//------------------------------// // Doing a One-Pony Show // Story: Twilight Tries... // by Peni Parker //------------------------------// Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather. *DEEP BREATH* . . Oh, hi, Spike. I was just doing some pre-rehearsal vocal exercises and - uh, Spike? What are you doing with the camera? . . Oh no, uh-uh, not happening! There’s no way I’m going to make this into an episode of Twilight Tries! . . Yes, Spike, I remember. I accidently turned you into a cockroach for a few hours and to make up for it I agreed to be in your play and that I’d get Rarity to come see it when it opens, but what I did not agree to was that you could record any of this. Especially not for my vlog! . . Oh come on, Spike. What possible reason could you have for wanting to get an episode of Twilight Tries out of this? . . Viral marketing, huh? Okay, I guess I can understand that. Well regardless of your reasons for wanting to record this my answer is still no. Now please, turn the camera off. . . Oh for – I just don’t want this recorded, okay, Spike. I mean it’s bad enough you wouldn’t let me take a look at the script you wrote until today, but now you want to record me doing a complete dry run of it too? That’s going to be nothing but embarrassing for me. . . W-What?! Oh my gosh, no, Spike! That is not what a ‘dry run’ means! That’s disgusting. . . *SIGH* All right, all right. If it means that much to you then you can record this and I promise I’ll post it to my vlog later, okay? . . Okay. Now can I please get a copy of the script so we can get started? . Honestly, how does he expect me to give a decent performance if I haven’t had time to study the script until today? I mean I know this is only the first rehearsal and all, but still. It would’ve been nice to at least have an idea of what this play I’m going to be in is about. . Thanks, Spike. Now then, let’s take a look at this play you wrote. . ‘Pony: An Artistic Introspective and Exploration of the Existential Nature of Equine Life’ Well that title is certainly…interesting. . . Wait, you want to start rehearsal right now, Spike? But I’ve only read the title so far. . . You want me to perform as I read the lines for the first time so that my performance is as raw and emotional as possible? I’m not sure that makes much sense, but all right. Ahem. ‘I…looked at myself in the mirror this morning and…and I didn’t recognize the pony I saw looking back at me. I saw that the pony in the mirror had all the same features that I’d seen it have countless times before, but that pony was nothing but a complete stranger to me today. Horn, wings, hooves, cutie mark. Are these things all that I am? If I lost any one of them would I still be me? Am I nothing more than just the sum of my parts?! Are any of us more than just the sum of our parts?! Are we nothing more than a blip in the infinite sequence of events that we perceive as time?!’ Um, Spike, can we pause for a moment? I have a few concerns about some thematic disconnect that I’m sensing here. . . Well I mean what you wrote here starts off exploring ideas of personal identity and then kind of abruptly shifts into ideas of ethnological identity. And not long after that it shifts again into ideas of spiritual identity. . . Yes I get that you want to explore multiple facets of being with this play so that you can establish a means by which ponies can instigate a contemplative analysis of their own existence, but when you make so many sudden shifts in theme like this it makes it hard for the audience to follow along, you know? . . Okay, we’ll revisit all that later. Let’s just move on to the next act for now. Let’s see here. . Uh, Spike, I don’t think I understand this part here. It just says, ‘Do an interpretive dance to symbolize the futility of longing’. I just…I have a lot of questions about that, not the least of which being what an interpretive dance symbolizing the futility of longing is even supposed to look like. . . You’re going to show me what it’s supposed to look like? Oh, no, that’s okay. I think I can figure it out myself – Aaaand Spike’s dancing now. . And now I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. O-Okay, um, thank you, Spike. You can stop now, I think I got it. So I guess an interpretive dance symbolizing the futility of longing looks like flailing all your limbs around randomly. All right, well, let’s just move on for now, shall we? Whatever’s next it can’t be any more awkward than that interpretive dancing. . W-W-What in the name of Luna?! Spike! What the heck is with this part here?! . . This part right here, where it says, ‘Talk about your first heat in excruciating detail for an hour’! Do you really think I’m going to stand on stage for an hour and describe my first heat to hundreds of ponies, Spike?! . . No, lengthening it to an hour and a half isn’t going to help! The length of time I’m supposed to talk about my first heat isn’t the problem, Spike! The problem is that I’m supposed to talk about my first heat period! Just…why did you think me talking about something like that so publicly was a good idea? Or even remotely appropriate? . . Fine, whatever. Let’s just move on to the next part. But we are not coming back to this part later! I’m almost afraid to find out what the next act entails. . Huh. I'm supposed to put on a puppet show? Oh, well, okay then. I think I can do that. . . You want me to do what with the puppets?! Okay, that’s it, I’m done! There is no way in Equestria or Tartarus that I’m going to perform this play you’ve written, Spike! It’s too disconnected, too outlandish, and too…too wrong on so many levels for me to be a part of it! . . *SIGH* Yes I know I promised I’d do this to make up for accidently turning you into a cockroach, but I just can’t do the vast majority of things that are in your play. I’m pretty sure I’d lose my Princess of Friendship title if I did that puppet show. Is there anything else I can do to make things up to you? Anything at all? . . Deal. I’ll help you write a love song for Rarity. . . Yes, and I’ll still post this to my vlog too. I don’t know why though since this play’s not happening now, but whatever. Well since I’m still going to be uploading this I guess this is where I’ll sign-off, everypony. So as always, thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time on what will hopefully be a pre-planned episode of Twilight Tries! *SIGH* Why do I have a weird feeling that this ‘write a love song for Rarity’ thing is going to end with Rarity thinking that I’m the one confessing to her or something like that?