek a quick nuzzle. “You sleep in super late.” “I would’ve slept in later but it got too hot for some reason,” Rainbow Dash complained, peeling Pinkie’s legs away from her. Thankfully Fluttershy’s cottage was still cool enough that, even with a Pinkie Pie blanket, she at least hadn’t sweated too much. “So, did you enjoy sleeping with us?” Pinkie Pie asked with a smirk. “It was a bit too warm this morning,” Rainbow Dash muttered, staring out the window as she remembered it. The entire previous evening Pinkie Pie had demonstrated that she seemed to know Rainbow Dash’s own hang ups better than she did. Fluttershy seemed to try and follow Pinkie Pie’s lead, but her hooves had strayed a few times, though she had been very quick to stop whenever Rainbow Dash told her to.  As for Pinkie Pie, she always kept the nuzzles quick. Rainbow Dash did appreciate that Pinkie Pie kept her hooves to herself during their cuddles, she just seemed to get it right. Though it did make Rainbow Dash worry that her problems were beginning to annoy them. Especially with Pinkie Pie having to temper her every action, though she admittedly hadn’t really seen any signs of irritation. “Is that a yes or no? Did you like our snuggly sleepover?” Pinkie Pie leant on her shoulder, rubbing her cheek against Rainbow's own before pulling away again. “It was good to snuggle with you two, I guess. Thanks for being okay not doing any of that other stuff. I know you two wanted to kiss and stuff.” Rainbow Dash smiled, turning back to Pinkie Pie. “We wanted to spend time with you, the kissing stuff Fluttershy and I can do any time.” Pinkie Pie told her with a smile, “It was good to see you push your barriers and try new things with us.” “All I did was give you a hug,” Rainbow Dash complained, wishing that she had been able to make herself want to go further. “Yeah, but this time we were in bed together. That’s totally different, right?” Pinkie Pie pointed out, pulling Rainbow Dash back into a hug herself. “It shouldn’t be though,” Rainbow Dash muttered to herself, wondering if she could just keep pushing herself so she could be a proper marefriend. Rainbow Dash hesitantly leaning close to Pinkie Pie. She paused for a second before giving Pinkie Pie a quick rub with her cheek, before pulling back with a frown. “Yeah, still a no on that one. Sorry.” “It’s fine Dashie. If you don’t want to do something, then we don’t do it. It’s simple.” Pinkie Pie gave her a nuzzle back, for some reason Rainbow Dash never seemed to mind if the others initiated a nuzzle of hug. It was just weird when Rainbow Dash herself tried to do it. “Does that even still make us together if I can’t do any of the stuff?” Rainbow Dash asked quietly, looking away from Pinkie Pie. A part of her needed to know the answer, but most of her wanted to just keep pretending that everything is okay. “We love you, but that’s kind of a question you need to answer. We have a place in the herd that you can have, but you can totally have a different place if you want.” Pinkie Pie shrugged, leaning onto Rainbow Dash’s shoulder again. “However I am definitely going to make sure that I get plenty of snuggle time with you, and I know that Fluttershy likes your hugs a whole bunch.” “Yeah, I do like those I guess.” Rainbow Dash sighed. “Thanks for keeping this between us and Fluttershy. I don’t really want to ruin things by letting Twilight know.” “I don’t think that you should keep this from the others. Especially Twilight, I think that you should tell her.” Pinkie Pie told her, her smile slightly slipping from her face. “It’ll just stress her out more,” Rainbow Dash tried to counter, but Pinkie Pie quickly shot down that argument. “Twilight deserves to know, she loves you. If you’re not happy being in a herd, then the herd should know. Twilight is doing the guest lists today, so you need to tell her pronto.” Pinkie Pie pointed out, doing her best to give adorable puppy dog eyes at Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash just shoved her back onto the bed, cuteness was nothing against the awesomeness of Rainbow Dash. “If I do that then that means that I have to tell Rarity that she wasted her time on making a dress for me.” Rainbow Dash muttered. “I think she would prefer to know before the wedding, rather than the day after.” Pinkie Pie whispered into Rainbow Dash’s ear, making the pegasus leap off of the bed in surprise from the sudden sound. Rainbow Dash shot Pinkie Pie a glare, but she was laughing too much to even notice the glare. “Pinkie, I told you to stop sneaking up on me,” Rainbow Dash grinned, before jumping at Pinkie Pie and tackling her into the bed. Of course three seconds later Pinkie Pie had already managed to escape from Rainbow Dash’s grasp. The pillow fight was brutal and Rainbow Dash knew that she was probably going to have to remake Fluttershy’s bed sheets and likely replace a few pillows when this was all over. Eventually the two reached their limit and the mock battle was over. “Do you really think that it’s a good idea to tell the others?” Rainbow Dash asked Pinkie Pie as they laid on the bed beside each other trying to regain their breath. “I think you should. However you don’t need to worry. No matter what happens, things aren’t going to change between us six, silly.” Pinkie Pie told Rainbow Dash, poking Rainbow Dash in the nose. “I hope you’re right,” Rainbow Dash muttered before resolving to at least try. It was going to be a painfully awkward conversation to walk Twilight through this mess, but Pinkie Pie was right. She couldn’t keep lying to her friends, even if she was no longer sure of what she even wanted anymore. The Castle of Friendship’s library was a treasure trove of ancient bookcases that stretched up to the vaulted ceilings, far beyond the reach of the average pony. For Twilight, the library was a blissful oasis filled with the sweet smell of vanilla from the verifiable sea of books that sat upon her shelves. Smiling to herself, Twilight pulled down yet another aged book, leafing through it as she settled down for a proper read. In Canterlot she lived a demanding life controlling the direction of Equestrian society with political and magical pressures coming at her from all directions. Ponyville was a wonderful barrier to the stress, even allowing her a chance to settle down for a proper read. However, fate was not welcoming. Her peace and quiet was interrupted by a knock at her door. Huffing at the interruption ruining her flow, she took a mental note of the page she was up to before closing the book and trotting over to the door to see who had interrupted her evening. “Sorry, the castle’s library is not currently open to the public. Please continue to enjoy the other public sections of the castle.” Twilight said as she swung open the door, before raising an eyebrow as she realised that it was Rainbow Dash who had knocked. It took little more than a glance to see the panic and discomfort that was flowing through Rainbow Dash as she awkwardly shifted her weight between her hooves. Twilight quickly realised that the evening was likely going to be an awkward one. “Oh, hello?” “Hi Twi,” Dash began, looking more nervous than Twilight had ever seen before. “Do you have a few minutes to talk?” “I always make time for my friends. Also, I am literally doing nothing as Pinkie Pie refuses to return my checklist. I wanted to start sending out invitations, but I can’t without it. I can’t even try to get anything extra done without knowing what she has already done. She even took both of my backup checklists, so I can’t even pre-plan.” Twilight greeting had devolved into a small rant, but she paused as she noticed the raised eyebrow from Rainbow Dash. “Anyway, why don’t you come in so we can talk?” Twilight stepped back, gesturing for Dash to join her inside. To be honest, Twilight was surprised that Rainbow hadn’t just shoved open her door and announced her presence. It wasn’t like she minded all that much when one of her herd mates turned up unannounced and Rainbow Dash had never really cared about decorum. Dash trotted in quietly and headed over to one of the comfortable couches that dotted the walls of the library. She sat with barely a word, her tail flicking nervously behind her. Twilight sighed, knowing that whatever was bothering Dash was likely to be something more serious than she thought. This was not going to take just a few minutes, even if Dash wanted to rush through it. “Would you like some tea or something?” Twilight asked quietly as she sat down beside Rainbow Dash. There was a slightly uncomfortable silence that settled down between them. Thankfully after only a few seconds Rainbow Dash finally gathered up enough courage to say what she needed to say. “I don’t fit into this herd,” Rainbow Dash blurted out, wincing at the surprise that flashed over Twilight’s features before the alicorn could school her expression. She hated how timid her voice was as she struggled to push out every work. “I’m not the right kind of mare for it, like at all.” “You don’t want to join us?” Twilight asked, doing her best to keep her voice level. “Did we do something wrong, or is there anything we can do to help?” “It’s not about what you all did, or even what I want. It’s kind of the opposite of that,” Dash huffed, still refusing to look Twilight in the eye. “You are all awesome at letting me do everything at my own pace. The problem is that at some point I stopped trotting forward but you’re still all patiently waiting for me at the finish line. It’s not that I don’t want to do what you all want, it’s more that I feel like I am not even trying to get there or something.” Rainbow Dash paused and frowned, running through what she had just said. “I am not doing a good job explaining this.” “I’m assuming this is about our more clandestine late night activities,” Twilight asked with a smirk, “you can be assured that we are all fine waiting for you to become comfortable. If you want I could spend some time helping you ease yourself into this. I know it can be a lot to take in at once.” “It’s not just when we do that stuff!” Rainbow huffed, blowing her mane out of her eyes. “It is all of it. The kissing, the hugging, the stupid sleepy eye thing that Fluttershy keeps doing whenever she thinks I’m not looking her way. It’s the dinners together. It’s the herd stuff.  I can’t do any of that stuff properly, it’s like that part of me that is meant to do that stuff just isn’t there.” “If this is about experience, I can show you how to kiss. If it’s about dates, I have a lot of reference notes on what to do if you ever get stuck,” Twilight tried to placate Rainbow. “I’m very willing to teach you. I’m pretty sure we all are.” “I know how to kiss, you just shove your muzzles together and try to avoid bashing teeth,” Dash groaned, rubbing her head with a hoof nervously. “I know what to do. I know how to do it. I just can’t actually do it. Like, the ‘want to do it part’ that doesn’t seem to happen.” Dash actually waved her hooves in an attempt to make the inverted commas clear. Twilight just ignored her gestures, only partially surprised that they weren’t vulgar gestures for once. Dash tried to continue. “I’m not sure if I want to do it, and I’m not sure if I feel the right way in return to do it. I’m not sure how any of you are sure of any of this stuff. So it feels like I’m just pretending or something.” “Do you feel like you don’t love us?” Twilight asked, hesitancy burning deep in her voice. “We don’t want to force you to do this, or make you feel obligated. I can deal with the contract if that’s a problem.” “Augh, that’s not the problem!” Dash exclaimed. “The problem is that I don’t even know anything about this stuff. I don’t know if I want to do any of this stuff, but I also don’t know if I don’t want to do any of it. I literally could not tell you my opinion on it, because I can’t work it out.” “Do you know if you want to spend time with us?” Twilight asked carefully. “I like spending time with you all,” Dash sighed, “It’s just that I can’t tell you if I do...you know. Pinkie Pie seems to already know all of this junk, but I can’t explain any of it.” “Dash, just say what you can. We can work from there if you want.” Twilight sighed, shuffling closer. “I don’t know if I love any of you.” Dash swallowed nervously, really not liking where this was going. “I mean, I do love you guys. I want to spend time with you. But I have no idea if that is love. How can I do stuff with another pony, if I am not sure that I want to be more than friends? It’s like I’m just using them while they are trying to actually get something out of it.” “Not everypony knows that they love someone at first sight. Rarity is rather unique in how quickly she seems to jump that first hurdle,” Twilight chuckled, “It can take time for a proper bond to form, or evolve from a friendship. However when you see that perfect mare or stallion sometimes you’ll just know. It’ll just be like a fillyhood crush, but potentially stronger.” “I never had one of those,” Rainbow Dash huffed out, wondering why she ever thought that Twilight was the right person to go to for stuff like this. She doubted not feeling the right thing was a topic in a textbook. “I just feel like whenever we do anything together that I am lying to you all. You say that we’re all in a herd together and that we’re in love, but I just feel like we are just the awesome friends that we have always been.” “You’re worried that you don’t love us? Surely we’re not the only ones you’ve felt this way before. Have you ever felt as close to any pony other than our herd?” Twilight asked, a soft smile on her muzzle. “Well, my parents?” Rainbow Dash shrugged, “I think that’s what you mean, right?” “Parents that you love I presume?” Twilight leant in to give Dash a nuzzle, but stopped as she saw Dash move to lean away. “I guess it is kind of the same as with them, though also a little different” Rainbow Dash frowned, wishing she knew how to say this all properly. “So if you love your parents and you care about the herd in a similar manner...“ Twilight trailed off as she waited for Dash to join the same dots. “I knew that you would be the one to use logic stuff for this,” Rainbow Dash huffed with a smirk, before it faded. “Look, I kind of get what you mean. I just feel like I am not feeling it enough I guess. You all act like us being together is the best thing ever, but sometimes I like flying more. So it’s like what you are all feeling, is very different to what I feel. So I feel like I’m lying to you all and just pretending to be the same. Does anything I’m saying even make sense?” “Probably more sense that you realise,” Twilight replied, a curious expression sneaking its way out. “What about when you’ve been physical with us? Surely then you got a sign of your feelings. Surrounded by the limbs of a lover as they kiss you surely gave you a hint or two.” “It does not help at all!” Rainbow Dash shot back angrily.  “Okay, what if we tried going a little slower and ease you in?” Twilight asked gently, her hoof resting on Rainbow Dash’s, her other hoof slowly rubbing her back. “Are you willing to try? We can find out if you like it, and I am definitely okay being the one you learn with.” “Even if the answer is that I don’t.” Rainbow Dash struggled to talk any more as Twilight put her hoof to Dash’s muzzle. Rainbow Dash knew that the last few times with the others had shown her that she wasn’t ready, but maybe Twilight knew how to make her okay with it all. She was a very smart pony after all. So she didn’t push Twilight away, and instead just waited to see what she felt. “I’m here to let you learn what you want. I read a lot of books about the different types of archetypes that often form in a herd. So just let me lead and be honest with what you feel.” Rainbow Dash nervously watched as Twilight leant over, her muzzle getting closer and closer to Rainbow’s own. Rainbow swallowed nervously and leant in as well, letting Twilight close the gap. The hairs on the back of Rainbow Dash’s neck rose as she felt Twilight’s forelegs wrapped around her. She nearly shoved her away as soon as Twilight tried to pull them closer, but she quickly pushed away her discomfort to let the experiment run its course. Twilight’s lips slowly parted against Rainbow Dash’s. The experiment ended as soon as Dash felt something unpleasantly warm against her own lips. She shoved away Twilight in a panic. She rubbed her mouth with the back of her hoof, before pausing as she realised what she had done. Rainbow awkwardly looked back at Twilight, though she didn’t appear to be all that annoyed about being so unceremoniously shoved away. Worry was probably the more prevalent emotion, but even that was tempered by something Rainbow Dash couldn’t quite place. “Sorry about that,” Rainbow tried to begin, before stopping as Twilight shook her head. “There’s nothing to say sorry about,” Twilight told her, settling back down on her rump next to Dash. “I didn’t mean to shove you,” Rainbow Dash admitted, rubbing the back of her neck with her hoof.  “I’ll admit that I might have slightly misread you. I wanted to see what you were okay with, and while I would have preferred a different reaction, it’s good to at least know what track I should have been on.” Twilight shrugged, not looking all that put out by being literally almost shoved to the floor. “How did that tell you anything? All you know is that I don’t like it then you lick me. Next time you should’ve just stuck to the nuzzling stuff and not made it weird.” Rainbow Dash complained with a huff. “Lick you? That was a...” Twilight trailed off, cutting her losses on explaining this to Rainbow Dash. “Okay. I think it is clear that you are not a fan of the more physical parts of our herd, which is fine. That doesn’t mean you don’t have a part in it.” “It just means that there is something wrong with me,” Rainbow Dash scooted herself away from Twilight, feeling uncomfortable sitting so close to her after what had happened. “That is not what it means,” Twilight wriggled back closer. “It’s not just the kissing stuff,” Rainbow Dash admitted. “So what is it?” “I can’t do any of the relationship stuff that you all can, and I really can’t do the physical stuff either. I’d say it’s pretty clear that this isn’t working!” Rainbow Dash complained, annoyed that Twilight would just dismiss the disaster unfolding before her. “I’m not meant to be in the herd.” There was a long silence as Twilight frowned, unsure how to respond to what Rainbow Dash had just told her, and Rainbow Dash wasn’t exactly in the mood to talk either. She knew that Twilight was the type of mare who loved to solve problems, but she just didn’t see how Twilight could fix her.  “Okay,” Twilight sighed with a soft smile. “What do you mean, okay?” Rainbow Dash huffed. “I mean, it’s okay. If you don’t want to be in the herd, then that is okay.” Twilight told her quietly. “No, I want to be in the herd. I just can’t make myself want to be in it. So I can’t be in it.” Rainbow Dash groaned, wishing that she had a better way to explain it. “Rainbow, It’s okay. I think I understand what you mean,” Twilight told her softly, resting a hoof on Rainbow’s shoulder. “You want to be with us, we’re your closest friends and you’re our closest friend. That is not something that is going to change any time soon. However, you also don’t want to be in the herd, and that is also okay.” “How is that okay?” Rainbow Dash shot back, glaring at Twilight. “How can I be with you all, but not be with you all?” “I think you’re getting stuck on the idea that this herd is an all or nothing deal, I want you to forget everything you think is what herding had in it.” Twilight told her softly, pulling Rainbow Dash up against her. “Just think about all of the things you want to do with the five of us. Think about all of the things you want to do with each of us on our own. Think about what you want to do.” Rainbow Dash closed her eyes as she tried to picture what she wanted out of the herd, but it just kept swirling away from her before she could properly form a coherent thought. As soon as she thought of anything, be it cuddling or pranking with them, the idea seemed to get twisted with the rest of the herd surrounding her. “I can’t.” “Yes you can! Stop thinking about the herd, understand yourself first. What does Rainbow Dash want? ” Twilight gently moved closer, wrapping her own wing around Rainbow Dash. “Don’t think about what you believe you would need to do to be part of a herd. Don’t think about anything like that. Just picture what you want to see happen, hold that thought in your mind. ” “I don’t get what you mean! How am I meant to not think about the herd while trying to think about how I fit into it.” Rainbow Dash yelled back, beyond frustrated by how the conversation just seemed to endlessly spiral. “Forget the herd. I don’t want you to use it to shape how you define yourself and what you want. Forget what you think being in a herd means. I want you to understand who you are just within the context of yourself. Don’t worry about trying to find some way to define yourself to match some perceived role. Just think about you in the context of you and nothing else.” Twilight explained, her wing slowly rubbing Rainbow Dash’s shoulder to gently comfort her. “Then, picture just what you want.” “I want to cuddle with Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash muttered hesitantly, her frown lessening a little. “What else?” Twilight asked, her voice almost inaudible to the distracted pegasus she was snuggling. “I want to spend time with all of you. I want to be an important mare in your lives.” Rainbow Dash’s nose wrinkled at that last part. She didn’t normally mind being a little self-focused, but that last part felt strange to say out loud. “Why are you asking this?” “Think about what we had a month ago, what we did together before the herd.” Twilight told her gently. “Then think about now. What has changed? What did you like, and what did you not? You don’t have to tell me, but just hold those thoughts in your mind.” “What’s your point?” Rainbow Dash asked, irritation seeping into her tone. “Is there a difference to what you do now, and what you did back then?” “Yes there is a difference. I just feel like I am lying to you all whenever I want to spend time with you.” Rainbow Dash tried to explain. “Like you are all expecting some sort of relationship thing, but here I am just liking the idea of having a sleepover or racing Applejack. I just feel like a fraud.” “You’re not a fraud,” Twilight tried to interject, but Rainbow Dash just interrupted her. “I still feel like one. Like what if I want to go out for dinner with you five, but that’s all I want to do. How can I do that and still pretend that I should be in the herd? Shouldn’t I just let you all do that as a herd, instead of having your other friend join.” “You shouldn’t let us?” Twilight narrowed her eyes. “You should at least let me decide how I want to spend time with my closest friend. If I want to invite you to join our date nights, even as ‘just a friend’, then I should be able to at least offer that option to you.” “But isn’t that, like, awkward?” Rainbow Dash floundered, losing the thread of her own argument. “Why would it be awkward? We’re having dinner with our closest friend. You can’t tell me that you wouldn’t want to join us.” Twilight pointed out. “We’ve been together through everything that Equestria can throw at us. What makes you think that a herd is something that would ever be able to come between us?” “I still want to be with you all, just not in the same way.” Rainbow Dash frowned, turning away from Twilight as she ran through it all in her mind. However she was pulled back as Twilight wrapped her foreleg over Rainbow Dash’s shoulders, pulling her into a hug. “You are already with us, we’ve been best friends for years!” Twilight explained. “Yeah, but you are all taking an extra step forward while I’m stuck,” Rainbow Dash protested. “We’re not taking a step away from you!” Twilight pulled Rainbow Dash hard up against her, resting her hoof against Rainbow Dash’s cheek to stop her from turning away again. “We’re just changing our relationship between us, but it will still be just as deep as what we already have with you. We’re not about the prance off into the sunset and leave you behind. We love you, you love us.” “I can stay even if I leave the herd?” Rainbow Dash quietly asked, her voice barely a whisper. “You’re not leaving us, you’re just being what you want to be with us. It doesn’t matter what any other pony thinks, just what you do.” Twilight told her, lowering her hoof from her cheek. “The nobles will probably care,” Rainbow Dash pointed out, though even she couldn’t explain why she was still arguing. It just felt too simple to just be what she wanted to be. “I don’t care about what they think, and I don’t think you need to either.” Twilight smiled as she pressed her own cheek against Dash’s. “Sure, it would be easier to make deals with them to make them leave us alone. I’m not going to pretend that there aren’t things that I need to deal with, but there are always going to be things for me to handle for this union.” “Don’t we need to do something to prove the contract stuff though? I can fake stuff if it makes it easier.” Rainbow Dash nervously pointed out, grimacing a little at the prospect. “The contract?” Twilight paused, having entirely forgotten about it. Leaning back, she tapped her hoof against her muzzle as she pondered it. A few seconds later she gave a divisive nod, before flaring her horn. A scroll appeared beside her in a flash of magic, floating in a magenta hue down into Twilight’s hooves. “Doesn’t it say that I need to do stuff,” Rainbow asked nervously, wishing that she had bothered to actually read it before signing it.  “Technically, yes.” Twilight began, frowning as she spotted the worried expression on Rainbow Dash’s face. “However, there is nothing stopping either of us from just ending this contract. It’s only binding so long as you want it to stay active, but I made sure that it is very easy to walk away from it. I would’ve preferred to go over it with you before you signed it, but I guess we can go through it now.” “It’s a billion pages long!” Rainbow Dash complained. “It’s fourteen pages long. But I can just go over the important part if you want.” Twilight sighed, unrolling the contract and holding up the last few paragraphs for Rainbow Dash to read. “Yeah, so I literally understand none of that,” Rainbow Dash huffed, pushing away the paperwork before crossing her front forelegs across her stomach. Twilight looked up at the ceiling and let out a groan. “It’s basically saying that your only responsibility is to do anything that will assist in fulfilling my physical and emotional needs. However I made sure to leave out any actual definition of what either of those are. So if I decide that just having you as my friend is fulfilling my needs, then the nobles can shut their muzzles.” Twilight rolled up the contract and pushed it into Rainbow Dash’s hooves. “However, I think we would both prefer it if we just tore up this contract right now.” “Won’t that mean that you need to deal with the nobles?” Rainbow Dash took the contract in her hooves, eyeing up the document as she pondered what to do. “I would prefer to deal with a few nobles that force you to be uncomfortable.” Twilight told her with a smile. “Thanks for letting my choose,” Rainbow Dash gripped the contact between her hooves and twisted, neatly tearing it in two. “So, what now? Do I just not turn up to the ceremony?” “Oh you are going to be there,” Twilight grinned, “and you’re going to love it.” Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow in curiosity, but she wasn’t worried. She trusted her friends. She loved her friends.