It's early Monday morning, and Rainbow Dash is of course snoozing as usual after the past few weeks. From surviving her psychotic algebra teacher and his elite army, to escaping the Equestrian History Museum, her school year had been hectic so far. Of course, this peaceful slumber couldn't last forever, because the ever-so annoying beep of her alarm clock sounded and mad Rainbow Dash smash it with her hoof out of instinct. Sitting up in her bed, Rainbow hung her head,
"Mondays..." Rainbow whispered to herself. Out of the corner of her eye, Rainbow saw what looked like a blanket of snow covering her lawn and jumped with joy. Slamming open her front door, she saw that the snow was only covering her driveway, as if intentionally put there, so she reluctantly began to run in a spastic manner. Through the streets of Manehattan she ran, causing unsuspecting chariots to collide as she made her way to Manehattan High School. Finally entering the halls, Rainbow continued to dash through the halls, smashing into ponies and their items. Rainbow eventually got to her first period class, which she had to bust down the door to get in homeroom,
"Rainbow Dash, I'm surprised to see you didn't cause any school property destruction on your way here" Rainbow's Italian teacher, Mr. Cool complimented as Rainbow sat down,
"That's because I'm-" Rainbow tried to say before getting cut off by Pinkie Pie, who was sitting at the desk behind Rainbow,
"GAY!" Pinkie butted in,
"You know what Pinkie? You smell!" Rainbow jeered to the pink pony,
"LIKE GROUND BEEF?" Pinkie replied,
"No, like, umm..." Rainbow Dash said, trying to find the right words,
"STRAWBERRIES!" Applejack randomly yelled from the other side of the room. In the cafeteria, however, Twilight Sparkle, or Twidos 6.90 is reading a long scroll she had recently acquired,
"THIS CHAPTER SHUCKS MY SHIT! ITSH NOT EVEN FUNNY AND I'D RATHER SHWITCH THE PLACE OF MY HEAD AND PUSSY! SEEYA GURLSH!" Twidos yelled, then rolled up the scroll, quickly looked around, then dashed off to her first period class. Back in Mr. Cool's room,
"Today is the start of the second marking period and you know what that means err... Vinyl Scratch?" Mr. Cool asked said pony,
"Does that mean I get to eat a pig?" Vinyl Scratch asked in response,
"No Vinyl Scratch, it doesn't mean you get to eat a pig" Mr. Cool replied,
"Aww crap, back to the vodka!" Vinyl stated as Twidos busted in the door and started toward her seat,
"Twidos, may I hear your ridiculous excuse?" Mr. Cool asked the lavender unicorn,
"OH! NOW THATSHOO MENTION IT, I JUSHT RECALL HAXING DIS SPASHE AND TIME WAVE AND RECREATING DISHCORDSH CHAOSH FROM THE 1300S! IT WASH SHIMPLE I JUSHT HAD TO GET TO THE DIRECTORY" Twidos explained,
"WOW! THAT SOUNDS GAYER THAN PENIS!" Pinkie yelled up to the egghead,
"PENISH ISHN'T GAY YOU" Twidos jeered back,
"Come on, focus class, it's been one marking period and you're all flunking!" Mr. Cool boringly said to the class,
"SHUT UP MISTER COOL! WHO ASKED YOU?" Pinkie shouted to the front of the room,
"Pinkie Pie you failed the first marking period" Mr. Cool told Pinkie, who laughed hysterically. Applejack then banged her hoof on the table, as if it was a mallet,
"LOLLIPOPS!" Applejack randomly yelled,
"I'M HAVING MAGICAL SHECKSH WITH TRIKSHIE RIGHT NOW!" Twidos added on. Just then, the bell rang and everypony was on their way to their next class,
--
Everypony was sitting as usual in Mr. Higglesworth's class as Mr. Higgs himself simply kept his perched towards the ceiling and his eyes on the students,
"My genitals itch!" Mr. Higgs finally proclaimed, then began scratching his private area with his hind leg,
"Reminds me of my buddy Slim!" Applejack stated,
"Slim? As in like Slim Jim?" Rainbow Dash asked,
"RAINBOW DASH! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE JOKES ANYMORE!" Pinkie yelled at the cyan mare,
"And you're not allowed to be gay! F!" Mr. Higglesworth shouted, then threw the ever-so-famous clipboard at Pinkie Pie's head,
"Come on Mr. Higgs, another F?" Pinkie asked in her normal voice,
"Crabs give me stiffies!" Octavia randomly stated,
"JUST LIKE POTATOES!" Derpy added on,
"Ooh! Tough mare over here! Thinks the shit don't stink!" Mr. Higgs yelled back at Octavia,
"It actually does kind of, oh, excuse me, how does this sound?" Octavia asked before randomly producing a microphone and singing heinously into it,
"Umm, sorry, didn't quite catch that" Mr. Higgs said, making Octavia this time start terribly playing the cello like a guitar, "Are you, uhh, making a declarative statement? Or is it something-" Mr. Higgs tried to explain before being interrupted again,
"GAY!" Pinkie butted in,
"LIKE YOU!" Mr. Higglesworth yelled back,
"How exactly am I gay?" Pinkie questioned normally,
"Because you overuse the word every five seconds!" Mr. Higgs stated,
"Gay?" Pinkie said after exactly five seconds,
"Dammit, where's that Slim?" Applejack impatiently said looking at the clock,
"The hell's crab whore? Some kind of bad porno?" Mr. Higgs questioned to Octavia,
"It's when you get really down low, and you strum a guitar at vagina level, like this" Octavia explained, producing a cello again and playing it horridly,
"WHAT IF YOUR PUSSY'S ON YOUR FACE?" Pinkie rudely questioned,
"Dick counts to" Octavia said,
"MY NAME RHYMES WITH DICK!" Derpy yelled from her usual spot,
"Excuse me for a second" Mr. Higglesworth said before going up and bucking Octavia in the face, causing her to fall to the ground in pain, "All you fagolas have been doing this year is acting like immature little BRATS, who make dangerously unfunny puns and jokes that not only do I find not funny, but they always have relate to something being gay or the female reproductive organ! PINKIE!" Mr. Higglesworth explained,
"Yeah" Pinkie casually said then put her head down again,
"So you know what that means you little shits!?" Mr. Higgs asked,
"Rico crapcore to some Attack Attack?" Octavia asked,
"Yeah! Well Attack Attack THIS!" Mr. Higgs yelled as he threw his stool at Octavia, "DOUBLE F!" Mr. Higgs shouted as he threw another item,
"Fs are so overused! So why not splice it up with a little JIZZ!" Applejack declared,
"I'LL SPLICE UP YOUR FACE WITH AN F!" Mr. Higgs shouted as he threw another stool at Applejack,
"Okay, okay, enough with the Fs already, like, take your medication or something" Octavia told Mr. Higglesworth, who turned to face her, looking not-too-happy,
"Speaking of medication!" Mr. HIgglesworth explained before throwing some cocaine on his worktable and happily snorted it up,
"I KNEW IT!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed upon seeing this,
"I sold it, for 10 BANANAS!" Derpy yelled out,
"BANANAS!" Applejack happily proclaimed,
"NOO!" Derpy yelled back,
"Alright you fagolas, before we get anywhere we're going take NOTES!" Mr. Higgs shouted, slamming a projector on his table,
"OH! HA! FOR A SECOND THERE I THOUGHT YOU SAID NOSE! I MEAN, WHO WOULD TAKE SOMEONE'S NOSE, THAT'S KIND OF GAY!" Pinkie yelled obnoxiously as the class broke into conversation once more,
"JESUS *Beep*ING CHRIST!" Mr. Higgs yelled while banging his head on the table,
"It's not nice to use words like that!" Rainbow Dash spoke out,
"Alright, back to the notes, or should I say NOOOOOSE!" Mr. Higglesworth yelled, but just as he was about to start the film, the bell rang, and everypony left the room.
--
"Good afternoon everyone, please sit in your assigned seats" Miss Pony spoke through the text to speech translator to the class. Rainbow Dash soon came right up to the teacher,
"Wait wait wait, woah woah woah, I though you said we could choose our own seats, on the first day!" Rainbow Dash explained to the teacher, "Times have changed Rainbow Dash, please sit down" Miss Pony said again,
"HO HO! YOU JUST GOT TOLD, RAINBOW CRASH!" Pinkie Pie yelled up to the cyan mare,
"Now, turn to page 96 in your textbook" Miss Pony spoke aloud as Rainbow Dash was busy doodling something on a piece of paper,
"SIXTY NINE!" Pinkie exclaimed,
"Today we are going to talk about-" Miss Pony attempted to say,
"BOOORING! RAINBOW DASH, WAKE ME UP WHEN MISS HOENY SAYS SOMETHING COOL!" Pinkie yelled before letting herself fall asleep on her desk,
"Holy shit, look!" Rainbow Dash yelled, getting Pinkie Pie's attention,
"Today we are going to learn the fundamentals of..." Miss Pony explained,
"RAINBOW DASH! YOU LIED TO ME! WHY!? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyy!?" Pinkie yelled as Miss Pony continued to talk, "H-hold on one sec" Pinkie stated normally, then threw Miss Pony out of the room as she usually did, now taking over the projector, "WHO WANTS TO SEE TOM AND JERRY FALL OFF A CLIFF?" Pinkie asked loudly to the class. Regardless of opinion, Pinkie put the tape in and began to play the tape, as the tape went on, Rainbow grimaced at the sight of what was playing,
"That's not nice..." Rainbow said aloud,
"GO PUSSY SUCK A BATH!" Pinkie yelled back as a boot hit Rainbow's head. Of course, the bell rang in the middle of the tape, so the entire class left the room.
--
In the hallways, the group of 5 friends, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Derpy Hooves, Twidos, and Applejack were regrouped in the halls,
"HEY GIRLS, LET'S SKIP GYM CLASS AND GO EAT SOME LUNCH!" Pinkie yelled to the group. In the cafeteria, all of the girls had gotten their food and were sitting at an empty lunch table. Rainbow Dash soon began sucking back a bottle of coke in a short series of gulps,
"HEY APPLEJACK! DO YOU LIKE FISH STICKS?" Pinkie questioned loudly,
"NOO!" Applejack yelled in fright of the word,
"Oh, OK, HEY TWIDOS, YOU LIKE FISH STICKS?" Pinkie loudly asked,
"Mm, kind of" Twidos replied,
"YOU LIKE TO PUT FISH STICKS... IN YOUR MOUTH!?" Pinkie obnoxiously yelled,
"I PUT THEM UNDER MY HOOFNAILSH TO KILL WORMSH" Twidos responded. Just then, their PE coach, Shining Armor appeared at the table,
"What are you doing here!? You're supposed to be in the gymnasium!" Shining yelled to the group,
"WHATEVER," Pinkie Pie yelled back,
"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? PHYSICAL EDUCATION IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE DAY!" Shining exclaimed, "ALL OF YOU, FAILED AGAIN!" Shining scolded at the end,
"Wait a minute, if we're supposed to be in your class, why aren't you in the gym?" Rainbow Dash asked, making Shining Armor's head bobble,
"I DON'T THINK HE CAN COMPUTE LOGIC RAINBOW DASH, HE'S MALFUNCTIONING, RUN!" Pinkie yelled as all five of them got up and started running out of the school. The group had just made it out of the building before a spectacular explosion erupted, throwing them all against the front gate. Pinkie got back on her hooves and laughed like crazy,
"DO IT AGAIN I WASN'T LOOKING!" Derpy yelled out,
"At least we can enjoy Hearth's Warming Eve without any homework!" Rainbow Dash said to the gang,
"WE CAN'T HAVE JUSHT A BREAK, SHCOOLS GONE FOREVER! THAT MEANSH I CAN PULL ALL NIGHTERSH AGAIN! SHHHCORE!" Twidos cheered, swinging her front hooves up,
"Attention, I'm still alive! So that means as of today you are going back to school!" The principle said over the outside intercoms, laughing after the statement,
"OH YEAH? HOW COME WE ALWAYS INTERRUPTED MISTER GAY AND MISTER SHITTLESWORTH, WHEN THEY WERE ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE SECOND MARKING PERIOD!" Pinkie obnoxiously said,
"And you start the second marking period as a new year!" The principle excitedly said again,
"REALLY? THREE DAYS OF SOPHOMORE YEAR? THAT'S KIND OF... GAY!" Pinkie annoyingly stated,
"THAT SHUCKS DICK! ANYWAY, I HAVE SHUM LEETHAXING TO FINISH! SEEYA GURLSH!" Twidos said as her farewell, then ignited her horn to make herself float through the air and objects effortlessly,
"I'm going to sleep over a Slim's house! Later fellas!" Applejack said to her friends then comically ran out of the area,
"I HAVE TO GO RUIN MORE FANFICS... HELLO!" Derpy said, then vanished with a slight click, leaving Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie alone
"Oh, OK, another happy ending," Pinkie said normally,
"Somewhat" Rainbow Dash replied,
"You wanna go back to Ponyville and prank Fluttershy?" Pinkie asked in a normal voice again,
"Yeah " Rainbow responded, "And you know, you're actually kind of cool for once!" Rainbow proudly said to the bubbly pink pony,
"JUST KIDDING! PRANKING'S FOR LOSERS! HAVE A SHITTY HEARTH'S WARMING EVE! BYEEEEE!" Pinkie Pie yelled back, then inflated her tail to make herself float into the sky as a boot hit Rainbow Dash's head yet again. From the ground, Rainbow could see the roads that would take her back to home and Ponyville, so she got up and began to run in her usual spastic manner. As Rainbow ran off to her house, she felt like she would go to Ponyville after this, so she grabbed her luggage that she brought for temporary high school living and began to fly off towards Ponyville.