//------------------------------// // Tracking Ray Finkle // Story: Cinematic Adventures: Ace Ventura Pet Detective // by extremeenigma02 //------------------------------// Following a hectic, and frankly violent start, Ace Ventura, along with the Mane Six and Spike, continued their investigation for any clues surrounding Ray Finkle. Eventually, they found themselves pulling up just outside a two-story stilt house, which they assumed to be the Finkle household. The place was completely desecrated by graffiti, bullet holes and paint bombs. Looking around, they saw toilet paper strewn through the trees. As the car came to a complete stop, Ace stepped out of the car and the Equestrians followed suit. “Well, here we are,” Ace announced. “Ray Finkle’s childhood home.” To say the Equestrians were anxious was an understatement. They couldn’t take their eyes off all the graffiti messages all over the house saying, ‘Finkle stinks!’, ‘Choke’, etc. “… Very atmospheric…” Spike spoke nervously. “You guys think this could be the decollate farmhouse the local mobs at the bar were wailing, stammering, and shouting about?” Pinkie asked rapidly. “The one that belongs to the Finkles, ranting about it as they were going to the pitchforks and torches store?” “Noo…” Rainbow groaned sarcastically. “We think this rundown house on the outskirts of town, vandalized beyond belief, is a five-star hotel.” “Oh… well that’s a relief!” Pinkie giggled. Rainbow rolled her eyes with a hoof-slap to the head. “So easy…” “Think we’ll find answers about Ray Finkle here, Mr. Ventura?” Fluttershy asked Ace. “Well, my inter-dimensional Watsons… only one way to find out,” He responded. Ace approached and knocked against the door as the Equestrians followed close behind. A wooden peephole slid open revealing a suspicious pair of eyes. “Uh… good morning…” Twilight waved awkwardly. “Hi!” Ace greeted. “We’re looking for Ray Finkle…” A double barrel shotgun suddenly slid straight into Ace’s face, while a ‘cocking’ sound was heard. The Mane Six and Spike were stiff as boards, staring down the barrel of the gun before the detective’s face. “… And a clean pair of shorts.” “Ditto!” Spike gulped. An old man’s deep gruff voice emerged from inside. “What do you all know about Ray Finkle?” Ace and the Equestrians took a huge breath before replying in turn. “Southpaw soccer style kicker…” Twilight began. “Graduated from Collier High in June 1976…” Spike added. “Stetson University honors graduate, class of 1980…” Applejack included. “Holds two NCAA division one records…” Fluttershy listed. “One for most points in a season, one for distance…” Rarity piped in. “Former nickname ‘The Mule’…” Rainbow continued. “The first and only pro athlete ever to come out of Collier County,” Pinkie smiled. “And one hell of a model American,” Ace finished. Everyone took another breath and let it out for relief. “Did we miss anything?” Pinkie asked curiously. After a beet, the shotgun reeled back into the peephole, and it closed. The door slowly creaked open revealing Mr. Finkle, an unsmiling, taciturn, elderly man holding the gun. “Are you another one of them ‘Hard Copy’ guys?” Mr. Finkle asked. “No sir,” Ace shook his head. “We’re just very big Finkle fans.” “This is our Graceland, sir,” Pinkie teared up. “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.” The remainder of the ‘Mane Six’ and Spike shook their heads with a roll of their eyes over their pink friend’s over-exaggeration. While doing that, Mrs. Finkle, a sweet, adorable elderly woman came over and pulled the gun away from her husband. “Will you put that gun down?!” She said. “The children are fans of our son. So nice to meet you all. I’m Ray’s mother, and this is Ray’s father.” “It’s a real honor,” Ace smirked. “If you call nearly getting your face blown off by a player’s father an honor,” Rainbow muttered angrily. “Now hun, don’t let yer anger get the better of you again,” Applejack whispered to her. She then placed her hands along Rainbow’s shoulders, slowly massaging them in an attempt to calm her marefriend. Rainbow released a slight groan, not out of pain… but rather relief as she felt any knot slowly falter. In the meantime, Mrs. Finkle led the group right into the house. “Well, it’s an honor to have you all in our home,” She spoke kindly. “My Ray is so appreciative of his fans. He’ll be so pleased you stopped by.” “Are you expecting Ray anytime soon?” Twilight asked curiously. “Oh, yes. I expect him home any minute,” Mrs. Finkle nodded. “Would you like some cookies? I just baked them.” “YYYYYUMMIEEEEE!!!” Ace & Pinkie spoke in unison. “I wouldn’t mind a little snack myself,” Rainbow nodded. “How very kind of you,” Rarity commented. Mrs. Finkle hurried off toward the kitchen. Ace and Pinkie are the only ones who actually smiled toward Mr. Finkle, while the others were in a state of awkward silence. In their eyes, the guy was essentially a walking corpse. He just stared back at the group, almost as if attempting to judge them one by one. “Wow… Ray Finkle’s house!” Ace admired. “I can’t wait to meet him!” “We heard he has quite the reputation,” Fluttershy spoke nervously. “If you and yer wife don’t mind, we’d like tah ask him some questions about his recent behavior,” Applejack spoke. “Ray ain’t comin’ home,” Mr. Finkle responded. Everyone blinked twice, shifting their eyes at one another before turning back toward Mr. Finkle. “I beg your pardon?” Rarity spoke confused. “But your wife said you expect him home any minute,” Ace added. “She expects him home any minute,” Mr. Finkle emphasized. “See, the engines runnin’ but, uh—there’s no one behind the wheel.” “Uh—Mr. Finkle—we don’t quite understand,” Twilight spoke up. “Where exactly is Ray?” “Ten years ago, our son escaped from Shady Acres Psychiatric Hospital in Tampa,” Mr. Finkle answered. “They’re still buggin’ us to pick up his stuff.” “Whoa, whoa, hold up!” Rainbow interrupted. “Did you just say… mental hospital?” “You mean… Ray was committed?” Fluttershy asked. “For what?” Spike added, curious. Mrs. Finkle soon returned with a plate of football decorated-and-shaped cookies. “It was all that Dan Marino’s fault, everyone knows that!” She spoke sweetly. “If he had held the ball laces out, like he’s supposed to, Ray would never have missed that kick. Dan Marino should die of Gonorrhea and rot in Hell. Would anyone like a cookie?” Gonorrhea? A sexually transmitted bacterial infection… usually affects the urethra, rectum or throat… take your pick. Uh… no! The Equestrians look on with concerning wide-eyed faces as they and Ace took a cookie. “Hmm… what do ya know,” Ace held one up. “They’re little footballs. Ha-ha-ha.” “How… festive!” Pinkie smiled awkwardly. “Laces OUT!” Mrs. Finkle spoke sweetly. *CRASH!!!* “AAH!!! ASSASSINS!!!” Fluttershy squeaked, ducking behind Rarity. Sure enough, a large stone smashed through the window. Outside, a pickup truck filled with drunken patrons from the Pigskin Sports Bar drove by yelling their Finkle chant. “FINKLE SUCKS! FINKLE SUCKS!” The mob chanted. “I told you he had a lot of fans,” Mrs. Finkle replied. “Shouldn’t you be calling the police or something?” Spike pointed out. “We could… but…” Mrs. Finkle picked up the rock and hurled it straight out the broken window. It struck one of the vandals, knocking him out cold, as the truck peeled away. The group stared wide-eyed at the scene as they slowly arched their heads toward Mr. Finkle. “She got the arm; the boy got the leg,” Mr. Finkle spoke dryly. “Good to know…” Rarity spoke nervously. “Um—Mrs. Finkle—before we go, may we at least see Ray’s room?” Twilight asked. “What for?” Mrs. Finkle asked suspiciously. “We figured Ray might have come back here to retrieve something, a personal belong he may have left behind in his haste. It would really help us locate his whereabouts.” “Well, of course!” Mrs. Finkle smiled. “Anything for true fans of our son.” Mrs. Finkle proceeded to lead Ace and the group up the staircase. Soon enough they were walking down the hallway leading straight to Ray’s room. “When Ray gets back and starts kicking again, he’ll never even know he was gone,” Mrs. Finkle spoke, mid-walk. “I kept his room just the way he left it.” “Just the way he left it?” Twilight asked curiously. Mrs. Finkle nodded as she opened the door to Ray’s room. Ace stepped in, along with the group, who suddenly went bug-eyed! “OOOOH…” Fluttershy gasped. “MYYYYY…” Spike spoke wide-eyed. “FAAUUSSSST!!!” Twilight finished. To say Ray Finkle’s room belonged to someone clearly and ‘very’ mentally unhinged would’ve been the understatement of the century. It’s a death shrine to Dan Marino himself. Complete with life-size cutouts of Dan Marino, some with nooses around the neck, others hacked to pieces. Painted on the walls were disturbing phrases including: ‘Death to Marino!’, ‘Marino must die!!!’, and other… unmentionable terms. “Well… I think it’s safe to say Ray Finkle has officially secured taking the #1 prime suspect position on our list,” Pinkie pointed out. “Gee, no kidding!” Rainbow remarked sarcastically. “What gave you that there idea?” Applejack added. “I’ve seen terrible things from the Ministry planning horrible acts at Wrestlemania,” Fluttershy trembled, hiding in her mane. “But this… this really scares me.” “I agree,” Rarity commented. “This positively takes revenge to a whole new level.” “… Ooh boy,” Ace gasped. “What a sports nut, huh?” Mrs. Finkle asked. “You got the ‘nut’ part right,” Rainbow muttered. Within the center of the room was a movie projector. “May I?” Ace asked. “Oh yes, by all means,” Mrs. Finkle nodded in approval. Mrs. Finkle shut the lights off. Ace turned on the projector and the group gathered together to watch. The film flickered over the ‘Marino must die!!!’ graffiti. It’s the final play of the Super Bowl. Marino took the snap, Finkle kicked, and the ball sailed wide. The film repeated itself to infinity, as the group looked on worried and concerned. As the realization swept over their faces, Twilight spoke up. “Girls… Spike… I think we found our motive,” Twilight pointed out. <> Later on, following their excursion in the Finkle house, the Mane Six, Spike, and Ace Ventura found themselves back at the Balbo Gas Station. Ace was currently in the payphone trying to calm Melissa, who sounded pretty stressed on her end. After everything they witnessed and learned, the group couldn’t possibly get out of that crazy place fast enough. Now it was a race against time to prevent what was coming next. “Melisa, it’s Ace,” Ace spoke over the phone. “Ace? Where are you?” “I’m in Psychoville and Finkle’s the Mayor. Where’s Dan Marino?” “Marino? Why?” “Because he’s about to join Snowflake,” Ace responded. “I gotta know where he is.” “Okay, hold on…” Ace waited impatiently, as he could hear Melissa checking what she needed to find. “Come on…” Ace muttered impatiently. “Come on…” As Ace waited, two paramedics departed from the gas station office rolling a dead body on a gurney. The area of the sheet that covered the face was a giant red spot. The Mane Six and Spike watched wide eyed as the paramedics loaded good old Mr. Bilbo into an ambulance and drove away, ringing the station bell one more time. “You know what? After everything we’ve seen, this just feels like a warning of things to come,” Rainbow spoke nervously. “That’s not disconcerting at all,” Spike remarked sarcastically. As they watch the paramedics climb aboard the ambulance, Twilight noticed something very ‘ominous’ in the background. “Guys… what is that?” She pointed out. Everyone (Minus Ace) turned toward the direction Twilight was pointing to. They noticed what resembled a figure in a dark cloak, standing there… staring at them. It was clearly female, if the slender frame and long silver hair protruding from the robe didn’t tell them anything. The figure reached their arms out from their cloak and produced an hourglass which they flipped over so the sands would fall. They placed the hourglass upon the ground and looked back toward the group. Though the figure was a good distance away, Twilight could hear them speak through her magic. “The end is near… the end is near…” In a quick blink of an eye, just like that, the figure disappeared. Everyone looked around in confusion, trying to see where the figure had gone off to. But they found nothing… absolutely nothing. “Wut in the name of Faust was that?” Applejack asked. “Boy, this adventure gets weirder and weirder,” Spike commented. Meanwhile, Melissa had just gone back on the phone with Ace. “Ah, he had practice. Then… he has a commercial shoot out at the Prescott Sound Stage.” “Where is that?” Ace asked. “It’s on Route One by the Six cut off. Thirty minutes outside of town.” “Okay, that’s about fifteen miles from me. Call the police. Get extra security over there now.” “Ace, tell me what’s going on… Ace?” The payphone dangled off the hook, as Ace and the Equestrians were in the car racing out of the swampland, the detective’s head now back out the window so he could see. They left a faded, old, barely legible sign in their wake: the ‘F’ in ‘Finkle’ replaced with ‘ST’ in spray paint. <> Meanwhile, at Prescott Studios, Dan Marino was in the process of filming a commercial for ‘Isotoners’. The all-star was completely oblivious to the fact he was in mortal danger, as he continued with his rehearsal for his advertisement. “Hi, I’m Dan Marino. If anyone knows the value of protection, it’s me. So I protect the hands that protect me. With Isotoners.” Five linemen proceeded to grab Marino and ran off the camera, just as the commercial came to an end. “Good. Remember, exit camera right,” The director instructed. “That’s to your left. Alright, let’s get ready to shoot this. Helmets on this time!” The linemen grunted as they dispersed. <> On the busy streets, Ace sped through a red light causing several cars to skid in every direction. The Equestrians watched the devastation before them, their eyes wide with horror. “Yep… their weekend is officially ruined,” Rainbow concluded. “Agreed!” The group nodded quickly. <> Back at Prescott Studio, Marino was sitting in the make-up chair while a girl applied some make-up on the all-star athlete. “See, in 82 we just choked,” Marino informed the make-up girl. “We had a chance to win it and we didn’t—” “Dan, are you ready?” The director called out. “Ah, sure!” Marino answered, facing the girl. “I’ll tell you later.” <> Cops were racing onto the lot as quickly as they could, just as Marino was on center stage for another take. All was quiet on the set… cameras were rolling… speed applied… “… And action!” The director cued. “Hi, I’m Dan Marino,” The athlete smiled. “If anyone knows the value of protection, it’s me…” An old clip of Marino getting sacked played on the ad. Cops scrambled on foot to the sound stage. The commercial was winding up, as the linemen readied themselves. “… So I protect the hands that protect me. With Isotoners!” Once more, the five linemen grabbed Marino and ran off camera. “And cut!” The director yelled. “That was good. Again from one.” But two of the linemen kept running, with Marino in their grasp… “I said cut!!” The director yelled. … and they kept running… “What the hell are they doing?!” The director called out. … right out the studio door. It was then the cops finally arrived and raced after them. The two linemen, the real ones, stumbled out of the dressing room clutching their hands in pain. Ace, the girls, and Spike skid around the corner right toward the studio, looking ahead and spotted the two kidnappers in Dolphin uniforms dragging Dan Marino to their getaway vehicle. “THERE THEY ARE!” Spike pointed. “LET’S GET ‘EM!” Rainbow yelled. “How do such burly men manage to move so fast in those uniforms?” Rarity asked curiously. Everyone, minus Ace, stared at Rarity with confusion. “Actually, that is a reasonable question,” Pinkie piped in. They turned their attention back to the studio, as Marino was shoved into a black 81 Ford Bronco. They drove off just as the cops emerged out of the building on foot. They were too late. Ace was already in hot pursuit, nearly running the cops down. “Ace… ACE… ACE!!!” Fluttershy screamed. “LOOK OUT!” But Ace merely plowed through them as the officers cried out. “S’cuse me, gentleman! … Pet Detective!” “Official Freelance Police Business!” Pinkie added. “I hope one of them was Aguado,” Rainbow chuckled. “Agreed,” Spike nodded. The car eventually caught up with the kidnappers’ vehicle. Ace head was out the driver’s window through the entire chase. Just as he was gaining up on the bad guys, that was when the shooting began. Ace wisely tucked his head back in the car. “They’re shootin’ at us!” Applejack yelled. Unfortunately, due to Ace being unable to see through his broken windshield, he poked his head out again. The kidnappers were shooting again, forcing Ace to swerve and dodge the bullet shots. “COME OOOOON!!!” Ace called out. “WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YAH?! CAN’T C’YAH HIT ME?!” Rainbow joined in, sticking her head out and calling out through her window. “YEAH! I’VE SEEN BETTER SHOOTING FROM A.J. WHEN SHE AWESOMELY BUCKED THOSE APPLES INTO THOSE TARGETS ON THE TREES!” Applejack blushed over her marefriend’s compliment, as Rainbow pulled her head back inside and looked back at her marefriend with a playful smirk and wink. The kidnappers shot again; one bullet was about to hit Ace in the face. “ACE! LOOK…” Twilight began. … But Ace actually ‘caught’ the bullet in-between his teeth. “… out?” Ace proceeded to take the bullet out of his mouth. “Dude! That was AWESOME!” Rainbow cheered. “Nice catch Ace!” Pinkie smiled. “What catch?” Ace questioned. The Pet Detective merely flicked the bullet out of his hand, as the Equestrians looked on with wide bug-eyes. Just then, as the kidnappers were shooting one bullet struck the front of the car and ricochets off the grill hitting the left tire. Ace started losing control. “Ah, jeez!” Rainbow shrugged. Ace’s car swerved off the road into a park, plow-knocked over some box poles and did a little job off a tiny mound of land making everyone float up for a split second. The car landed back on the ground, smashing through several benches and tables. The various pedestrians scrambled out of the way as the vehicle flipped over a few times, before landing on its wheels with a horrid *SMASH!*. The girls and Spike clung onto anything that bolted onto the somewhat still-intact car; they were all petrified with mortal terror of surviving the crash. Ace, for the most part, was unfazed by it and released a sigh of passive aggressive annoyance. “PPPHHHEEEEEEEW…” Ace sighed in relief. Suddenly, Ace’s prized white pigeon landed on the car door right beside him. Ace cracked one eye and spotted the bird. Then, with a sudden quick lunge he successful trapped it within his grasp, forgetting all about Marino entirely. “I did it! I did it!” Ace cheered. “I caught the white pigeon! I caught the white pigeon!” Ace jumped out of his car and skipped around the park with the pigeon held high over his head. To the naked eye, he looked criminally insane. Ace Ventura *Sings* I caught the white pigeon, I caught the white pigeon, I caught the white… Suddenly, Ace slowed down and looked around warily. There was now an unusual number of birds perched on the telephone wires around the park, along the monkey bars, and even the swings. The sky grew darker, as he slowly turned and tried getting back into the car. Suddenly, all the birds took flight. Ace set the white pigeon free and started to run, but it was too late. The birds were on him now. Pecking, gouging, and ripping his flesh. Ten birds flew away with a leg; five flew away with an arm. Twenty others tried to take Ace’s left arm off, while half his face was missing… “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” <> Ace was back in his wrecked car with his arm hanging out the window; the Equestrians were staring through the busted window frozen in terror. A small boy pulled on it. “Hey mister… hey mister…” The boy spoke. Ace suddenly came to, staring at the boy with a crazed expression. “That was a really neat crash, mister,” The boy continued. “Do it again.” Once more, Ace breathed one more sigh of relief and then Ace the key to start the car up. The busted vehicle drove back onto the highway like nothing even happened. The Equestrians were still stuck in their terror-faced state. “Okay, first off… how the Faust did we just survive all that?” Twilight asked. “Secondly… HOW IS THIS CAR STILL RUNNING?!?!?!” “It’s the 1972 Chevrolet Monte Carlo,” Pinkie answered. “It takes a lickin’ but keeps oooooon tickin’!” “No wonder folks complain about the driving in this state,” Spike groaned. “… Can we go home now?” Fluttershy whimpered.