Sometimes the best thing to clear one’s mind was to have lunch with old friends. It was a time of relaxation. A time of healing. And a time to share your experiences with those closest to you. Twilight knew the meaning of that advice all too well. In both the real world and her Ponyville delusions, she knew exactly what it was like to get overwhelmed about something that she had no control over. It was a feeling she had a lot, and she never knew how to really express it.
Yet sitting with the ponies she once hurt now, all these years later, it felt…different. She felt like she could be open and that they understood her. She could air out her emotions and what she went through, and no one would judge her for it.
“…no way! That actually happened?!” Lemon Hearts asked in shock, nearly spitting out her coffee. “That must‘ve been some hallucination.”
Twilight grinned sheepishly. “Yeah. Apparently Doctor Applejack and Rarity had to get Nurse Ratchet’s complaint dismissed by the board. To this day, I’m not even sure what happened was even real. For all everypony else knew, I cured myself by having one of my episodes, which is apparently unheard of.”
“I can see why,” Twinkleshine replied, smiling. “It does sound pretty preposterous. You tell anypony that, they’re gonna think you’re crazy all over again!”
The four of them laughed over this and ate some more donuts. For Twilight, getting to unwind like this was exactly what she needed. She had been stressed all day due to being worried about whether these ponies would’ve even wanted to connect with her once more and here they all were, kicking back and laughing like not a day had passed. There were no hard feelings between them. They were all content to catch up and be around her.
It felt like a dream come true. For the longest time, she never imagined that she would ever get a second chance like this again. She thought she was doomed to be locked away forever. But here she was now, putting herself out there and making friends. And she didn’t need the Elements of Harmony to do it, nor Princess Celestia to do it. She was capable of doing this all on her own. She had the ability to do so the whole time, and she had never given herself credit for it. She had underestimated her own capabilities, and fate was now proving her wrong in the best way she could’ve imagined.
She wasn’t alone anymore.
“So what are you studying these days?” Minuette asked her. “You haven’t told us much about how things are going at your school.”
Twilight shrugged. “Eh, same old basic magic stuff. Nowhere near the level you guys seem to be on though. Mrs. Honey is apparently the new Arcane Theory teacher though. She was supposed to substitute for Ms. Daisy, but she got moved to another class last week, soooooo…I don’t know, class schedules are weird.”
“Tell me about it,” Twinkleshine answered. “Five professors left Magic School within the first week of the semester, resulting in Lemon Hearts and I getting switched around a lot. Barely enough time to get to know one instructor before you’re on to the next one. I know Princess Celestia is supposed to be the principal, but I’m going to be honest, she’s better at ruling than anything else.”
“That’s true,” Lemon Hearts agreed, giggling. “I can only imagine the look she would have if I told that to her straight to her face.”
“She’d probably throw you in a dungeon.” Minuette quipped.
“Or banish you!” Twinkleshine added, putting her hooves to her mouth in mock horror.
“Or banish you then throw you in a dungeon in the place she banished you to!” Twilight chimed in. She always had the most absurd scenarios cooked up in her head, whether intentionally or not, as she tended to let her imagination run wild a lot of the time. Plus, she remembered sharing that exact same list of scenarios with Fluttershy in one of her delusions. She marveled at the tendency of history to repeat itself in the most unexpected of ways.
They all laughed again and clinked their cups together in a toast to their friendship, which was now closer than ever now that she was back in it.
Later on, they walked down the main streets of Canterlot in the direction of the Tasty Treat, a relatively new restaurant that had opened up a year ago. It was a humble looking eatery with an Italian-looking architecture and was headed by a father and daughter named Corriander Cumon and Saffron Masala, both of whom were really good chefs. They took some exotic soup and headed on their way back in the direction of Minuette’s house.
All the while, Twilight took in the sights and remembered what it felt like to be in the comforts of ponies you knew. It may have been all made up in her head before and that was something she had come to terms with, but it was a valid practice that helped her be more social all the same. She had to give her illness credit for allowing her to come out of her she’ll much faster than it otherwise would have been.
“She did!” Minuette insisted, laughing along with Twinkleshine. “Lemon Hearts nearly spit out her oats when she found out you had gotten a promotion!”
“It wasn’t anything major,” Twinkleshine stated humbly. “I guess he just saw how hard I was working compared to the other ponies at the ranch. Not that I mind the extra labor of course. Gets me some exercise in the field.”
“How do you even walk that distance to Sweet Apple Acres?” Lemon Hearts asked. “You must get up really early in the morning.”
“Oh I take a taxi. It’s not that big of a drive, really. Driver’s pretty nice.”
Twilight watched them talk with one another and smiled. She felt like she was finally living the life she had always dreamt of. She didn’t know what she was even worried for in the first place at this point. Nothing could dent her good mood now. Or so she thought.
You miss that life, don’t you? The voice in her head piped up. Still can’t escape the shadows of your past, even in spite of “healing.” You know, you really fooled the doctors with that stunt of yours, but you haven’t fooled me.
I said leave me alone. Twilight answered mentally. What is your problem?! Do you want me to recover from this or not?!
The voice chuckled. So we’re playing victim, I see. Well, Twilight. I do want you to recover. I’m you. If you don’t recover, I don’t. But I want you to be honest with yourself. You’re not cured. Nopony cures themselves during a psychotic episode. You’re still sick. And soon the signs will show when you least expect it. You really think you can live in denial forever?
I-
You’re acting all high and mighty, my dear, thinking you can heal yourself. Well, you can’t stop what’s inevitably going to happen. Being around those ponies is reactivating those repressed memories, and you know what happens when unresolved trauma isn’t dealt with, do you?
Twilight froze.
“…and that was how I got promoted to Royal Advisor!” Lemon Hearts finished cheerily. “It was for a day only, but man was that so cool! I even got to see what was inside the Canterlot basement! It contains-“
Minuette and Twinkleshine leaned in closer, their eyes sparkling with interest. If only Twilight could share in their enthusiasm. She was having a crisis within her own mind, and she didn’t know how to get rid of it. Even as she tried to deny it, she couldn’t shake the feeling that the voice was right. She was right with the ponies she had once crippled during that fateful night, and it was a very real risk that it could happen again.
She didn’t want to hurt them again. She was just getting reconnected with them. If she really was as sick as the her other self claimed, what was she doing free? She was still hearing voices in her head, still dealing with the burden of repressed memories, and she had no form of therapy to combat it.
“Twilight?”
You remember, don’t you? You looked down…saw the fear in their eyes?
No…
“Twilight?”
You remember what happened to Moon Dancer, don’t you? Poor mare received the worst of your attack. What happened to her? Didn’t she get paralyzed and the doctors had to amputate one of her-
Stop!
“TWILIGHT!!!”
Twilight snapped back to attention just in time to see all three ponies staring back at her with concerned looks on their faces. She was trembling all over in fear and she couldn’t hide it. The memories were coming to the surface more and more the longer she was around them. This wasn’t worth it. She was hurting them just by being here.
“Are you okay?” Minuette asked her, concerned. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something. Is everything alright?”
Twilight swallowed her nervousness. “N-never better. L-let’s just keep walking. Where did you say we were going to go next?”
“Well, we were actually thinking of heading to Moon Dancer’s,” Lemon Hearts explained. “It’s actually not too far from where we are, just down the street.”
Now you will listen to me. Once you see her, you will stop denying the full extent of your actions-
“Um, actually!” Twilight cut in, a little too loudly. “Why don’t…we go to the Canterlot Library instead? I wanted to…check out a book for her first! She likes to study Haycartes’s Method from what I remember. I know she’ll just LOVE a good surprise!”
Dammit.
Checkmate, evil me!
“We could…just take her to the library ourselves,” Twinkleshine suggested, tilting her head slightly out of confusion. “We can all get the book together. It’s not like we’re planning a party or something.”
“Trust me,” Twilight insisted. “It’s a VERY good idea! So good that it goes far beyond the meaning of good! She’ll thank us! What better way to tell her we want to reconnect with her than to get her a book? Books are awesome!” She grinned and her smile got wider with each passing second. She was hiding something, and her friends could obviously tell.
Twinkleshine definitely looked disturbed at this point, but she chose to leave it at that once she saw that Twilight was beginning to sweat bullets. “Ooooooookay. Library it is then. I don’t know why you’re acting so weird, but I’m not going to press.”
Twilight breathed a sigh of relief once the others started on their way again. Only Minuette stayed behind momentarily to talk with her once they were out of earshot.
“Alright, what’s going on?” Minuette inquired skeptically, slowly walking up in front of her. “You’re acting off again.”
“Please don’t ask…” Twilight replied softly. “I’d rather not talk about it…”
“I think I know what it is. You’re worried about seeing Moon Dancer after what you did back then, huh?”
Reluctantly, Twilight nodded. “Wouldn’t you…if you know you ruined somepony’s life beyond repair? I mean, The injuries she suffered from me were just…”
“I know,” Minuette replied solemnly. “She did have a hard time forgiving you after that and we eventually all lost touch with her. This will be our first time reaching out to her after so many moons.”
Twilight looked down in shame.
“I-I didn’t mean it like that!” The blue unicorn corrected herself quickly. “I’m sure-“ She took a deep breath and put a comforting hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “Everything is going to be fine. You’ll see. We’ll have the gang back together in no time!”
With that, they continued on and Twilight could feel the pit in her stomach growing with each minute that passed. Try as she might, she couldn’t escape the reality that had befallen on her. She was going to see Moon Dancer eventually, and she would have to atone for her sins whether she wanted to or not.
After all, the only way to truly move on was to face her past and confront it.