Later that evening, after the group departed from Podacter’s apartment, they piled together in Ace’s car. Currently, as the car sped down the highway, the Mane Six and Spike sat together in the backseat overlooking the piece of paper Twilight found. Clearly this message had to come from Phantom Dragon, but there was just so much unknown about it. After all, it wasn’t like he’d given them a location or who might be with him. The only thing on the paper was a riddle they were supposed to figure out. At the moment… they were failing.
“This just doesn’t make any sense,” Twilight spoke, shaking her head. “First of all, time isn’t up and down. It goes around in a linear circle. Secondly, racing towards the finish line has nothing to do with anything so far.”
“Maybe we have to compete in some race to find him,” Rainbow suggested. “If that’s the case then we have it won. Just throw me in there against anyone and I’ll wipe the floor with those chumps!”
“Ah’m pretty sure that ain’t it hun,” Applejack disagreed.
“Perhaps we’re going about this completely wrong,” Rarity spoke up.
“Oh, I love a good ‘Hi-Diddle Riddle’!” Pinkie giggled. “Check this out: What has a head and a tail but not any legs? A coin!”
Everyone just stared at Pinkie, who gave them all her biggest smile and tiniest wave of her hoof.
“Not the time Pinkster,” Rainbow told her, calmly.
“Perhaps the up-and-down is a metaphor for something,” Fluttershy suggested. “It may not be time itself.”
While they were in the process of figuring out their own dilemma, Ace Ventura and Melissa sat in the front seats of the car. The whole time, Ace stuck his head out the window feeling the wind brushing across his face.
“What are you thinking?” Melissa asked him.
“I’m thinking this whole thing is connected somehow,” Ace responded, frustrated. “I’m thinking I want to find that other ring!”
“Ace, you checked all the rings.”
“I know, Pessimistress. Could anyone else have gotten a ring that year?”
“No. Camp was the only honoree. Just players and coaches. Everyone in the photo.”
As they continued down the hallway, Ace was suddenly struck by another idea.
“… Receipts!” He concluded. “There must be receipts! You have a key to the office.”
“Ace, this has been a really tough day,” Melissa sighed. “Can’t we do this in the morning?”
Ace quickly eyed his watch before smirking a slight.
“Absolutely,” He said.
A little while later, Ace’s car screeched to a stop before the Miami Dolphins headquarters. Ace jumped out, followed by Melissa and the Equestrians.
“I thought you said we could do this in the morning,” Melissa complained.
“Check the time,” Ace smiled. “According to my watch, it’s now 1 am, which means it’s morning.”
“… He does have a point,” Twilight replied.
Ace began to walk towards the building, while Melissa rubbed her aching head from the headache building up inside. She used her key to let them in, knowing she was never getting home nor getting any sleep till this case was over. All was dark inside the office; team pictures adorned the walls. The team started going through the files of any and everything related to the 1982 season.
“These files go back to seventy-eight,” Melissa told him.
“Alrighty then,” Ace smiled. “Everyone, grab a folder and start researching.”
Everyone grabbed a file and began skimming through the contents. All the while, Melissa looked at Ace with a smile on her face. The way Ace flipped through a file cabinet, looking at the receipt, anyone could see that perhaps she was actually starting to warm up to him.
“That was pretty impressive,” She complimented. “What you did back at the apartment.”
“She’s absolutely right, Ace,” Spike agreed. “The way you were able to come up with a pretty good hypothesis from so little evidence is pretty cool.”
“Maybe you should have joined the police force…” Rarity suggested. “You’ve already got the makings of a real detective.”
“I don’t do humans,” Ace shook his head.
Everyone chuckled a tad, as Melissa drew herself closer.
“You really love animals, don’t you?” She inquired.
Ace put his search to a hold, gazing his attention toward her eyes.
“If it gets cold enough,” He joked.
Once again, Ace’s humor made everyone laugh all the while the man kept speaking.
“No, I feel a kindship with them. I understand them. Wanna hear something kinda spooky?”
“Sure,” Melissa nodded.
“Whatcha got fer us partner?” Applejack asked.
Everyone gathered around Ace, as he started to tell them his story.
“One time, when I was about twelve, I had this dream that I was being followed by a dog with rabies. He had these really bloodshot eyes and foam coming out of his mouth… but no matter how far I ran he just kept gaining on me. And just before I got to my front door… he jumped on me and sunk his teeth in. Then I woke up and felt the back of my neck… check this out.”
Ace motioned for Melissa to feel the back of his neck. But when she does, he snapped at her hand, barking like a vicious dog.
“ARARAR!!!”
“AHHHH!!!”
Melissa jumped out of her skin as does everyone else at the sudden action. Twilight held her now furiously beating heart, Rainbow and Applejack held each other tightly, Fluttershy hid behind Rarity, and Spike rocked back and forth in a fetal position. The only that wasn’t fazed was Pinkie Pie, who burst out laughing.
“HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! That was classic!” She laughed. “Good one Ace!”
Ace laughed as well, giving Pinkie a high five/hoof.
“Ohhh! You bastard!” Melissa chuckled.
“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t stop myself,” He said. “You really wanna know why I do what I do?”
“Suddenly, I don’t think we really want to know anymore,” Twilight replied, calming down.
“Agreed!” The group added, in unison.
Ace and Melissa both looked at each other and, for reasons the group couldn’t understand, just stared into each other’s eyes for a moment. This did not go unnoticed by Rarity and Pinkie Pie.
“Ooh la-la!” Rarity winked at Pinkie. “Looks like those two are starting to warm up to each other.”
“Don’t you just adore ‘romance’?” Pinkie responded. “It’s like the warm ooey-gooey center of a molten chocolate cake. So good!”
This went on until Ace finally broke himself away, now looking somewhat nervous.
“So—um—are these all the receipts?” He asked nervously.
“Oh, yeah,” Melissa responded, mildly annoyed. “I don’t know.”
“There’s only a dozen of them here.”
Ace turned from the file cabinet with a hopeless look on his face. Melissa began to clean up his mess.
“Gee… maybe they were misplaced because somebody didn’t put the files back when he was…”
“Who the hell is that?” Ace interrupted.
“What?” Melissa asked.
Ace crossed to a big picture of the ’82 team hanging on the adjacent wall and pointed out one player.
“That!” He emphasized. “Who the hell is that?!”
He quickly pulled out his crossed-out pictures of the whole team, comparing the two pictures.
“Oh, that’s Ray Finkle… the kicker,” Melissa explained. “Don’t you know who Ray Finkle is?”
“No!” Ace shook his head. “How come he’s not in this picture?!”
Melissa checked Ace’s photo, noticing the differences.
“This was the picture you were using?” She asked. “This was taken earlier in the year. Finkle wasn’t added to the roster till mid-season.”
A look of realization began to dawn on Ace’s face.
“He’s the guy that missed the final field goal in the Super Bowl that year,” Melissa continued. “Cost the Dolphins the game.”
“But he got himself a ring, didn’t he?” Ace smirked.
“Definitely,” Melissa nodded.
Not only that, but Twilight also looked as though she was starting to figure something out amidst this whole scenario.
“Wait a minute!” She spoke up. “Can I see that picture?”
Melissa handed the picture to Twilight, who stared at it intensely. It was as though she were trying like hell to figure something out. While doing so, the others approached Twilight’s side looking at her with great concern.
“You okay there, Twi?” Rainbow asked.
“I don’t know how I didn’t think of this before,” Twilight whispered.
“Think of what exactly?” Rarity asked.
“The riddle!” Twilight responded. “Up and down the fields refers to a football field. As for racing towards the finish line, when you’re rushing to the end zone to score, it’s a race against ‘time’.”
“She’s right!” Rainbow realized. “It’s like Buckball back home. You run up and down the field to make it to your end zone to score and you’re on a time clock between quarters.”
“If that’s the case, wherever Phantom Dragon is, it has something to do with football,” Spike concluded.
The girls and Spike turned toward Ace and Melissa (And vice versa).
“Maybe this Finkle feller’s got somethin’ tah to with all this,” Applejack hypothesized.
“Is there anything we can find about Finkle?” Rainbow asked.
“We’ve got records in the computers,” Melissa responded.
Not too long later, the entire group searched through all the files on any and everything surrounding Finkle. Newspapers, various articles, headshots, and just about ‘anything’ that would give some form of hint as to Finkle’s connection with the whole case. Until at last, they found something that would grant them an idea as to what’s going on.
“’Replacement Kicker Having Great Year’… ‘Ready for Super Bowl, Confident Kicker Boasts’,” Melissa read.
“’Field Goal Sails Wide, Dolphins Lose Super Bowl’,” Ace read.
“’The kick heard round the world’,” Melissa finished. “That was Finkle. The Dolphins lost by one point.”
“Huh. So a cocky upstart goes into a season with a full head of steam and chokes when it matters most?” Rainbow asked.
“Sounded an awful lot like y’all when yah wanted to be a Wonderbolt,” Applejack chuckled.
“Hey, I did become a Wonderbolt in case you forgot,” Rainbow argued.
“Not the time guys!” Twilight shushed.
Another headline hit the screen: ‘FINKLE CONTRACT NOT RENEWED’.
“Poor guy,” Melissa spoke sadly.
“Poor guy with a motive, baby,” Ace smirked. “Where is he now?”
“Last I heard, he went back to his hometown, Collier County. He used to work in a bar up there.”
“REHEHEALLY,” Ace pondred.
“So the answer is simple,” Twilight piped in. “We go to Collier County and find out all we can on Finkle. My hunch is when we find him, we’ll find Snowflake and Phantom Dragon.”
“Can you drop me off before you go?” Melissa asked.
“No way!” Ace shook his head. “It may not be safe at your apartment, and you shouldn’t be left alone.”
“What do you suggest?”
“Well… you could always bunk out with me tonight,” Ace grinned.
“Oh—uh—I don’t know,” Melissa chuckled nervously. “Don’t you already have a house full?”
“Oh yeah, that reminds me,” Ace grinned, handing his credit card to the Equestrians. “Why don’t you guys take this and get yourself a hotel room tonight? I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning and we’ll head to Collier County.”
“Well… okay,” Twilight answered awkwardly.
Once Twilight Sparkle had the card, the whole group proceed to depart from the Dolphin Headquarters and piled together into Ace’s car one-by-one. Soon they sped off down the highway until Ace eventually pulled the car to a screeching halt in front of one of the local hotels and allowed the Equestrians out.
“I’ll pick you guys up here tomorrow at 8,” He told them.
With that settled, the tired peeled rubber and the car sped off down the street again. The Equestrian group coughed heavily as the exhaust pipe released a large puff of smoke in their faces.
“What is *Cough* he *Cough* in such a rush for?” Fluttershy asked, clearing her lungs.
“*Cough* Trust me Flutters, you don’t want to know,” Rainbow responded. “What that man wants, none of us want to be around for it.”
“Wait, how do you know what he’s up to?” Spike asked.
“Trust me, I know,” Rainbow responded.
<>
The sheets bounced up and down in repeated fashion. Skin, sweat, and even the sheets themselves fly as Ace and Melissa rolled back and forth along the bed. It was plain to see that Ace was taking no prisoners in this case.
Fifty or so animals sat at the bottom of the bed, eyes as big as silver dollars, all watching them with silent fascination. Between the furious lovemaking and the staring animals, Melissa and Ace simultaneously reached the pinnacle of ‘pleasure’.
“Oh man… oh man!” Melissa gasped, totally amazed and exhausted. “Oh wow!”
“I’m sorry… that’s never happened to me before,” Ace mocked embarrassment. “I must be tired.”
<>
The whole team shuddered over the very thought, but they were all in agreement that it would be something Ace Ventura would do. The fact that Melissa would even agree to it… that was another story.
“Yeah… you would know that…” Spike nodded in agreement. “Considering you and A.J. are always at it on nearly every adventure.”
On ‘that’ fact even Twilight and her friends nodded with Spike, sharing a few ‘Oh yeah!’, and ‘Totally agree’, and ‘So very often’, among other forms of exchanges. To which their two friends glanced at Spike in annoyance.
“Now Spike, we don’t do it all the time,” Applejack replied.
“And even when we do, we always washed the sheets after every practice,” Rainbow added.
The group murmured amongst themselves over the matter (‘Sure you do.’), and it’s plain to see they weren’t entirely on board with that argument.
“We did!” Rainbow insisted. “Besides, with everything happening on this crazy adventure, we’re actually going to take it easy this time. A.J. insists we take it… nice and slow…”
<>
Sudden gasps and moans filled the room, with heavy commotion taking place beneath the sheets of one of two beds in a slightly cramped motel room. On the other bed, Rarity laid back against the bed frame taking deep breaths all while Twilight Sparkle, sharing the bed, tried to keep herself distracted the only way she can… reading a book she brought for the trip. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie took whatever sheets the motel would allow, along with a few pillows, and laid casually on the floor like they were having a sleepover.
As for Spike… he sat on the one chair in the room, trying to keep himself comfortable laying his chin on one hand.
“’We’re going to take it easy’ she said,” Spike murmured. “’Nice and slow’ she said…”
<>
The following day, Ace and the Equestrians sped down Highway One en route to a ‘Deliverance’ type town somewhere deep within the Everglades. They passed a faded, old, and barely legible sign which read: “WELCOME TO COLLIER COUNTY. HOME OF RAY FINKLE”, only the ‘F’ in “FINKLE” had been replaced with “ST” in spray paint.
Twilight soon noticed the sign and attempted to bring the others attention.
“Did any pony else see the welcome sign vandalized back there?” Twilight asked.
“Yeah, that’s definitely a red flag,” Spike replied.
“So what?” Pinkie remarked, unworriedly. “Just because a sign got spray-painted like that, it doesn’t mean the whole town’s suffering because of the ‘Kick Heard ‘Round the World’ thing.”
Eventually, they came upon another sign which read ‘Gas – Food – 2 Miles’, only the word ‘Food’ was crossed out. A pitifully sad country tune played on the radio of a joint called ‘Bilbo’s Gas Station’. Fern Bilbo, the supposed owner, sat at his cluttered desk with the end of an old shotgun in his mouth. The man struggled to reach the trigger.
Through the glass behind him, Ace’s car pulled up to the only gasoline pump.
*DING!*
The bell rang. Fern Begrudgingly took the gun out of his mouth, set it down, and got up from his desk to walk out.
Ace emerged from his car, honking the horn a couple times while opening his mouth in tune. The Equestrians rolled down the windows, or what was left of them.
“Excuse me, sir,” Twilight called out. “Do you know where we can find the Pigskin Sports Bar?”
“Do I have a ‘kick me’ sign on my back, son?” Fern asked.
“I wouldn’t know anything about that,” Ace replied. “But if you could point me toward the bar—”
All of a sudden, Fern broke down sobbing.
“They all left me… all of them!” Fern bawled.
All the girls started to feel uncomfortable watching the sad scene. But leave it to Pinkie Pie to figure out a means of getting into the bar.
“Well… hypothetically speaking, say they all left you and went to the Pigskin Sports Bar,” Pinkie spoke. “How would they have gotten ‘there’ from ‘here’?”
“’Bout two miles down and take the first left,” Fern answered.
“Thanks a lot—” Ace began.
“Thanks very much!” Pinkie cut in. “Take care now, ‘bye ‘bye then!”
“Hey, that’s what I was going to say,” Ace remarked.
Without another word, Ace got into his car and pulled out.
Fern soon re-entered the gas station and took his seat at the desk. He placed the end of the shotgun in his mouth once more, reaches for the trigger and…
*DING!*
Another car pulled up to the pump. Exasperated, he removed the gun out of his mouth… again.
“Can’t get anything done around here…” Fern murmured to himself.
<>
The Pigskin Sports Bar, a weather dive in the middle of a swamp. That was where Ace parked the car. If depression had a home, this would be it. Several dejected men, with various degrees of missing teeth, sat around the bar. A couple hapless guys played a round of pool while another three played darts. That was all they could see as Ace and the gang entered this firm establishment, the man popped a sunflower seed into his mouth as he addressed the room.
“Excuse me, guys?!” Ace spoke up. “My name is Ace Ventura, I’m a pet detective. These are my associates, the Equestrians. I’d like to as a few questions if I could.”
But not a single soul dared even look at the man.
“Well, don’t jump in all at once,” Applejack piped in. “Just a few questions, that’s all.”
But still… no reaction. Not a murmur, not a glance… not even a ‘whisper’. Just deathly silence.
“Who wants gum?!” Pinkie offered, with a stick from her mane.
But again… no reaction. Ace released a loud *Phew!* as he and the gang walked over to the bartender and slid a five across the bar.
“I’m looking for a guy who used to work here,” Ace spoke.
“That right?” The Bartender replied, taking the money.
“He was a kicker for the Dolphins. Ray Finkle.”
A pool ball flew by Ace’s head, shattering a mirror just behind the bar. The Equestrians yelped out of fright. All eyes were now on Ace, as he picked up the thrown ball.
“That would be a scratch,” Ace spoke, to the guy who threw it.
“I’d say seven years bad luck…” Pinkie pointed to the mirror.
Several undesirables surrounded Ace, including a giant of a man with little to no teeth.
“You a friend of Finkle’s?” The toothless giant asked.
“… Yes?” Rainbow answered.
*SNAP!* *CRASH!*
The giant smashed his pool stick in half against his knee; his opponent merely tossed his aside.
“Sorry… she has ‘say the opposite of what you mean’ disease,” Ace apologized, on Rainbow’s behalf.
The giant’s partner smashed a bottle, pointing the broken end towards Ace.
“… It’s the Thug Tug all over again…” Fluttershy whimpered nervously.
“Oh, you want to play with glass huh?” Ace challenged.
“ACE, DON’T PROVOKE THEM FURTH—” Twilight warned.
But Ace started to play with eye like he were taking out some contact lens. He then picked up a tiny piece of broken glass that resembled a small broken contact lens from the bar. Spike facepalmed himself upon seeing how much trouble they were in.
“COME ON! FFFAT BOY!” Ace called out.
And he started to pretend jab it in the bottle man’s face. The rest of the hicks moved closer in a rather threatening manner.
“That bastard ruined this town,” The Toothless Giant growled.
“Eww… I hate that!”
“We bet everything we had on that Super Bowl, and that son of a bitch gagged!” One Hick spoke.
“What a jeeerk!” Pinkie feigned shock.
“Yeah, shanked a goddamn 26 yarder!!!” Another hick yelled.
“Death to Finkle!” Ace called out. “Death to Finkle!”
The bartender stepped in just as things were growing serious.
“We had a hell of a thing going here,” The Bartender spoke menacingly. “Tourists coming to see Ray Finkle’s hometown. He was standing right over there when he got the call from the Dolphins.”
The bartender pointed to a payphone. Sure enough, it had the shit beaten out of it. Every expletive you could every imagine, what with all the graffiti around it and the tons of bullet-holes not to mention the adjoined wall.
“Did he ever come back?” Fluttershy asked nervously. “I-I-I mean… after the Super Bowl?”
“Yeah… but the boys here had ways of letting him know he wasn’t welcome,” The Bartender answered.
“Excuse me, I gotta take a wicked Finkle!” One Hick called out.
Laughter erupted from that remark, while some of the Equestrians stared at them blankly… as if they were either processing the meaning or found the joke rather disturbing.
“What’s the difference between Finkle and a jackass?” The toothless giant asked. “A jackass can kick!”
“Hey!!!” Pinkie frowned. “I have friends who resemble that remark!”
“Wait… I know this one,” Ace spoke facetiously.
“He didn’t!” A hick remarked. “And I’ve got the hair on my bumper to prove it!”
Maniacal laughter and chanting ensued as a whole mob shouted ‘FINKLE SUCKS! FINKLE SUCKS!’ over and over. It was plain to see that the once hometown hero had quickly turned into the butt of everyone’s jokes. A moment of glory stolen from him, in favor of being made the subject of ridicule.
“Well… it’s good that you’re dealing with the anger…” Rarity spoke, disturbed.
“So… I don’t suppose anyone’s seen him lately?” Ace asked feebly.
“Perhaps… where he is right now?” Twilight added.
The guys all looked toward Ace and the group.
“No… but we know where his parents live!” The bartender spoke. “Don’t we boys?!”
“Yeah! We sure do!” The hick remarked.
The entire bar started to laugh insanely, while Ace munched on some sunflower seeds in the midst of all the calamity.
“Okay…” Pinkie spoke up. “I’m starting to come around the idea of red flags surrounding this town.”
“I don’t want to have to say I told you so,” Spike began. “But… I told you so!”