//------------------------------// // Chapter 2 // Story: INSURANCE! a Grumpy Goat >tail< // by De Writer //------------------------------// The nice blank cover of the file turned bright red. Truth testing spells are easy and quick to do. And VERY useful. My grin appeared to be losing several teeth and some maggots seemed to be leaking out! I pointed to the red cover and and suggested, “Next time that you know that you are facing a being who knows Non Equine magic, lying is not a good idea. “In two days, another 2,500 golden bits late penalty will be due and added to the balance owing and subject to interest. I will not be back down from my cave in that time. If you wish to discuss the payment or terms for payment, you will have to come to me.” I took my papers and my leave. Corrupted appearance or not, I felt far cleaner after I left Stallheart’s office. I did not bother to remove the zombie glamor until I was well away from the offices of Canterlot Casualty and Life. I resumed my usual town glamor as a handsome piebald black, brown and tan goat with full curl horns, just like I used to be before the little necromantic accident that killed me about fifteen years ago. I wended my way through the “cosmopolitan downtown” of Ponyville and turned up Mane street. I figured that a nice big clover top burger with onion rings and a clotted cream milkshake would be just the ticket to clear the bad taste of dealing with Mister Stallheart. Caramel Treat’s Sweets is a restaurant that is always good for what ails me. Caramel Treat and her mate Fangrin are two of the finest werewolf ponies that a goat could hope to meet. Their extremely heightened werewolf senses make them superb cooks. Their waitress, Peanut Brittle is another treasure. She is a true golden palomino, a rare color pattern among ponies. She is also the reason that I don’t hate all ponies, only most of them! Peanut took in a battered, badly burned goat with broken bones and nursed me back to health. That was just after Caramel and Fangrin, in their wolf forms, rescued me from an anti goat mob fomented by the now defunct Celestian Church. Such times are now thankfully behind us all. Even more thankfully, the friendships formed back then are still strong. Peanut saw me coming up the street and called, “Your usual, Grumpy?” As I settled myself at an outdoor table, I replied, “Of course! Am I so predictable as all that, Peanut?” Flirting her tail playfully as she went in to deliver my order, she chirped, “Yes, you are!” That settled, she began to industriously set up my tray. Looking into the interior of the shop, usually only opened in bad or cold weather, I noticed a nanny with two kids at a table. They appeared to be about as happy as a dying creature is when seeing vultures spiraling overhead. Having a well developed curiosity bump, I pointed to them and asked Peanut, “What is their story?” Peanut explained, “They are Graymak’s family. He was a really nice goat who helped us with our first Nightmare Night celebration and lots of them since. He passed on about a month ago. Canterlot Casualty and Life has been refusing to pay his insurance and his family are on really hard times.” As she mentioned Canterlot Casualty and Life, Peanut’s lovely snout wrinkled in disgust. She went on, “Caramel found out and she is feeding them for free. I wish that we could do more.” I paused in sucking on my milkshake. Squinting my eyes in thought, I offered, “I can help. Find out what they need. This evil old dead goat will pay it. I will collect it back later from Canterlot Casualty and Life.” Peanut actually gave me a hug and said, “Thanks, Grumpy. I am sure that Nalit and the kids will appreciate your help.” Werewolf hearing and other senses have to be experienced to be believed. The lovely caramel tan colored pony that is Caramel Treat in her pony form came out and sat by me. “I heard what you said, Grumpy. Graymak and his friends were really important to me. If you are going to take care of Nalit, this meal is on me.” I shrugged. “It is not a problem, Caramel. Have them bring all of their receipts, bills and notices here. I will pay it all out of my funds. I will give them a living stipend too, while this business of their life insurance is sorted out.” Caramel nodded thoughtfully and asked, “Got any of your blank contract forms along, Grumpy? Perhaps we could, um, you know, sort of expedite the payment?” I just had to grin at that one! A grin with fangs in it! I do so love the flexibility of appearance that glamors allow me! I stated, “Capital idea, Caramel! It just so happens that I do! I also have another claim that might get sort of folded into the contract! Here, take a look at this.” I fished out my old policy and and the sheet of figures on how much Canterlot Casualty and Life owed ME. Whistling tunelessly, Caramel stared at the total due. Then she offered, “You know, Grumpy, it could be really fun to put those scavengers in a corner where they had to pay EVERY outstanding claim HONESTLY.” I blinked about three times, stunned by the sheer beauty of the idea. Recovering quickly, I fished out a blank contract and started to fill in the cover page! I innocently pointed out, “I do have to be paid for this, you know, Caramel. Would ten copper bits be too much?” Caramel smiled, a wolf’s tongue lolling out between fangs that normally had no place in a pony! “I see, Grumpy! That is the smallest sum that you can make exact change for your 10% refund, if the contract fails! Somehow, I think that if Fangrin and I try REALLY hard, we can manage to raise the sum!” Chuckling, she hoofed over the single silver bit, worth exactly ten copper bits. I quickly filled in a results page that would have horrified the Canterlot Casualty and Life Board of Directors that sit in Canterlot if they had seen it. I became aware that I was being watched by more than just Caramel. The nanny, Nalit and her kids were watching in fascination too. She bleated quietly, “How does something like this work? I mean, it just looks like a simple contract to cause something that is totally out of our hooves to happen.” I nodded cheerfully. “Completely correct, Nalit. The fly in reality’s ointment is that little thing called Non Equine Magic. I won’t go into detail about how it works or is done but the results spelled out here on the results page will appear to work out by entirely ordinary means no matter how bizarre those means wind up being. Point is, that those ‘ordinary means’ will be guided by this contract to leave us with the results that we want. Nothing flashy, just the world deciding to go OUR way, instead of THEIR way.” Peanut interrupted to bring out my clover top burger, onion rings and seconds on my shake. She also had the food for Nalit and brood. Caramel looked over the results page and laughed out loud. She also signed the contract on the spot! Chortling, she suggested, “Looks like you are going to have to go see Mol again today, Grumpy!” That brought a most welcome spectator. Coalsmoke’s lovely voice asked, “Doing a contract here at Caramel’s, Grumpy? I thought that you only did your business up at your cave. What is this, may I see? It is going to be publicly registered, after all.” I smiled with delight that was only partly due to the presence of Ponyville’s most beautiful and smartest business mare. “I would be delighted to have you look over this particular contract, Coalsmoke, my dear friend. While you are at it, have whatever you want, on me. Consider it a consultation fee. I want to be sure that I have done this particular piece of business as well as I can.” Coalsmoke turned her beautifully conformed head to Peanut and said, “You heard our favorite dead goat, Peanut. I will have your surf and turf, with the clover steak done rare. Put an asparagus salad on the side and I will have the honey apple cocktail, thank you, dear.” Turning back to me she took the contract and her eye brows shot up in surprise. “Only ten bits? You must really have it in for them! Let’s see who it is!” She flipped past the legal boiler plate first page and started to read the results page. She put it down and chuckled deep in her throat. “Don’t change a thing, Grumpy! I really want to see this one work out. I used to use Canterlot Casualty and Life as a benefit for my workers. When I found out how bad their payout policy was I dropped them like a rock. “I got together with Ponyville Trust and Loan and we set up an honest insurance system for my workers.”