//------------------------------//
// 13 - Keep on Buckin' 
// Story: My Life as a Post-Adolescent Pony 
// by Unicorncob 
//------------------------------//

"UP AND AT 'EM, MR. SHARP!"

I was sure the noise I made wasn't equine. My hooves flailed in the air, somehow not striking the yellow-and-red blur that woke me.

"Didn't nudge ya too hard, did Ah?" asked the blur.
It took me a moment to recognise the voice, and it helped that my eyes started to focus and the shimmering mass took the form of a small Earth Pony.
"Oh, you're... Apple Bloom, right?" I asked.
"That's me," she chirped. "Mah sis sent me ta getcha."
I rubbed my hooves on my face with a groan. "Right, I forgot. Curse my chronic helper's syndrome..."

Apple Bloom backed away from my torso so I could sit up. I took a look out the window while I stretched my front legs.
"Aren't you early?" I mumbled. "Still dark out there."
"No, sir," said the filly. "Mornin's still mornin', and Applejack's waitin' fer us at the farm."
"Right, right." Through some miracle, I landed on my front hooves when I flopped out of bed. Once fully on the floor, I stretched out my legs and back like a cat. It felt strangely natural, and I smiled as my joints popped. "Just lemme make a coffee first."

I trudged out of the bedroom, and for some reason, when I turned for the kitchen, I was approaching the front door.

"No time fer coffee," declared Apple Bloom, ushering me outside. "We gotta get down there right away!"
"No time for coffee?" I whined, putting on my best bloodshot puppy-dog eyes. "Have mercy...!"
"The walk here woke me up," she said, "it'll work fer you too!"
"But you're young and spry."
"Y'all ain't old like Granny Smith," giggled Apple Bloom. "...are ya?"
"I'm a college student," I said. "Well, I was a college student..."
"'Was'?" she repeated. "Y'all one'a them 'dropouts'?"
"No!" I said defensively, then blinked. "I mean... I might be, technically. I don't-"

Just as I was about to contemplate my academic position in Equestria, a cold morning breeze shot through my body that definitely woke me up.

"When'd we get out here?!" I gasped.
"Just now, while we were chattin'," said Apple Bloom.
I glared down at her. "You distracted me."
She put on her best "Would I really steal out of the cookie jar?' smile. "Maybe y'all distracted yerself?"
"I'll get you for this," I grumbled. "I don't know when, where or how, but I will."

Apple Bloom began leading me away from my home and toward Sweet Apple Acres, seeing clearly through my fake threat.





Yet another yawn passed my lips as I trudged after Apple Bloom. The street lamps were still lit, and apart from the occasional morning jogger or work commuter, the outside of Ponyville was practically barren. Which only made sense, given it was way-too-early o'clock.

"Hey, Mr. Sharp," said Apple Bloom, causing me to shake my head into attention. "What kinda student did y'all say ya were?"
"College," I muttered. "It's basically a school for adults."
"Grown-ups still go to school?" she asked incredulously.
"If they want to," I explained. "I was working on my bachelor's in crime scene science."
The filly regarded me with an arched eyebrow. "Y'all were what-now?"
I sighed and picked my brain for the words to dumb it down, which didn't take too long given I was rather dumb myself at the moment. "I was studying to be a detective."
"Ooh!" Her eyes lit up at that. "What made ya wanna be a detective?"
I shrugged. "Ah'no, sounded fun at the time. Parents wanted me to make something of myself too."
"How come ya left then?"
"It's... hard to explain," I said carefully. "But for now, let's just say it wasn't by choice."
"Maybe yer cutie mark made ya wanna be a detective?" she wondered.
As thankful as I was for the change of subject, it did make me think for a moment. I turned and looked at the magnifying glass on my backside.
"You think so?" I asked, wanting to poach her for more information on these marks without sounding suspiciously alien to a small child.
"Well, sure," she said. "Yer cutie mark is what yer special talent is, right? So yers must mean yer real good at figurin' stuff out."

I blinked. That definitely made a lot of sense. I was mostly just using context clues and common sense, but... maybe my mark meant I was good at using them? Perhaps, if I ran out of odd jobs, I could use that knowledge to make some scratch.

I wasn't sure what to make of Apple Bloom's mark, though. A shield with an apple in it, and a heart inside the apple? I was definitely gonna need more to go on.

"Here we are," I heard her say. I looked up from watching my front hooves and saw the silhouettes of a farmhouse and a barn against the dark sky. We crossed the courtyard and entered the house. The inviting smells of cooked apple, batter and coffee beans taunted me.

"Sis! Mr. Sharp's here!" she called.
"Not so loud, Apple Bloom," hissed Applejack, stepping out of the kitchen. "Granny's still sleepin'!"
"Sorry!" she squeaked, clapping her hoof over her mouth.
"Howdy there, Sharp," she said to me, her tone much softer. "Ready fer work?"
"Ready as I'll ever be," I yawned. Applejack furrowed her brow.
"Y'all don't look ready," she noted. "D'ya even have breakfast?"
"Wasn't time," I mumbled, slowly blinking.
Her hoof said a rather aggressive howdy to her face. "Land's sakes, Apple Bloom, couldn't even let the poor guy have a coffee before ya dragged him out?"
"Y'all said ta get him over pronto," argued Apple Bloom.
"Not that pronto!" her sister groaned. "He ain't gonna be much use fallin' asleep on his hooves."
"Don't worry about it," I piped up. Not only was I too tired to be upset with the smaller Apple, but those puppy-dog eyes weren't helping my anger levels rising.
"Well, y'all can't start the day on an empty stomach," insisted Applejack, and she ushered me into the kitchen. "C'mon and fuel up, sugarcube."

I was about to insist that starting the day with little to eat was normal for a college student, but like Tartarus I was going to say no to a free meal.





After a pretty nice breakfast of toast with apple jam and coffee, I was properly all set for some manual labour. Despite the crack of dawn being upon us, I was a lot more woken up. Awake enough in fact, to pay attention to Applejack's tree-bucking lecture out in the orchard.

"So there's a science to this?" I asked.
"Ain't nothin' to it, sugarcube," she said, positioning herself so her backside faced a tree. "Just gotta give it a good ol' kick!" On the last word, she slammed her back hooves into the trunk, making a sound akin to a shotgun blast. The force was enough to send the apples falling from the branches into the buckets positioned below.
I let out an impressed whistle. "I dunno if I've got the muscles for that, though."
"Don'tcha fret none," she assured me. "Yer an Earther like me, so it'll come so natural you'll think ya done it a million times."

Easy for the professional to say.

"Try on this next one here," she went on, leading me to the next tree. "Lessee yer technique."
I wasn't sure if a first-timer could have a technique. Still, I figured I didn't have much to lose just giving it a shot. I took a moment to position my hooves and looked over my shoulder. Taking a deep breath, I did my best to follow Applejack's lead and buck the tree. The force sent me stumbling forward with a yelp, and luckily I'd fallen on my face enough to learn how to stop doing it. Though, my effort bore no fruit. As in, no apples felt like pitying me.
"How... did I do?" I asked, not really sure why I poised the question since I knew the answer from the concerned frown on Applejack's face.
"Definitely ain't the worst first buck Ah ever saw," she said, walking up to me. "Y'all sure ain't a farmboy."
"What gave it away?" I asked flatly.
"Here, lemme give ya some pointers," she said, and I watched as she put one front hoof in front of the other. "Put yer front legs like this so ya don't go fallin' on yer face when ya buck."
I looked down at my own hooves and copied her posture. Being next to another tree, I decided to try another kick. Indeed, when my back hooves hit the trunk, I stayed put. My jaw silently thanked me.
"Yeah, there ya go," said Applejack with a smile. "Now, yer kick ain't bad, but ya gotta put yer back into it. Really ram yer hooves inta that trunk." She demonstrated by kicking the air next to me full-force, and I felt my mane blow back a little. "Don't be afraid'a hurtin' yerself, we Earth Ponies're built fer legwork."

I was sure she already clocked on, but I still didn't want to tell her that this Earth Pony hadn't done a scrap of farm work in his life and had about as much physical strength as a strand of boiled spaghetti. But I was in too deep, so I had to do something. I reared back and, with a grunt, gave the tree the hardest buck I could muster.

The leaves rustled above, and I watched as some of the red fruits snapped off their branches into the buckets below.
"Now that's more like it!" whooped Applejack. "Give 'em a few more'a those!"

I honestly wasn't expecting to get results. This new body must have gotten a strength buff, which logically did make sense. And what's more, my legs hadn't turned to jelly from slamming a solid tree trunk. I couldn't deny I was starting to feel proud of myself. And so, with new vim and vigor, I kept up the pace. Kicking every trunk Applejack pointed my backside towards and watching the apples drop into the buckets into neat piles.





The sun was fully up in the sky when Applejack, Apple Bloom and I brought some real bushels into the large barn, storing them neatly inside. The girls looked quite pleased with themselves, and I could understand why. I felt the same, after all. And Applejack was right about me not needing my hoodie--all that moving around really warmed my body up against the early morning chill. The hot coffee was a big help, of course.

"Hoo-wee," sighed the older apple Pony, "got the whole orchard taken care of and it's only noon."
"Looks like Big Mac can have more dates with Sugar Belle now that we got Mr. Sharp here pickin' up the slack," giggled Apple Bloom.
My face dropped. "I'm, uh, gonna need to hit the gym before I make this a full time thing," I joked.

Not that I'd dream of setting hoof inside one of those glorified torture chambers.

"They ain't on a date, Apple Bloom," said Applejack with a roll of her eyes, then turned her head to regard me. "Can't thank ya enough fer yer help. Ya got a better kick than ya think."
"Just happy to help," I said, politely avoiding to add that I was also doing it for the cash.
"Shoot, look at all them apples!" gushed Apple Bloom. "We're gonna have so many pies and cider fer Hearth's Warmin'!"
"Sorry, kiddo," smirked Applejack, ruffling her sister's mane, "yer still on the apple juice this year."
"But Ah got mah cutie mark now!" Apple Bloom argued, puffing her cheeks.
"Yer cutie mark ain't a cider drinkin' license," her sister said flatly. "And Ah might have to start usin' them apples, cuz Ah was gonna have one of the leftover fritters but somepony must'a got 'em before me."

I was about to interject and inquire about my payment, but the way Apple Bloom's ears drooped from her sister's glare made me quickly change topic.

"Uhh, that was me," I admitted, raising a hoof.
Both sisters looked at me with cocked eyebrows. "Say what now?" asked Applejack.
"When I went to the bathroom earlier," I said. "They smelled really good so I had a couple on my way back. That's my bad."
Her gaze softened at that. "Ahh, well, can't really blame ya fer that. Them fritters were Granny Smith's recipe, and ain't nopony spat one back out yet."
"You sure it's okay?" I asked. "You looked like you were gonna buck her into next winter."
"S'only fritters, sugarcube," she assured me. "This lil' gremlin is just a real nightmare when ya leave treats sittin' around."
"Look who's talkin'!" squeaked Apple Bloom. "Ah heard stories from Granny Smith about you an' her fritters!"
"Stories that our friend here don't gotta know about," Applejack hissed, clapping a hoof over her sister's mouth.

No no, I think I gotta know. It could be useful information.

"Anywho," she went on with an awkward smile, "lemme just run in and getcher payment. Ah promised ya some bits fer yer time, after all."
I watched her almost sprint for the farm house, no doubt to avoid any follow-up questions regarding fritters. I was left alone with the younger Apple, who fixed me with a curious glance.
"T'weren't you who ate them fritters, though," she said, confusion filling her voice.
"I know," I said, then added with a smirk, "but you might wanna wash the back of your left leg before your sister catches on."
Her eyes went as wide as dinner plates and she lifted her left front leg. Indeed, the back of it had a few crumbs on it. "How did ya...?"
"They weren't there before your trip to the bathroom," I explained. "You had a real spring in your step when you came back as well, so I figured you were pretty pleased about something. Guess you had a snack break."
She looked rather impressed. "How'd ya even notice that?"
"I... I have no idea." I blinked. It was such a minute detail that anyone would miss, yet I locked onto it and figured out the cause right away.
"Y'all really are a detective," she chirped. "Ooh, maybe it was yer cutie mark?"
I went to laugh off the suggestion, but then I looked back at it. The magnifying glass on my backside. "You think so?"
"Maybe it means yer really good at figurin' out stuff by findin' smaller stuff?" she suggested.

That certainly made sense to me. Magnifying glasses were made to look at things in extra detail. A perfect tool for investigators. Maybe that was my calling? Or it could've just been a fluke.

Either way, it was something to ponder.

"There ya are!" a new voice snapped from toward the farm house. I looked over and my own eyes bulged out when I saw some kind of green-furred skeleton of a Pony shambling up to me. "What's yer business with mah granddaughters then, eh?!"
"Granny, please," Applejack groaned next to her, "he ain't up ta nothin' fishy. He's just here fillin' in fer Big Mac."
"Oh, stealin' mah grandson's job, are ya?" the elderly mare growled, prodding a bony hoof on my chest. "Y'all got some serious nerve, sonny!"
"Uhh," I muttered, backing up. "Ma'am, I assure you I am not interested in your grandson's job."
"Eh?" she scowled. "What's wrong with his job, then? Sweet Apple Acres's been a pillar of the Ponyville community fer years, ya lil' whippersnapper!"
"I didn't mean it like that!" I yelped. "I-I just, uh...!"
"Granny Smith gets pretty cranky when she's just woke up," Apple Bloom muttered in my ear.
"Sorry about this, Sharp," sighed Applejack, tossing me a pouch. "Here's yer bits. Thanks again fer yer help."
"Givin' away yer bits to a stranger?" asked Granny Smith. "Applejack, Ah taught ya better'n that!" She turned her attention back to me, fixing me with eyes like a tiger about to tear a small mouse to shreds. "Y'all wait right here while Ah get mah whackin' cane!"

The three of us watched her hobble off back to the farm house, grumbling under her breath. I caught at least one "Back in my day" which I could scratch off my mental bingo card.
"Y'all might wanna run," Applejack advised me. "She ain't kiddin' about that whackin' cane."
"No, I'm sure she isn't," I muttered, swallowing."
"Real sorry about that," she sighed, shaking her head. "Ah'll smooth things over with her. Don't be afraid ta come back now."
"Yeah, don't be a stranger," added Apple Bloom with a grin. "Ah can show ya mah friends' clubhouse sometime!"
"That sounds great," I said with a nervous smile. "Yeah, I think I'll come back when death by cane is less likely."

I said my goodbyes to the two sisters and trotted off back to town. A chilly breeze sent a shiver through my body. Now that I wasn't bucking apple trees or being threatened by an octogenarian, the cold was doing its dirty work once again.

Still, I jingled the pouch in my hoof. The start of some Hearth's Warming spending money. Maybe I could get some decorations, and hopefully I'll have enough for gifts. I needed to make a list of who to get gifts for.

Rivershine, maybe Applejack since she helped me when I first got here, Rarity's been really cool to me... maybe getting one for Twilight would show I'm not sore at her for the whole 'dumping you in another world without your consent' thing...

And I stopped. Why did I want to get Rivershine a gift? Sure, I had reasons for the others, but her? I had no idea. It's not that I didn't like her, she was nice and all, but... I suddenly pictured myself giving her a wrapped box and her hitting me with a smile that could melt a few polar icecaps...

And I shook it out of my head.

She's just a friend, Sharp. Just a friend. Friends get each other gifts, don't they? It's totally platonic, nothing weird. Plus she's not the 'warm smile' type--she'll probably just thank you and call you a doofus.

...or is she the 'warm smile' type?

"Gah!" I shook my head again. "Focus, man. Decorations first, then gifts. You don't even know what anypony likes yet!"

I trotted back to my place and grabbed my hoodie and saddlebags. I looked around as I did so; apart from the nice furniture, the place could have used a little sprucing up. The living room had a free corner that I could picture a fake pine tree fitting in easily.

"Back to Barnyard Bargains for the afternoon, I guess," I decided, stuffing the pouch in my bag with my other bits. "Joy."