Coffee vs. Equestria

by aegishailstorm


Armed Historian: Part 2

Ian Macullom scowled. The eclectic historian tapped his boot against the cold ground. Then shrugged " Well, I suppose it's more that fair that you wouldn't know what, or where Scotland is. " He smiled, and extended his open hand to the griffon. "Well? Be a good mannered griffon and shake my hand." He calmly insisted, the griffon leaned forward and shook his hand with a talon. "Very well then, I'd like to inspect your castle now. " He pulled a Sherlock Homes esque magnifying glass out of his coat pocket and began making his way into the castle.


"That coward." Red Wing scowled, ruffling his wing's as Garand took a seat on a nearby bench. "What do you mean by that?"

"He ran while the other's died on mass." Angry chuckled, "Eh, they put an arrow through my hat. You mess with one vet, you get us all!" Mike raised his water bottle in agreeance as he took a sip. " Damn right we are. Mister Wing, we aren't even the real military, we're just a couple of civilians and ex-spec ops guys LARPing our way through life. Trust me, you don't want all out war them." Luna nodded in the corner. She simply replied with "Aye."

"He's most likely hiding out in his castle back in Griffonstone." Garand blinked and rubbed his eyes. " Where is that?" The creature raised his eyebrow. " It should be Northwest of here. It's about a 2 hour flight for me." Garand nodded in affirmation, and leaned over to Angry to inform him that Red was talking about his wing's, not aircraft. "Alright, thank you for your help." The 2 men looked at one another, then walked out of the cell without uttering another word. Leaving the Princess behind to lock it.

" What would you have done to him?" Luna asked in a slightly annoyed tone. " Release him once we've found this 'General Blackhawk'. Not before, while he does seem too be telling the truth, you can never be to careful when it come's to POW's."


Whilst Mike, A.C, and Luna were making their way back to the surface, Brandon and the BRCC team were touring the castle. Donut and both Matt's had taken a liking to the massive kitchen. Being the freedom loving Texan chad's that they were. The whole team greatly enjoyed barbeque. Not that vegan, soy nonsense. Meat, freshly cut from Texan owned ranches. Now, whilst there wasn't much anything resembling steak here, something did still smell damn good. Donut noticed it first. "Are those... Donut's?"

"Oh you bet they are!" A high pitched voice called out from behind the center island. The half dozen or so BRCC veterans jumped in surprise. " What in god's name is that!?" Evan called out, pointing down at the ground. Scott raised his hand.

" I believe it is what the bronies call a, 'Pinkie Pie'. Or so the internet tells me. " A murmur of agreement rose up from among the group. They watched as a rather cheerful all pink earth pony walked around the island and looked at the group, she was holding a tray of Donut's in her right hoof. ""Want one?" The team looked at one another. "Should we?" Donut reached forward and picked one up with chocolate frosting. "Is it poisoned?" He asked Pinkie, turning it over "No, I don't think it is, why would you ask?"


"Where I'm from, stranger's don't just offer you free food. At least, not ordinary strangers." He took a bite of it. " Well, it certainly isn't the worst donut I've ever tasted, thanks!" She skipped away as Donut finished the rest. " Special creatures, aren't they?" Matt Best nodded, Jared groaned in annoyance. "Would it have been to much to ask her for a second one?" He hurried off after her in a fury. Just as he left the room, Luna entered with Mike and Angry in tow. "Where is my sister?" Luna asked the group, they all shrugged. "She left a few minute's ago. We haven't seen her since. That reminds me, where did John go?"


Whilst the Texans where busy making a mess of Canterlot, Ian was casually strolling around Griffonstone castle. After a while, he stepped through the door's of the throne room. And took a good look at General Blackhawk. Who, needless to say, wasn't to happy to see a human after the ordeal just a few hours prior. But his did his best to retain his composure. "Um... Hi there?" Ian waved, doing a slight bow with his hand. " My name is Ian, I take it you are the owner of this establishment?" The general and his guards blinked in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"I was referring to this castle of yours. You're it's lord, correct?" The griffon blinked again. "Well... Yes. Yes I am." Ian grinned. " Could you perhaps tell me more about your people's culture? I'm curious as to how beings such as you managed to settle down here."

"Well, I do not know much of that, I just run this place. Brazen Updraft!" A lanky griffon with a pair of glasses and a stack of papers in talon hurried into the room. " This... What are you again?"

"Human. I'm a human." Ian said. Crossing his arms and nudging the arsenal which he kept just under his coat. "Ah yes, this ho-man whishes to learn more of our culture. Please teach him. Blackhawk waved them away. The historian couldn't help but laugh at this remark. The sheer absurdity of his current situation made it all the more humorous. "What are you laughing at?" Blackhawk scowled. Ian cautiously waved it off. " Oh, nothing that would concern you."


"So, how's your day been?" Ian asked with a cheerful demeanor. The creature next to him rolled his eyes. "Long. Long and boring, judging by your demeanor, I take it you've had it better than me?" Ian shrugged, " Well, I was looking for my friends. But I had to take up the opportunity to come here. " The pair walked into a library. " Let's begin." The griffon said to him. Motioning to a pair of old seat's to their left.


As the day dragged on into the afternoon, Ian began to grow impatient in spite of the things that this ' Brazen updraft' character was telling him. Not because what he was doing was boring, no, it wasn't that at all, it was because he still had to find his friends. And the griffons he had met so far hadn't told him anything of them. More so to the point, they clearly recognized his species. Even if they hadn't previously known it's name. They were hiding something from him. Luckily, he wasn't just any historian. This was Ian Macullom. And he had a few tricks up his sleeve, literally. Without saying another word, he got up and began to walk out of the library. "Where are you going?" Brazen asked the human. " Thank you for a wonderful time, but I'm afraid I must depart now." A pair of guard moved to block his path out of the library. He sighed.
" Please move." He counted exactly 3 seconds on his watch, and bounded out under the spears at breakneck speed and reached into his right coat pocket.