//------------------------------// // Chapter 36 // Story: Alternative Origins // by TalkingToMyself //------------------------------// The next couple of days were awkward, at best. In school, Sunset spent her time in detention with Vice-Principal Luna watching over her like a hawk. She had her helping with paperwork in the office, but not just any paperwork. In Luna’s office, Sunset would file in report after report of her past misdeeds, and the vice-principal had her fill in the blanks. Probably to show Sunset how far she had gone in some cases and how truly despicable she had acted during the last few years. Not that Sunset needed any reminder, not after the friendship rainbow laser had drilled that message firmly into her mind. However, it gave her a good chance to come clean with at least one side of things. While Vice-Principal Luna didn’t demand it, Sunset gave her all the details that had been missing, admitting her involvement into events even Luna hadn’t known about. It probably wouldn’t look good on her permanent record, but she felt a tiny bit better after getting these things off her chest. The afternoons were the complete opposite. Sunset was the gofer for the construction crew, and not used to hard, physical work. So while the mornings in suspension were emotionally draining, the afternoons were physically demanding and wouldn’t allow any thoughts to pester. Sunset did everything she was told, without putting any fight. At the end of the day, she would stumble home, barely able to stay on her feet, and fall asleep on the spot. That’s when the nightmares came to haunt her. Every night, she relived the pain, fear and shame of the Fall Formal, from her unwilling transformation to her utter defeat by the Magic of Friendship. Somehow though, the nightmares always twisted the facts into something even more terrible. Some nights, Sunset was left in the crater by Princess Twilight, and her friends never came to help her. Other nights, as soon as Princess Twilight had left through the portal, the others would drop her instantly, unable to forgive Sunset after everything she’d done. One terrible night, Sunset’s fireball wasn’t stopped by Princess Twilight’s magic, and she woke up hearing Twilight’s screams of agony and with the scent of burning flesh in her nose. Her only glimmer of light were her friends. Without them, Sunset was sure that she’d done something by now, run away from Canterlot or maybe even something worse. Two or three of them were always waiting for her in the morning, before they left for class and she headed to detention. Rainbow Dash showed up in the afternoon, when Sunset was released from her work shift, and walked her home. She had sports practice for all her different teams nearly every afternoon, so she was in later than the others. As much as Sunset appreciated their presence, their attempts of connecting with her, something always stopped her from accepting their offers. What she had done was so horrible, so unforgivably evil, she knew she didn’t deserve anything good happening to her. She didn’t deserve friendship, or even the attempts at friendship. The glares from the other students. Detention and punishment. The scars on her back. Crystal Note’s cold indifference. Those were what she really deserved. So when the weekend came and the girls asked of her plans, of course she told them she wasn’t doing anything. And when they tried to invite her to their activities, she declined. It was bad enough they had to deal with her at school, she wouldn’t want to waste their weekend as well. Principal Celestia had dumped a week’s worth of homework on her as well. Hopefully, it would be enough to keep her thoughts busy over the weekend. When Sunset entered the apartment a bit earlier that the night’s before, she could immediately hear the music. Crystal Note was playing her violin. Sunset hadn’t heard her play all week, which was strange since music was pretty much her only thing. Back in Canterlot Palace, Crystal Note had done barely anything else, and she had always felt better after playing. Heck, even though Sunset would have never admitted it, even she felt better after listening to Crystal Note’s music. Maybe it was a good sign that she was playing again, after a week of pretty much ignoring each other. She walked into the living room and saw Crystal Note sitting in the armchair, with her legs tucked under herself. It was the closest she got to sitting like a pony. As always when she was playing her violin, her eyes were closed, though Sunset had no doubt that Crystal Note knew she wasn’t alone anymore. She didn’t want to interrupt the music, so she stored away her schoolbag in her room as quietly as she could, then sat on the couch and just listened. Crystal Note always looked calm when she played, even though her fingers danced on the strings. Sure, nowadays Sunset wasn’t too shabby on her electric guitar herself, but she had never reached that sort of inner balance Crystal Note had with music. In a way, Sunset envied her for the fact that she could just turn off her thoughts it seemed and lose herself in her music, at least for a little while. But since Sunset knew her thoughts wouldn’t leave her alone, she did the next best thing, which was closing her eyes and enjoying the music. Sunset dozed off for a couple of minutes, but when the melody naturally faded out, she sat up again and rubbed her eyes. Crystal Note was watching her, but she seemed less hostile than earlier this week. No, that wasn’t it. Crystal Note had not been hostile towards her at all, just indifferent, but she looked less… uncaring right now. “Have you eaten today?” Sunset blushed a bit, not so much because she really was hungry, but because the first thing Crystal Note did was trying to take care of her, again. “I had lunch at school, but I could go for dinner.” “As do I. Order out?” Sunset nodded and pulled out her smartphone, going through the list of places that were open. She saw that her favourite Thai place was still open and already thumbed over it, but something stopped her. It was her favourite place and they ordered there all the time. But she had no idea if Crystal Note even liked Thai food. She had always just gone by her preference. In fact, she couldn’t even name Crystal Note’s favourite food, because she had never bothered to ask. Perhaps it was high time she found out “What do you feel like getting?” Crystal Note blinked surprised. She had been putting her violin back into its case, but now her fingers dug into her bow as she stared at Sunset. “You didn’t just order what you wanted?” With a blush, Sunset shook her head and mumbled “I don’t want to do all the same mistakes I did before. Like, thinking only about myself.” Crystal Note kept staring at her for two long minutes, probably waging how truthful Sunset really was. To be fair, two weeks earlier, this might have been a trick she’d played in hope of convincing somebody that she wasn’t as bad as rumours said. She could easily imagine a situation where she’d use exactly this scheme, like when a new student would transfer in and hear a lot of bad stuff about her. She’d let that happen, then convince them that this wasn’t who she really was, coax them into opening up to her a little, and soon she’d had all the access she needed to make the new guy dance to her tune, just like the rest of the school. There were two major differences nowadays though. First, Sunset was appalled by just thinking about a scheme like that, no matter how willing she’d been to pull it off before. And second, Crystal Note knew that Sunset had never pulled schemes on her before. She’d lied and kept things from her, sadly that was true, but she had never tricked Crystal Note, not since the first time she used that slumber spell. She had apologized back then, and Crystal Note had accepted her apology, so she didn’t have any reason to doubt her, right? And it seemed Crystal Note came to the same conclusion, because after the longest two minutes of her week, she finally gave in. “There is this new Italian I wanted to try out.” Scrolling through her list, Sunset found it quickly. “Oh, looks nice. Pizza then?” “No, thanks. I heard their pasta dishes are great.” Sunset nodded and put in the order, while Crystal Note slipped out to the bathroom. With nothing else to do, Sunset would by now had turned on the TV and found something to pass the time. Or she’d pull out her notebook and work on one of her famous plans. However, when Crystal Note returned, Sunset was still just sitting there, though her expression had changed. It's been the first time this whole week Sunset had the chance to think, and Crystal Note had a chance to unwind with some music. Maybe it wasn’t the perfect moment, but it was the best opportunity Sunset had so far, and so she was going to take it. “So, um, where do we stand? After everything that has happened?” “I don’t believe anything has changed, Sunset Shimmer.” Crystal Note tried to avoid talking, and any other time Sunset might have been relieved, but today she knew it wasn’t right. “I have changed. Or, I want to change. I don’t want to make the same mistakes over and over.” “You said that earlier. But you also said everything you’ve ever done was a mistake. How are you going to change that?” Sunset’s breath hitched a little and she shook her head “I’ve done so many terrible things. I’ve been arrogant and cruel and selfish. I don’t want that anymore.” “I’ve never known you to be cruel, Sunset Shimmer. I’ve always seen you as a driven pony, who would do everything to achieve her goals.” “My selfish goals.” “Maybe. But you’ve always been exceptional. Your mastery of magic and knowledge was beyond anything anypony else had ever done. Even your enemies had to admit this.” “And it’s all just given me a big head and a massive chip on my shoulder.” “I’ve seen how hard you worked when you studied. Isn’t it right to be proud of your achievements? Don’t you earn a bit of selfishness for a job well done?” Sunset shook her head vehemently “Not for what I’ve done.” “So you want to give up everything? Everything you ever worked for? Everything you ever achieved?” When Sunset didn’t answer, Crystal Note let out a deep breath “I assume you want me to leave, then.” “What? No! Why would you think that?” Crystal Note stood up and glared at her, and Sunset knew her eyes would be hard as stone by now, if they were on the other side of the portal “You want to let go of everything, but I am a constant reminder of your past. Of where we came from. I’m just another mistake of your past you wish to forget.” Again, she shook her head, desperately now “That was not a mistake! Saving you was one of the few things that I would never regret!” Sunset forced herself to keep her eyes locked with Crystal Note, as she kept glaring at her “I won't stay and watch you destroy yourself, just because of what somepony said. Even if she's a princess.” She kept glaring at her, and slowly Sunset understood what Crystal Note wanted to hear. More importantly, she started to see why she wanted to hear it, and she almost agreed. She hated how she used to be. She hated herself for letting things come so far. But did she really hate every single little thing about herself? Finally, she admitted, more to herself than to Crystal Note “I want to change. I don't want to be the same pony I used to be. But maybe there are things about me that are worth keeping. I can't undo the things I did, but maybe I don't have to condemn everything I've ever done.” Crystal Note glared for a while longer, but in the end she sat down again “It's a start. If you want to change, that's your choice. But if you start denying the things that make you you, I won't stand for it.” Sunset listened and tried to believe, tried to accept that there was still hope for herself. That she could turn things around and use her gifts, for good reasons instead of selfishness this time. She knew what Crystal Note asked of her. Sunset had to forgive herself, eventually. She couldn't do it today. She wouldn't be able to do so tomorrow. But maybe someday, she could. Crystal Note believed that she could. She was willing to fight for it. She was willing to fight for her. Maybe it was time that Sunset trusted her and started believing too. Her train of thought got interrupted when Crystal Note started to play on her violin again. She figured she must have been zoned out for a couple of minutes, long enough for Crystal Note to guess that their conversation was over. Sunset still had things she wanted to say, to figure out, but at the moment she didn't have the right words for them. Crystal Note had given her food for thought, but right now it was far more enjoyable to not think for a while, and enjoy the music. A smile came to her at that thought. Sunset had learned to play guitar as a mean to gain popularity, but she had come to enjoy it. It was almost a bit like learning a new spell, when she figured out how to move her fingers on the strings to play a song she heard and liked. Even if music was not her special talent, like Crystal Note's, she still had to admit that she had a lot of fun with it, and that she felt accomplished whenever she learned a new song. She smiled a little more as some of the things Crystal Note had told her started making a lot more sense now. Maybe she already found one of the things she didn't regret, and she didn't want to just forget and never think of again. Before she even realized it, she'd gotten up and to her room, where she picked up her electric guitar. The one she had picked with the help of Crystal Note. She smiled and sat down on the couch again, guitar in her lap. That had been a good day. A day she'd like to remember, not forget. And like back then, she just started by strumming her fingers over the strings. Unlike back then though, she now knew what she was doing, and soon played a song she had practised for a long time. Unsurprisingly, Crystal Note picked it up almost immediately with her violin. She was by far the more experienced musician, but she let Sunset take the lead and backed up her melody. The irony was not lost on Sunset, who so often was the one to lead them into a certain direction, with Crystal Note assisting her as best as she could. For a moment, she wondered if her plans maybe would have worked if she had trusted Crystal Note more, but then again, she was kinda glad that they didn't work. This was a new chance, a new beginning for her, and she felt more confident than ever, knowing that Crystal Note had her back. The music soon took over, and instead of overthinking, Sunset just let the melody take over for a while. She smiled and so did Crystal Note, as they played in harmony. The doorbell interrupted their session and Crystal Note tried to get up, but Sunset Shimmer was faster. Instead of putting down her guitar, she just slung it into hanging on her back as she grabbed the wallet and opened the door. As she expected, their food had arrived. But she hadn’t expected who would deliver it. Outside her door stood Lavender, a girl from her school. A girl who had once admired Sunset, but then had been humiliated by the ruthless schemer Sunset really was. Right now, she was wearing a shirt in Italian colours, and she had two takeout bags in her hands. Sunset hadn’t even known that Lavender jobbed as a delivery girl on the weekends. They stared at each other for a full minute. Sunset was just shocked, desperately trying to find some words to defuse the situation, while Lavender’s glare grew more and more hateful. When Sunset opened her mouth to say something, Lavender suddenly moved, and before Sunset could react, she had a bowl of pasta dumped on her head. Shocked, she just stared at Lavender, as sauce ran into her hair and down her face. She felt the heat from the food, but it was nothing against the burning blush on her face. Lavender just smirked, and it was close to what Sunset expected she looked like when she had been the one to tear somebody down. “Enjoy your dinner, she-demon.” Lavender sneered with pure poison in her voice and waited for a return from Sunset. However, Sunset didn’t have any fight in her anymore. Wordlessly, she fiddled a bill out of her wallet, more than enough to pay for their dinner, and held it out to Lavender. The delivery girl just stared dumbfounded for a moment, before she snatched the money and left, also without another word. Sunset sighed deeply and her posture slumped down. She knew she deserved this, and that Lavender had every right to give her some payback. She was just about to return, when she noticed that Lavender had just dropped the second bag of food by the door. By now, Crystal Note had gotten worried and came to check on Sunset. She took in the pasta and sauce in Sunset’s hair with wide eyes, but she also saw her defeated expression. “What happened?” Sunset held out the still intact bag towards Crystal Note “Nothing. The delivery girl was a student from CHS. Here’s your dinner.” Crystal Note glared and Sunset could feel the rage like a heatwave coming from her “I’m going to call and make sure that girl gets fired, and never finds a job again.” “Don’t. Please. She just got a little payback, that’s all. She got it out of her system now. It’s not a big deal.” Crystal Note obviously disagreed, but as she always did, she ceded to Sunset’s wishes “Let me get some plates. We can share my portion.” “No, you go ahead and eat. I’m not hungry anymore. I’ll just get a shower.” Sunset didn’t want to argue with Crystal Note again, not after they had just started acting civil again, so she more or less fled into the bathroom. Luckily, most of the food was in her hair and her guitar was still fine, although she didn’t know if she could get the tomato sauce stains out of her shirt. I guess some stains will just stick with you, forever. She could start to forgive herself. She could try to make it up to people. She could feel accepted by the girls. But she could not control how others would react on her. Crystal Note appreciated her effort to patch things up. Lavender didn’t even give her a chance. It was just something she had to get used to, no matter how hard it seemed right now. She undressed and stepped into the shower, letting the hot water spray down on her. The day had started terrible in school, got worse after detention, had a little glimpse of hope, only to get crushed down hard right after. Honestly, she still felt it went better than she deserved. But maybe, if Crystal Note and the girls were right, maybe she should focus more on those glimpses of hope, instead of the hate and venom. Maybe someday, she could turn it around again. Maybe someday, she could really forgive herself.