//------------------------------//
// Rehabilitation, Part 8.2: Decent Exposure 
// Story: Harry Potter and the Prancing of Ponies 
// by The Guy Who Writes 
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The Occlumency lessons progressed much more quickly than expected. Even the fastest learners of Mr. Bester require at least four months of lessons before they can start putting up a block. With the advantage of a burgeoning, easily-detected Legilimens, Hermione Granger, the brightest star of Ravenclaw, took over three months to put up a block. Princess Luna of Equestria had almost reached that point in a single month.

In retrospect, it was obvious why. Her lessons were daily, not weekly, her efforts were amaranthine, and her natural ability to abstract and dissociate was strong. That last one is a prerequisite for being a 'fast' student of Mr. Bester, or even 'a' student of that particular demanding instructor, because it's a prerequisite to being a competent Occlumens in general. But no matter who was his student, no matter how good their abstraction abilities, he'd never managed to teach them to put up a block in less than four months.

It could just be that ponies are overpowered. It could be all the extra magic she has compared not just to humans, but to other ponies – who are already magically stronger than humans in the first place. That could be the reason behind the increased learning speed. It might also explain Memory Sunshine's three months compared to the ordinary four.

But since Occlumency is all in the mind, not the magic, hard work was probably the true reason. Step one is to detect intrusion, and that's best done by paying attention while being intruded; there's no way to become better besides practice, and she was constantly asking for practice. If he was bored, she would ask for another probe to keep him from falling asleep. He learned many of her private thoughts in the process.

She must have received twenty collective hours of Legilimency in the first week alone, which must have been how she got to the point of detecting entry within that same first week. Once that was done and she began attempting to implement the basic version of Occlumency, her progress slowed down, but only relative to that first week. She's now at the point of redirecting Legilimency probes to her false persona, forcing him to read certain surfaces of her mind, even if those surfaces are not as false and unrevealing as they should be.

As with Ms. Granger, Luna did not like how Occlumency "feels like being dishonest". He did not know if it helped in the slightest when he told her, "Some call it 'playing pretend' to overcome the offense to their morals". He did know that it helped when he posited the 'personality' of Nightmare Moon to be her barrier, as that false persona would be less 'dishonest' by her standards while still qualifying as a barrier of pretense. And she would be familiar with it, so it shouldn't be too hard to imagine.

Now there was the problem of her not liking Nightmare Moon, as he could tell from reading her mind, but she refrained from complaining out loud, at least. At her current rate, it wouldn't be long before she put up her first standard Occlumency barrier.

The day she would learn more of the truth was fast approaching.

A part of him was tempted to delay by waiting until his 'emotions advisor' reached perfect Occlumency, but he was self-aware enough to notice what his mind was doing and he ignored the impulse to procrastinate. If her plan doesn't work, it would be better to know that now. He should not fear what might happen simply when putting the plan into action. Fearing something like this would be utterly trivial and pathetic.

With that in mind, he completed his 'homework'.

She'd assigned it so he would be ready when she was. "The younger the better," Luna had said. She also asked him to refrain from watching whatever memory he chose before they watched it together. She wanted him to be as 'not bored' as possible, which meant he shouldn't re-familiarize himself with the memory. She wanted to see his current, raw reaction to it.

After giving up any hope that he could conceal his humanity, but still (obviously) intending to keep Voldemort secret, he selected something he thought might be interesting. He deliberately ignored the 'younger the better' request, but he otherwise completed the assignment as instructed. He would have to translate for his advisor when she encountered the inevitable language barrier, but that would allow for a level of distance that suited him. The memory was important, it had greatly impacted him, it was the most important lesson he had ever learned, and he was curious to see what she would make of it.

And then, after foreseeing how the future would go, he invited his employer to his Astral Plane earlier than she expected. She couldn't protect her mind just yet, but she could at least detect entry, so it was 'safe' enough to tell her a bit more.

He would stay away from anything truly important, of course, even the 'homework' memory. He explained to her that he wasn't going into any memories in depth, but there was something they should get out of the way. Though he did expect something in exchange for going above and beyond like this.







"What is that?" Luna asked before her fool's memory even began.

"That is the reason I'm showing you this," said her fool. "That is the dominant life form on my home world: the species homo sapiens, more commonly called 'humans'."

"Humans?" she repeated, her gaze quickly moving away from the image of memory to meet his. "But you said you have no interest in the human world. You said that honestly."

"Wrong. I said that I have no interest in the human world described by your sister," he corrected with a slight grin. "I have every interest in this human world."

Luna took a moment to digest that. "I… suppose you did feel more deceptive than usual in that part of the conversation… but… there is more than one human world?"

"Evidently," her fool said with a thoughtful frown.

Luna shook her head in wonderment. "According to my sister, there is a pony named Lyra who would faint at such news."

"I know," said Riddle. "I met her once."

(And after she had sufficiently annoyed him, he was sorely tempted to reveal his animagus form to her. In private, of course. He would have enjoyed the public disbelief and eye rolls when she inevitably tried to tell others that she encountered a human.)

"I don't see how she came to be so obsessed," he remarked. "Ponies don't have so much as a legend about us, let alone a conspiracy theory."

"'Us'?" Luna echoed.

"Yes," said Riddle. "Us." The still image of memory began to play, and the focus shifted away from the white-maned and wrinkled 'human'.

The viewing scroll centered on a wand grasped by a pale paw – a spider-like, furless thing. The arm extended down until it vanished beyond the borders of the viewing window, with the obvious implication that it belonged to the viewer, i.e. her fool.

She noticed a few other things in the memory. It seemed to be a wand shop, and a great gush of green and blue sparks had just flown from the wand, and the clerk was saying, "I see great things in your future, Tom Riddle. Great things indeed." But…

But they didn't seem to matter in comparison to the human hand. To her human fool.

Luna had been half-expecting that her fool was not always a pony, so she was not completely shocked. Or even mildly shocked. Extremely curious would describe her reaction best.

"Why is there no fur on your arm?" Her sister had told her about humans, but when Tia had said 'less fur', Luna didn't think she meant furless. "And what are those things on the tips of your paws? And I've always been curious; how can humans and dragons and minotaur and griffons control five claws so fluidly? And what's it like to balance on hind-legs? Without a tail for balance, no less…"

Riddle tilted his head, seeming to think. "I'll answer the fur question first, since it interests me as well. According to some of the texts I've read recently, humans evolved as omnivores in hot environments. One of their primary sources of food was other animals, and one of their primary means of catching prey was to chase it for long hours until the prey collapsed from overheating or exhaustion. Humans could do this all year round, even on the hottest days of the summer, thanks to their ability to sweat. Their skin secretes moisture which evaporates on contact with the air. It's the same function as a dog's tongue, except on a much greater scale. Their prey did not have this advantage. So long as they could not hide or escape with agility, furred creatures like…" he paused for a moment, "…like rabbits barely stood a chance."

Luna absorbed the information like a sponge. "Why do you still have fur on the tops of your heads?"

"We call it 'hair', and it protects the brain from the sun," he answered. "Once we began using our minds in conjunction with our stamina, it was all over for our ancestral competition. Man is best ape, as one scholar so 'eloquently' put it. We are the top mammal on our planet. Humanoid creatures in general are the only sapient life forms on Earth. It’s been that way for hundreds of thousands of years."

"Hundreds of thousands?"

"Yes," he affirmed calmly. "With the planet itself being about four point six billion years old, and life starting somewhere around the first billion. We haven't been on top for long when you take the full history into account."

Luna was astonished by the large numbers. The period of human dominance alone is greater than the known period of Equinoid dominance on Equus by… by a factor of at least a hundred. The age B.D. – before Discord – is notoriously difficult to research, so the exact time hasn't been pinned down by pony scholars… which makes her fool's claims even more astonishing, come to think of it. How could humans figure out their planet's age if it went that far back?

"How do your scholars know the age of your planet?" she asked. "Or did you figure it out for yourself…?"

"Of course not," he admitted easily. "Muggle scientists developed a calculation method that relies on physical laws which haven't even been discovered here. Suffice it to say that it would take time to explain. Equestria has more advanced knowledge on the physical world than wizards, and more advanced knowledge on magic than muggles, but you are not more advanced than either master of their own craft. You know both fields, but have mastered neither."

"You could help us with that, could you not?"

Her fool did not immediately say yes, but he did seem to consider her request. "I have a decent library of muggle texts," he admitted. "You or Miss Sparkle could understand how age calculations are performed if you studied them for a month, or maybe a week in Miss Sparkle's case. But she does not have nearly enough caution, and even if you do have that caution, do you really wish to learn the same principles that allowed humans to engineer their own dooms?"

Luna balked. "How is age-calculation related to doomsday weaponry?"

Riddle answered with a single word: "Closely."

Luna had to pause to remember the wording of her own question. Yes, his answer is serviceable, she decided, even if it explained nothing. But if the answer is true as well as correct, maybe it's a good thing that he didn't go into detail.

"How did you come to be a pony?" she asked, her curiosity about their science successfully squashed.

"That's what I'd like to know," her fool answered. "My best guess is that a certain device decided that this form suited me when it brought me here."

"The Mirror?" asked Luna.

"Yes."

"And…" said Luna, remembering the conversation she'd heard (and re-heard multiple times in private in her Astral Plane), "…the Mirror is also how you intend to get back… and the being who spoke to you… the human who spoke to you, the same human who betrayed you in the past, is not letting you go back. Is that correct?"

"Yes."

"Yes, and…?" she prompted, as she always does when he deceptively omits something truly important.

"And he will continue blocking my way until I learn the True Patronus Charm."

Luna's eyebrows rose. "So that is why you wish to learn it."

"Among other reasons."

"What I meant was that it is your primary motivation."

"Yes."

"And he won't be convinced by anything else?"

"No."

She considered the situation. A human who is almost certainly less evil than her fool (even if that human considers it wrong to fear death) is not letting Riddle return home until he learns the True Patronus Charm. That implies… that Riddle might do ill if he does not value the lives of others.

Well, she already knew that.

"It is not the best motivation," said Luna. "But if it drives you to improve your mental health, it should work for our purposes."

"It is driving me to improve my happiness, not my 'mental health'."

"The two are one and the same, my fool. To be truly happy is to be mentally healthy."

Her fool looked at her skeptically, and her heart sank a little. It looked like it would take some time to convince him of that statement.







He gazed at her skeptically. It sounded obvious in retrospect, but was it actually true? And who is she to label what qualifies as 'mentally healthy'? If his mind reaches correct conclusions faster than other minds, and if his mind can dismiss incorrect conclusions and information faster than others', is his mind not healthier than others' as well? If a 'healthy' muscle can lift strong weights, a 'healthy' mind should simply be one that is capable of solving problems.

"Do you still have access to a human form?" asked his employer, changing the topic. "Or did you lose it when you came here?"

He sighed. Luna's intelligence makes her a more tolerable conversational partner than 99.99% of ponies/people, but when she utilizes her Honesty sense in conjunction, he often feels like finding someone else to talk to, if he can. He was forced to make another calculation he'd have rather made at his own leisure.

"I did lose my human form when I came here," he confirmed, "and I was stuck as a pony for a considerable time afterwards. But I can become a human again."

"How?" asked Luna.

"Wizards can become animagi."

"Animagi?"

"I'll give you a minute to figure it out for yourself. Think of what the word might mean."

There was a pause.

"A… an animal mage?"

"Very good," said Riddle. "More precisely, it is a magus with the ability to become a specific animal – one form per magus, no more. It is a fixed self-Transfiguration. Mr. Silver theorized that we might be able to set our target forms to the animal homo sapiens, and he was right."

"I… see…" said Luna, blinking a few times. "Can you show me?"

"Not here," he answered. "I don't know what happens to non-alicorns in the Astral Plane, let alone non-ponies, and I'd prefer not to be the first guinea pig."

"Hm… understandable," Luna nodded. "Though I will register my prediction that it would almost certainly be harmless."

"That is my own prediction as well," Riddle stated. "But there's no sense in taking pointless risks."

"In that case, would you show me your form in the abandoned barn?"

He had been expecting that question, and since he had nothing to lose…

"Very well."

The relocation took a hundreth as long as the warding, and the transformation took a hundredth as long as the relocation.

"Satisfied?" he asked when he was finally standing upright.

Her reply was utterly incomprehensible, even as she seemed to take a few steps closer in curiosity.

"What?" he asked, taking a few steps back.

The princess's expression switched to confusion, and she seemed to repeat what she had said – words in a language that he had never heard before, though he did recognize two of the words as belonging to two separate ancient ritual chants, and another as one of the Words of False Comprehension. She was not whickering and neighing like you might expect from a language of intelligent ponies, but she certainly wasn't speaking English.

An utterly absurd hypothesis came to him in that moment.

"Could you repeat that?" he asked after turning back into a pony.

Now the princess looked as baffled as he'd been two seconds ago. "I said," she spoke in what sounded to his ears and his brain like perfectly comprehensible English, "that you are taller than I was expecting. Could you not hear my words?"

That didn't outright confirm his hypothesis, but it certainly strengthened it. "I could hear them," he answered, "but I could not comprehend them. Why hasn't a single textbook ever mentioned that ponies have the Gift of Tongues?"

"The gift of what?" Luna asked.

That would be why, he thought. They don't even know themselves. He was just now noticing that every species he'd met so far, from Griffons to Changelings to Diamond Dogs, all speak the exact same language…

"Hold," he said. "Different question. Has there ever been the concept of multiple languages here on Equus, or does every Equinoid on the planet speak the same one?"

"Multiple languages?" asked Luna. "I suppose it is a common enough concept in fictional stories, but so long as they can speak in the first place everypony- everyone on Equus speaks Equish, no matter the species."

"I see," said Riddle. "Well then, let me be the first scholar to declare that Equinoids might be speaking different languages." Then he remembered… "No, I think I shall declare that they are definitively speaking at least two different languages. The Changelings are speaking something else, at least out loud."

"How could that be?" the Princess asked, utterly confused.

"If both Ponies and Changelings had the Gift of Tongues, it wouldn't matter that they speak different languages."

Actually, come to think of it, it should be called the gift of ears, shouldn't it? If it were the gift of 'tongues', i.e. speaking the languages of others, he should have understood his employer when he was a human. Since he didn't, calling it the Gift of 'Tongues' would be a misnomer.

"And what is the gift of tongues?" asked Luna.

Until now, it was a mostly fictional concept that wizards have been fantasizing about for centuries – the theoretical ability to perfectly understand any other intelligent creature. Taken to its most absurd extreme, the gift would have the user understand others as if they were actively speaking the user's own native language, and the user wouldn't even realize it was happening. Riddle always knew that the Gift of Tongues isn't as fictional as most skeptics believe, but this extreme, this reality, truly is fantastical.

"It's the ability to understand others," he summarized out loud. "Regardless of the language they speak. Or write," he added, for he'd had no trouble understanding the written language of the ponies, and vice versa. Back in Canterlot U., there had been no suspicion from his essays written in English, even in his Language class. Ponies had remarked on his 'accent', but that might just be the gift's way of conveying that others speak a different language.

Leave it to the Mirror to implement such a fantastical, wishful, over-the-top solution to their problem of not understanding ponies. The Words of False Comprehension suggest that a universal language spell exists, and he knew the Atlanteans could put the spell onto other physical objects, not just the Mirror, to ensure future generations understood them. That is how he understood those metal plates that described the Mirror's history. But he didn't think the magic could go this far.

He had much to think about, but the first thing that came to mind was that the 'Manehattan' and 'Canterlot' coincidences are finally resolved. The gift of… ears? The gift of ears was simply giving him and Mr. Potter understandable translations to the names of those cities.

In retrospect, he's gratified they didn't have to learn the pony language the hard way, and he's even more gratified to have such an amazing ability at his disposal, seemingly from nowhere. But after all his experience with sacrificial rituals, he had the distinct worry that he doesn't have the whole picture yet, and that he hasn't yet encountered the drawback that comes with this power, whatever it might be.

"So…" said Luna slowly, "We are actually speaking different languages?"

"We almost certainly are," said Riddle. "I am speaking English, and you are speaking… let's call it Ponish, not Equish. It would be… inaccurate, if ponies claimed that name for their own language and forced other Equinoids to re-name their languages. Assuming Griffons and Dragons actually do speak a different language and it's not just the Changelings."

"They already have different names for their accents… for their languages, I suppose," said Luna, further strengthening the theory. "Dragons speak Draconic, for example. I admit, the deepest accents can sometimes seem like different languages, even if you can always understand them…"

Riddle nodded. "Maybe it seems like a different language because it is one."

It was just like how the Scotts sometimes call what they speak 'Scottish', even though it's just heavily accented English. Non-Scott native English speakers often remark that the thickest accents are impossible to understand if you're not a native Scottsman. Scottish and English can sometimes seem like two completely different languages. Except in this case, Draconic and Equish would be two completely different languages.

"I'd have to look into it," he said. "It is a new discovery. Naturally, it needs refinement. I'll eavesdrop on a few Changelings for confirmation."

"If you are only discovering this now," said Luna, "how come you are already certain the Changeling language is different?"

"Because I was in human form when I first encountered Thorax's squad. I heard insect noises at a distance, not the language I heard you articulate a few minutes ago. I became a pony to investigate, and I didn't think twice about the noises once my ears… no, once my brain began hearing them use comprehensible language. In retrospect, I should have investigated back then." Or even noticed the difference in the first place. But then he recalled what was happening at the time. "Although I suppose I was distracted."

"I see…" said Luna. "Well, while this digression has been very informative, I would like to see your human form again, and without the wizard robes."

There was a pause.

"Most humans would interpret that request in a different fashion from what you intended," Riddle informed her. "We treat our clothes like you treat your fur. You asking me to remove mine would be like me asking to see you after a full body-shave."

His Changeling sense informed him that he had succeeded in making her feel embarrassed.

"I-I apologize, I did not mean-"

"I know you didn't know," said Riddle, maintaining his calm tone. "That's why I was unbothered when you asked." He tilted his head. "I actually don’t mind. It's not that humans are embarrassed when we show too much skin. It's more that, since we stand upright, our genitalia is clearly visible when we wear absolutely nothing at all, so most human societies throughout history have required coverings of some sort. That includes covering the breasts for females, or at least the nipples for the more risqué dressers."

His clinical descriptions were only adding to her embarrassment. "Must you go into detail?"

"Males only have to cover their pelvis," he went on, "but on most occasions, both men and women wear more than strictly necessary. For the most part, you won't see that much skin outside of a swimming event, and you won't see humans walking around in their underwear outside of their own homes, or maybe a healer's office."

"Under…wear?" she echoed. "Ah! I see. That which you wear under your robes, Yes?"

"Yes." 

"And… you truly do not mind the request?"

"So long as I don't undress to the point that I would violate nudity laws back home. I could theoretically adopt the body of a female and show you that as well."

"Is that another example of advanced human wizardry?"

"Somewhat," he said vaguely. "I'd need time to do that change in private, so we'll save it for later if you insist, though to be honest I'd prefer not to do it at all. Was there any other request you had for my form? I'd like to get it all done at once, not constantly go back and forth. Remember that I won't be able to understand you when I change."

She seemed to consider it. "Mmm… no, I think this shall be enough for now."

He nodded, then almost performed his animagus transformation. "Ah. I almost forgot. I have a request of my own. When I am human, say the words 'Manehattan', 'Canterlot', and 'Atlantis', in that order, with a significant pause in between each. I'd like to see what my brain makes of them without the Gift of… let's call it the Gift of Comprehension."

"Very well."

Now he performed the animagus transformation. His employer began doing as he requested while he drew his wand. The first two words, as expected, were completely different and incomprehensible. The third…

"Atlantis," his employer clearly said, though the accent and pronunciation were so strong that he wouldn't have recognized it if he hadn't been listening for it.

Interesting, he thought to himself as he sleeved his wand arm to the inside of his robes. He transfigured his underwear into swimming trunks, then removed his robes with a spell. The Weasley Twins would have called it a prank spell, and the disrobing charm certainly is an illegal misdemeanor spell when used on others. When used on the self, it is simply a utility spell of speed and convenience. A wordless thermos prevented him from being chilled by the air.

His employer approached, circled him a few times, then nodded. He re-robed and changed back.

"I am curious about the range of motions you could do in such a body," she said. "I suspect you are more flexible than a minotaur."

"Are you asking for a demonstration?"

She shook her head. "What you have already shown me is more than enough for now. Thank you, my fool. I shall ask my sister about a youth version of the mock battles at dinner tonight, and we'll see what we can do from there."

He nodded at the conclusion of the bargain. Because he hadn't done all this for free.

Many young ponies across Equestria – especially young earth pony colts – have been begging their parents to let them join the reserves when they grow up. It is a direct and predictable result of nationally televising the fact that non-unicorns can now cast spells with the right equipment. The concerns and complaints of the parents have reached Celestia's ears, and she has been dragging her hooves on the obvious solution: give the colts what they want.

The art of war is best learned in youth, even in whatever neutered form Celestia will inevitably implement. He doesn't yet know how she will neuter it, but Luna will now ensure that he'll be there to minimize her damage.