The doors were open…
You, Discord, and Scootaloo stood in a void as you all peered across the double dark blue doors ahead of you all. Within the room ahead was a table covered by a tarp, spotlights shut off over it. There were six seats set up around the table, with two looking like royal thrones with velvet red padding and the brothers’ mugs chiseled at the top end of each seat. Behind this all was a vault fastened to the wall, closed of course.
“Well, this is a bust. Why’d you take us here? I don’t see them.” You said as you narrowed your eyes and peered through the doors, seeing no sign of the brothers.
“Chaos isn’t an exact science, Anon. I took us to where they most likely would be, near their bits.” Discord said, raising his paw over his eyes as he gazed forward. “No, no, definitely not here. Hmmmm, well, this really is quite the bust.”
“Well, wait, guys. Do they have to be in this room? Can’t we just go look for them?” Scootaloo asked.
“We could, but if we’re going to make a great impression, then it has to look like we’re the ones on the attack. There’s a chance where we might find them just wouldn’t look good on us. That being said, I’m open to suggestions.” Discord said as he took out a comb and began to run it through his eyebrows.
“I mean, I don’t totally agree with that. But if it has to be in this room, can’t we just teleport them here? Wait, no, don’t answer that. I get it, it’d ruin the sense of surprise.” You said, stopping yourself as you began to ponder. But then you noticed something, Scootaloo was staring at the vault. “Scoots?”
“Yeah? Sorry, I was just looking at the vault and, um, well, these guys are all about making bits, right?” Scootaloo asked as she took a few steps forward, peering closer at the vault beyond the doors.
“Yeah. Hm?” You look over to see what she’s looking at. The vault? “What? Are you thinking we should just rob them? I mean, that’s something I think they deserve. But then again, I heard they actually run this place pretty legitimately. Which means we’d never hear the end of it from Twilight if she found out.”
“Twilight? We’d never hear the end of it from Fluttershy. As hilarious as I think it sounds, we are not taking a single bit from them.” Discord said, with sound authority.
“I didn’t say we’d rob them, guys. I was thinking we’d just open the vault and that’s it. Look, right up there.” Scootaloo ducks so she could point up as high as she could above the vault door. When you and Discord hunched over to take a look, you could see a single parakeet in a cage above. “I think that’s supposed to squawk if somepony gets close to the vault.”
“That bird?” Discord said, pointing at it as he chortled. “What kind of alarm is that? It’s no wonder they were nearly robbed by those griffons before, that is such a lousy alarm system.”
“Yeah, you say that, but it’s there for a reason.” This one was predictable. You put your hooves over your ears and ducked down, knowing for a fact that the tiny bird was going to fucking break glass. “Cover your ears, Scoots. It’s gonna get loud.”
“On it!” Scootaloo said as she ducked down, covering her ears as well.
“Now this is just moronic.” Discord said as he raised his talons, ready to snap. “You’re telling me that small bird can make a loud enough sound to escape this room? I doubt that thing can even make a tweet. Honestly, you’re both being foa-” But the moment Discord snapped his talons to slightly open the vault, the parakeet let out a high pitched roar of a stream of tweets, causing his ears to explode as he just gave off a vacant stare. “I stand corrected.” He said in bafflement as he rubbed his talons in his ears to push out two literal broken drums.
“Alright! Alright! We hear you!” Yelled one of the brothers as they rushed into the room. They just materialized in front of the open doors before you, which meant that these doors and their normal entrance doors were probably connected to one another, which kept you all out of sight.
“Look, brother, the vault’s been opened!” Flam cried out as he followed behind Flim, the parakeet still blaring.
Flim quickly moves the curtains behind the cage around to block the parakeet’s view and stop it from screeching. “I can see that, brother. Quick, check around the table and I’ll have a peek inside.”
You three watched as Flam began to look around the room, checking around the chairs and walls as Flim entered the vault.
“See? I knew that’d work.” Scootaloo said, standing with pride, an accomplished smile on her face.
“Nice one, Scootaloo!” You cheered. Really, it was nice to see that it actually worked. Impressive.
Discord was giving a slow but enthusiastic applause. “Nice one indeed. And while I do applaud you, we still haven’t even started. Now then, Scootaloo, I’m expecting a spectacular performance from you. Do me proud and I might just decide to turn your room into the ultimate Rainbow Dash experience. It’ll be exactly like her room.”
“R-really?” Scootaloo said as her eyes lit up, her wings flittering with excitement.
“Does that involve literally cutting Rainbow Dash’s room from her cloud house and putting it in Scootaloo’s house?” You asked, knowing damn well it did.
“Well, it wouldn’t be the ultimate experience unless it was authentic.” Discord said with a surly grin as he shrugged.
Scootaloo was still smiling, however, even if she wasn’t as excited. “I appreciate that, Discord. I really do. The thought of it, I mean.” Scootaloo then looked ahead as the brothers began to talk to one another, confused as to how the vault opened despite no one being around. “I’m still gonna try to impress the both of you, though. I’m gonna show you what a pegasus pony like me can really do!”
“Go get them, Scootaloo! Make those guys regret the day they invited me and Dad for some crummy business deal!” You cheered.
Scootaloo nodded, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. “Mediator, got it. Wait…” Scootaloo looked back at Discord, a little confused. “Just to make sure, I’m actually just there to annoy them, right? What if they just cut the deal before you guys even get a chance to walk in?”
Discord just looked at her with a bit of skepticism on that. “Let’s not be getting ahead of ourselves now. Doing something like that when they need that deal more than anything would be more impressive than anything Anon has ever done, and that would mean I’d have to punish him.”
“What?! You can’t do that! How would that be more impressive than me, anyway?!” You have reformed villains, saved other timelines, and survived near-death experiences. How was that more impressive then your exploits?!
“Because, relatively speaking, it would be. Besides, I can do whatever I want, and your butt might just have a date with a cheese grater if she seals the deal herself.” Discord said as his grin towards you became more and more menacing.
If this was you from when you arrived in Equestria, that’d actually scare you. Instead, you just roll your eyes at him with a huff. “Whatever, you’re just messing with me. Hey, Scootaloo, don’t worry about me, alright? Just do your best. I wanna see what you got.”
“Your dad isn’t going to grind your butt?” Scootaloo asked, with genuine worry in her tone.
Discord, having a more learned human vocabulary, just bursts out laughing from those words as you just stare past Scootaloo, unamused. “He won’t, he better not.”
Scootaloo nodded, then pointed towards Discord, making a declaration at him. “I mean it, Discord! If you hurt Anon, then there’s no way we can be friends! Got it?”
Discord’s laughter came to a choking halt. He had to take a breath before giving Scootaloo a deep gutted groan. “Fine, fine, I was merely joking anyway. Just don’t go thinking whatever friendship we do have means you can guilt trip me whenever you please. While you are a step above acquaintance, that doesn’t mean we’re besties.”
Scootaloo just rolled her eyes at him, getting frustrated that he suddenly decided to be difficult over the already shaky bond they do have. “Whatever, I’m just going to go do my thing now.” Scootaloo said as she began to walk past the threshold of the doors while muttering to herself. “I wish you were Four…”
“Geez, Discord. Way to be a buzzkill there.” You said to him as you watched Scootaloo take a deep breath to prepare herself.
“Buzzkill?! Me?! I was stating facts!” Discord exclaimed in defense of himself.
“Ugh, look, you invited Scootaloo to help us with this. You did, and it kind of reminds her of Four. I know you hated him, and I know you’re not him. But you have his memories, right? You don’t see how you could have hurt her feelings?” You asked him.
“No!... Yes… Ugh, to actually be cursed with such memories is less than manageable sometimes” Discord groaned as he slapped his face with his paw. “A bit too late to apologize right now, however.”
“Give it time, you can apologize afterwards, alright?” You tell him, hoping he would do just that.
“Alright, ‘Twilight’. Ngh, now I’m frustrated. I just want to get this apology over with to clear my conscience. But no, we have to be in the middle of a prank. I’m so angry, so ANNOYED, that I can…” Discord grabs yet another stink bomb and opens a portal, tossing it in before closing it. There was a quick scream of ‘NO, I JUST DISINFECTED THE WHOLE RO-’ before the portal completely closed. “There, now I am at peace. Or as much peace a draconequus can feel.”
“Again?” You asked him, feeling sorry for Starlight more than ever… Yet wanting to make sure you avoid her at all costs for the rest of the day.
“Yes, and it’ll be even funnier the third time I eventually do it.” Discord said to you.
You just popped your lips as you looked forward through the doors. “Okay then.”
Flim was already locking up the vault as Flam stared at it, confused. “How unnerving. Do you think one of us simply forgot to lock the vault?”
Flim looked back at him before completely sealing it, his eyes full of doubt. “Nonsense, brother. I’d like to think we both aren’t foolish enough to do a silly thing like that.”
However, as Flim said this, Scootaloo made her entrance, silently looking around the room before approaching the grand chairs of the brothers and giving them a gentle shove to test their sturdiness. This caught the attention of the brothers, who seemed astonished.
“...Or perhaps we somehow lost our minds and forgot to lock everything. We may need to check the cash registers later.” Flim said with a gulp as he approached the curious filly. “Excuse me, miss? May I ask how you got in here?”
Scootaloo nearly answered him, but she remembered she was supposed to be cool and collected, and caught herself. She then silently went to the other chair, and gave it a tiny shove. “Mhmm, mhmm.”
“Ahrm, miss, we don’t mean to be rude, but we asked you a question.” Flam said, as he made sure the vault was locked, even after Flim had checked it.
“My brother is correct. However, please don’t be frightened, we are friendly stallions. Given your state of dress, your parents must be very important ponies.” Flim said, as he suddenly began putting on the charm.
Flam, almost like he had a mental link with his brother, immediately figured out what he was doing, and lifted his hat to drop a bag of… bits? Was it bits? He just dropped it in front of Scootaloo. “I have to agree, brother. A filly such as this needs to be treated with respect. Please, we only ask how you got in here for the sake of our security. On an unrelated note, here is fifty tokens to extend your play.”
Flim then took his turn. “Yes! We always enjoy it when our guests are having fun. In fact, please be sure to tell your parents about us. Furthermore, if they haven’t already…” Flim pulls a flier out of his hat and hands it to Scootaloo. “You should ask them to stay for the Hearthwarming festivities we have. I’m sure your happiness is more important than the more than generous price we are offering to join in on the fun.”
Scootaloo just looked at the flier boredly and groaned. “If you guys are going to impress Anon and Discord, then you’re doing a terrible job.”
“What?” The brothers both asked, confused by her words. Not only confused, but suddenly worried.
“You heard me. Also, get these chairs to the other side of the table. They’re going to need them for the meeting. And don’t give me any back talk, or else we’re gonna walk out of here.” Scootaloo said, staring at them with a cold look.
The brothers looked at each other, they whispered words you couldn’t quite hear. But amazingly, they seemed to believe Scootaloo instantly. They weren’t stupid, it seemed. If a filly came in mentioning you and Discord all of a sudden, then there’s no reason not to believe her, given she’d have to have known about the deal to even mention it. Flim suddenly became more cautious, his words less jovial. “Who exactly are you?”
“I’m the mediator, I’m here to make sure everything goes okay since you guys are totally blowing your chances already. Like I said, get these chairs over there, now! Also, don’t ask stupid questions, it makes you look dumb.” Scootaloo was doing her best to keep her calm as it already looked like she wanted to burst out laughing.
“Mediator? Now see here, we don’t need a mediator. We already plan to keep this meeting civil. Surely you don’t expect us to believe you’re nothing more than a tool to get us riled up.” Flam said accusingly.
“Something we both know too well from your friend, Anon.” Flim said with a gulp, looking around for not only you, but a possible Deathclaw popping out at any moment. “Look, we are simple stallions looking to make a simple deal. Can you just be a dear and get them for us?”
Scootaloo looked like she was in deep thought for a moment, it actually put you and Discord on edge.
“She’s hesitating.” Discord noted, flexing his talons from the tension.
“Hold on, hold on, she was doing good so far. I don’t think any of us was expecting them to catch on that fast.” Dammit, you thought she’d be able to play off from their disbelief, but they already were cornering her. It wasn’t like you and Discord couldn’t just waltz in, but given Discord wasn’t making that suggestion himself, it was clear he was waiting to see how Scootaloo could recover from this.
“Hard to recover when they’re being so straightforward. Toying with them in any other way is boring, toying with their expectations is the whole point to all of this. None of this has any meaning if we can’t even make our grand entrance.” Discord said, as his hope began to dwindle.
“And we will, just give her a second.” Come on, Scootaloo, COME ON!
Scootaloo began to falter more and more, her ears folding as she seemed to be frustrated with herself trying to think of something, as she too had planned to try to mess with their disbelief.
But then she looked at the bag of tokens dropped in front of her from before, and it made her think. She then looked up at them, cleared her throat, and walked to the back end of the table and pointed. “Look, you two, you just tried to offer me fifty tokens thinking I was some rich family’s filly. You have no idea who I am and what I’m capable of. There’s a reason Discord chose me as his mediator. I’m top class, and they pay with bags of bits, not ‘tokens’. Maybe you haven’t heard, but Anon is the future heir of the Rich estate. Do you know what that means? Of course you don’t, and that’s why I’m here.” Scootaloo then rolled her eyes as she groaned at them. “Seriously, I can’t believe what I’m working with here. Do you understand how much hard work it took to get them both to act high class? I have had to negotiate with half of Canterlot to prove that Discord can be as civil as any rich pony. I have helped make sure bigger deals than this one have gone smoothly. So, here’s what’s gonna happen. You’re going to put the seats there, you’re gonna get us the best sodas you got, and you’re going to refer to them as ‘Lord’ before you say their names, capish?” Scootaloo said, giving them both a powerful and demanding stare.
“That’s outrageou… Wait, he really is an heir to the Rich estate? I had thought that was just a bit of fleeting puppy love.” Flam said, skeptical of her words.
“Are you serious? If it wasn't for Anon’s crazy chaos stuff, you’d never be able to keep those two apart. You did hear about their super expensive practice wedding, didn’t you?” Scootaloo said, stepping forward towards Flam, standing stalwart and strong.
“I actually did, it was in the paper. But even then… Mnnn…” Flim began to falter, looking down as his eyes began to jitter. He then looked to his brother silently, who stared back at him. Flim then sighed. “Do we have to refer to them as Lord? That seems a bit much.”
“Then how does Emperor and Prince do ya? Remember, Discord is pretty much the king of all chaos.” Scootaloo said, before turning her back towards them. “Or I can just leave and tell them the deal is off.” She then turns her head slightly towards them with a smirk. “I mean, isn’t this deal super important for your profits or something?”
The brothers went silent, they just seemed astonished as they seemed to speak to each other near wordlessly. Then, with them both giving a heavy sigh, they moved the seats with their magic for you and Discord to sit on. They then both spoke in unison, utterly defeated in their tone. “So then, when can we expect L-lord Discord and Lord Anon?”
“As soon as you get the drinks.” Scootaloo said with a smirk, then looked back towards the open doors and winked towards the both of you. "And make sure mine has three ice cubes, or the deal is off."
Flim and Flam seemed a tad shaken as they walked off to get the drinks, already a good sign of things to come.
“Holy shit! She did it!” You said, jumping up and throwing your hoof in cheer. “That was actually pretty fu-Discord?” When you turned towards him, he was… He was just staring, with a tear in his eye. “Hey, Discord, you alright? Are you actually, like… Crying?”
“No! I just tripped on my way over and caught an ocean in my eye! Can’t a draconequus deal with their very obvious eye injuries in peace?!” Discord said as he turned away, wiping his face with his arm.
“Yeah, heh, you can. Sorry.” You said, looking at him trying to compose himself, smiling warmly. He really did care, even if he hated it.