//------------------------------// // The Tellyscope // Story: Equestria Girls: It's Showtime--Wallace and Gromit: Cracking Contraptions // by PlymouthFury58 //------------------------------// Aria Blaze was not happy. She had never really been happy ever since that failure at the "Battle of the Bands" dumpster-fire two years ago. All it took, to best the skills of the three best and most illustrious Sirens Equestria had ever seen and feared and loved, was a rock n' roll song played by a standard collection of high school teenagers and a Princess that was transformed into one of them but without her magical abilities. The world was right there, on a silver platter, and they were so close to achieving that goal, only to trip up at the final hurdle. It was enough to make anyone scream in frustration, and she had screamed in frustration so many times that she was nearly hospitalized from shredding her vocal cords. Without the use of her precious amulet, her singing, which used to be on par with the likes of Mariah Carrey, Frank Sinatra, and even Elvis Presley, now sounded like either a screeching bratty child or sharp nails screeching and groaning on a chalk board. Some days, when she was really unlucky, she attracted hoards of squawking vultures, or, just today, a crow that mistook her for a suitable mate. She ended up in a cockfight with the thing, ending with angrily squawking out of sight, and her face gaining a shallow scrape. Today, like any other day, brought plenty of reason for Aria to be miserable with this life as a dumb human. As the sun was setting under the horizon, ending the heat wave that lasted all week, Aria found herself brooding as she walked down the street that led to her house. Just recently, through whatever means they could pull, the Dazzlings had cobbled together whatever money they had gathered and invested in the only house that was affordable within their budget, on the poor side of town where virtually no one lived. At least that gave Aria a shining beacon of hope for this cesspool. Peace and quiet any day over annoying dumb humans. Gah, they just could not shut up if it meant to save their lives! Just then, she took notice of one of the very few humans she was tolerant of, and she was also a former Equestrian: the eldest sister of the Dazzlings, Adagio Dazzle. "Good evening, Aria," Adagio greeted. "Hey, Adagio," Aria grumbled. "I see you've had another busy day." "If you count being chased and attacked by a crow who thought to mate with me, then yes, I have had a busy day, and I'm exhausted." Adagio snickered. "Really? A crow?" "The doctor said not to overexert my voice, and I tried not to," Aria sneered. "I couldn't even sing a simple nursery rhyme. A nursery rhyme!" She sighed. "This is an embarrassment." "Oh, don't be like that." "How is it going to take, Dagi? I'm impatient! I cannot live like this!" "It's only for a little while longer. The time will come, don't worry." "I'm not worried, just impatient," Aria snapped. "You've been telling us that 'the time will come'. Well, it's been more than two years and I've still yet to see when or what that time is!" "Aria, you need to calm down!" Adagio interrupted. "Save your energy, we don't have much left." Aria relented in a tired huff. She led her older sister past the garden gate, sulking with her hands deep in her pockets, hoping that her favorite TV show would take the load off her shoulders. Just then, her nose caught a smell emanating from the opened kitchen window. It smelt of tacos, and it was Tuesday. "Sonata's cooking," she sighed. "Taco Tuesday," Adagio added, also unenthusiastically. Every Tuesday, no matter what the circumstances were, Sonata Dusk, the youngest sister of the Dazzlings, and also the most unconditionally jovial, would whip up a batch of tacos for dinner. At first, it was every mealtime, but when finances became scarce, she opted to keep it to every Tuesday dinner, saying that it made the taste of tacos all the more special. Aria opened the door, taking off her sweater, and was surprised to hear the sound of a power drill. It was coming from the front room. "Is it almost finished?" she heard Sonata ask, in her usual upbeat manner. "Nearly done, Miss Dusk. Just a few more adjustments," replied a voice that was unfamiliar to her or Adagio. Someone was in the house with them. Had Sonata managed to bring someone home on her own? Adagio smirked as she made her way to the living room. There stood Sonata, overlooking the television on the wall, a flat-screen, where underneath it was a man tinkering with some of his tools. He was bald with large ears and a bulbous nose, and wearing a white shirt and red tie underneath a green sweater vest, brown trousers, and black shoes. He was also humming a light tune as he worked. "Ah, there we go. All fixed up and ready to go," the man smiled, rising up with a prideful yet friendly-looking smile. Perhaps that's why Sonata chose him. "Well, well, well, Sonata," Adagio grinned. "I see you've brought someone home with you." "Oh, hallo there, miss. I didn't see you come in," the man greeted, waving a hand. "I'm Wallace. It's a pleasure to meet you." Adagio shook his hand, feeling a little perplexed at his mannerisms. He seemed nice, almost idiotically so, and yet he didn't seem taken in by her figure. "So, Mr. Wallace," she continued, putting on her famous seductive grin, pose, and voice, "what brings you all the way out here?" "Well, Miss Dusk here has asked me to and repair the television," Wallace replied, still sounding as oblivious as before. "I met him in the cheese aisle when I was shopping for taco food," Sonata put in. "He introduced himself, and I told him that our TV wasn't working, and he offered to come in and fix it." Aria, who had heard everything, came into the living room beside Adagio. "Why would our TV need fixing? We just bought it a week ago." "Every time I tried changing the channel to this show I heard about and can't wait to see, the screen goes all staticky and blacks out." "Just a simple recalibration was in order," Wallace said. "Though, if you don't mind, I made a few small adjustments to make the viewing experience less tiring." "How so?" Aria asked. "I'm glad you asked!" He enthusiastically shook his finger across his body, smiling with dumb pride all the way. "Here, let me show you." He sat in an armchair right across from the TV, which Aria swore wasn't there that morning. He pressed a button on the right-hand side which displayed a glove-like mechanical hand holding a tennis ball. "Simply push this button, reel it back all the way, I've calibrated the trajectory it so that it will launch perfectly through the hole every time," he explained, demonstrating so. He let go of the ball, and went sailing through a hole in the wall above the TV, which hit a target, slid down a few slides before landing on its pressure spot, causing a track to move the TV out from the wall and towards Wallace. "I forget," he whispered to Sonata, "where are the buttons on this particular TV?" "On the left-hand side," she replied. Wallace nodded, and when the TV was right in his face, he reached a hand out to the side and pressed the button that turned on the TV. Presently, it was displaying an ad for a custom-made cheese grater. "This'll save your legs. It's precision-based technology," Wallace proudly declared. "I call it the Tellyscope." "'The Tellyscope'?" Adagio incredulously repeated. "Oh, I get it! It's like a telescope but for the TV, right?" Sonata said. "Precisely, Miss Dusk," Wallace smiled, getting up and clapping his hands together. "Right then, I should probably be getting home now. There's a lovely plate of cheese and crackers with my name on it. Mmm." Sonata waved goodbye to Wallace, and he to Adagio and Aria, before humming and walking to the front door. "Have a good one!" he called, leaving through the door frame, letting it close on its own. "They seemed awfully nice." "That was nice of him," Sonata smiled. "That guy's an idiot," Aria deadpanned. "Yeah," Adagio agreed. "There's no way his naivete would let me have my way with him." "Why would you feel the need to have your way with Wallace?" Sonata asked, moving to the armchair in the middle. "He's a nice guy." "Too nice, and that was the problem." Just then, the advert ended, and a voiceover said, "We now return to the Drive-In Channel." A picture faded in on screen displaying a variety of penguins all gathered together in an arctic environment, and the narrator spoke, "These seemingly placid birds have adapted perfectly to the hostile environment." Suddenly, the voice took a sinister turn. "But explorers beware...few are prepared for the consequences...WHEN PENGUINS TURN!!" Sonata gasped. "Uh, oh, wrong channel!" She pushed the button to display the now empty hand. "Aw, rats. That was my only ball." Aria placed two fingers on the bridge of her nose, groaning. "You know we have a remote, right?" Sonata lit up. "Oh, yeah!" She reached over to the couch where the remote sat, then placed it in the hand, before launching it cleanly through the hole in the picture. "That's more like. Thanks, Ari!" Adagio facepalmed, while Aria growled, clenching her fists. "What?" Sonata innocently asked. Suddenly, a crash was heard overhead, through the walls, freezing the Dazzlings in place, followed by an explosion, a spilled jar of spoons, the smashing of wood, the boing of a spring, the rolling of a frying pan, and the neighing of a horse. "I didn't know we had a horse." Just then, the TV screen went static, before displaying another program with a voiceover saying, "Tonight, on Columbo..." Sonata beamed with excitement. "EEEHH!! It worked! I'll be right back, the tacos smell like they're ready!" She then got up and rushed into the kitchen. "Alright, brown and crispy, just the way I like 'em!" Aria turned to Adagio, who nodded. "We're getting rid of that thing," she said. "Agreed. Help me with this chair." Then everything happened at once. Aria went to life the tricked-out armchair from behind while Adagio lifted from the front. They had just managed to lift it off of the ground, when Lt. Columbo said from the shaking like an earthquake TV screen, "Just one more thing," and Adagio managed to duck out just in time for the TV to come flying out of the wall, sending it, Aria, and the armchair to crash into the wall behind them. Sonata then came skipping back from the kitchen and gasped, nearly dropping her food. "Oh, my goodness, Aria, are you okay?! What happened?!" Aria Blaze groaned in pain. "I'm gonna murder you in your sleep, Sonata Dusk." Adagio Dazzle mumbled from where she landed. "This is going to take a lot longer than I thought."