My tail was happily flipping about so fast that I almost thought that I should be flying as I replied, “They were requested to do a trial under the Royal Wing! As preparation for the trial, they are doing a TOTAL AUDIT of both Canterlot Casualty and Life and the Equestrian National Bank.
“Besides that, their Highnesses have given both institutions Royal Orders to make immediate payment of insurance claims in full and to cease all foreclosures unless specifically and individually approved by both Celestia and Luna.”
Mol brightened up and suggested, “Perhaps you ought to suggest to their Highnesses that they extend their inquiry here to the Hall of Records. All foreclosures, insurance claims and pay outs have to be registered.”
“Mol, my sweet and lovely young mare, would you honor me by joining Coalsmoke and I for lunch at Caramel Treat’s?”
Shortly, I was at the front door of Canterlot Casualty and Life. My way was blocked by a Royal Guard at first. “No pony or other is allowed in, sir. There is a Royal Audit in progress.”
“I know that, Sargent Cirrus. Please convey to Her Highness Princess Luna, that Grumpy Goat has information that she has requested and a suggestion for further inquiry about the matters in question.”
To my surprise, he replied courteously, “Please wait here, sir. I shall relay your message.” He called a replacement to stand guard while he did just that. In only a few moments, he escorted me back to Stallheart’s office, where Princess Luna was plowing her way through a stack of documents. She looked up and smiled.
“Hi, Grumpy! What have you got for me?”
“Two things, Princess. First, your truth spells are now registered and active. Second, Mol, down at the Hall of Records, suggested that you double check what you find here with the registry because insurance claims, pay outs, foreclosures and other title changes need to be registered.”
“I see. I am going to pass that along to Celestia. She is handling the Equestrian National audit. I am sure that she will find the notion as useful as I will.
“Now, I am really busy.” She looked up from her papers with a grin and added, “But not too busy to snag lunch from Caramel Treat’s! See you there in about an hour, Grumpy!”
Coming out of the Canterlot Casualty and Life office, I ran into a lovely green mare with lighter green mane and tail. She had her camera along and was getting pictures of the closed office with Royal Guards standing sentry duty at the doors.
I greeted her, “Hi, Romaine! If you want the best story on this and the Equestrian National being shut too, come on up to Caramel Treat’s with me. Princess Luna will be heading up there in about an hour to get lunch. She is handling the Canterlot Casualty and Life side of the case.”
As we trotted up Mane Street toward Caramel Treat’s Sweets, Romaine asked, “What exactly is happening, Grumpy? You seem to be in the middle of it, whatever it is.”
I snickered as I replied, “I was just the pebble that set off the landslide. You are aware that I am dead, right? Have been for fifteen years now, correct?”
Romaine nodded. “You even have a death certificate signed and sealed by Princess Luna. I remember the trial when you sued the Ponyville Medical Society. Princess Luna even went to the trouble to get your exact date and time of death from the Litch King.”
“Well, it turned out that Canterlot Casualty and Life knew it too. They convinced me that paying off my house ended the policy. Thing is, it had a β5000 death benefit too. They have been ignoring that for the last fifteen years. With interest and penalties, it has grown to a tidy sum.
“They realized that the last copy of the policy that was not in their records was in the Hall of Records. Mol caught them red hoofed trying to steal it.
“That and a few other shenanigans turned up a host of irregularities. Seems that Equestrian National is tied up solidly in the mess, too. There was a demand by one of the ringleaders for a trial under the Royal Wing.
“That has led to the present audits of both institutions as the Princesses gather their evidence.”
Romaine smiled serenely as she took her notes. “I believe that I will indeed join you at Caramel Treat’s for lunch, Grumpy.”
I snickered as I added, “Just be sure that we get a big enough table. Mol from the Hall of Records, Coalsmoke and Princess Luna will be there too.”
Pretending to be scandalized, Romaine chortled, “What? Princess Celestia isn’t going to be there?”
As we strolled into Caramel’s nice outdoors dining area, we were treated to the sight of Princess Celestia already sitting at a large table!
She cheerfully waived and called us over, “Luna called me by magic net! This audit is being so much fun! Those truth spells of yours are a delight to use, Grumpy!”
Romaine blinked about three times as she digested that little bombshell. She tilted her head and regarded me curiously for a moment. “Somehow, Grumpy failed to mention selling you truth spells. They will be publicly registered, so would you mind telling me just how a simple truth spell is a delight to use?”
Celestia snickered with glee as she explained, “These mostly don’t affect documents. We do have some for that and it is making things so much easier for us to spot false or otherwise improper documents. The main thing though is that ponies who tell us lies change appearance according to how badly they are lying! It can range from looking a little off color to looking like a drooling zombie.”
We were interrupted by the sound of Royal hooves skipping along on the cobbles like a filly at play! Luna was accompanied by Mol, from the Hall of Records, and the lovely Coalsmoke, decked out in her finest mourning gear. And smiling serenely.
I was taken aback by Coalsmoke’s mourning clothes and asked, “What happened to Noxon? I thought that he was healthy as a horse. Number eight, isn’t he?”
“He was, Grumpy. Our finances were separate, thanks to the prenuptial agreement. The note that he left before he jumped from a third story window balcony says that he was due to be interviewed by Princess Celestia about the Bleatin’ Hallow mess. It looks like he was hock deep in it. Once his estate is sorted out, I will still get a goodly sum.
“Based on the note, I have my agents looking up all of the evicted goats and restoring them to their lands and homes at no charge to them.”
Romaine promptly had her notebook out. After scribbling quickly, she asked, “Why are you doing that? Surely it will cost you a great deal?”
Coalsmoke tilted her head a little and nodded. “In the short term it will, yes. In the long term, I will be reimbursed either as part of this audit and the trials to follow or as a Royal benefice. I would rather it come as a reimbursement from the guilty parties.”
Romaine scribbled again, following up with, “You did not say why you are doing it. So, why?”
Coalsmoke did not even pause but replied, “Ethics. What happened in Bleatin’ Hallow is something that no citizen of Equestria should be subjected to. I know and have many of those goats on my payrolls in my various businesses. They are friends of mine. Even if I never recover a copper of my costs, it will still be the right thing to do.”
We were all busy briefly with ordering our meals. As we were giving our orders to Peanut Brittle, Caramel’s lovely palomino waitress, a pony in business attire stamped up!
He zeroed in on me like an angry dragon sighting the cause of its irritation! “YOU! You did this to me! You must undo it at once!”
I looked innocently up into his apparently semi-rotting face, with pus leaking from the corners of his eyes. “Me? No, I am innocent of your present difficulty. If I was, it would be registered in the Hall of records.”
I saw the cogs clicking into place in Romaine’s clever head! She whispered to me, “Can I get a photo of that?”
I replied happily, “Sure you can, Romaine. It is a glamor. Mister Cheet M. Lots will photograph perfectly.”
Her camera started clicking madly!
Still fixated on me, Mister Lots declared, “If this is a glamor, it has to be you! You are the only one in Ponyville that does the vile things! Undo it or I sue!”
Turning my back to him, I inquired of Celestia, “May I tell him? I can even include exactly how he can undo what has happened to him.”
Celestia nearly snorted her apple cocktail out her nose! In utter delight, she authorized, “Absolutely! I let him give me his nonsense this morning because watching this happen to him was so much fun!”
Luna interjected, “You may have a few business ponies from Canterlot Casualty and Life coming to you too, Grumpy! Tia got it so o o right! I did not bother to correct any of my interviewees this morning! Watching this happen to them was a sheer delight!”
Mister Cheet M. Lots demanded, “What does this have to do with my interview with your Highness this morning?”
I smiled. I let the glamor of my handsome goat’s head fade. In it’s place I used my aged bone skull with full curl horns, glowing snake-like eyes and big sharp fangs instead of a goat’s little vegetation chompers. I love glamors. They are so easy for me after all these years.
I answered his question, though. “You did that to yourself, Cheet, old pony. My Royal friends bought some truth testing spells from me. Each lie, evasion or attempt to alter the truth of any answer that you give them, makes you a bit uglier than you already were!
“All that you have to do to regain your previous appearance and demeanor is tell Celestia the truth, as accurately as possible. Each true answer will restore a bit more of your appearance.”
He nearly strangled, to judge by the sound emerging from his ghastly visage. “You don’t understand! She was asking about business secrets that have nothing to do with the goats in Bleatin’ Hallow!”
Celestia nodded agreeably, “True. I stumbled onto an interlocking finance issue regarding supplies to Our Baltimare Naval Base. We are being overcharged in a most underhanded way.
“In my three thousand years of ruling this land, I have learned how to frame questions to get the truth out of almost any liar. In that regard, I did get the truth from you, Mister Lots. I see no reason to give you a second interview so that you can undo this.
“What has happened to you for lying will be a valuable lesson for your colleagues. You may go but you MUST return to the bank and resume your work. Honestly, this time.”
Coalsmoke looked up from her Clover/thistle top steak and observed, “What did I tell you, your Highnesses? Isn’t that the best silver bit that you ever spent?”