//------------------------------// // Sit There and Look Innocent // Story: The Mystery of the Old Ponyville Time Capsule // by GrangeDisplay //------------------------------// Twilight cast her head down in shame as she informed Mayor Mare that she could not find the culprit behind the firecracker theft. A part of her knew that this outcome was inevitable, but that didn’t make it any less painful. Ever since she was a filly, she hated to disappoint any authority figure. She stole a look at Mayor Mare and was somewhat pleased to see that the older mare didn’t look angry or disappointed. She began to formulate another apology when the doors burst open, and students started filtering in.  The alicorn turned around to see the crowd part as Trixie sauntered through, but she wasn’t alone. The magician turned detective held the limp hoof of Pinkie Pie. Twilight cocked her head as she studied her friend. The pink mare’s front half was covered in dirt, her mane and fur were in a disarray, and she wore a pair of bulky goggles over her already bulky glasses, but that wasn’t too out of character for the peculiar party pony. What was, was the lack of a smile and the absence of laughter. Pinkie refused to meet her friend’s eye as they waited for Trixie to explain what was happening. “Stop right there Mayor Mare! We all know that Twilight has failed you, but the Great and Powerful Trixie has not! I have yet to locate the firecracker, but I have located the perpetrator of all this mayhem. Behold Al Capony a.k.a Pinkie Pie!” Twilight’s jaw dropped as Trixie held her hooves up to showcase the culprit. Mayor Mare sputtered and pushed up her glasses. She turned to Twilight in confusion. “Twilight this is preposterous! I know that you like to turn in results but framing one of your own friends to save time is not the answer. The only crime that Pinkie is guilty of is digging up safety hazards all around town…which we will be discussing in my office later.”  Twilight raised her hooves defensively. “I-I had no idea about this Mayor Mare. I apologize. I should have supervised this investigation much better.” She looked around wildly until she locked eyes with Spike. The little dragon was riding atop Starlight’s back and pointed the unicorn’s attention to Twilight. The alicorn waved Starlight over before continuing, “I’m sure that Starlight has a better idea of what is happening. Please excuse me while I speak to her.”  Twilight smiled courteously before teleporting over to the desperately confused Starlight and Spike. She pulled them into a pseudo-huddle and whispered in distress, “Starlight, what the hay is going on here! Why is Trixie trying to turn Pinkie in and why are the students here?”  By the looks on the student’s faces, it was apparent that they didn’t know why they were led here either. Trixie and Professor Pie had come barreling through the hallway, banging on doors and shouting for them to follow.  Starlight shrugged as she gave Twilight a guilty look. “I’m not really sure about the second part of the question.”  “But you know about the first?” Twilight whisper-yelled. “I-I do. Pinkie…is Al Capony and Trixie…wants to expose her.” Starlight mumbled.  Spike nearly toppled over. The Princess stepped back, trying to let her brain process the information given. “Pinkie is Al Capony?” She said a little too loudly, “What are you...What are you talking about! Th-that can’t be right.”  “Au contraire Lightlet! Pinkie is Al Capony and I’m going to prove it to everycreature right here and right now! Somecreature bring me a chair! You will all serve as a jury while we try your ‘professor’ for high crimes, misdemeanors, and treason!”  Trixie’s proclamation seemed to gain everycreature’s attention as they staunchly hung on to every word. A pegasus flew over with a chair and Pinkie was forced to sit down. The party pony pushed up her goggles, leaving a clean outline where the dirt did not touch. A spotlight shined down from above as Trixie used her magic to pull over a bulletin board covered in pictures and red strings.  “Come one, come all! Gather around to hear the story of one Al Capony, or should I say Pinkie Pie.”  Twilight was certain that only a few creatures in the room actually knew who Al Capony was, but the students gasped nonetheless. Knowing that her audience was hooked, Trixie continued on with the performance of a lifetime.  “Some years ago, your beloved professor was a young mare and despite her having a stable home and source of income, she was in need of bits. She decided that she needed more, way more. Being an aspiring entertainer, Pinkie stuck to what she knew. The pizzazz! The razzle dazzle!”  All eyes of the crowd fell onto their fellow students, Pizzazz and Razzle Dazzle. The unicorn and pegasus, respectively, perked up at the sudden attention. They both shrugged, unsure of what they had to do with Pinkie’s past escapades. Trixie spoke louder to regain control.  “She knew that fireworks were the way to go if she wanted to make big bits. But what was she to do? She was much too young to sell fireworks legally, I guess she just had to cut her losses and wait until she came of age. Now, that is what any sane pony might do, but let me ask you: Would you describe your teacher as sane?”  Murmurs floated throughout the crowd until one student piped up and shouted, “Buck no! Professor Pie is insane, but that’s what makes her class so fun!”  A rumble of applause broke out as the students cheered and chanted Pinkie’s name. Pinkie smiled a bit at the student’s enthusiasm, but still focused on the polished floors underneath her. Trixie frowned at the students' unwavering loyalty and cleared her throat. “Like the insane pony that she is, Pinkie developed a plan. An insane plan. A dangerous plan! She used her adept understanding of engineering and her knowledge of chemical composition, a skill acquired from a few years of baking and rock farming, to cook up hundreds to thousands of high-end firecrackers and sold them illegally!”  The Great and Powerful prosecutor waited for the gasp, instead, she heard another roar of applause. Statements of praise and acclaim were shouted with fervor. “Woah, Professor Pie used to smuggle stuff!” “And I thought Professor Dash was the cool one!” “Yo Professor P, are you still selling! I want to graduate with a big bang!”  Trixie’s eye twitched as the students somehow became more supportive of their teacher. They eagerly waited for the next bombshell to drop.  “You hooligans may think that your teacher’s antics are ‘cool’ and ‘trendy,’ but you should think again! Ponies could have gotten hurt by your teacher’s negligent ambition and greed. For Celestia’s sake, she sold cherry bombs to FOALS! Impressionable youths wielding explosives, manipulated by the older filly that threw their cutecinera’s and gave them cupcakes! Even worse, she sold her ‘goods’ on the black market!”  For the first time since the trial had started, the students were completely quiet. It appears that the reality of their teachers' misdeeds was settling in. The heaviness of the situation compelled one colt to speak from the heart.  “Oh yeah! I bet your mom sold her ‘goods’ on the black market too!”  The room exploded in jeering and laughter as any semblance of seriousness disappeared. Trixie’s face grew red, partially in anger and partially in shame. She shoved her bulletin board aside and dropped the showmare shtick. Now, she was angrymare, she lost her composure as she yelled at the sneering juveniles. “YOU ALL THINK THIS IS FUNNY! There is nothing funny about dealing on the black market! The ponies there are so troubled and dangerous that they tried to KILL your professor! They tried to blow her up! It almost took the lives of two other ponies as well. And worst of all! Your professor’s criminal tendencies led her to lie, plot, and scheme! She broke into my wagon and stole a firecracker!” “But why would she steal a firecracker if she could just make her own?” A voice asked from the crowd.  Trixie stopped, trying to see who had said that. “Because she made the firecracker!” she retorted.  “If it was her’s, then why did you have it?” Chimed another voice, also unknown to Trixie. “I had it because I found it!” Trixie explained, squinting as she peered into the audience. “Then how did you find it? Do you just go around looking for illegal fireworks to steal?”  The Great and Powerful prosecutor huffed. “I did not steal it! Your professor stole it back after I found it!”  “Professor Princess Twilight? Do we get extra credit for sitting through this lecture?” Asked yet another anonymous voice.  Twilight was having a bit of a hard time responding to the question since her computer brain had crashed thirty seconds into this disaster. Spike stood on his tippy toes to reach up and close Twilight’s mouth, trying to stop her from drooling while everycreature waited for a logical edict. Her ear twitched as she faintly heard a siren blaring in the distance. Trixie fumed at the lack of respect, the lack of decorum, the lack of decency, and the lack of an appropriate response. Who would have thought that a group of juveniles sent to learn about the merits of friendship would be so ill-adjusted? It made her furious beyond belief because these children were doing exactly what everypony else did when faced with negative sentiments about those they love. Trixie spat as her investigation crumbled before her. “No! No! There will be NO extra credit for you or you or you! None of you deserve extra credit! This is not a lecture, this is a trial, and you are a disgustingly partial jury! Would any of you defend a stranger as vehemently as you are defending Professor Pie? What about somecreature that you disagree with or hate? You would probably do the exact opposite! Nocreature would fight this hard, over something this obviously wrong, for the average creature.” Trixie panted as her head began to hurt. She was disillusioned by the lack of concern over what she had discovered. Her eyes met those of the crowd, and she was surprised to see that everycreature was watching her with rapt attention. With a heavy heart, she continued her plea. “Why does she get the privilege of getting leeway? Of getting her crimes laughed into silly antics? Because you like or know her? That’s not fair and it’s not just! Does your teacher deserve to be above the law!  Above decency! Above consequences! Do any of you really think that you would be treated the same? We are not like them. We are not favored! We receive justice while they receive impunity.”  Tears formed in Starlight’s eyes as she listened to Trixie’s impassioned speech. She had argued with Trixie all day, but she hadn’t listened. It was apparent that her friend was in pain and that she had stumbled upon feelings left unresolved. She processed what her friend was saying, despite the implication making her uncomfortable. Starlight knew that she had to let Trixie continue because these weren’t thoughts that just disappeared. “You do not see it, because you are blind. There is an entire network of ponies working to protect them! Yes, it appears that the Great and Powerful Trixie is the only pony in all Equestria who has not fed into the degenerate propaganda of the Shadow Government! The ponies pulling the strings! The lunatics! The Celestriots! The cults counting down to the Day of Last Light! The political elite! The Master Manipulators. I…Trixie Lulamoon…am the last bastion of a dying sensibility!”  The sound of a slap echoed throughout the room as Starlight facehoofed. Trixie was so unbelievably close. But right when she had them, she lost them. The magician drew in one final breath before she delivered her final line.  “And Celestia as my witness! Pinkie Pie is AL CAPONY!  The PONY ACCARDO! The WINDY WHISTLES! And with that Madame Princess Sparkle…I. Rest. My. Case!”  Trixie took a bow, but nocreature applauded her emotional appeal. An awkward silence spread as the students tried to understand what they had heard, while Spike tried to bring Twilight back out of her trance. Mayor Mare shifted her eyes around the room as she cleared her throat.  “Well…that was…certainly something enlightening. Twilight, your…uh…curriculum is definitely unconventional. I think tha-” The mayor was cut off when a familiar voice boomed from the back of the crowd, “Now you listen up right now Trixie! If that mare right there is Al Capony! Then I, Apple Jacqueline Apple, am also Al Capony!”  The crowd gasped as Applejack and Maud pushed their way through the crowd. Applejack walked to the front and removed her hat, she nodded to Pinkie and whispered, “We got each other.”  She sighed before she faced the jury and said her piece, “Pinkie may be a genius and a great multi-tasker, but she couldn’t have done everything she did all on her lonesome. I’m more Al Capony than she is! I’m the one that started sellin’ the stuff on the black market. Those ponies came to Sweet Apple Acres in search of me, not her!”  A raspy voice spoke over the frenzy of chatter. “And you really think that Pinks had the time to sell to foals? She was busy all day…heck…both of them were!” Rainbow Dash soared to the front of the room, standing beside Applejack, “Me, on the other hoof. I had plenty of time to kill. I sold those fireworks to the tots and made a killing off of them! I am Al Capony! Even if Pony Accardo is a way cooler name.”  “And who do you think made those fireworks so fabulous?” Rarity flipped her mane as she sauntered through the crowd. “That’s not to say that Pinkie is a subpar artist, quite the contrary actually, but I enjoyed every minute of bringing our creative vision to life! I encouraged the foals to look for the cherry bomb seller and I decorated almost all of those fireworks by hoof. I am Al Capony!”  “A-A-And I helped Pinkie put the fireworks together. We even came up with ideas to make them safer and more accessible!” Fluttershy sobbed as she followed Rarity’s path through the crowd, “And you know what everycreature! No gang or mob or alleyway pony blew up the treehouse. I DID! The pressure was too m-much and I cracked! One day, I-I just lit a match and held it up! Rainbow tackled me to the ground and blew it out. B-b-but then it reignited! A-a-a-and everything started exploding! It was only thanks to Pinkie and Dash’s quick thinking that we got out! …But I am Al Capony! I’m so sorry everycreature!”  A hoof rose up in the crowd. “Well, if they’re Al Capony! Then so am I!”  Another rose up. “Me too! Me too! I am Al Capony!”  “Hey everycreature, I’m Al Capony.”  “Oh yeah? So am I! I’m Al Capony!”    “He’s Al Capony! She’s Al Capony! Their Al Capony! We’re ALL Al Capony!” The students cheered as they began to chant Al Capony over and over again. Trixie was at a loss for words. She had been here throughout the entire process, but she could not grasp what was going on. This wasn’t supposed to happen, they weren’t supposed to get away with this. Strangely enough, Applejack appeared to agree with Trixie's thinking as she quieted down the crowd of rowdy youngsters.  “Alright listen now everycreature, we appreciate the gesture, but this is not one of them spartakissy situations. We’re bein’ dead serious about bein’ Al Capony. Y’all might think that you’re a bunch of hot messes, but WE were smoldering piles of mess! There ain’t nothin’ cool about what we did. It was real irresponsible.”  Rainbow groaned as she put on her best ‘responsible adult face.’ “As much as I hate to say it, Apple Capony is right on the money. You might think that the thrill and the reward of what you’re doing is worth it, but it’s not. As soon as you get caught, things get serious really fast. And it’s also morally reprehensible or whatever.”  Applejack smiled at the blue pegasus as the crowd finally simmered down. It looked like the students were finally reaping a lesson from this whole fiasco. The farmer turned from the crowd and spoke to Dash in a hushed tone.  “Did you sound the alarm and tell everypony to stay indoors?”  Rainbow nodded before addressing the crowd one last time, “Also, everycreature do me a favor and stay in this room until further notice! Sweet Celestia, I hope all of you are here.”  The group of students murmured as they accounted for each other. The Elements let out a collective sigh as students’ eyes moved away from them. Starlight and Maud tried to get Trixie to stand as she lay defeated on the ground. The Elements exchanged congratulations until they remembered that Twilight and Mayor Mare had witnessed the entire confession. Twilight landed with a thud as Spike sprinted to catch up. It was apparent to them that Twilight was not happy.  “Girls! What is this? Are you aware that Al Capony is on the Royal Guard’s Watchlist? You could all get in a lot of trouble for this.”  Mayor Mare placed a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “She’s right. This horrifying confession has impacted me deeply. I promised the ponies of this town that I might vanquish the tyranny of Al Capony. The revelation that you all, my most trusted and beloved citizens, are that very criminal…Excuse me, I’m sorry, it’s all too much.”  Applejack frowned and rolled her eyes as Mayor Mare put on an award-winning performance. She might have managed to even muster up tears from her dry, antiquated tear ducts. Trixie sprung up with enthusiasm.  “And will they be punished, your honor? Will they finally feel the red, hot burn of justice on their flanks?” Trixie complemented her plea with an immaculate pair of puppy dog eyes.  Mayor Mare wiped her eyes. “Of course, Trixie. This grave misdeed has long gone unpunished. I have quite a few public work projects that need to be finished. Community service awaits in all of your futures.”  “Ah fooey, that ain’t too bad. That’s basically what we do all the time anyway. This wrapped up quite nicely don’t ya think Pinkie?” Applejack turned to see her friend's reaction only to see an empty chair. “Uh… Where’s Pinkie?”  The mares looked around until Rainbow spotted the pink mare at the other side of the room. Pinkie was shrouded in darkness as thunder crackled outside. Purple light filtered out of the stained glass onto her, producing a minor glint from her glasses. She stood ominously and quietly alone, holding something up in her hooves. Rainbow squinted to get a better look and almost screamed when she saw what Pinkie was holding. She waved her hoof frantically to get her friends’ attention.  She pointed at the pink specter occupying the shadows. “Um…guys? Who gave Pinkie that crossbow?”