“Have you contemplated upon what your wish shall be?”
“I don’t really know if I want to wish for anything. There’s nothing in particular that I truly want right now.”
“Come now, I can fulfill more than material objects. I can alter and rearrange a period that was less desirable within your life and recreate it the way you would prefer, all by my own hooves. Or perhaps adjust a pony’s personality and place in a mysterious trait, one that would make them intolerable to those around them. If you seek it, it will be yours to possess.”
Deep within Drizzle’s mind, he had been transported back to the unknown pitch-black void he first encountered Apate in. One moment he had rested his eyes, the next he was drifting into a dream about being chased by flying monkeys? (It was for the best that he wasn’t dreaming about that anymore) And finally, he had been ripped out of that dream, physically leaving a gaping hole in his dream realm and forcefully inserted into what he would call Apate’s Territory.
There was nothing in this territory, other than just his blue self clashing with the infinite darkness surrounding him and Apate who appeared as if she lived in it. It worked well for someone who looked like they had just crawled out of the deepest pits of hell and begun selling their services to strangers the second they reached the surface. Which, she was presently attempting to achieve with him.
He hadn’t even been here for a solid five minutes and she was already pressing him about what he would like her to grant him. Continually promising that her powers were beyond imaginable and could do incredible things for him, as long as he allowed it had only made him question her further and whether she was valid or not.
“As much as that all sounds wonderful and possibly tempting, I don’t need any of that. I don’t have any enemies I’d like to ruin the lives of.”
“Petal is not someone you’re bothered by?”
“What?” Drizzle’s eyes widened, completely caught off guard. “How do you know that name? I never told you anything.”
“You didn’t need to. I have access to your memories after connecting with your consciousness and can observe the events that have occurred. I understand fully well who she is and what she did to harm you.”
Drizzle avoided her gaze and stared down at the murky ground, mildly embarrassed that Apate had just invaded his memories like that. It felt like a large breach of privacy that he had never asked for and now had to face the fact that somepony else knew what happened. It almost made him a little angry that she went ahead and peeked and drew her conclusion. They were his memories, not hers.
“I don’t appreciate you going through private things like that. I never said you could, neither agreed to you just making yourself at home in here.” He gestured all around him. “I haven’t accepted your shady deal yet and as long as I haven’t, you don't have the right to do that.”
“I have to disagree, the moment you retrieved my book and released the lock upon it, you offered me a gateway within. Had you not done so, I wouldn’t have been able to enter. You chose to seek my guidance.”
“I didn’t! I didn’t know that old shitty book had a creepy lady in it, otherwise, I wouldn’t have touched it in the first place! But now I’m fucked because you consider that me consenting to you doing as you please!”
“Little one, you’re stressing yourself out again. You must relax and breathe, my presence is not a curse upon you.”
He could feel his chest tightening again and the will to breathe becoming increasingly difficult, his airway feeling like it was crushing into itself. He clawed at his throat, a choking sound emitting from his mouth as he fought to breathe.
In one swift movement, Apate threw herself at him and embraced his body into her own. She wrapped her wispy bat-like wings around his midsection and hugged her arms across his chest. She gently held his shaking hooves with hers, encouraging him to let go of his neck and assure him there was no reason to panic. She looked over his shoulder as her tall frame held him tightly, not in a restraining way but enough to convince him to quit choking on his own breathing.
“Shhhh, you’re alright,” She whispered into his ear. “None of the sensations you are feeling right now are truly happening. Your mind is simply conjuring fearful scenarios out of overreaction. As long as you believe you are fine, you will be.”
“How a-am I supposed t-to believe that?” Drizzle stuttered, clearly shaken still. “I-I can feel it...I-It feels like-“
“Do not focus on the feeling. Focus on here, our location, yourself, myself.”
Her hooves now gently caressed his chest, shifting the small blue fur with a slow stroke. Her touch felt cold yet comforting in an indescribable way. She was on top of him, unable to bring him any sort of warmth from the lack of body heat but she still brought a feeling of safety.
However, her circling hooves over his chest didn’t help him think much clearer considering a large female was towering over him right now and stroking him casually. Had this been a normal circumstance, he would have already lost it and played along. He held a bit more restraint with this one.
“Your breathing has slowed, is it helping?”
“I...Um, I’m not sure?”
He didn’t really know how to answer that. Quite frankly, he couldn’t even tell if he enjoyed this right now. He felt so confused with what was happening right now that he didn’t have the heart to tell her to stop or continue.
“Hm, perhaps less intense.”
She removed her hooves and resorted to hugging him with her entire body. A tingly sensation began where her form touched him and left a numbing feeling in all the areas he was being embraced. His eyelids relaxed a little and he slumped over a bit, finding enjoyment in this.
“Better?”
“Mhm.” He nodded, unable to utter a word due to his current state of relaxation.
Seeing as he was calmer, Apate continued to use her power upon him while also pressing for her recent question earlier.
“About the mare earlier, I saw she truly hurt you and left you mercilessly. If I may, what was her reasoning for doing so?”
Drizzle sighed, seeing as there was no way around this. “I don’t know. She just didn’t want to be with me anymore I guess. I’m over her now so it’s not a big deal.”
“Do not lie, I can sense it still hurts you. You are free to be truthful with me, I promise, there is not a soul I would tell.”
“I mean, I guess it still hurts but don’t all breakups hurt for a while? I just think it’s not that important and this kind of stuff isn’t worth mentioning if it’ll go away eventually.”
“Of course, it’s important, little one. It hurts you, she hurt you, all of it is important. Just because it is a common occurrence among ponies does not mean receiving comfort and discussing the subject is opposed.”
“...Really?” He gazed up at her.
“Yes, do not feel shame for feeling pain over this,” She rested her chin on his shoulder and smiled. “In the end, it is she who will forever lose a pony so very special and worthy.”
A small blush crossed his cheeks at her compliment. Despite her wordy and strange ways of explaining things, she had a point. He had tried his hardest to give his best to his marefriend by listening to her, gifting her things out of his appreciation for her and always putting her happiness as his top priority.
But unfortunately, she would never see it that way. Even when he sacrificed his own happiness and let his self-care go for her, it wouldn’t be enough to convince her of his intentions.
But maybe it wasn’t entirely his fault? Maybe it was hers? The statement Apate had posed to him, “it is she who will forever lose a pony so very special and worthy.” made him think and question if he had been blaming himself for nothing all this time. Had he truly done everything wrong, or was it her?
He rubbed at his tinged pink cheeks, almost as if he were trying to rub away the color out of embarrassment.
“Um...Thank you,” He replied nervously. “I appreciate that.”
“It is my pleasure. Know that I’ll always be here to provide my support when you need it.”
He couldn’t help but smile, happy that he finally told somepony the situation and was met with understanding and kindness. He hadn’t felt understood by anypony in a very long time and knowing Apate was willing to lend an ear and assure him of things he was unsure about made him feel good about himself again.
She was still a sketchy character to him and it was unknown what her intentions truly were, but if she was willing to be there for him like this, perhaps she wasn’t as terrible as he thought.
“We shall continue this conversation at a later time, it appears there are those in the waking realm who demand your attention more than I.”
“Who?” He broke his embrace with her.
“You will know once you awake. Farewell, for now, Drizzle Dots.”
“Wait,” He held up his hoof to stop her. “Don’t go, I have to ask you-“
But the abyss fell apart and Apate was swallowed by an ocean of inky darkness in front of him. It wasn’t before long that he was swimming in the mysterious dark liquid, trying to keep his head above the surface when he suddenly awoke in his hospital bed to find a new day had begun.
A sharp knock at his door disrupted his drowsiness and he quickly wiped the sand out of his eyes before acknowledging it.
“Yeah? It’s open.”
The door practically slammed open as a pony he least expected to be here trotted in.
“Scarlet?...”
Her hooves dragged across the shiny floor and her whole body language showed she did not come here by choice. Her eyes remained fixated on his as she wore an even grumpier expression on her face than she usually did. It was impossible to become even more bored of life and exhausted with it than Scarlet already was twenty-four hours a day, but she somehow broke the record today. Somepony had definitely pissed her off and that somepony was most likely Drizzle.
Apart from her threatening expression, he noticed she was levitating an object with her, two objects? What could they be? As if she got him a get-well-soon present. This was Scarlet and he was on her most hated ponies of all time list.
“Surprised to see me, dipshit? I’d be too.” She replied, starting his day with an extreme attitude.
“Yeah, why are you here? Last time I checked you didn’t give a shit about me unless Flusk was involved.”
“Right, I’m not here for you.”
With a bang, Scarlet threw the two items she had with her against his bedside table. Colored pencils spilled all over the floor and a sketchbook fell face down, a few sticky notes scattering out of it. The box that the colored pencils had been stored in knocked his untouched glass of water off the table and sent it flying, splashing water everywhere and shattering to pieces once it made an impact with the floor.
He gasped out of shock and irritation. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”
“Everything,” She sighed and turned her back to him to leave. “Including you.”
She went to exit the room without a second thought at what she had just caused, intent on leaving him with the mess.
“Wait, but where’s Flusk? She said she was going to drop off this stuff.”
Scarlet rotated her head around to glare at him. “She doesn’t want to see your sorry ass anymore.”
“Tell me the truth and spare the insults.” He massaged his temple with his hoof.
“You don’t remember the shit you pulled last night? When you sent her off crying because you didn’t like the gift she gave you?”
“She was crying?” He asked in disbelief.
“Yeah, maybe if you paid more attention to how she felt you would have followed her and seen the tears running down her face. She went home crying and has kept to herself pretty much ever since. I was lucky she even told me what happened.”
“Oh…” His voice trailed off.
“Oh?” She mocked him. “Best friends and that’s all you say? You’re a pathetic excuse of a best friend, you know that? She was kind enough even to still want to send these to you,” She gestured at his art supplies scattered everywhere. “and you still don’t care. Fuck you, man.”
Scarlet stormed out of the room and was about to turn into the hall before she paused and hung in the doorway.
“You better hope that she still has some patience left for you. I sure as hell wouldn’t have even come back after this.”
And with that, Scarlet left the facility, leaving Drizzle with the gigantic mess on the floor and repeating the same few sentences in his head.
“You better hope that she still has some patience left for you. I sure as hell wouldn’t have even come back after this.”
“You’re a pathetic excuse of a best friend,”
“Maybe if you paid more attention to how she felt you would have followed her and seen the tears running down her face.”
It stung, it really did. So much so that he didn’t have the motivation to leave his bed and take care of the disaster underneath his bedside table. He just sat there, his mind wandering as a heavy weight hung over his heart.
“Mr. Dots, are you okay? I heard a smash noise-” A nurse gasped from the hall. “O-Oh my goodness! What happened here?”
“Flusk, I’m back,” Scarlet called outside Flusk’s door. “The job’s done.”
“Door’s open,” Flusk answered from inside.
Scarlet rotated the knob with her magic and stepped inside, shutting the door behind her. Flusk was seated at her dining table, hunched over and staring at the different patterns in the wooden material of the table. She wasn’t crying anymore but her eyelids and around it were puffy and had tear stains across her face. Even as Scarlet made her way in, Flusk didn’t look at her.
Scarlet inhaled, opening her mouth to say something but Flusk immediately shut her down.
“I know what you’re going to say, I know what you think. You don’t need to say it.”
“Okay, well are you going to finally listen to me this time?”
“Does it matter that much to you that I think and do what you do? Because it doesn’t matter to me that you think and do what I do.”
“You’re avoiding the question and making it even more complicated than it has to be. It’s simple.”
“No, it’s not,” Flusk turned to look at her. “It’s simple for you because you hate him. I don’t and you’re asking me something that’s completely out of the question for me.”
“Look at what he says to you, look at how he treats you-“
“It was an overreaction!” She shouted over Scarlet. “He was just in a massive amount of pain and thrust into a hospital. He’s stressed, he might understand what happened to him and that might be what’s scaring him. I need him to understand that he can talk to me and tell me what’s wrong.”
“How many times are you going to say it was just an overreaction? How much do you believe your friends take that excuse? It’s happened so many times in the past few years that I’m not even sure you can convince anypony anymore.”
“Fine, I don’t need to convince anypony!” Flusk snapped. “I’m his best friend and he’s mine! We know the truth and that’s all that matters. Not you or anypony else!”
A flame had been lit within Flusk as she stared daggers at Scarlet, prepared to defend Drizzle despite anything she or anypony else said. For years she had been told by others that Drizzle was bad news and she was being used, she wasn’t going to take it anymore. She wouldn’t stand idly by and allow these misunderstanding entitled ponies to control her friendship with him. She loved him and understood him on a level nopony else did and nopony else would, she knew the real stallion behind all the anger and knew that if all else failed, she would have him.
Scarlet didn’t argue with her but for the first time, a short-lived sadness presented itself on her face before she turned around to hide it.
“I have to go now. There’s a concert I’m seeing with Chaos in an hour.”
She didn’t say bye, nor received one in return. She just left the house quietly without another word.
Flusk placed her hooves over her eyes, attempting to prevent the tears from spilling out again as her lip quivered.
“...Why can’t you just be nice to me?” Her voice broke into sobs.
“The pony who invaded this room, Scarlet, that is what she is called, yes?”
“Holy fucking shit!“
Drizzle nearly chucked his pencil across the room, instantly stopping its motion in the air with his magic. He breathed a shaky sigh of relief as he rested it back with his other pencils in his lap. Unfortunately, in his panic, he managed to smudge his sketch with his hoof. He groaned in irritation, snatching his eraser and scrubbing at the page with it.
“You speak a lot of unnecessary language that’s considered quite informal and disrespectful to most. Why so?” Apate asked, referring to his swearing earlier.
“You speak a lot of old pony shit and don’t understand the concept of privacy. What about you?” He snapped at her.
“My apologies, should I announce myself before I speak?”
“Just don’t fucking talk out of nowhere, you scared the shit out of me. I thought you could only talk to me when we were in that weird dreamscape thing.”
“I can, but I am also now capable of speaking back and forth even when you are within the waking world. It is a pleasant revelation that you trust my existence here.”
“Cool,” Drizzle ignored her. “Don’t do that shit again.”
Apate’s voice fell silent as Drizzle scrambled for his pencil and furiously redrew his outlines, squinting down at the paper and shifting his pencil rapidly. His lines carefully followed a wavy-looking structure that darkened in hue downward of the page. In the middle of the lighter area of the waves and the dark was a figure, head first falling into the darkness. They showed no panic, no will to stay within the light, their body just slowly drifted into the dark in acceptance. They had succumbed to an ocean.
“May I ask what you are creating?”
“Didn’t know you could see me here too.” Drizzle muttered in between drawing.
“Communication through the waking realm and vision is a part of my connection with you.”
“Riiighhtt…” He replied, sounding a little unconvinced.
“As I inquired previously, what is your creation?”
“I don’t know,” He stopped drawing for a moment and peered down at his work. “It’s...It’s art?”
“What is it depicting? I do not understand its purpose.”
“Do you have to know? I swear, you ask way too many questions.”
“Hmm, allow me to inspect it before coming to a hypothesis.”
Her voice no longer rang through his head as she was presumably looking over his drawing. He couldn’t see her hunched over it, nor shoving his head out of the way to seek a better position to view it considering her form wasn’t present in this realm, but he could somewhat sense her presence in the room with him. He didn’t know why or how, but he wasn’t bothered by it necessarily. Perhaps just another power that came with the disturbing fact she was connected to his brain in a way.
“A suffocating ocean, unrelenting and merciless to its victims,” Apate described his sketch. “Once caught underneath the surface, forever bound and trapped in its eternal darkness. Unable to navigate an escape, those lost among its folds eventually led to acceptance in their dreary circumstance.”
Drizzle paused. “Uh…What?”
“Was I correct?”
“I understood none of that. Except maybe the ocean part?” He pointed his hoof to the descending opacity of his sketch. “This is an ocean.”
“A pity, you lack an imaginative and poetic perspective of creation and life itself. If you are incapable of perceiving things in a detailed way, I fear you may be missing an immense portion of emotion within your art.”
“What are you talking about? This is vent art!”
“A vent art? I have never heard of such a thing.”
“Oh right, deity,” He sighed. “You wouldn’t know what it was since you’re...You know.”
Drizzle pulled the sketchbook closer to himself, almost hugging it as a way to hide it from others eyes. As a goddess, Apate wouldn’t understand the new terms ponies had come up with in the last few hundred years so he would have to explain what vent art meant. Which also would have to be followed by an explanation of his art. He wasn’t sure if he was up for that, along with expressing his emotions in words. It was very personal and private for him.
He took a deep breath and wracked his mind for words, second-guessing himself if this was even the right approach.
“It’s a form of art that ponies make to express how they feel. Sometimes they draw things that have happened in their life to vent their emotions. Or maybe it’s not that simple at all and it’s a hidden meaning. It’s just a way to get your feelings out.”
“Your creation is venting?”
“...Yes.” He had hesitated on his answer, frowning and gazing away from himself.
Even though he couldn’t see her, he could somehow visualize Apate’s sympathetic eyes peering down at him from the end of his bed. Her physical being wasn’t anywhere near him but his mind somehow pasted certain aspects of her within the real world. If a voice could be discerned, the rest could be as well.
“Then it is as I said, except more specific in identity. You, you are drowning in an ocean of feelings. Feelings which are intense and unfathomable, hopelessness clouds your judgment and you feel reason to surrender. This is the meaning, correct?”
His mouth hung open momentarily as he registered what she just stated. “Yeah…You pretty much said what I wanted to say. In a lot more complicated way…I get it though.”
“Is it somepony specifically who inflicts this feeling? Perhaps the Scarlet pony? Or is it multiple?”
“I would say multiple. This is more of a long-term feeling I’ve had for a very long time. Scarlet is technically contributing to it though.”
“Past figures from your life who have not fulfilled a role of kindness when they were supposed to, a parental figure…”
Apate’s whispery voice drifted through his ears as he lowered his head shamefully. A blurry memory of a small blue unicorn filly with a lengthy brown mane, ears pinned back and gazing upwards in pure and utter fear at a towering figure in front of her flickered through Drizzle’s vision. His body shuddered and he leaned over, covering his eyes with his hooves in an attempt to block it out. Apate had seen it too.
“I understand now. Those who have surrounded you since birth and those you have chosen to surround yourself have turned their backs on you many times before.”
The once young filly, much taller, hid behind a wall of hair as she kept her eyes glued to the floor. She leaned against a locker door, trying to create as much space between her and the aggressive individual in front of her. They spat inappropriate names in her face and tyrannized her, their only wish being to make her cry and see her become weak at their hooves.
A shaky breath left her as she fought back tears and her legs noticeably shook. Then, out of nowhere, she launched her hoof at their face and screamed, her voice echoing through the halls. The pony stumbled backwards, grasping their face painfully as blood began to spurt out of their nose.
In a fit of rage, she swung at them repeatedly, not allowing them a moment's rest. She was unable to contain her anger against this sickening pony.
“Please...Please stop.” Drizzle muttered.
Three grey chairs sat in a row, a blue older pegasus occupying the middle one. A newspaper was spread across his lap as he squinted down at it through the flickering hospital light. A soft trotting began to approach as another pegasus, a coral red color stood in front of him. He gazed up at her and set down his newspaper.
She had dark circles under her eyes as she wiped at a few tears, her mascara running down her cheeks. “She’s okay, they said she would be fine...Aren’t you coming to see her? Mom’s already in there.”
“I’m going to stay out here.” He replied without an ounce of concern.
“But...But she just-...She almost died!” Her voice cracked as more tears welled up in her eyes. “She’s your daughter!”
“Listen, if your mother’s with her she’ll be fine. I’m not too worried about it.”
Hurt and confusion crossed the mare’s face before she looked down the hall she had come from and to a small room with curtains surrounding a bed. A nurse trotted past pushing a small table of surgical tools and it wasn’t until she left the mare’s sight that she turned around to face her father.
“I can’t believe you...I just...I really can’t.”
She looked like she wanted to say more to him but she bit her tongue and left to return to a distant room. He made no action to follow her, nor reassure her of his intentions. He just reached for his newspaper, flipped to his recent page and began to read as if nothing happened.
The scene started to blur again and a crackly, barely incomprehensible voice talked over the others in the background.
“T-Than...Y-You for get- rid of...Our- prom...em-“
“STOP IT!”
Drizzle laid over top of his sketch clearly in distress. His breathing spasmed as he let out a long sob, breaking down on the bed and burying his face in his blankets. He trembled as he let each cry go, unable to control his sudden outburst. It felt like he couldn’t breathe from the intensity of his sorrow at the moment.
He felt a gentle hoof make its way to the center of his back, just like it did once before and rub in circles. His tears soaked the fabric underneath him as his back unevenly rose and fell with each cry.
“Let it out...You have held too many things in at once. Let it go.” Apate’s kind voice spoke over top of him.
He didn’t want to lose control over his feelings like this, but he had already lost at restraining them. He had seen and relived too many hurtful things for today that he couldn’t hold back. He didn’t want to remember these things...He didn’t want to see them anymore. Yet they were a part of him and he couldn’t fight them, at least not right now.
He couldn’t fight the fact that she once existed and was a lost and hopeless pony, unknowing of a future she would once have. A future he had now achieved.