//------------------------------// // Day VII // Story: I'll Huff and I'll Puff // by Acologic //------------------------------// Celestia had thought that Tirek’s smirk would never be pleasant. As she plunged into T-Kam, she realised in spite of herself that she found it almost welcome.  ‘Oho!’ he said, snapping shut his book and draining his glass. ‘What took so long, I wonder? High jinks in the skies? Technical difficulties? Come, tell! I’m so eager to hear!’ Luna saluted. ‘Tirek! Long time no see!’ ‘Yes,’ he grunted. ‘Might as well be a very long time! Do you know how bored I’ve been – after that first taste of fun?   Luna shrugged. ‘Well, you know I know.’ ‘Yes. The question was more for your sister.’ ‘I don’t care,’ said Celestia. ‘And I hoped never to have to return. The fact is, Tirek, we might need your help.’ ‘Is that a fact?’ Tirek laughed and got to his hooves. ‘Well, well, well! Now it’s yours truly who holds all the power! Never tell the prisoner you want his help, Highness; it’s the first law!’ ‘I thought the first was “acceptance”,’ said Celestia icily.  ‘Oh, yes, yes, but the laws are different for imprisoners. You can’t expect anything from those you lock away! If you do, and you let them know, it’s game over! You know what I’m going to do now, I suppose?’ Celestia sighed. ‘Demand your freedom or something ludicrous. And don’t think we need your help quite so badly, Tirek. It was Luna’s idea to come here, not mine. Remember that!’ Tirek looked confused. He turned to Luna. ‘It – it was?’ And to Celestia’s surprise Luna scowled. ‘Why is that strange? Can’t I have even one thought of my own?’ Tirek backed away. He raised his hooves. ‘OK, OK. This I didn’t expect. Usually it’s – you know. You just seem so chill all the time. But OK. OK, I’ll help.’ ‘Oh, so when it’s me, then you refuse?’ said Celestia.  ‘Refuse? Who said refuse? I said it would cost you!’ ‘But not Luna.’ ‘No, no. Luna knows the rules inside out. And she isn’t fun to mess with – because only you get worked up over nothing. Or everything, that is.’ Luna grinned again. ‘You’re right there, aren’t you just. Well, Tirek, it’s like this: we’re stuck and we don’t know how to get unstuck.’ ‘I knew that much,’ said Tirek. ‘And we’ve done the checks. For magic, for mischief, for blah blah blah. No cigar. Well, there was a cigar, actually – two cigars. But you get it. I’m stumped.’ ‘So you want my opinion, do you?’ Tirek chuckled. ‘I’m game, as they say. Right, let me do some thinking. You’ll need to give me more to go on, though.’ ‘Well, what more can we say?’ Luna said. She turned to Celestia. ‘Anything?’ ‘Why can’t I lower the sun?’ said Celestia. ‘Why can’t Luna raise the moon? Why can’t she enter anypony’s dreams when we sleep?’ Tirek’s eyes widened. ‘You kept all that quiet, didn’t you?’ ‘You didn’t know?’ ‘Of course I didn’t know! It doesn’t exactly come with a view, this place, does it?’ ‘Oh – yes, of course.’ ‘So, let me get this straight –’ Tirek’s grin grew and grew. ‘Not only are you lost but you’re locked out of your magic? Oh, it’s genius! Hah! Aha, ha! Oh, I’d like to shake the hoof of this one! Aha, ha, ha!’ ‘Your opinion,’ hissed Celestia. ‘Oh, I’ll give you an opinion all right! This is brilliant!’ ‘But we aren’t locked out completely,’ said Luna, ‘because I can summon up food and drink. Oh, and we managed to send a message to Twilight.’ ‘And how did that go?’ Luna shrugged again. ‘No response.’ ‘Hmm. Hmm. Yes, I see. No magic at all? No sign? No trace? Anywhere?’ ‘No.’ ‘You’re absolutely certain.’ ‘Yes,’ said Celestia and Luna together. ‘Hmm. Illusion. Got to be.’ He snapped his hooves and returned to his chair. Celestia frowned. ‘What do you mean?’ she asked. ‘You’re trapped in an illusion is my guess. You aren’t really floating in a hot-air balloon.’ ‘So what about Cadence and Rapidfire? And the others?’ asked Luna. ‘Are they not here either?’ Tirek spluttered with laughter. ‘You two are awful! Can’t explain a thing! What’s this now? More of you?’ ‘Oh – yeah, sorry about that.’ Luna grinned. ‘My bad. Should have said. We bumped into another hot-air balloon, and this one had Cadence and a bunch of other ponies in it.’ ‘Cadence is there with you?’ ‘She is,’ said Celestia. ‘And she has her T-Kam.’ ‘She does? Then why isn’t she –?’ ‘Because something is off, Tirek,’ said Celestia. ‘Something is off! And Luna can smile all she wants! Something is off!’ Tirek turned to Luna, who snorted. ‘She’s getting paranoid. Always happens. Classic.’ ‘Luna! I’m serious! When have you ever heard Cadence so much as mention “maximally invariant transposition”? What is this nonsense? And am I – for whatever reason – the only sane pony on those blasted balloons? No one cares that they’re lost and floating amid endless cloud? Everypony’s laughing and joking? Someone’s playing with our heads!’ ‘Perhaps you’re the only insane one,’ said Luna, and she giggled as Tirek laughed. ‘Ponies laugh and joke because it’s fun, Sister! It keeps them happy.’ Celestia rolled her eyes. ‘No, Luna, no. You aren’t talking me out of this one. This is serious. And I tell you now, Tirek – I tell you now that something is up.’ ‘Well, illusion still works, more of you or not,’ he said, stretching on his chair. ‘Some sort of multi-party illusion.’ ‘If it’s illusion, how come we can speak to you?’ ‘Well, maybe you aren’t!’ Celestia scowled. ‘Don’t play games with me, Tirek. Not now.’ He laughed. ‘OK, I’m joking. Who says you can’t be in an illusion and speak to me at the same time? You think you’re in a balloon, but you’re elsewhere. Your consciousness is here, but your body isn’t. Presto. An illusion.’ ‘And how do I know you aren’t behind it?’ Celestia growled, glaring at the centaur. He waved a hoof through the air. ‘Nothing I say would convince you. And that goes for guilt as well! If I admitted it was me, you’d second-guess that too!’ ‘Luna! What do you think?’ Celestia waited, but Luna seemed uninterested in her fast-emerging theory. For the first time Celestia doubted her. Perhaps ‘Luna’ was a pony whose essence was false. Perhaps all the others were too. Did that mean, she thought, that she was the only pony in this illusion? And how could she escape? Then the circle completed itself: What if it wasn’t an illusion at all? What if it was real? ‘What do you think?’ Luna’s expression, though unreadable, made Celestia feel strange. She did not like this. She wanted out. ‘Luna,’ she breathed. ‘Is it you?’ Luna laughed and Celestia’s spine shivered. ‘Of course it’s me! Not like this, Sister, come on. You’re losing it now. Get back on track.’ ‘Yes – yes, you would say that, wouldn’t you?’ Celestia pulled out of T-Kam, shuddering.