Twilight forgot how good sleep felt. She could feel each lone molecule breathing a gargantuan sigh of relief. Her eyelids were draped over her vision and firmly anchored there. She drifted out of consciousness, floating away from this inane day… so much relaxation… so much harmony… so much window crashing…
…so much window crashing? Slowly, her eyelids rescinded to check out what the problem was. “Just wait ‘til I get my hooves on you!” cried a familiar, vindictive voice.
“Oh dear, somepony, do assist, please!” responded a fake British accent. Twilight saw a pink earth pony, whom looked noticeably tattered, gallop across the green sky, with an enraged white unicorn hot on her heels, wielding something with her magic, something indescribable from her viewing angle. The battered pink mare then suddenly ran in Twilights' direction in desperation, but the angry unicorn caught up with her and grabbed hold of her. They both then rolled over Twilight.
“What in the hay’s goin’ on, here?” interjected a Southern accent.
Applejack looked at Rarity, as Fluttershy, rose up, picking up Pinkie Pie, as Rarity, with her magic. “Um, Applejack!” Rarity responded in her usual voice, dropping the truncheon she was wielding, but then she remembered she was Fluttershy. “Um, well, Rarity, kind of, well, destroyed Carosel Boutique,” fake Fluttershy explained, looking at the ground and shuffling her left hoof.
“Twilight, this ruffian attacked me for my business practices,” Pinkie replied, now trilling her r’s, much to real Raritys’ annoyance. Regardless, real Rarity was fairly cruel to fake Rarity, whom had two black eyes, a couple missing teeth, and glass from being thrown out the window. She also had truncheon marks across her torso and legs.
Twilight was just regaining the last of her consciousness. She could make out Applejack yelling at the two for torturing each other so brutally. “An’ Rarity, um real Rarity,” Applejack continued, noticing Pinkie paying more attention than usual. “Whah would you pound your friend to a pulp over servin’ some pancakes at your frilly clothin’ store?”
“Indeed,” Pinkie concurred. I was merely enhancing the menu with pancakes!”
“You were vandalizing my clothes!” yelled not-Fluttershy.
“I was serving pancakes!” Pinkie argued, her façade waning as well. “If anything, you made my pancakes boring!”
“Girls, girls!” Applejack yelled. “We need to keep our heads together if we wanna get through this day!”
“Shouldn’t you be, um, acting like Twilight?” Fraud Fluttershy inquired.
“Rarity, jus’ give up this here actin’ cra-TWILIGHT!”
At Applejacks’ realization that the substitute Rainbow Dash was just regaining consciousness, the three mares rushed to her side. “Twilight, what happened? You okay? Need anythin’?” Twilight couldn’t take in all the questions Applejack kept throwing at her.
“Twilight,” the Rare Pinkie started, “why would you be referring to Rainbow Dash as yo-”
“Pinkie, jus’ shut up an’ get her some water!” And with that, Pinkie galloped to the Pancake house/Boutique.
“Twilight, darli-um,” Rarity lowered her voice, “speak to us.”
“Uhhh, I’m okay… ‘cuz I’m the Ruler of the Sky!” the Purple Rainbow proclaimed, her head still pounding and in a slight daze. Pinkie then came back with water.
“Do drink this, dearie.” Fake Rarity offered Not Rainbow Dash a glass of water, which she grabbed with her psychic energy. She then downed it quickly.
Twilight now saw just how awful Pinkie looked, with all of the bruises and cuts the genuine Rarity inflicted upon her in her rampage of revenge. She also saw that everypony was in front of Carousel Boutique, which itself looked in pretty bad shape. She knew why, however, so she decided to ask Applejack a question that’s vexed her ever since she woke up. Dropping the act for a minute, Twilight asked, “Applejack, why aren’t you acting anymore?”
“Yeah, and, um,” Rarity the shy Pegasus interjected “what are you doing in front of the Carousel Boutique,” emphasizing boutique deliberately within earshot of the Rarity imposter, whom appeared to take no notice.
Applejack responded rather touchily. “Well, playin’ around lyin’ about how you’re somepony else is all well n’ good,” The farm mare was clearly too disillusioned with today to remember how she was in the Hearths’ Warming Eve play, which didn’t really require much flexing of her real character, “‘til your little sis thinks she can extort your friends for free beer!”
A smug grin crept over Pinkies’ Rarity face, not even trying to contain it and clearly missing the ‘polite’ part of Raritys’ character. “Figures,” she taunted in jest, and a hammy British accent, “that your sister would be unable to fill her prepubescent body system with enough intoxicating fluids.”
“Ah don’t know what’chyu just said,” AJ argued, “but Ah think you just called mah family a flock a drunks!”
“Why else would she partake in the consumption of intoxicating fluids?”
“Excuse me!” real Rarity but in, being Rarity for a moment, “But I do not talk like that!”
“Right!” AJ agreed. “An’ Ah was draggin’ Apple Bloom home to give her the punishment from b’fore the Geneighva Convention, but that lil sneak slipped right outta mah grasp! Could’a felt her in mah-well, Twilights', satchels, too” AJ was carrying Twilights’ wallet at the time. “Must a wanted to get her cutie mark in pickpocketin’, little juvie!”
“Oh, no, Applejack! Need anything from us?” Twilight offered.
“Ah want Apple Bloom!” AJ demanded. “…but lookin’ for a sneaky little sis does tire a mare out. Ah could use some water, Twah.” She appreciated the gesture. “Hey Rarity, could’ya get me some pancakes?” she asked tongue-in-cheek. Proper Rarity shot her a scowl, but the pink Rarity happily bounced into the Carousel Pancake House.
The purple unicorn wanted to know something, though. She asked the farm pony, “So…how was Spike?”
“Yes, do tell! How was my Spikey-Wikey?” Rarity interjected. “Oh, um, that was rude…I’ll go, um, get the water…”
As she left for the water, AJ answered Twilights’ question. “Spike was mighty fine today, but he asked questions too early.” AJ just remembered that she still has the orange cone glued to her forehead. “In fact, he’s got your wallet now, as a reward for puttin’ up with mah outburst at Apple Bloom.”
“But, how did Apple Bloom-” Twilight asked, but Applejack answered her question before she could finish asking.
“She made Fluttershy buy some, to get her to stop talkin’ probably.” AJs’ hooves were leaving craters in the ground. Twilight felt fear for Apple Bloom looking at AJs’ hooves.
“I can’t imagine having any siblings getting drunk behind my back,” Twilight said, unable to say anything else. “So…I guess I could imagine Spike, but…well…you know…”
“Darling, you, well, should leave that, um, to me…maybe? I’m sorry.” Rarity, as Fluttershy, came back with water, which Applejack gladly accepted. “So, um, Applejack…” She shuffled around, looked at the ground, basically did Fluttershy things. Her mouth then went a mile a minute with questions. “So how is he? Did he get drunk with your sister? Probably not, since you gave him Twilights’ wallet, but are they getting drunk together, oh pleeeeeeeeeease tell me he’s not the type to drink, plea-”
“Slow down, Rarity-Ah-I mean, Fluttershy!” Applejack was back in high spirits after her water, and back to acting. “Spike has been raised too professionally to partake in such unintellectual activities. He’s a good dragon! He’s much unlike that weak-willed foal Apple Bloom,” her acting was over before it started, largely due to angering memories, “whom rummages through ponys’ pockets like a cotton-pickin’ snake-in-the-gra-”
*CRASH*
Pinkie the ersatz Rarity rejoined the three by smashing through the wall next to the shattered window, leaving a hole shaped like Pinkie Pie with Raritys’ hair and a stovepipe hat. Before anypony could explain, Pinkie was explaining, with fire in her voice. “Somepony’s using my trademark name for pancakes! We have to stop them!” She grabbed everypony around her, and, with the bang of her Party Cannon aimed at the ground, she launched herself, and her friends, and her cannon, 90 miles into the air, towards Sugarcube Corner.
"Pinkie...?" Faux-Fluttershy squeaked. And not a second later, she commenced previously unfathomable screaming in terror for ones’ life.
“Somepony remind me to ask how this cannon can propel us into the air at such a verocity!” AJ yelled, imitating Twilight.
“Velocity!” the now-soaring Twilight screamed at AJ. “The word you want is ‘velocity!’”
“Why Rainbow Dash, I had no idea you were expanding your vocabulary!” the less-articulate Twilight yelled back.
“I am not going to be able to recall your inquisitions, ladies!” Rarity Pie cut in. “Apologies!”
And so these Four Amigos(that consisted of Pinkie Pie) were propelled onto a new adventure: busting the felon whom had decided to ignore copyright laws that only Pinkamena Diane Pie could make(and comprehend). The sane one (the other three), meanwhile, had a simpler goal in mind: to survive the impact.