It was only after Grey Beard's absence that I found myself able to move once more, the mysterious petrification that had gripped me had vanished sooner than it had arrived. There was no point in trying to follow the enigmatic stallion; I could tell by both scent and sight that he was long gone so I decided to head back to the Friendship Castle. I'm sure Twilight must be freaking out by now so I took it upon myself to alleviate her distress. With every step that I took, I could swear that I felt the weight around my heart had been greatly reduced. Perhaps verbally unloading my woes to someone wasn't that bad of a concept after all?
Confiding in others isn't exactly something that is second nature to me, having spent much of my formative years in a foreign place surrounded by those, with the exception of Tyr, who feared and even reviled me. I didn't spend a whole lot of time with the different gods and goddesses but I did get enough of an impression as to who they each were. There was timid Sif, hot-tempered Thor, loquacious Bragi, austere Skaði and the golden twins Frey and Freya, who were rather inoffensive but otherwise bland. Odin, however, was tougher to get a read on as he spent much of his time around his compatriots listening rather than talking, that flashing eye of his doing the speaking for him. What I did interpret was this: he could be your greatest adversary, your staunchest ally or even both, and that made him horribly unpredictable, even more so than my father.
"Fen! There you are!"
Twilight skidded to a stop in front of me, a frazzled mane and frenzied breathing showcasing her distress.
"I'm so happy to see that you're alright!"
Patting her back, I sighed. "I'm okay, Twilight. I just got...overwhelmed by the lesson. I'm fine, really."
She peered up at me suspiciously.
"Are you sure?"
After a moment's hesitation, I decided against brushing off her concerns and instead elected to come clean with the alicorn. Maybe I'm learning more of that "honesty" thing Applejack and her kin are so gosh-darn proud of, yee-haw! Seriously though, after my dismal first attempt at active fact-withholding, I thought it prudent to actually discuss my problems instead of keeping things to myself.
"It...was a memory, I think. Something I'd forgotten about."
"A repressed memory?" Twilight tapped her chin. "Certain external stimuli may trigger subconsciously repressed recollections associated with moments of high stress and/or trauma."
I couldn't contain my amusement. "Twilight?"
"Yes, Fenrir?"
"You are in serious need of getting laid."
Twilight clicked her tongue and playfully smacked my right foreleg with a hoof.
"Ha ha, very funny. All jokes aside, I think you need to discuss this with somepony. Dissociative amnesia is no laughing matter."
"I don't think this is mere psychology. It's almost as if...as if my perception of my life's course is changing, like every experience I've ever had was right but I found myself discovering my memories were wrong and were always that way."
"Do you think there is something else at play?" Twilight wondered, though based on her expression, it was evident that she already knew the answer. "Or rather, someone?"
I nodded. "I think it might be The Hunger. Have you or the princesses tried looking further into it?"
"I've been trying to decode the symbols that I saw during your examination but haven't come up with anything concrete yet. Princess Celestia has assured me that Princess Luna is looking into it. If anypony can decipher a mind-based curse, it would be Princess Luna."
There was a tiny nugget of doubt wedged in the back of my mind that I finally gave voice to:
"Do...do you think it's possible that you might one day cure me of The Hunger?"
My odd-toed ungulate friend's head lowered.
"Fenrir...I truly wish that I had an answer for you but the truth is, I've never seen or heard anything like this. Faust, not even Princess Celestia has the slightest idea as to what a 'living hex' is or how to reverse it. We're talking about some next-level, top-tier dark magic at play here, the likes of which haven't been seen since the Last Great Goetic War of 1322."
As you can imagine, this was extremely demoralizing. For an untold amount of time, I wished to be liberated from my affliction. Even when I was a bloodthirsty harbinger of doom, The Hunger was a near-constant thorn in my side that demanded to be plucked and discarded. I wanted nothing more than to rid myself of my past and despite finding myself in a place where I could have a second chance at a normal life, I couldn't even have that. I stamped a paw down in frustration and silently swore to myself in giant's-tongue.
Damn you, Gullveig.
Twilight appeared as though she was on the verge of tears. In my moment of self-pity, I'd forgotten how she might feel about the situation. Ponies were quite an emotional species, placing great emphasis on compassion and empathy towards their friends and equine brethren...and sistren. Add in the fact that Twilight was the Princess of Friendship, a role that demanded that she try to help everyone, and that her own neurotic do-gooder personality often placed the weight of the world on her scrawny shoulders. It must be tough being an Element of Harmony.
Gingerly enveloping her back with my paw, I dragged her towards my chest.
"It's okay, Twilight," I assured her softly. "I don't blame you."
"But I just want to help you," she muttered against my coat.
"I know and I can't tell you how happy that makes me. We'll just keep trying."
Twilight sat up so she could make eye contact. "It might take some time."
I shrugged. "Chances are, I'm going to live for a very long time so I can afford to wait."
Finally, a smile spread across her face. "Alright. Let's go back to the castle, okay?"
"Okay."
We made our way back to the Friendship Palace, where I decided to put my burgeoning magic skills to the test by telekinetically opening the front door. Focusing on the main entrance, I poured my energies into the door and willed it to open until, at last, the stubborn thing finally budged. I remembered Twilight mentioning something about biological creatures being a little trickier to manipulate than inorganic material, even "dead" things like wooden doors. Magic was really the alteration of matter, and since all things in this world give off magic, which is essentially matter with a consciousness, even something as rudimentary as a tree pushed back with its own energies in order to ensure its continued survival. At least, I'm trying to accurately replicate Twilight's own words in a more digestible format to the average layperson.
Once we were back in the library, I once more took my seat on the floor.
"So, where were we in the lesson?"
The mare's eyes lit up.
"Transmutation magic. You're going to learn how to alter solid matter."
A notebook, quill and inkwell floated over to me. Taking the hint, I surrounded the items in my own magic and proceeded to copy the different formulae and symbols that had been meticulously inscribed on the chalkboard. As I was still a novice, my telekinetic writing took a little bit of time and if not for Twilight's seemingly bottomless well of patience, I might've become immensely frustrated by the length of the endeavor. Once the notes had been fully transcribed, Twilight flipped the board over and tapped at it with her teaching stick. The very top read, "Transfiguration" and "Transmogrification", the two words underlined and separated by a vertical white streak.
"Ahem, now, we will move onto the topic of transmogrification and transfiguration," Twilight began authoritatively, which only sounded adorable. "Transmogrification and transfiguration are indeed both forms of metamorphic thaumaturgy and although it may not seem like it, there is a difference, however minute, between the two. Transfiguration concerns the alteration of an object's physical appearance, such as adding wings to a pig or extra limbs on a squirrel. Transmogrification, on the other hoof, is the process of completely transforming matter into an entirely different form. For example, turning a base metal like iron into gold or an apple into an orange."
Underneath "Transfiguration," she wrote:
-Physical change
-Object retains same molecular structure
-Less time/energy
Then, Twilight added some points to "Transmogrification":
-Total molecular alteration
-Matter has changed mass and composition as well as appearance
-Takes more time/energy
Studiously, I took down everything that was written on the board, as well as spoken, though simplified for my own sake as I knew how to read but certain words and phrases were unknown to me, requiring a quick glance at a dictionary just to comprehend what it was that I was looking at. This talk of molecules and physical mass went above my simple canine brain, necessitating research into that particular topic in my own private time but the basic gist that I received was that solid objects could be changed magically from one form into another, depending on whether or not the changes that the sorcerer needed were major or minor.
"This kind of magic requires innate talent and skill," Twilight explained. "Two different unicorns may not be equal when it comes to the natural magical reserves that they, and the other equine races, carry within them, nor in their knowledge and experience. Not all ponies are, sadly, created equal, with some being more naturally gifted than others when it comes to their respective types of magic. Earth ponies utilize geomancy, a low-energy, empathic and tactile-based sorcery, while pegasi use meteoric magic, affecting the weather by exuding a barometric pressure field from their wings. Lastly, there is thaumaturgical magic for the unicorns, allowing them to alter the world around them by tapping into an omnipresent energy field with their horns."
Creating a triangle, Twilight made rudimentary sketches of a segmented horn, a horseshoe and a pair of wings, each chalk drawing resting on a separate point of the triangle.
"Only unicorns are capable of using thaumaturgical magic, and that means that earth ponies and pegasi are incapable of achieving feats like levitation or inter-spacial teleportation. While Unicorns lack a deep, almost psychic connection to the earth or weather-altering wings, they are still able to instantaneously grow crops or alter the weather."
"If this is the way of pony society," I asked. "Then why don't the unicorns run everything?"
Twilight drew back suddenly, as though she'd accidentally sat on something hot, her right hoof flying to her mouth to stifle her gasp. She seemed to chew on her hoof as she stole little glances of me in between her tiny moments of nerve-wracked eye-darting.
"That kind of talk is prohibited!" Twilight whispered harshly. "Faust only knows what anypony would do if they'd heard you talking like that."
As it turns out, that line of thought, according to Twilight, was some kind of social taboo as it was discriminatory against their fellow equines.
"Pony society operates on six core concepts: laughter, generosity, magic, kindness, loyalty and honesty, all of which combine to create harmony, the primary belief of every pony. Harmony united all of us in times of hardship, like the Epoch of Emperor Grogar and the Windigo Winter, making us stronger and wiser and able to meet life's unending challenges head-on, as dictated by the will of Faust."
I'd heard that name before, usually appearing in day-to-day conversations such as, "Faust, is it hot out!" or, "Snips, put that cupcake back or so help me Faust...!" From the sounds of her, this Faust pony was like Odin, Vili, and Vé all rolled into one.
"It was due to the efforts of the First Age era of Pre-Equestrian history that Harmony was brought to the world. Ponies must work together to uphold this oath of unity or they will fail everypony that had come before and yet to arrive after."
All of the time Twilight was talking, it was never in that bubbly, manic excitement but in a tone of reverent stoicism. It was as if she were discussing a topic she dared not sully by allowing her emotions to cheapen the message.
Damn, I'm sorry I asked.
Anyway, once the sacred non-verbal bargain had been recited, a switch had been turned and Twilight resumed her fillyish, gleeful demeanor. Outlining some formulas on the board, she went on to elaborate that metamorphic magic was a field of sorcery that was based on two key factors: prowess and will. The most skilled and strong in spirit were able to perform this feat with ease while those that didn't exhibit those traits did so at a considerably weaker rate. Telekinesis and energy materialization were more associated with concentration, so they were the most accessible to the less proficient spell-casters.
"So, wait, thaumaturgical magic is predicated on horns and antlers, yet I can use it. Why is that?"
"Excellent question!" Twilight was practically vibrating with boundless excitement. "Based on the data that I've collected thus far, I theorize that although your particular brand of magic is primarily Equestrian in nature, it also contains elements of the sorcery from your world. If the beings there don't require cranial appendages in order to do magic, then you don't need them here either. It's a unique hybridization of the two, which means that you aren't necessarily bound to the same rules as a unicorn is."
Twilight started rambling about something involving ley lines and "vibrational harmonic frequencies"...buuuut I admittedly blacked out for a minute or two at this point. When I snapped back to reality, she was erasing the chalkboard with a mild spring in her step. I shook my head and blinked in confusion, the grogginess falling away like autumn leaves from the treetops. Honestly, this mare could talk the ear off of a kyrkogrim. That mouth could really help me sleep better after a rough day.
Shut up, you pervert.
"Now it's time to move onto the practical applications of transmutation magic!"
Levitating the desk and chalkboard, Twilight cleared a space on the floor and took a seat across from me, trembling with anticipation of whatever it was the next lesson entailed. She magically reached into her top desk drawer and retrieved a brown paper bag, setting it down in between us before withdrawing a red apple and a green-tinged banana. Noting my obvious puzzlement, she pointed to each of them with a forehoof, once more adopting an instructor's demeanor.
"We're going to try transfiguration", Twilight clarified, tapping the banana's tip with her toe. "I want you to turn the banana a different color."
Okay, this sounded simple enough. Come on, Fenrir, let's do this!
Nodding, I knitted my brow in concentration, the oblong fruit taking the whole of my attention.
Focus...
The air around me shifted suddenly, displaced ripples of burgeoning magic sending a distinct chill up through my extremities and throughout the rest of my body. A static wave washed over my coat, all of the hairs stiffly rose up like a thousand tiny soldiers standing at attention. The temperature wavered between chilling and humid, my skin developing goosebumps just as soon as the flesh recovered from the shakes. My nostrils flared at the unmistakable black pepper-scented tang of my aura, little sparks popping and crackling around me while my aura solidified, creating a green fiery outline that ebbed and flowed around my body like a mid-autumn breeze. It was soon accompanied by the disembodied staves that floated at the border of the black-edged flames, each one throbbing with their own hidden power.
Focus...
Blue...turn the banana blue.
Focus...
Nothing else existed. My entire world consisted solely of that one little fruit.
Focus...
A few sparks erupted around the banana before a soft green glow surrounded it. Slowly, the banana rose off of the floor and wobbled, doing a kind of jig in midair that, looking back on it, was admittedly amusing. At the moment, however, all I could think of was turning it blue, specifically the shade of the mid-afternoon sky. When nothing happened, I increased my magical outflow, willing the fruit to change color, imposing my determination on the bothersome berry. Finally, a series of azure splotches spread randomly over the banana's skin like spilled ink.
Satisfied with my efforts, I allowed the banana to drop and halted my concentration.
Twilight inspected the banana, turning it over in her own magic.
"Not quite fully blue but I still have to give you points for the effort."
She jotted down her findings in a notepad and pointed towards the apple.
"Now try it again. This time, change it so that the apple has a more rock-like composition."
I targeted the apple, my eyes taking note of its shape and smooth, glossy surface.
Focus...
Once again, the atmosphere became thick with eldritch energies, the sensation of an invisible fog enveloping me in its depths. My green aura burst to life as it encompassed my form, flowing staves trailing off my aura and inaudibly popping in the air. This time, the scent of pepper burned in my nostrils, almost to the point that I was blinking away tears from how pungent it was. Twilight may've been saying something but I was too engrossed in my task to pay attention, streams of viridian flames drifting from my eyes as a crimson veil slowly dropped over my vision. At that moment, something triggered a new memory, or rather, an old one that I'd forgotten.
"Why do you insist on agitating Mother?" Jormungandr asked me once we were alone. "If you just paid attention, then she wouldn't have to discipline you."
"It's not as though I meant to, Jory." My head was still aching from where Mother had struck me. "Mother has always singled me out of the three of us."
"Well, you are the eldest child," Jormungandr pointed out, his blue-black tongue darting out from between his lips. "Hel and I have our duties but it mainly falls on your shoulders to carry out Mother's wishes. The jötnar are counting on us, Fenrir. We are the doom-bringers of the Aesir, the triple terrors of the Nine Realms."
In an unanticipated move, Jormungandr placed a coil on my shoulder, his yellow-green eyes peering deeply into mine.
"You will one day kill the Allfather, and I the Smiter of Hrungnir. You...and I, brother. Until that day arrives, you must become strong and fearless. Only then will you truly become the Beast of Slaughter..."
A smaller magical aura similar to mine enveloped the apple, slowly wobbling and lifting it a quarter of an inch off of the floor. The stem curled and sagged like a twig in a bonfire, the surface cracking and peeling away as it transformed into a two-pronged piece of wriggling flesh. The apple's skin peeled away in messy wet chunks, hitting the floor and turning into puddles of putrescent yellowish-white green slime that smelled faintly of almonds. Beneath the rotten skin, the surface of the apple pulsated as though alive, the normally white flesh turning light brown and grayish black and developing a bumpy, diamond-shaped pattern. It was then that I realized that what I was looking at was, in fact, the scaly hide of a serpent and immediately cut off the power to the spell, allowing the apple to drop and hit the crystalline floor with a wet smack.
Panting, I swallowed air and felt a kind of pressure develop in my forehead and the back of my skull. If I could sweat, I imagine that I'd be completely drenched. Who knew casting a spell could be so taxing?
Twilight was now on my left, a hoof caressing my foreleg, an expression of concern and shock dominating her features.
"Fen, what happened? It looked like you blanked out."
I shook my head, little spots dancing in my line of sight.
"I don't...I don't know," I wheezed. "I was thinking of a time when I was a pup and was having a conversation with my brother."
Twilight peered at me, then at the apple with a sort of disgusted fascination.
"Well...this is, er...interesting."
She poked at the deformed fruit with a ruler.
"I've certainly never seen anything like this b-..."
A yellow-green eye flicked open towards the top of the snake-apple, the vertical oval-shaped pupil contracting in what I can only guess was sheer annoyance.
Twilight let out a shrill yelp and tumbled backwards. I snickered at the display, earning me a dirty look from the miffed mare.
"That's not funny," she chastised and I bit my lower lip to keep from making any further noise.
Righting herself, Twilight gave each wing a quick flap and cautiously approached the apple.
"I'm not certain whether I should be impressed or horrified."
"That makes two of us."
The snake-apple flicked its tongue-stem in the air, a milky-white transparent layer of skin sliding over its aggravated eyeball. It then receded back from whence it came, and it was later that I learned that the "third eyelid" was something called a brille. I didn't ask but Twilight nonetheless answered.
"Right," Twilight began after a prolonged silence. "Erm, well done, Fenrir. You changed the apple's physical composition."
She scribbled some more notes, never once taking her eyes off of me.
"Transmogrification requires a lot of talent but also energy and patience. The fact that you were able to perform this on your first try, albeit unintentionally, is really quite impressive for a neophyte."
I couldn't shake the feeling that Twilight wasn't entirely pleased by this display of magic. Sure, there was one aspect of the mare that was mystified and even intrigued by the display but an undeniable apprehension had her in its grip. She didn't bother to bring it up, at least with me, and I suppose I was too nervous to ask her. In fact, I was a bit terrified by what just transpired. Not only was transmogrification magic pretty advanced but my moment of semi-consciousness was cause for alarm and I found myself wondering if I'd inadvertently used dark magic.
"Well, that concludes your lesson for today! Same time tomorrow?"
It was as clear as day that Twilight had been spooked by what just occurred with the snake-apple, which was understandable given that it was a perfectly reasonable response. So in lieu of an inquiry, I hesitantly bid my miniature hostess farewell and made my way towards the exit. By the time I stepped outside, Ponyville's marketplace and restaurants were filled to full capacity and I realized that it was lunchtime. A light growling in the pit of my stomach confirmed that indeed, I too could eat and elected to swing by Sugarcube Corner and see what Pinkie Pie literally had cooking. Hel, while I was at it, I could see how the twins were doing, perhaps even help to watch them and alleviate their parents' stress.
As I started in the direction of Sugarcube Corner, a terrifying question formed in my mind:
Was it me that cast the transmogrification spell or someone else?