//------------------------------// // Warmth // Story: Sentio, Ergo Sum // by stillwedding //------------------------------// Twilight felt the sound of the crash ring from inside her head. As she seeped further down to the abyss the echo of the impact became a distant, vague memory. All she could make out now were the ripples above her before she completely sank deeper into the murky water. The air bubbles she choked out tapered off until there was absolutely nothing left to acknowledge. She swallowed her scream when the darkness became a bitter reminder of her previous combat and traumas. The nature of the somber bleak water caused her to feel the echo of her heavy breathing and the increasing pummel of her palpitating heartbeat in her very soul. It was all too reminiscent of the eerie arena she tried so desperately to escape.  Her legs were completely immobilized as if cider blockers were attached to them. They pulled her deeper and deeper into the chasm at the bottomless pit of the mysterious body of water she was submerged in. Twilight gasped for breath, taking a considerable amount of effort than the last to simply breathe, something she had done since her existence, she now had to command. Each gulp she took punished her as the screams she withheld in her chest began to strangle her. Regardless, she continued. Consuming anything to ground her, anything to make sense of the lack of a drowning sensation she anticipated. A sensation she almost wished upon rather than trying to remain afloat and knowing it was futile.  She would’ve cried if she could. Instead, she gave up the struggle and closed her eyes completely. Sealing herself from the horrors the environment around her provoked within her conscience. Twilight expected her whole being to sink and eventually deplete her until there was nothing left. Until she couldn’t think anymore, ceasing her existence completely.  Twilight whimpered, pathetically starting to feel incredibly small and insignificant. Her wings wrapped around her body in an attempt to shield her. Until she heard it. Ever so slightly under the berate of her entity was the affection, the whispers of hope. It was so subtle that anyone could have passed it off as her hearing things. Slowly she opened her eyes, to make out any signal of her friend until calling out to her, a plea, “Starlight?” It was so far away. If she had kept sinking she would’ve definitely missed it. But above her, there was the faint glow of the surface. The hue of deep blue shone. A glow so endearing even from her distance it beckoned to her to come reach for it.  Twilight cast a simple light, the slight glimmer was enough to encase her whole surrounding with bright magenta. The glow clung to her as if it was comforting her. Twilight almost smiled seeing her aura, something so familiar and abiding like her magic encouraged her to swim. No longer feeling the bounds of concrete on her legs she could hear them clearly. The growing whispers, that soon became so coherent it was almost as if they were with her all along. Twilight kicked up, her magic staying consistently by her side, never failing her until she finally reached the surface, shooting up from the water and inhaling the salt air of the night.  “It’s good to see you, Twilight Sparkle,” a voice said just above her. She blinked, blinking away the impending water from her little swim to make out the silhouette of a slender alicorn whose coat mirrored the colour of the night sky before them and mane which captured the essence of the very stars above them perfectly. With her was a sweet smile that bested Celestia’s at this exact moment. Her eyes were calm, yet they were trailing hers, searching for any signs of wear.  Twilight breathed, relief flooding her head allowing her to be relaxed once again, “Luna.” Princess Luna smiled at the environment they were meeting in. It had been a while since she had gotten the opportunity to enter her dreams. She approached her slowly to the edge of the glistening vast lake and sat beside her, “You haven’t welcomed me back into your nights in a very long time, Twilight Sparkle.” Twilight looked away, her words shooting a pang of guilt through her. A wall of silence started to begin, creating another strong feeling of distance. A distance Luna moved, metaphorical, mountains to remove. Those embargos on Twilight’s dreams to purposely keep her away were not easy to expel at all. They were elaborate and thoroughly thought out, the slightest enchantment to dispel them warned its caster that they were being tampered with, and more annoyingly, to repair them.  Luna frowned at the sudden cowardice, “It’s not something to be ashamed of, sealing me off, though unexpected is understandable,” she tried to reason, attempting to repel Twilight's avoidance.   Twilight glanced back at the moon-princess, only enough to gauge her sincerity, “Is it really?” she said, giving a muted chuckle, revealing the absurdity she felt of the statement. “It’s only natural for one to want to hide something so interpersonal such as dreams,” Luna nodded matter-of-factly, keeping her line of sight on the young princess beside her. She shook her head and averted her solemn eyes once more, “I didn’t mean to, I was so caught up with everything.” “I disagree. If it were true that so much has been surrounding you, you would not have time to temper with something so minuscule as your dreams. It’s something most ponies oversight. You hadn’t. What you did was calculated. Keeping me out of your slumber was purposeful. I do not want to be deceived again,” Luna firmly stated, giving her a stern stare as soon as she caught Twilight’s remorseful eyes.  She sighed to respite. The approach of regret was not working as she hoped it would have. Her display of ignorance was unsuccessful in fooling her friend. Twilight smirked detaching herself from the exchange to bask in the fact she was unmasked.  “I commend you, really, I do. As soon as there was an opening you took your chance,” Twilight jabbed, though she was angrier at herself than at Luna. It was unfortunate that she was getting the discharge of the indirect apathy. It was her weakness that caused her to slip and consequently began the questions and the pity. The stupid pity.  “You are forgetting that we are friends. If anything, I should have tried harder to allay your troubles.” Twilight paused and absorbed Luna’s words, objecting to none of it. Feeling the unfairness set in, she gave in.  “Do not try to drive others away again, Twilight,” Luna softly said. She felt contrition from seeing Twilight abruptly becoming timid again. Although she was very strong, that fact will always remain, she had begun to look extremely small. The features that made her seem potent and powerful were nowhere to be seen. It only made the disparity between the two princesses even more apparent. Luna could almost understand Celestia’s protective and affectionate nature towards Twilight at this moment.  Another lapse of silence lingered, but this time the empty gap was thankfully not present. Twilight sighed before she began, “They don’t deserve that. They don’t deserve to be burdened with something so– so trivial,” at this point her hooves were trembling.  Luna’s eyes softened a small smile of sympathy took shape, masking the feeling of concerns that were confirmed, “Though you are so adamant about being a master of friendship, you are still naive. Do you think so lowly of your friends?” Typically Twilight would be beyond insulted if someone called her naive, however, she couldn’t muster a counterargument. It was a viable truth. “No, that’s not what I’m saying,” she said, becoming increasingly more frustrated at the imposing questions and the correct assumption about herself.  “Then understand that pushing them away only makes them more worried,” she said earnestly, kindness encapsulating her expression completely.  Twilight suppressed a glare and pressed her lips thinly, “If they knew, what would they think of me? Everyone is looking up to me, everyone is depending on me. If I don’t continue— if I am wasting valiant time, what will become of me?” she said dangerously low.  Luna remained unfazed, her empathic features never left. Now they had strengthened hearing Twilight’s unfiltered thoughts. “If you leave this to fester and continue to spiral, ponies would be more concerned with what you are doing to yourself than what you aren’t doing to yourself.” Twilight shuttered, her breathing hitched, “I just can’t. I can’t give in, Luna. It would destroy me.”  Luna took in a deep breath and draped a wing across Twilight. Which warranted a slight flinch from the young alicorn from the sudden contact. “Then are you going to ignore their efforts?’ Twilight spun her head to meet Luna’s calculating gaze, “What?” She smiled and continued, “Starlight was the one to pull you out of the water, was she not? And she’s still by your side now as you rest. Are you going to set aside her efforts in reaching you even after you pushed her away? Are you omitting my resolve to get your protection off just so we can speak at this very moment?” “You should have left it. You should have left my spells alone, and Starlight should have let me drown.” Twilight said weakly. She hadn’t meant it, she just wanted to justify what she thought was for the best. Though what was best was starting to crumble. “That is where you are wrong.” Luna sternly said, her voice losing its peaceful tone. “We chose to be here with you. Can’t you see that, Twilight? Hadn’t you taught me once, that part of friendship was to try to listen to your friends when they tell you something about yourself, no matter how bad, or good, it might be, and to trust them which is the hardest thing of all? But the best, as well?” Twilight’s eyes furrowed from the confliction she felt. She was torn between what she thought was best for those she cared about and what she knew to be true. “But, it’s– ugh, it’s just so difficult, Luna,” she professed, burying her face into her hooves shielding herself from the accumulated frustration and confusion she felt. “Everything, if I stop, if I keep going, it’s all pointless..” she quietly finished.  “You don’t mean that.” Twilight’s body shook from the throb of anger building inside her from having her resolve casted aside so quickly. “How do you know, Luna? You’re acting like you know every ounce of my psyche,” she scoffed bitterly.  Luna put a hoof to her chin. “You’re right, I may not know how deep your self-loathing is. However, I can see. I can see how much this is weighing you down, I can see how it has sucked the brightness out of the eager pony I met in a certain ruined castle one fateful night all those years ago. Though you try to run and hide, the toll that hinders you still follows you.”  “I just don’t know what to do,” Twilight admitted and slumped.  Luna placed a wing under Twilight’s chin and gently lifted it until their eyes met, teal meeting dull amethyst. “Allowing your friends in will be a good place to start. Friends whom you know only want the best for you, as do I.” ☆ ☆ ☆ When Twilight woke up she was engulfed in warmth for the first time in a while.  The cold sharp feeling she had felt for months was completely gone. The snug embrace Starlight secured her in seemed to dance even her seemingly permanent shadows away.  Her head rested perfectly in the crook of Starlight’s arm. It was a fuzzy feeling, something she hadn’t felt since her expedition, words were failing her. For once she had allowed herself to let go of the iron grip she strangled herself with. For once she had felt safe. Breathing in Starlight’s scent of cookie dough from her baking endeavours from Spike, she allowed herself to close her eyes again. No longer shunning away from the physical affection she reached out to snuggle closer to her friend.