I’m not dead yet. I’ll let you decide whether that’s good news.
I started eating again a few hours after Twilight’s last visit. I feel warmer now, if not entirely better.
Twilight suggested that getting my thoughts out in the open might help. I don’t see how, but at this point I’ll try.
Hi, I’m Emerald Flare; the freak of nature that resulted from a fire elemental and a unicorn who barely knows what she’s doing.
Twilight promised me that she’d do her best to find me a place in this world. At this point, that’s all I’m clinging to. Nothing else matters. If I let my mind slip to other things, I’m going to break down.
I am not gonna die… today.
Today Twilight brought over a visitor; the yellow pegasus who stared me down in the street the other day; Fluttershy. When Twilight called her in by name, I almost reflexively pinned myself against the far wall. I had precisely one memory associated with that name and it had been terrifying.
When Fluttershy came in, her eyes were mostly hidden by her mane, which I was grateful for. I still quivered.
“Are you.. Okay?” she asked. Her words were filled with empathy, and barely reached my side of the room.
“A little… shaken.” I answered honestly.
Twilight put a hoof around Fluttershy’s back and said, “It’s okay. For both of you. Let’s get closer. I’d really like you two to meet properly.”
Fluttershy slowly took a few steps closer, to the forcefielded edge of my cell. Her movements were careful and hesitant, which took me a second to process. Could it be that she was as scared of me as I was of her?
I peeled myself off of the wall, one limb at a time. I crept forward much like she had, trying to resist the urge to hide in a corner.
I stopped a few feet away; just outside of touching distance, if the forcefield hadn’t been between us.
“Fluttershy,” Twilight said, pointing to me. “This is Emerald Flare. Emerald…” -Twilight pointed back to her friend- “This is Fluttershy.”
“Hi…” I said. “Uh… forgive me if I don’t shake hooves. There’s this forcefield and… I usually burn things I touch.”
Fluttershy nodded and said something I couldn’t hear; probably acknowledgement. I sat down where I stood.
We had long moment of silence before I spoke again. “Um… I dunno how you wanna take this, but… you seem less… scary than the last time we met.”
Flutershy nodded again. When it became apparent Fluttershy wasn’t going to say any more, Twilight cut in.
“She’s usually very shy, but I’ve learned that she’s the bravest pony I’ve ever known when it counts.”
Fluttershy gave a small smile; one that appreciated the compliment, but maybe wasn’t sure it was deserved.
I suddenly felt I knew this pony far better than I had a few seconds ago. I smiled in reciprocation, just a bit.
“Well, Fluttershy, did you know that you’re only the second pony to be able to talk down a Fire Elemental in over a thousand years?”
Fluttershy’s head lifted a bit so one eye could look at mine from under her mane. I almost flinched, expecting another steely stare, but instead I got a soft look of curiosity and wonder.
I felt encouraged by the look.
“It’s true. The only other pony who’s managed it, to my knowledge, is Princess Celestia, so you’re in very good company.”
Fluttershy’s smile grew, and at the same time she looked away, blushing.
My spark jumped inside me. There might have still been a scrap of paper from this morning’s breakfast fluttering around in my stomach, because I swear I felt it tickle me from the inside just then. I dunno what exactly was going on there, but… I think I wanted more. Is that normal? Should I see the elemental-doctor? I mean, arrange a checkup with Twilight?
I took a deep breath. I was running out of things to say.
“Um, Fluttershy? I’m sorry about… almost trampling the bunnies in the street. It turns out that I was bleeding heat at the time, so… you stopping me at that point probably saved my life. So thank you.”
Fluttershy got a peculiar expression on her face. I’m not exactly sure how to describe it; it was mostly a smile, but…there was something else in there, too. Pride? But not in herself…
Was she proud of me? Why would that be? I’ve literally done nothing but inconvenience her and her friends since I got here.
Before I could think on it much longer, Fluttershy placed a hoof on the transparent forcefield and gestured towards it with her head. I hesitated, not sure exactly what she wanted me to do, but eventually I placed a hoof on the forcefield too, directly across from hers. We just sat there for a few moments, pressing our hooves together.
I suppose that’s the closest thing to a hug she could give me.
At some point in that time, I started crying napalm tears again. I couldn’t understand why; wasn’t that supposed to be a thing you did when you were sad? Whatever it was must’ve been contagious because the next thing I knew Fluttershy and Twilight were crying, too.
My scribe, Spike, insists that he was miraculously dry-eyed through the entire thing. I don’t know if I believe him.
See, Spike! You’re doing it again just thinking about it!
Oh, sparks; I might start crying just thinking about it, too. I better finish this off quickly.
Fluttershy left soon afterward, but she quietly promised to come back to check how I was doing from time to time. I think I might be looking forward to it.
Is that okay? To look forward to something even when I know nothing is ever going to be the same? Is it a betrayal of my past life to think this new life might not be terrible in every conceivable way? I’ll have to think about that one, maybe.
I might have to report my progress to Princess Celestia, too.