Somewhere in the New Funk City, a orange haired guy named Pico was leaning on a wall, spinning around his gun. Then he saw a purple glow and looked over at his side. He saw the portal and he leaned off the wall, looking at the portal.
“The hell is that?” Pico said to himself.
Then, the portal began sucking him in. Pico pointed his gun and started to fire at the portal, but the bullets only went through.
“Well this isn’t how I imagined I would die.”
The portal then consumed Pico. Pico fell further and further into the portal, until is vision got blurry and blacked out.
Pico slowly gain conscious and sat up. He scratched his head and looked around the area. He saw the room was covered in crystals, from the walls to the bed. He saw a drawer and a mini drawer, even a bed with a crystallized frame. He got up and searched for the door. As he found the door, he looked at the bed and noticed a figure in the bed. Curious, he walked over to the bed. He saw a small baby pony in the bed, sleeping.
“A baby horse with a horn? Why is their a baby horse sleeping in this bed? Either the people are very rich or they love to spoil this baby horse.” Pico said to himself out loud.
Just then, the small baby pony started to open its eyes. Pico, however, backed up, not wanting to be seen.
“Shit, I better leave. Don’t want to draw attention.” Pico said as he went to the door.
As he reached the door, he heard baby noises coming from the bed. He turned around slowly and saw the baby pony looking at him curiously. The baby pony, suddenly, showed its wings.
“What in the fu-“
The baby pony flapped it wing and started to fly. Surprised, Pico opened the door and began to run out to the halls. Pico looked behind him and saw the small baby pony chasing him, giggling.
“The hell is this things problem?!” Pico said to himself. “Wait, what am I doing?” Pico stopped and took out his mac-10s.
The baby pony stopped, staring at the guns curiously.
“Stay back! This is your first and final warning. Take another step… or… flap, I will blow your brains out.” Pico said, guns pointing at the baby pony.
The baby pony stared at Pico, looking clueless. The baby pony flew over to the guns, taking a closer look at the guns. Pico had his finger on the trigger, but he hesitated on pulling it. The baby pony started to play with the front of the gun. Pico moved his finger away from the trigger and looked at the baby pony. The baby pony played with the gun and laughed. Pico chuckled lightly and lowered the guns.
“Aww, your just a baby. Sometimes my temper gets the best of me and almost makes me do something Ill regret,” Pico put away his guns. “Listen kid, I don’t know where I am, but I’m leaving this place. I’ll figure this out myself on where I am later. See you later kiddo.”
Pico turn around and began to walk, until he bumped into someone and fell. He looked up and saw a tall stallion with purple red skin, reseda green eyes and a pastel yellow mane staring at him. He was wearing light blue silver armour and had a spear.
“Who are you? What are you doing with the Princess’s child?!” The guard said to Pico.
“Uh… that’s the…” Pico laughed nervously. “Uh… I can explain. You see… I got teleported here and was inside a bedroom, which was this one’s bedroom,” Pico pointed at the baby pony. “I was about to leave, but this kid was chasing me. At first I thought it wanted to harm me, but it only wanted to play. So if you move out my way, I’ll take my leave now.” Pico was about to walk pass him, but the guard stopped him with one of his wings.
“You think I believe some creature that appeared out of thin air?”
“Uh… yes?”
The guard deadpanned and pointed the spear at Pico.
“I’m bringing you to the Princess. She will know what your fate will be.”
“Oh no, no. I don’t need to. I’m leaving now.”
“Your not leaving until the princess decides for you.”
Pico sighed. “Alright fine, lead the way.”
“I’ll be the one giving orders! Now, follow me.”
The guard started to walk away, Pico following behind, giving him the middle finger. As they were walking down the halls, Pico couldn’t help but be amazed by seeing the crystals pillars on the walls.
Hmm, I wonder if these crystals have any value? If so, I’ll make more money with these crystals than being a mercenary. Pico thought to himself.
They reached two big doors and the guard opened it with his hoof. The two entered the throne room, as they were walking down the long, red carpet, Pico saw two ponies that looked royalty. One of them was male, having a light grey coat, a moderate sapphire blue mane with moderate cerulean and dark phthalo blue streaks. He also has a horn. The other in the room was female, having a pale, light greyish cerise coat, a moderate violet mane with moderate rose and pale gold streaks. She has a horn and wings. As they got close to the crystal throne, the guard bowed to the two, but Pico put his hands in his pockets and looked at the two.
“Sir, your majesty, I have found a intruder in the castle. It looks… strange… for a creature.” The guard said to the two, Pico making a small growling noise to the guard.
The Princess looked at Pico and back at the guard.
“Thank you, you are dismissed.” The Princess dismissed the guard.
The guard nodded and left the throne room, leaving Pico with the Princess and the stallion. Awkward silence filled the room, the two ponies looked at Pico closely, examining him. The Princess stood up from her throne and approached Pico. As she was getting close, Pico backed up a bit.
“Do not be afraid, we will not harm you.” The Princess said to Pico.
“Yeah… but I will if you don’t do anything funny, talking horse.” Pico talked back.
“I am a pony, not a horse.”
“What difference does it makes.”
“Well a horse and pony have different heights. Horses are four foot ten inches and ponies are —“
“Alright, alright, I get it.”
“Anyways, before I get distracted, what is your name?”
“Names Pico, now, who are you?”
“I am Princess Cadance, Princess of the Crystal Empire. This is my husband, Shining Armor.” Cadance pointed at Shining Armor.
“Greetings.” Shining Armor said.
“Sup. Like I said, I’m Pico.”
“It’s nice to meet you Pico.”
“Yeah, I guess. Aren’t you… scared of me?”
“Well… your not the scariest creature I’ve met. I’ve fought a changeling queen before with the power of love.”
“A changeling Queen? The hell is that?”
“It’s a bug queen that can take different forms, and she haves drones that also take different forms.”
“Oh, i see. Say, where am I exactly?”
“Why you are in the Crystal Empire.” Cadance said happily.
“No shit Sherlock. I mean where am I period.”
“My, such foal language. What would your mother think of this language?”
“My mom died eight years ago.” Pico deadpanned.
“Oh… oh my… I’m very sorry.” Cadence said sadly.
“Eh, it’s fine. She was a dick to me, so it’s fine.”
“You mean… she was rude to you?”
“Yeah, the only good relationship I had was with my father. Anyways, where am I, beside stating the obvious.”
“Well, you are in Equestria, where peace and harmony prosper.”
“Equestria? Is that a country part of Earth?”
“What is… Earth?”
When she said that, Pico looked shocked.
“Are you saying… I’m not on Earth?!” Pico said in shock.
“I’m afraid not, I don’t know this Earth you speak of.”
“Well… maybe it’s a good thing. It’s filled with corrupted leaders, inflation all to hell, etc.”
“Well we don’t have corrupted leaders, nor this inflation you speak of.”
“Huh, sounds like a paradise here.”
“It does. However, their is strong threats here, such as the changeling queen Chrysalis, tyrannical old ruler of the Crystal Empire, Sombra , and many others that pose a threat to our civilization or other civilizations .”
“Huh, well, nothing I can’t handle.”
Suddenly, Pico felt something touch his back. He turned his head and saw the baby pony behind him. The pony flew to the front of him and started to giggle.
“Oh it’s you again, hey kiddo.” Pico said.
“I see you’ve met our child, Flurry Heart.”
“Flurry Heart? That’s the name of your child?”
“That’s right, that’s our child’s name.”
“Huh, I see.”
Just then, Flurry Heart started to hug Pico’s leg. Princess Cadance started to giggle a bit.
“It looks like she likes you.” Cadance giggled.
“She does? Huh,” Pico said, petting Flurry Heart’s head. “Well, I should go now. I think my stay is overdue now.”
Pico looked at Flurry Heart and picked her up from his leg. She placed her on the floor and patted her.
“Well, kiddo. I gotta go, see you later kid.” Pico said as he turned around and was about to walk out the throne room.
“You can always with us for the while being.” Shining Armor said to Pico.
“Nah, I don’t want to be a burden.”
“You won’t be a burden at all. Besides, you don’t really have anywhere to go really.”
Pico stopped and turned to Shining Armor.
“What do you mean by that? Is that some sort of threat?”
“No, no, not at all. I’m just say, this place is in the arctic northern region, our empire is surrounded by a magical barrier so we don’t freeze. You can leave if you want to, but it gets cold pretty fast out their, especially with no winter clothing.”
“Hmm… well I don’t want to freeze to death. Plus I don’t really know where to go anyway,” Pico put a hand on his chin, thinking. Just then, he saw Flurry Heart giving him the puppy eye look. Pico sighed and chuckled a bit. “Alright, I’ll stay, but only because you offered.”
Flurry Heart flew over to Pico and gave him a hug, to which Pico simply patted her head.
“That’s great!” Princess Cadance said happily. “Since you will be staying, how about a tour of the castle, to get you recognized with your surroundings.”
“Sure, why not.”
“Great, follow me please.”
Princess Cadance, Shining Armor, Flurry Heart left the throne room and gave Pico a tour throughout the whole castle. As they were walking, Cadance saw his guns and looked confused, but also worried at the same time.
“Uh, Pico? If I may ask, what are those behind your back?” Cadance asked Pico.
“Huh, oh you mean these bad boys.” Pico pulled out his guns and twirled them around. “These are my Mac-10 machine pistols.”
“Mac-10 machine pistols? What are they for?”
“They are for killing my targets.”
“K-killing your targets?” Cadance said nervously.
“Relax princess, I would’ve used them on you if I needed to, but I don’t have a reason for it. Plus, I don’t want to piss off anyone that is powerful enough to kill me.”
“That is pretty wise, because if you did attack, we wouldn’t go down without a fight.”
“Heh, yeah.”
“So… why would you kill your targets, if I might add.” Shining Armor said to Pico.
“Well, I’m a mercenary.”
“A mercenary?” Princess Cadance asked.
“You know, a soldier who fights for hire. Well this old man, Daddy Dearest, hired me to kill someone I knew, but I didn’t know at the time. When I got to the location of my target, it was my ex, Boyfriend, and yes that’s his real name. Anyways I decided to not kill him, instead I rap battled him.”
“Well, at least you didn’t harm him, that’s all that matters.”
“Yeah… I guess.”
“Wait a second, did you say their is some pony named Boyfriend?” Shining Armor asked Pico.
“SomeONE, but yes that’s his name, why?” Pico asked.
“My younger sister, Twilight, sent us a letter regarding something called a human that was teleported here. That’s the human that’s staying with my sister.”
Twilight? You mean someone named their daughter after those shitty novels? Better not say that to that guy, don’t wanna pissed him off and get my head chopped off. Pico thought to himself.
“So, your sister has Boyfriend staying with her? Whenever he’s somewhere, his girlfriend is not far behind.” Pico said to Shining Armor.
“Well that’s the thing, they need help finding her. So the rest of them are with twilight and her friends, or some of her friends.” Princess Cadance said to Pico.
“The rest… you mean… Daddy Dearest is with them?!”
“Yes and other as well. One of her friends, Rarity and Capper, has two kids named Skid and Pump. The Zebra named Zecora, has Daddy Dearest living with her for the time being. Twilight also wrote that Boyfriend and Daddy Dearest have a feud with each other, but they decided to set a truce.”
“Hmm, so if those guys got teleported, the others that Boyfriend met will probably get teleported as well. At least Bf and Daddy Dearest have a truce, but knowing Dearest, he’ll find her daughter and leave Bf here.”
“Why does he hate Boyfriend so much anyway?”
“It’s because Bf is dating Girlfriend, and he embarrassed Daddy Dearest. That’s why he hates him so much.”
“Well, maybe… Twilight can teach them to be friends.”
Pico tried to hold his laughter, but he started to laugh hysterically.
“Oh, Princess, that’s a funny joke.” Pico said as he wiped a single tear off his eye.
“But… that wasn’t a joke, I’m being serious.” Princess Cadance said.
“Well, good luck with that. It’s like teaching a baby to drive, it’s impossible.”
“Nothings impossible, with enough patience, anything is possible.” Princess Cadance said with a smile.
“Heh, well god rest her soul, for that will be her downfall, just saying.”
“I believe in her ability. She and her friends have made friends that was thought was impossible.”
“Well, whatever, good luck for her I guess.”
Shining Armor looked at Pico.
“So your like a soldier right?” Shining Armor asked Pico.
“A soldier for hire, yes. Why do you ask?”
“Well… I was just wondering if… you could protect our child from any potential threat that could happen?”
“You mean… being a babysitter?!”
“Well… kinda. Our other guards are reliable, but they get easily overpowered whenever a threat is near. But since you are around, and what I’ve heard from you, you look like your reliable enough to protect our child from any harm. Do you think you can do that for us? We can pay you of course.”
Pico looked at Flurry Heart, Flurry Heart is also looking at Pico. Pico sighed and looked back at Shining Armor.
“Alright, fine. I’ll do it, but instead of calling myself as a babysitter, I’m call myself… a bodyguard or something. Yeah, a bodyguard. And about the payment, I’ll do it for free, but if you pay me anyways, I won’t complain.”
“Perfect, the more help we have, the better. Now, how about we grab you some armour.”
“Oh, no. I don’t need armour.”
“Oh, but I insist.”
“Well… alright, I’m too tired to argue anymore.”
“Yay! Ahem… I mean, great, follow me,” Shining Armour started to hop, until Pico came walking beside him, then he started to walk. “I’m sure our amourer will whip up some armour for you.”
As Shining Amour and Pico left Cadance, she couldn’t help but giggle.
“I think he will fit right in.”
To Be Continued…