Rainbow Dash tugged her sweater tighter around her chest as a heavier wind gust struck again, whipping her hair around against her neck. The breeze was annoying and constant that day, not a moment where every leaf was still. Rainbow Dash was tired, running on very few hours of sleep the night prior. She would have stayed home and relaxed all day but she had a scheduled picnic with Fluttershy that she couldn’t bring herself to cancel.
She was almost there, the wind kept threatening to steal her tacky, dollar store earbuds. Angry with herself for breaking her headphones, Rainbow Dash continued to trudge down the sidewalk. Unfortunately for her, “Somebody to Love” by Queen had to quietly echo in her ears and the memories were shoved down her throat again.
It was the first September we were dating for, and I was helping you pick apples again. I was so smart, granted, not in the egghead way but still. I did have the brilliant idea to bring a speaker along so we could at least listen to music while we dealt with the apples. You were skeptical at first but every time I glanced at you when some country noise shuffled, you were totally nodding your head to it. How could you nod your head to that? I have no idea, but you enjoyed it.
Three country turds went in a row. Three! I had to work through three of them, the playlist shuffle was totally rigged, I’m pretty sure that the three songs were all by the same dude too. It was fine I guess, since you were happy with it. Afterwards, I was finally rewarded with some Queen. “Can anybody find me somebody to love?” The speaker asked.
Rainbow Dash tugged out the bad earbuds, yanking them unplugged from her phone and into a public trash can on the side of the street. The memory didn’t quiet down anyways.
As soon as the song started I turned to look at you, almost giving myself whiplash. Anyway, I broke into a lip sync and you rolled your eyes at me before reaching up to grab an apple. It was so very rude, I deserved all of your attention. I walked up to you and ducked under your arm, placing myself between you and the tree. Your eyes moved from the apple to my eyes, just centimetres away. I placed my hand on your arm and tugged on it, lyrics still in my mouth. You sighed but broke into a smile, you didn’t hate my music, no one ever could to be honest.
Despite the song being off, Rainbow Dash could hear Freddie Mercury’s words ringing in her ears with every step towards the park.
You took your hand off of the apple and placed it on my hip, the other one at the base of my neck. I mirrored your hands with my own and we started to dance. The positions changed gradually as the song continued and soon your lips were on mine and my hand was in yours. A loud gust of wind picked up a bunch of leaves from the ground and threw them at me, I exclaimed as they whipped me in the face. How they missed you and hit me? I have no idea because your face was literally on mine. You chuckled and the hand on my lower back pulled me closer into you.
Angry, she unlocked her phone and removed the song from her playlist. Way to ruin a good thing, Applejack. Rainbow Dash was almost there anyway.
As the song came to a close, I left the kiss and whirled away towards a tree. I didn’t look at you again as I tugged an apple off of a branch. I knew deep down that I wasted a bunch of time so as “Don’t Stop Me Now”, my favourite, started playing, I continued to pick apples. Yeah, I probably pressed play instead of shuffle when I set the whole thing up…
I felt your gaze still on me, you hadn’t looked away, I tried to picture your expression. You sighed but I could hear the smile behind it. “You’re such a darn distraction, Rainbow Dash.” I smirked at the tree.
“You love it, though.” I replied after a second, you hummed in response and I fought the urge to dance. Leaves continued to soar through the sky. Wind.
Fluttershy waving in the distance, long soft pink hair, and a knife with vegan butter on the edge in hand. Anxiety and exhaustion were playing soccer with Rainbow Dash’s stomach, making her legs shake and wobble with every step. She hoped she wouldn’t trip, despite being an athlete, she was always a bit of a klutz, now even more. The wind was a pain too, sending her split ends smacking into her face every few seconds. Itchy. She had forgotten to bring a hair tie. As she approached the pink and white, plaid blanket, she practically fell to her knees as she sat down.
“Hey!” She said, a little too loudly. Fluttershy looked up from her bread, and smiled before crawling over to place a kiss on Rainbow Dash’s cheek. “How’s your day going?” Fluttershy asked, looking back down to finish spreading her peanut butter, Rainbow Dash swiftly smudged the kiss off of her face. Nothing against Fluttershy, she liked Fluttershy whether she’d be ending things or not, but what she did not like was thick, sticky lip gloss staying like caramel on her face. She just couldn’t stand it.
Walking in the city. I only ever liked walks with you. They were boring but you were not. We stopped to get ice cream. As we ate it at a park before frisbee, I somehow managed to smear caramel across my face. The wind blew and my hair stuck to it. It made me mad like nails on a chalkboard because it was thick and sticky and I could feel every single hair glued to it and to my face.
“It’s okay, yours? Angel being a dingus again?” Fluttershy sighed with a smile as she nodded. “He tried to melt the ice cream with a hair dryer while I was in the shower.” She laughed “I think he was jealous because I couldn’t give him any, but ice cream just isn’t safe for little bunnies like him.” Fluttershy laughed again but Rainbow Dash couldn’t bring herself to smile. “Ice cream?” she questioned. Fluttershy met her eyes. “Yeah! I thought it’d be a sweet surprise! I know you don’t like my ice cream, so I got you your own with milk in it, double chocolate.” Rainbow Dash didn’t respond. “That flavour is okay, right?”
I couldn’t even get it off because there was ice cream dripping down my hand and if I went to wipe it off of my face, it would make the problem worse. I groaned and you laughed at me. It should’ve made me more mad but I didn’t feel like being angry. Your laugh was your laugh and before I knew it, you were so close, tugging my hair out of the caramel, the little drags and smears and stickiness on my skin made me shiver. You shook your head at me with a smile and all I could focus on were your freckles. You fixed and licked the problem off your finger and then we had our first kiss.
Even though it wasn’t even the same flavour and the memory was stale, Rainbow Dash couldn’t function, she was tired, she knew she’d be chronically lonely starting that day and she was done. It started in her throat, the lip quiver and the urge to gag. Then it spread to her hands, unable to stay still. Shaking, shaking, shaking. Her eyes began to sting and then the first tear hit the blanket before it all went downhill. How embarrassing.
“Rainbow?” Fluttershy said, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, Rainbow Dash’s eyes stayed glued to the blanket as she inhaled shakily. Her voice cracked on the exhale, breaking into a quiet sob. Her eyes squeezed shut but she felt arms slip around her waist. Fluttershy slowly pulled her close and ran one hand softly through her windswept hair. The other, rubbing circles on her back. In a second, Rainbow Dash pulled away and sprung to her feet, trembling. Tears continued to stream down her face, fall to the floor and dampen the blanket. It was a disaster.
Fluttershy stood up to meet her gaze, refraining from touching her. “Rainbow Dash, what’s going on?” Rainbow Dash looked down at the ground again, trying to think about what to say, how to get it out when she could barely breathe and how to deal with the inevitable aftermath.
“Rainbow…” Rainbow Dash could hear the concern fluttering on the edge of her voice. Fluttershy brushed her arm with the back of her hand, Rainbow Dash flinched.
“No!” She exclaimed. “No, no, no! This is all wrong- It’s…” Fluttershy’s gaze didn’t leave her girlfriend’s face. Her hand gripped the latter’s shaking one before she said, “what is?” Rainbow Dash didn’t respond, she focussed on trying to breathe but as she felt Fluttershy’s hand close around her own, she spoke.
“This! All of this. It’s not…” Her voice trailed off again, she looked up to meet Fluttershy’s eyes. They looked hurt. Deja vu. Rainbow Dash could see the reflection of herself in them as they started to glaze over. Her own eyes, so small, so fragile, so vulnerable. It made her angry. She wasn’t supposed to be like that, let alone be like that in front of someone. Let alone be like that in front of someone again. Fluttershy quickly wiped at her tears with her free hand before placing it around Rainbow Dash’s shoulders.
“You miss her, don’t you?” She said softly, Rainbow Dash nodded and brought her hands up to hide herself. A large gust of wind took them both by surprise, it sent napkins and paper plates flying into trees. Fluttershy carefully took hold of Rainbow Dash’s hands, removing them so she could see her face.
“It’s okay.” She said, Rainbow Dash’s eyes darted to Fluttershy, pupils constricting. “It’s not okay! It’s not! I’m not..!” She started to tremble harder again as she became more worked up, how could Fluttershy think anything about this was remotely okay? She tried to catch her breath.
“It’s okay. You love her, I knew this.” Fluttershy pulled Rainbow Dash in again and slowly guided her to the ground, trying desperately to calm her at least a little bit with strokes to her arm. Rather than pushing away again, Rainbow Dash took it. She firmly gripped Fluttershy’s shoulders and tucked her face properly in the curve from her shoulder to her ear.
“I’m not loyal.. You don’t deserve this! I–” Fluttershy’s hand moved from her arm to the base of her neck before she interrupted.
“I knew we wouldn’t last. I love you, Rainbow Dash, I’m not angry with you.”
“I’m angry, Dash, this is ridiculous”
Rainbow Dash pushed back but only to be at her eye level. Fluttershy’s kind smile and teary eyes.
“Yell at me! Be mad! I’ve messed up so bad, I–'' Her cheeks and nose were going pink, pale blue skin glossy against the sun. Rose eyes red and lashes holding teardrops like morning dew. It wanted to make Fluttershy cry. Instead, she just pulled her back into her chest and let her let it out.
A big lightning strike lit up the sky in the distance. It looked cool. I stumbled backwards into a tree trunk. Shaky legs, shaky legs. It was kind of cold out. I felt it at the tips of my ears. You turned around to look at the door for a second. You looked at me, looked at the door again, shook your head and stepped towards it.
“I just annoy people, ruin things and mess up my life! Why can’t I be good at this too?! Nothing else matters now!” She paused.
“I’ll be alone forever…” She whispered.
Breaking Now.