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// Entry 20: Trust 
// Story: Bound Elemental 
// by Kendallonian 
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Twilight didn’t bother reinstating my forcefield today. She said I’ll be fine as long as I always have an escort outside the castle. I agreed. I’m still staying far away from the library, though. Waay too much temptation there. I should probably advise Twilight to have a forcefield set up there, at least.

The irony is, After a quick run to stretch my legs, I spent most of the first half of the day in my room anyway, looking out through my newly-openable window.

First, I looked at the houses. Their thatch roofs looked just right for kindling. Seriously, if you ponies don’t want your houses to burn down, why do you build them out of straw and wood? It’s practically an open invitation for someone to destroy it. Or eat it, in an elemental’s case. I kept looking out of the window for a while. I waved at a few ponies as they passed by. A few of them waved back, but some of them just stared. I guess the latter is to be expected when we’re from two entirely different planes, but so you know, you all look funny to me, too.

After a while of sitting and watching, I felt a bit of a chill, so I resolved to go look for something to eat and heat myself back up. Just as I turned away, I could have sworn I heard… something.

I’m not exactly sure what it was, but at the time it almost felt like somepony far away calling my name… I looked back out of the window, of course, but nopony was there; or at least, nopony who was paying any special attention to my window. Eh, maybe I was just feeling a little stir-crazy or something.

I found that Twilight hadn’t dropped anything off for me to eat yet, so I wandered the halls a bit. I found some stairs going down and half expected them to be blocked, but no forcefield stopped me. I kept going. I looked into a few rooms, but they were mostly barren. One door I recognized as the door to the library, so I extremely consciously kept it closed and moved on.

I called out Twilight’s name every so often, but I got no answer.

Eventually I found the Kitchen; I hesitated when I saw inside.

The table in the center was made from wood. The cupboards around the edges of the room were made of wood. The racks in the ceiling from which pots, pans, and utensils hung were made of wood. There was a wooden barrel stowed in the corner, and to top it off, it was resting on a bed of straw.

I froze. I thought while I was frozen.

That might be where Twilight keeps the firewood, a part of me said, You should go in and check.

That wood looks… vulnerable, another part of me said. Maybe I shouldn’t get near it.

Just go in, look around for some wood Twilight won’t miss, and get out. The first part said again.

I entered the room slowly. I walked the circumference of it, carefully trying to keep my sides from touching either the table or the cupboards. I looked into a large stone oven on the other side of the room, but there was nothing in there but ashes.

As I turned to go back out, I spotted a puff of smoke rising from my hoof. I recoiled backward to see that I’d stepped on a stray bit of straw on the floor, and watched, mesmerized, as it flickered and withered into ash. Soon afterward my gaze was drawn to the nearby pile on the floor that supported the barrel.

That was close… a part of me said.

You could get closer… another part of me said back.

Hesitantly, I found another isolated piece of straw on the floor and poked at it; nothing. I pressed more firmly the second time, and it went up in a tiny orange blaze. The light glowed back into my eyes and made me feel… giddy.

Okay, that’s enough. I need to get out.

Or…

My spark pounded in my chest. It demanded more. Just a little bit more. I used my hooves to gather a few pieces of straw together as they burned, uniting them together into a blaze that seemed bigger than the sum of it’s parts. I laid down on the floor next to it, quickly inhaling the smoke and heat.

That’s enough. A part of me tried to say again.

I didn’t listen, though. I began pawing at the pile of straw beneath the barrel, taking out larger and larger chunks and watching them burn. I became giddier and giddier, and the more giddy I became the more fire it took to make me that giddy again, so I kept going.

I don’t remember precisely when or how the barrel started burning; I probably didn’t care at the time; I was too busy taking in all of the glorious luminescence around me. Smoke started piling up in the ceiling, but I didn’t care about that, either. Embers started flying, the table caught, then the cupboards, then the rack above.

It was about another thirty seconds before I realized what I was doing. The joy drained from my spark. I stopped dancing around and just stared.

I probably could have saved the kitchen if I had run off to find someone right then. Twilight probably knew a spell that could take care of it, or at the very least Spike could start throwing buckets of water. I didn’t move, though. I sat on my haunches and stared at the wonder and horror, the beauty and ugliness of what I’d done.

My back was to the door when I heard Twilight coughing behind me.

“Emerald… what” -another cough- “what’s going on?”

I didn’t want to turn around to look at her, but I had to. The turn ended up becoming a slow one, but I eventually found her. She was wearing her saddlebags, and they were overflowing with firewood. For me, presumably. I think I saw several different types of wood there, too; she was probably planning on having me try a few different kinds to see what I liked best. 

Twilight was still coughing occasionally, but in-between she was looking at me with an expression of… horror. Her eyes were tearing up from the smoke… or was that disappointment?

I can only imagine what she felt she was seeing; the silhouette of my armor against the roaring orange backdrop that had once been her kitchen, my expression flickering erratically from euphoria to pain to embarrassment.

“E-emerald…” was all she could get out before I ran past her; I think she flinched for a second, but I didn’t touch her. Napalm tears were streaming from my face as I ran back up the stairs, through the halls, and into my room. I slammed the door shut behind myself and quivered, kneeling, behind it. I camped my jaw in anger at myself, at ponies in general, at Twilight for letting me go so free so early. For the first time in a long while I hated Starlight for bringing me here. Eventually all of that hate boiled up inside me and I let out a raw, primal scream. When I did, flames exploded out from me in every direction, the shockwave flinging the door to my room off its hinges and into the hall, where it smoldered and caught fire. I didn’t bother trying to move it; I was suddenly very cold and tired.

When Twilight finally found time to come up and see me, I was sitting on the floor, hooves folded, my back to the window. My expression must have been dark, because Twilight flinched on seeing it.

“Put the forcefield back.” I said.

Twilight took a deep breath. “Emerald, I don’t-”

“PUT IT BACK!” I screamed. I snapped forward as I said it, like a crocodile snapping prey from beside a river. She recoiled from me; it hurt me to see that, but I kept my expression hard until her horn glowed and the telltale flicker of her forcefield told me we were both safe from me.

“Good. Now get out.” I said, drooping.

Twilight hesitated.

“GET OUT!” I screamed again, this time napalm tears were streaming from my eyes. A few flew as I turned on her and hit the forcefield with a small sizzle. Twilight may have forgotten that the forcefield was between us, because she ran like I was going to attack her.

Maybe I would have. If my giddy state had lasted just a bit longer, until Twilight had come to check on me, would I have cared if she had tried to stop me? Would I have kept burning everything until one of us had to be snuffed out? I really don’t know, and that frightens me more than this cell ever could.

One thing is for sure; Twilight will never trust me again. Maybe that’s a good thing.