//------------------------------// // Chapter Seventy Three: Coasting the Rapids // Story: We don't go to Sub-Level Five // by RadBunny //------------------------------// Sassi let out a soft mumble, the mare struggling to open her eyes. What…? The medical room was gone. In its place was a crystal-clear stream of rushing water. Across it, a beautiful forested mountain rose, the mare at the base of the landscape. Bluish-green grass spread out in meadows that dotted its slopes, with various vegetation and flowers leading down to the water. A dream? The fact Sassi was able to recognize such a thing was new. Sassi had never lucid dreamed, but this felt so odd. Everything was muted despite feeling awake. An odd film like a television screen separated her from the river. The ground she stood on was like charcoal, black and without much form or texture as opposed to the other side. A figure caught her gaze, abruptly visible within the blink of an eye. “Astral!” Sassi immediately called out, finding her voice softened. The stallion didn’t hear her, calmly sitting on the edge of the river and looking around. She cried out again, and this time his ears perked up. Astral stood up, waving back and saying something- but it was too soft. He seemed to pick up on this, the stallion eventually sitting down and waving at her until Sassi waved back. The object he held up made tears blur Sassi’s vision. A small pile of weaved grass circlets sat next to him, each sporting a different arrangement of flowers. That was the last thing Sassi saw before the world spun, a very different location now making her heart freeze. A cold, sterile lab room greeted the mare. Her fur prickled, but Sassi couldn’t move. The violating sensation of the command spell permeated every aspect of her being. A single blink and Astral was suddenly in the room with her. He looked around, frowning as Sassi stood completely still. His eyes radiated concern, the Thestral walking a bit closer. The smell of his fur as Astral held her close, the physical security a hug could provide…Sassi wanted nothing more than those simple things. Yet she couldn’t move, the spell binding her body. She was still imprisoned, still at the mercy of whoever ordered her about. Astral will think of something. He’ll get me out of this. The shock of the thought made Sassi somehow move, the mare’s body jerking in shock. The scene fragmented as the mare woke up, the dream fading away. The last thing she saw was Astral’s confused expression before she woke up. It didn’t feel like normal wakefulness though, her eyes simply opened as if she had blinked. An abrupt change of scenery and the dream was gone. Astral was still on the medical bed next to her, everything unchanged. Sassi had slept; a good six hours if the clock was correct. A dream. Or nightmare. Stretching, Sassi got up from the bed and wiggled her limbs into wakefulness. The command spell. I’ll be having nightmares for a while. At least Astral was there. He wouldn’t ever hurt me or use the spell to do anything. That’s a relief at least. She promptly froze, thoughts continuing to climb out of the pit of denial the mare had unknowingly shoved them. He wouldn’t ever do something like that. Sassi abruptly sat down with a soft *thump*, the realizations now spilling over. A previously taut rope of expectations and knowledge was unraveling within her mind, every thread making complete sense. It had been easy to ignore until now. I trust him. The previously hidden weight of that statement rocked the mare to the core. When frozen by the spell, both back in Silo Two, and the dream, the idea that Astral would misuse it simply hadn’t crossed her mind. There had been a moment of horror, wondering what would happen. But never that Astral would order her to do anything harmful. Of course, she trusted him. They had fought for each other. But this was different, on a much deeper and visceral level that Sassi couldn’t find the words for. Being able to believe something without a cacophony of doubts was such a peaceful, beautiful thing. It froze her thought process for a moment. He makes me feel safe. Tears began to fall from Sassi’s eyes, the mare trotting over to the stallion. He slept peacefully, Sassi placing a hoof on his cheek. Is it because you love me? This incredible pony had thrown himself against an entire Silo of monsters just to save her. She couldn’t ignore it anymore. The safety she felt even when her body refused to respond made Sassi’s head hurt. There was never a positive memory when those times had occurred in the past. Not until now. Not until Astral had fallen into her life and turned everything upside down. She knew how she felt. It was silly to try and deny it. And yet there was so much baggage with a word that should be beautiful; Sassi couldn’t utter it just yet. And yet the four-letter word refused to go into the darkness of her mind. It burned, no longer embers but a roaring bonfire. The feeling of safety in the nightmare was the gasoline that had melted the last of the restraining chains and tipped the scale away from fear in Sassi’s heart. Sassi was still afraid, more than she could express. Afraid of the future, afraid of confronting the trauma, of how it damaged her. Afraid of life outside of the Silos. Afraid of what would happen if she was wrong. But the fear was pushed aside. There was something else Sassi wanted far more, something that threw the scale aside. For her entire life, trusting someone else was a risk not worth taking. Opening up was just another way to get hurt. Wanting someone was just asking for pain. She reached over to hold Astral’s hoof, and tears fell from the mare’s eyes as he smiled, his hoof tightening around hers. I love you, Astral. It’s just taken me this long to even be able to think about the word. Four letters amidst a thought unlocked it all. Every hope and dream that had been hurriedly shoved down and out of conscious awareness now had a nexus point to revolve around. Even though Sassi’s head pounded under the strain of trying to comprehend it all, she didn’t try and dismiss it. I just want to see you happy. To see you smile. To see you look at me like you looked at the stars in the observatory. I just want…you. The last thought made the mare smile. That was the simple fact of it all. She just wanted to be close to this incredible pony who had turned her life upside down, showing her that the world outside the Silos was worth fighting for. That she was worth fighting for. I can only say that I love you in my mind for now. I hope you can wait long enough for me to tell you out loud. Oddly, Astral’s mouth twitched into a smile again as Sassi pondered, his hoof still tightly clutching hers. Sassi almost laughed at the situation, the mare wiping away her tears with a free hoof. She was having a borderline existential crisis because she loved someone. But, if her psychology degree was anything to go by, it was logical, as far as crises go. But I’m still here. The Company didn’t break me completely. The warmth in her chest had been largely absent since before meeting Astral. Sassi hadn’t dared entertain ideas, dreams, and hopes around finding somepony since her teens. And now they all came rushing back. Excitement, eagerness, affection, and worry; all were a warm ball of something in Sassi’s chest. Then again, many an author had described love as just that. “You fought for me, Astral,” Sassi said softly, “now it’s my turn. I’ll fight for you. For us. So you can show me your world. Because I want to be a part of it…in more w-ways than one.” Her last words hitched, the mare taking a shaky breath. She hadn’t realized how much she wanted that. The idea of waking up without Astral at her side wasn’t just anxiety-inducing. It simply didn’t make sense. Why would she ever want to not have him be there? Sassi wanted him to be there. That was the thought that made her eyes cloud again. For so long, she had prevented herself from wanting to be close to anyone, all to keep herself safe. It had been warranted, logical. But Sassi hadn’t realized how much she had missed letting herself explore that simple thought. In the jungle, the thoughts had been so close. To realize that Astral wanted her, to simply see her happy had nearly made Sassi’s thoughts shatter into pieces. The woven circlet had started to crack them. She felt safe with him, happy. It’s ok to want someone. To want to feel safe around them. Protected. Protecting others had been her life’s work. To relinquish that responsibility to another pony was both terrifying and freeing on a level Sassi still wasn’t able to process, not yet at least. Not yet, but she would. She’d fight everything in this Silo for a chance at that, just as Astral had for her. “You promised to not leave me alone,” she said with a tearful smile. “Well, I’m promising to not let you go. As long as you want.” There was a dull *bang* from the barricade, and the mare blew the bangs out of her vision, checking the minigun at her side. “I’m not going anywhere.” Sassi snapped her hoof to the right, the neck of the Fony crunching under the impact. The creature flopped against the barricade, the mare then unlocking the small hatch and sliding through. It had taken a while of waiting, but she had finally taken care of the scout their enemy had sent her way. It had been scratching around the barricade, finally poking its head through a hole it had been carefully enlarging. Sassi had been waiting for it. Dragging the body out, the mare scanned the hallway- the motion detectors coming up empty, for now. The mare trotted down the hall, stopping at the offices. She slammed a piece of rebar down and impaled the corpse on it. A few short blasts of the cannons and the remaining ‘unhatched’ Fony’s in their fleshy wall prisons were turned to red mist. Mental note. Never think of the words ‘fleshy wall prison’ ever again. ‘Incubating forms’ is much better. Sassi then waited, drawing a new line of blood in front of the offices. Maybe the monster would realize that everybody it sent her way, she’d just move closer to them. If there was a fuel line anywhere around here, she’d gladly burn the entire floor to a crisp. A quick look around the offices yielded nothing outside of some sealed water and simple office tools, Sassi heading back promptly. She trotted back, quickly welding a metal plate over the new hole in the barricade before settling down inside the medical center again. After cleaning off, the mare examined the helmet footage again. There were still a few timestamps she hadn’t watched. The footage almost appeared paused, but Sassi realized Astral was in a side room of sorts, heavy breathes indicating a pause in the fighting. ‘Motivation?’ The stallion muttered, still trying to catch his breath. ‘I promised.’ Sassi blinked, and yet the warm glow in her chest should have been an answer enough. The determination and affection in his voice… ‘I promised to show you the forests. I promised that I wasn’t going anywhere.’ Tears brimmed in Sassi’s eyes as Astral spoke. ‘Just hang on. I’m not stopping.’ The helmet was carefully stowed, Sassi trotting over to hold Astral’s hoof again. There were no more doubts concerning Astral’s feelings. He had done all of this for her. Sassi latched on to that thought. She didn’t feel worth all of this effort. But the mare trusted that Astral could see something she couldn’t. “I’m not stopping either, Astral. Please, just hang on,” she whispered. I can only think about it now. But eventually, I want to say it to you. As soon as I can. How much I care…How I- The stallion’s eyes blinked open, green orbs cloudy and unfocused. “Hullo?”