//------------------------------// // Chapter 5: Past and Future // Story: BlueStar: Defender of Equestria // by BlueStarBrony //------------------------------// BlueStar Once again fell into dream seeking rest and understanding. It had been a hard day but he knew something else going on. Not all was as it what appeared. Instead of rest he found a memory of something that had happened so long ago that he had tried so hard to forget. But he just couldn’t seem to. It was the day his father passed away. And where he had almost lost his life as well. He and his father had gone out kayaking down the river and BlueStar and despite his fathers warnings grew further and further away from him. BlueStar turned behind him as his father called out to him and BlueStar struck a rock and capsized and found himself in the water and fought to keep himself above it. He heard his father calling him but he saw his father strike the same rock and fall over into the water. All he could do was watch as his father disappeared below the waters surface, then the water grabbed BlueStar and pulled him under. BlueStar fought and struggled and for a moment he thought he wouldn’t see the surface again but almost as if the water released him he floated back up to the surface and took in a much need breath. Once again searched for his father but he could not see him, but then he felt something hard strike him as his head struck a rock and he was sent into a world of black, cold and pain. When he awoke his head throbbed from the force of that impact. He opened his eyes sleepily not knowing where he was. It took a moment for him to realize he was in the middle of a large lake and that his kayak and his father were no where to be found. And for a moment he panicked. He didn’t know where to go and what to do. All he knew was he was in trouble and he was on his own. He also knew he was cold he must have been in the water a long time. The river must have carried him from the river into the middle of this lake. Even now he could feel the remnants of the current pushing him further away from shore, further away from safety. His first instinct was to swim to shore, but as he gauged how far away it was and how cold he suddenly became, he realized he wouldn’t make it. The cold would rob him of his life before he could get to shore. Again he searched for his father but he knew he wasn’t there. A part of him knew his Father was gone, there was nothing he could do to help him. Again panic set in and he stroked for shore but again realized that would be a waste of his energy. He tried to remain calm, closed his eyes and simply relaxed and calmed himself. He told himself he would find away to get out of this. That even if he couldn’t he wasn’t going to give up. He had made a promise to his father long ago that he would always fight to the very end, that he would always do so bravely and nobly. So he would not allow himself to panic or let fear control him. And it took a moment but he managed to bring his fear back under control and he turned his mind to how to get himself out of the situation he was in. Again he couldn’t think of anything. He knew he couldn’t get out of this on his own. He needed some pony to come and save him. But there wasn’t any pony that could help. Then he turned towards the sky thinking, “Is this the end for me?” but then an idea came to him. A spell his father had taught him long ago. That if he was ever in trouble to use and he would come for him. Although he knew his father would most likely not be able to help him. He remembered the spell and focused on it. Pointing his horn toward the sky, his horn glowed a brilliant yellow and a beam shot up into the sky. And a moment later it flared into brilliant spheres of light that would hopefully attract some ponies attention. This Flare Spell, he had used it once before when he was lost and once he used it his Father was able to find him. But again he knew his father couldn’t help him. A part of him could see feel that he was gone but hasn’t going to give up. Maybe he was still out there somewhere. So BlueStar with the only course of action he could come up with just floated there wrapping all his legs around himself to conserve his energy and his heat. For a moment fear took him again as he realized his life jacket had been the only thing that had saved him so far and soon maybe even that wouldn’t be able to save him. As he could feel the cold slowly taking him, his eyes began to close and he continually forced them open and every few minutes send a flare up into the sky. Hoping that some pony would rescue him. But as time passed he began to lose hope. No pony was coming for him…. His eyes began to close again. He knew if he let that happen he would probably never wake up again. He continued to fight but soon he now longer had the strength to do so. And he knew he could only do the flare spell one more time. So he focused whatever energy he had left and made it as strong as he could and once it was gone he just collapsed in the water. He just couldn’t fight anymore. He could feel his eyes closing, he couldn’t keep them open anymore. So he finally closed his eyes and started to go to sleep and he was scared and afraid but even so he would not let go. He wasn’t ready to go yet. There was so much more he wanted to do, he didn’t want his journey to end here. And a part of him was sorry. Sorry for what had happened to his father. It was his fault. If he had listened to his father none of this would’ve happened. And he thought to himself I’m sorry Father I hope you can forgive me. I’m sorry… Then he heard a faint voice. A voice as though off in the distance. He didn’t know whose it was but he tried to force his eyes open one last time but was unable to. But he heard the voice coming closer. He knew some pony was coming for him. He thought "Please help me. I can’t fight anymore. I need your help." For a moment he thought they were moving away. His heart sank once more but he still refused to give up. He wasn’t going to give up until he couldn’t fight anymore but he knew that time was coming soon. Just when he thought it would come he felt some pony reach for him and pull him from the water. He was still too tired and weak to do anything but listen as the ponies carried him and placed him in what he thought was a boat. One of them was worried almost afraid. For a moment he thought BlueStar was gone. But another pony said “No he’s still alive”. He could feel them taking off his life jacket and then wrapping a blanket around him and another pony hugged him trying to keep him warm. And BlueStar could do nothing but just stay and not let go. But eventually he was able to force himself back. Back enough so he could open his eyes and he lay his head against the pony that had saved him. He could feel the other ponies relief that BlueStar was still alive. And BlueStar himself felt relieved that he was going to be all right now. So for a few minutes they just held each other this way. BlueStar was gratefully just to be alive. But then he realized he still didn’t know what had happened to his father. So he looked into the eyes of the unknown stallion before him and the unknown stallion looked into his eyes with great sadness. Saying “I’m sorry but he’s gone” and he’s eyes drifted to a tarp on the other side of the boat and BlueStar could tell his fathers body was underneath. And the stallion said “We did our best but there was nothing we could do for him. I’m sorry” “I’m sorry too” BlueStar said “I couldn’t do anything for him either” and then laid his head against the stallions chest and he just cried there was nothing else he could do. Then the memory seemed to fade and shimmer away. He seemed to mature in a instant from that young child to the adult that he now was. But he still found himself embraced by a pony and strangely this pony felt strong, large, warm and reassuring like he was still a child wrapped in the embrace of a adult pony. He didn’t understand but this embrace brought him comfort and warmth to his heart. So he did not fight it until the unknown pony spoke. “I’m sorry BlueStar. I’m very sorry. As I said I did not know” When he realized that this was the voice of Princess Luna his eyes snapped open and he was afraid. He was embracing the Princess of the Night and he tried to push her away. But she held him there and spoke reassuringly to him. “No BlueStar don’t fight me. It’s alright. It’s alright” She said trying reassure him that all was well. “I’m sorry Princes Luna. I’ve always wanted to respect you. I would never ask you to…” BlueStar said almost afraid. “Again BlueStar it’s aright. " Princess Luna said warmly "Don’t be afraid. I’m here because I care. Because I want you to understand. I want to help you BlueStar." Princess Lunas eyes then turned sad "But I did not know. I simply did not know. But I’m glad I can help you in this way. We all have pain, we all have fear, regrets and things in our past we wish were not true. I have a feeling you know what mine is. And I thank you for sharing yours with me.” “I don’t understand” BlueStar said uncertain “What do you mean share with you?” “I can only go where I am needed and where I am wanted." Princess Luna replied " There are those ponies that would not want me to help them. They are too afraid to share their pain, their feelings with me and I am glad that you are not one of them. I am glad that you have begun to trust me. I’m very glad for that BlueStar. As I said you are a interesting creature and I’m glad that I choose you. Despite everything you’ve been through, you’ve still managed to be strong. You’ve never given up even when you had every reason to. You’ve always found a way to keep going. I’m sure your Father would be very proud of you. “ BlueStars eyes lowered for a moment, as the newly reawakened memory of losing his father hit him. And Princess Luna seemed a little sad. “I’m sorry BlueStar but it wasn’t your fault. Even if it was you have a excuse. You were young and we all disobey our parents sometimes” Then she lifted his chin up so he was looking into her eyes and a warm smile reappeared on her face. “But you also listened to your father and remembered everything he taught you. You did very well and I know he’s proud of you because through it all you were strong. You were everything he wanted you to be. I’m sure he forgives you for what happened. But regardless BlueStar, let it go. It happened so long ago. And if you still need help I will be here for you. But I forgive you BlueStar. I forgive you, if that helps. And I am very proud of you because I know you will always fight for us. You will not give up. Even though you have fear and pain those things will not control you and you will fight on always. I would be honored to have you beside me and if someday need be to fight for me. This is why your father would be proud of you. This is why I am proud of you” “Thank you Princess Luna. Thank you." BlueStar said proudly " It would be my privilege and my honor to fight for you. To serve you and Princess Celestia. It’s what I have always wanted and I know it’s what my father wanted to.” “Hmmm. I’m sure it was. Your father taught you well. He taught you very well. I never knew him he seems like a good stallion and a good father. Thank you for sharing his memory with me. What little there was I like. Now BlueStar I have a question for you.” “A question?” “What do you think this dream is about? Why do you think you’ve seen this now? Because I can see it in your eyes. The uncertainty the questions. But there’s one question in your head right now. Why” “I honestly don’t know Princess Luna. All I know is that it hurts me. I’m afraid” BlueStar said with difficulty as the memories pain hit him. “Why did it make you afraid?” “What are you getting at Princess Luna? I don’t understand what you are trying to do. I have a feeling you know the answer.” BlueStar asked confused and uncertain. “Yes I think I do. But it does not matter if I understand. It only matters that you understand. The thing with dream is that there’s almost always a reason, there’s almost always a why. But it is usually up to the dreamer to discover that why. I want to teach you how to learn to find that answer on your own. Because I can’t always be there for you. I can’t be here to tell you what the answer is. So I want to help you understand. “ Princess Luna spoke reassuringly. “I see Princess Luna. I see. Thank you” BlueStar replied with a better sense of Princess Luna's intentions. “You’re welcome BlueStar. You’re welcome. Now why does this dream frighten you?” “Because there was nothing I could do” BlueStar replied trying to hide the stab of pain he felt. “Do for what. Or for whom?” “I couldn’t do anything for myself. I couldn’t do anything for my father. I could barely save myself. There was simply nothing I could do.” Tears began to appear in his eyes and slowly they fell to the ground below him. “I’m sorry BlueStar." Princess Luna replied sympathetic to the pain these memories had brought him "The past can be painful but sometimes understanding is the best way to heal. How else does this frighten you? How else does it make you feel?” “Cold…Helpless. Like no matter how hard I fought I simply couldn’t win. All I could do was wait for someone to come for me.” With that he began to understand why the dream had come to him today. He looked into her eyes with understanding lighting his eyes. “Just like today. No matter how hard I fight my future, my life is going to be decided by you and Princess Celestia. And all I can do now is just wait. Wait to see if you’ll save me or not.” “Well done BlueStar. Well done. " Princess Luna said proudly as he began to understand " You’ve taken your first step towards understanding things that don't appear to not have a point or a reason. But usually there is. I’m proud of you and you’re right. In a way for now you’re not in control of your future all you can do is wait. I know how difficult that is. I waited for a very long time. A very, very long time.” And BlueStar bent his head low in respect. “I’m sorry Princess Luna. I’m sorry that you had to go through that.” “I am too. " Princess Luna replied sadly but then a warm smile appeared on her face "But everything worked out in the end. Don’t be sad for me. It’s all right now. Me and my sister are back together again and I assure you that I will never let something like that happen again. Just as I’m sure that you will never let what happened to your father happen to any pony else. I commend you for that. But I also warn you. " Princess Luna's face turned surprisingly serious" Don’t let I consume you. But let that drive to fight against failure consume you. Do you understand?” He looked at her not fully understanding, still knowing enough to know what she was trying to warn him of. That path could lead to something very dark. “Yes I do understand Princes Luna. Perhaps not completely but I understand. Thank you. I will try my best. You have that promise. I will always be there for you and Princess Celestia as best as I can.” He said this with the utmost sincerity as he held his head up proud to stand and fight for the Princesses of Equestria. And Luna’s eyes were somewhat surprised almost shocked. But then that smile came back to her face. “I’m sure you will BlueStar. I’m sure you will. Because you will be a member of the Royal Guard. I’ve convinced my sister of that much. We can definitely use someone like you fighting for us.” And BlueStars eyes widened as joy began to fill them and Luna began to smile as well. But then a slight frown appear on her face as she turned towards the darkness as though something was calling her and then she turned back to BlueStar. “I’m sorry BlueStar but I have to go now my sister is calling me. I must say she was not very pleased when she learned of the time we had spent together.” “Princess Celestia knows?” BlueStar said concerned “Yes she does. I don’t keep secrets from my sister not anymore. Don’t worry I didn’t tell her anything too personal, but she knows and she was angry at first. She simply doesn’t want me to pick favorites, but once she started to get to know you she started to see what I saw in you. You’re a good and strong stallion, BlueStar. Never doubt yourself BlueStar because you always had the strength inside, you’ve just needed to find it. But now I have to leave you now. I promise this won’t be the last time I see you, especially in dream.” And she turned to go but BlueStar called out to her one last time. “Wait Princess Luna can I ask you something?” She turned to him surprised and said that he could. “Does it hurt you to be in Ponies dreams this way? Because I would never want to do anything to hurt you. “ BlueStar asked concerned for Princess Luna. Her eyes grew surprised and confused again but once again a smile came upon her face. “Do you know you are one of the few ponies to ask me that. It’s a long story, one I don’t have time to tell. But in short it used to, but now it doesn’t, because now I understand. I know how to control the images I see, how to protect myself from them and also understanding often takes the images power away. As I am sure soon you will discover. But don’t worry about me BlueStar, this is my way. This is my way to help those who need me because I can touch them in a way that no other Pony could ever imagine. When I entered your dreams for the first time you slowly began to reveal to me the things you didn’t let any pony see. I know in time this darkness will be lifted and you will be able to trust me. And that wouldn’t have happened without me entering your dreams so I don’t regret it. I don’t regret it one bit BlueStar. So don’t worry about me but thank you for caring and respecting me.” She turned briefly to the ground “Few ponies have” then she turned back to him with a gentle smile upon her face. “I’m glad to see that is slowly changing. A long time ago I was Nightmare Moon. I tried to hurt all the ponies. But now that I am just Luna again all that fear is slowly going away. And now they can see me for who I always was and that I always did care for them. I just wanted them to love me the same way I love them. Thank you for being one of the first.” She bowed slightly to him in respect and he bowed in return. But then she turned to the darkness once more as Celestia was certainly calling her. “This has been an interesting discussion, but I’m afraid Celestia is insisting that I come to her. We have much to discuss. You’re fate is still uncertain but I know there are good things waiting for you in your future. Until we meet again BlueStar. Until we meet again. Goodbye” “Goodbye Princess Luna. Thank you.” BlueStar said gratefully. “You’re welcome. Oh I have one small gift for you before I leave. I know it has been a hard day for you and I think this in a way may help you heal. Rest well BlueStar. Rest well. Just sleep. I hope your heart knows peace now.” “You too Princess Luna and thank you.” And Princess Lunas horn glowed with that sliver light that BlueStar was starting to get to know and everything just disappeared and BlueStar found himself at the side of the lake where he had once struggled and fought for his life and at first he was confused. He didn’t understand. He hadn’t come here in a long time and it had always been to seek answers not rest. But then he listened to the gentle waves lapping at the side of the beach, the gentle moon light above and something inside him just felt tired and just wanted to lay down. And so he did. He laid down in the sand and at first was afraid as all the painful memories came back to him. As he laid down in the sand he just listened to the water, the water seemed to sooth him, calm him and helped mend those painful memories. And instead of this being a place of pain it slowly became a place of rest and quiet. And so BlueStar closed his eyes and just fell asleep, relaxed and quiet and in this way he rested and slept. To his surprise he just felt rest and peace this way. And he did not wake until the following morning. Princess Luna opened her eyes sleepily as she forced herself awake and she could still hear Princess Celestia calling her and so she wasn’t surprised when she looked up and saw Celestia above her trying to wake her. And she was surprised to see there was a slight worry in her eyes. Then Luna turned towards her and slowly got up and asked “What’s the matter sister you look worried?” “I was worried for you Luna. I tried to wake you but you didn’t. Usually it’s not that hard for you to come out of dream.“ Princess Celestia replied concerned for her sister. “Well this time I was having a interesting discussion with one of our recruits. And I must say you had right to be concerned about him. " Princess Luna said as a serious look appeared on her face "There is great pain in his past. There are a lot of things that hold him back. But I assure you that he will overcome them. He will be strong. He has much to learn but I’m confident that he will. I have a feeling that’s not why you have awakened me.” “It is and it isn’t my sister." Princess Celestia began " It’s time for us to make this decision and I am still uncertain. I know you’ve already made your choice but I need to know more about him, I need to understand. I need to know he’s the one that we’re after. You know how important this is, how important they are.” “I know big sister. I know. " Princess Luna said sympathetic to her older Sister and her concerns "But he will do fine, he’s the one we want. I know it.” “I’m not so sure." Princess Celestia replied unable to remove the doubt from her voice" I know I wanted some pony who had something to learn because they all need to learn, including him but he may be too weak for this. I can not have the guardian of the Mane 6 fail when he’s needed the most.” “I understand that Celestia. I assure you he will not.” Princess Luna replied confidently. “I must be certain” Princess Celestia said as a gently smile appear on her face “You are clearly his friend even though you do not want to admit it. I know you care for him in some way.” “Yes I do. " Princess Luna admitted with a smile " But nothing like that, he’s just a friend. He reminds me of me when I was younger. " Princess Luna's face turned slightly sad " I had pain Celestia. I had great pain. I had no pony to help me just like he does. I wanted to simply tell him he’s not alone.” “I understand Luna. "Celestia said sympathetically wishing she could've done more for her sister" I’m very sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I can never make up for what’s happened or what didn’t happen. “ “We’ve been over this Celestia. I forgive you." Princess Luna said as a smile appeared on her face" I’m just glad we’re together again. Being without you was much more painful than anything I went through and I don’t want to be without you again sister.” “Nor no I little sister. I missed you too. "Princess Celestia replied happy her sister was back but then her face turned slightly sad "But maybe it’s best that BlueStar just becomes a Guard. He’s brought back all these painful memories, in all of us.” “Perhaps but sometimes that’s the only way we heal” Princess Luna said confidently “You could be right little sister. You could be right. But I still have to know. I still have to know if he’s ready. I have to speak with him myself. I know what I must do. I know you will not like it. I know I don’t like it. But I feel it’s the only way.” And she told her, she told her what she planned to do and she was right. Neither of them liked it But Luna agreed that it might be the only way.