Just remember FALK.
Friendship. Acceptance. Love. Kindness.
I am a friend.
I accept others and they will accept me.
I love others.
I am kind to others and they are kind to me.
Don’t be suspicious, just be friendly.
Don’t let them see what you really are.
I open my eyes and stare into the mirror, daring the changeling in the reflection to waver. My eyes search for any flaw in the smooth, glossy carapace, for any cracks of black peeking through the bright orange.
Satisfied it would hold well today, I let out a breath and headed towards the door. Even though I carefully opened it, I managed to startle the pony walking by in the hallway.
“Oh! Good morning!”
I jump a bit myself, mostly out of habit of copying the actions of those around me. “Ah, good morning! I hope you rested well for the test today.”
“Oh well enough, how about you? I know you said you’ve been having trouble with nightmares lately.”
I shrug with a nervous smile. “They’ve been getting better. That tea you recommended really helped.”
They smiled happily in response and for a moment I felt bad I had forgotten their name, but it didn’t matter as long as they didn’t realize it. “I’m happy to hear that! Feel free to come by whenever you need more leaves. Good luck on the test.”
My smile broadened, even as my stomach twisted. “You too!”
We parted ways and I debated stepping back into my dorm room, just to make sure my form wasn’t slipping. More doors were opening though as more students woke up and started towards the cafeteria, which meant it would be suspicious if I went back in now.
My stomach twisted further as I forced myself to join the crowd and head for food. If I had fur and the ability to sweat, I’m sure I would have rivers flowing down my sides. As it was, I had to convince myself that my bright colors weren’t slipping off like paint and that I was still, to everyone’s eyes, a normal changeling.
My eye twitched and I almost laughed at the thought, but yet it was not an unusual one. Times had certainly changed, and many races including the changelings had been brought into the fold of equinity as friendship and acceptance transcended previous gaps of cheerful interactions.
Well, the reformed changelings had anyway.
I remember that day still, where the mare Starlight had fearlessly stared down Chrysalis and helped Thorax defeat her through a colorful transformation of character and chitin. Others followed suit, through the alien act of…sharing.
I, too, shared. Or rather, I tried.
I tried and I tried and I tried but for some reason it didn’t work.
My siblings around me were wrapped in brilliant rainbows, chrysalises of color and change in defiance of our once leader and I…was not.
Why wasn’t I able to transform like them? Why was I stuck instead in the image of one everyone now hated? Why-
“Oof! Hey, watch it!”
I stumble back, shaking my head and dislodging the distracting thoughts. “Oh goodness I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going.”
The creature, a young dragon now that I was paying attention, scoffed and crossed her arms. “Yeah, that much is obvious.” Her expression softened a bit. “Hey uh, you okay?”
Panic flared in my chest as my stomach tightened further. I raised a hoof to my face, trying to feel for the cracks that were surely revealing my true form. “I-I’m fine, what would make you think I’m not okay?”
She raised her claws in defense. “You just look like you’ve seen a ghost or something.” She then cracked a small smile. “I know dragons can be pretty scary, but you don’t have to be afraid of me.”
I force a laugh that is a bit too loud and sharp and quickly clamp my muzzle shut. She opened her mouth but closed it again, instead putting a gentle claw on my shoulder. “Hey, it’s alright. You stressed about the test today?”
I let out a sigh of relief, clutching tightly to the lifeline provided. “Yeah… I was up late studying and didn’t sleep too well. I’m sure I’ll do fine but, you know…”
She squeezed my shoulder sympathetically. “Yeah I get it. I don’t test well either, but you got this. Just breathe, maybe get some juice or something.”
I nod and offer her a shaky smile. “Thanks, I, I think I’ll do that. Good luck.”
“Good luck yourself kid.”
For the second time I fought back the panic to run, run back to my room and hide under the covers and not have to try and pretend anymore for today. You would think pretending to be reformed would be easy, but it was incredibly difficult keeping the new shapes and colors my brethren had transformed into.
There was a strange magic to the new forms that seemed to detest any attempt at falsehood. It was a change not just of looks, but of attitudes and livelihood, of magic and anatomy.
And I couldn’t do it.
I shook my head slightly to bring my focus back to the present. I couldn’t risk my form falling while standing in the middle of a hallway. I look around and find that the dragon, and the rest of the morning rush of students had disappeared, leaving me alone.
I could run away now, with no one to witness my cowardice. I take a step back before I realize it and grit my teeth. Whatever I was going to do, I needed to make a decision and stick to it. The longer I stood here, the more chance someone would see and question it. Question me.
I look down and see a fleck of black on my leg. My breath hitches and my decision is made. I scramble backwards and run back to my room. I’ll take the test another day.
~~
Knock knock.
I freeze at the sound and stare at the door. I look around in a panic as my mouth stumbles to form words. I’m finally able to shakily call out. “Just a second.”
I take a deep breath to try and calm myself enough for my magic to work. Just one minute, I just need it to work for one minute.
The green fire washes over me and I sigh in relief. A quick glance in the mirror shows that it worked and I shuffle to my door and crack it open. “Hello?”
“Howdy Stargell, you okay? Spike noticed you weren’t in class.”
“Oh, Professor Applejack, uh, yeah I’m, I’m sorry I woke up and wasn’t feeling well so I uh…”
I gulped and trailed off, looking to the ground. I grimaced as a sharp pain panged in my stomach. She seemed to notice and leaned in with a concerned look on her face. “Star? Do you need the nurse?”
“Huh? Oh, no no I’m fine, just a bit of a stomach bug.”
Her voice took on a hard edge. “Just a stomach bug huh?”
I winced at the change in tone. “P-Professor?”
Her hoof started to push its way through the gap in the door. “Do you really think you can lie to me?”
My eyes widen and I’m sent stumbling back as she forces the door open. “I’m the Element of Honesty Star, if that even is your name.” She sneered down at me. “I thought we got rid of all you bugs long ago. So what are you doing here, lurking around like a fox in the henhouse. Trying to recruit for Chrysalis?! We defeated her! She’s turned to stone!”
I feel tears rolling down my cheeks as I stammer, unable to find any words. “Wha? But, but no I-”
“I can’t believe one of you filthy things infiltrated our school! Where are they then, huh?!”
“I, I don’t-”
“Where are you hiding all the ponies you’ve taken? Don’t expect me to believe you aren’t one of those nasty little critters, you look just like her, which means you didn’t change and that you’ll always be just an evil Changeling!”
“No, no I’m not, I’m not!”
“Yes, you are.”
“No!”
I curl up into a ball and begin to hyperventilate, not caring that the bright orange form I had chosen was nowhere to be seen. I knew this would happen, what was I thinking? That I could learn the secrets of friendship and finally reform like all the others? Of course they would find me out, of course they would hate me, why shouldn’t they? Not after what Chrysalis did, not after what I had done under her rule. Oh stars they were going to throw me in jail, or, or maybe even-
“Star?”
I blink and I’m standing at the door, Applejack staring at me with increasing worry through the crack. “Star, what’s going on? You started staring off into space and breathing funny.”
I blink some more and take a deep breath before letting it out slowly, trying to stop my legs from trembling. “I’m--I’m sorry Professor, I don’t know what came over me.”
“Star, I really think you should see the nurse. And Trixie.”
“I…” I crumble under her intense stare. “Okay. But uh, m-maybe later today?”
She raised an eyebrow and I quickly added. “Just a couple hours. I want to go down to the cafeteria and get something light, I uh, sorta skipped breakfast today.”
She stared at me for a moment longer before sighing and stepping back. “Just a couple hours. Even if eating does help, and it should, you are going to talk to the nurse today, okay? It’s not healthy for you to be sick this often.”
I nodded. “Don’t worry, I will.” I start to close the door before thinking to add. “Oh and, thank you, Professor.”
I don’t wait for her response before closing the door. I stared at the wood for a moment before falling to the ground with a ragged sigh, my disguise melting off until I was just a puddle of black against the floor.
It’s okay, today was… Unsuccessful, but that’s okay. Just breathe and remember FALK. Maybe talking to Guidance Counselor Trixie will help, if anyone knows what it’s like to not fit in and be judged for your past, it should be her.