"Quick, hurry up! Before those darn Hoomans finish making that movie before us!" Pinkie Pie yelled to Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom.
"Well, we're trying!" Sweetie called back, attaching a newly-painted-golden-by-Apple-Bloom shoe to Starlight Glimmer's hoof. Apple Bloom answered similarly.
"I know you can do better than that!" Pinkie called to them. She was braiding Scootaloo's spiky mane. "Oh, for Celestia's sake!" she yelled to the orange pegasus filly. "How do you expect to become Sunny Starscout when you've got a mane like this?!"
Scootaloo rolled her eyes. "I didn't sign up to have my awesome mane be handled like this," she snorted.
Behind Scootaloo and Pinkie, a certain white-furred unicorn was suffering from a severe case of emotional damage. "DARLINGS! Somepony call the fashion police! I'm hideous!" Rarity wailed. "Just take a look at this messy, mismatched monster of a mane! WHY COULDN'T I BE THE PIPP PETALS PRINCESS?!"
Flying above her was Spike the baby dragon. "Consider yourself lucky. I've got a hot, stuffy fur coat! I don't even look like Cloudpuff. Couldn't I just be, like, oh, I don't know. Maybe that brave dragon who saves...um...Zipp Storm?"
"First of all," Pinkie said, looking at the Book of A New Generation (made by flawed Hooman hands), "Zipp doesn't need saving at ANY part, I don't think. And second of all," she said, dipping back into the book, "there is no dragon. And third of all, I think you just wanna make an excuse to spend some time with Rarity, don't ya think?" She winked at the little dragon who was quickly turning magenta (red blush + Spike purple = magenta).
"Hey! I'm not making excuses!"
"I didn't sign up to be an earth pony stallion, and a dead one at that. How can I be totally awesome if I'm dead?!" complained Rainbow Dash behind him. "Also, are you painting my mane blue, Fluttershy?! What about my awesome rainbow mane?!"
"It'll come off as soon you bathe. I think," whispered Fluttershy.
Rainbow groaned.
Twilight Sparkle groaned louder. "Why do I need to have a hairy ball on my horn? How am I supposed to look smart with that sussy thing on my beautiful horn, and that annoying frizzy hair? And why am I the Pinkie Pie of this generation? I WANT TO BE SUNNYYY!" she wailed.
"First of all," Applejack said to her, "it's called sussy baka. And second of all..." She turned to glare at her reflection in the huge mirror on the wall. "Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who's the ugliest of them all?"
"You!" Apple Bloom answered gleefully.
"Darnsarnit, Apple Bloom! Ah was just gettin' a connection...and then ya just had to butt yer ugly head in!" she yelled.
"Ya said 'butt'! Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, did y'all hear that?" Apple Bloom laughed, and Applejack rolled her eyes and turned back to the mirror. "Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who's the ugliest of them all?"
She answered herself, acting as the mirror. "Hitch Trailblazer, of course."
"And YOU hafta be him!" Pinkie added, laughing. "That Hitchy is so cringe and I almost wanted to buck him out...but turns out you would be a perfect Trailblazer! Just get rid of the accent, get a new look, a new personality, and...you're all set!"
"Oh, be quiet, Pink."
Next to Applejack, Big Mac was staring reproachfully at a poster on the wall. It showed a picture of a crazy-looking earth pony with a blond mane and a red coat. "Ah'm supposed to look like that?!" he moaned, covering his head with his hooves in shame.
"OMC!" screamed Pinkie. "I have some great, fun, awesome, exciting, BEST NEWS EVER!"
"What is it? Is the movie cancelled? ALRIGHT! WOOHOO! YEAH!" Rainbow Dash yelled.
"Yeeee-hawww! Ah just knew this was too bad to be true!" Applejack bucked the air.
"No, no, no! I have even better news! You won't believe it!" Pinkie shouted.
"Better than this getting cancelled? What is it?" asked Twilight.
"I THINK WE'RE ALL DONE!"
"Oh, that's gr- wait, what?" Twilight sputtered.
"I SAID WE'RE ALL DONE! We are ready and have done everything we need to do! Now we can LET THE SHOW GO ON! We can start the movie now!" Pinkie bellowed with glee, bouncing up and down.
Every single pony in the room except her was immediately filled with dread. Complaints soared through the air at the speed of Pinkie-sense, and Starlight Glimmer threatened to tear off her wings and quit. But Pinkie calmed them all down.
"I promise that you'll all get cupcakes at the end of this movie! And cupcakes only, no pies!" she said, smiling at Rainbow Dash.
Everypony was obsessed with Pinkie's yummy cupcakes (careful, Twilight. Those hips are starting to look bigger than usual...), so they all agreed.
"YAY!" screamed Pinkie. "Okay, we need to double-check! Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, have you gotten Starlight transformed into Pipp?"
"Yes, Pinkie."
"Yeah, Pinkie."
"Fluttershy, is Rainbow Dash now Argyle Starshine?"
"Y-Yes," Fluttershy whimpered. She couldn't even look at her crush. Rainbow Dash was once a beautiful creature but now she just looked plain UGLY!
"Alrighty! Twilight, I can see that those ponies I blackmailed- AHEM! I mean, hired, have done a good job of making you Izzy, and the Apples are looking great! I mean, not the Apples. The Trailblazer and the Cloverleaf! Woohoo! And Rarity and Spike are all 'royaled' up, and...EVERYTHING'S PERFECT!" Pinkie Pie yelled. "Let the show begin!"
"Wait, already?" said Twilight in a panicky voice. "But we haven't even rehearsed our lines yet! And-"
"Oh, never mind all that. Just...you know, improvise! Nopony's seen the movie before, anyway, so they won't know a teensy tiny bit if you mess up! Alright, go out there and have fun, everypony!" Pinkie said happily, and pushed everypony out of the dressing room. "Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and my lovely hired ponies will stay with me."
"Good luck!" Pinkie called to her friends.
The curtains opened, the cameras started filming...and the show began.