//------------------------------//
// Death of a Sports Director 
// Story: Cinematic Adventures: Ace Ventura Pet Detective 
// by extremeenigma02 
//------------------------------//

For the next few days, following the events of Camp’s party, things grew hectic for Ace Ventura and the Equestrian Heroes. After Ace informed them about what he discovered in Snowflake’s tank, with a good idea about ‘where’ it came from, it was finally time to start looking into it further. Ace managed to compile a list of the members of the 1982 Miami Dolphins, with intent to check them all out one by one. It would only be a matter of time until they found the person they were looking for. Sounds easy?

Well… not really…

<> 

One day, Ace and Rainbow Dash found themselves running a jogging track to catch up to one of the members who frequented the field for his cardio practice. Rainbow had no trouble keeping up with the big man, but Ace was wheezing and gasping for air trying to keep up. It was extremely difficult for them to even get a good look at the ring on the guy’s hand.

“Come on Ace, keep up!” Rainbow shouted at Ace.

“I-I-I’m trying!” Ace wheezed.

<> 

The following day, Ace and Rarity found themselves sitting and waiting in a shoe store. The store manager, an ex-player for the ’82 team, set several shoe boxes down before them. Ace inspected the ring on his finger; again, no luck with the missing stone.

“Sorry, don’t see anything I like,” Ace told the guy, walking away.

“Pardon me darling, you wouldn’t happen to have any designer stilettos by chance would you?” Rarity asked seriously. 

The man just rolled his eyes and shook his head while walking away.

“A simple ‘no’ would’ve sufficed, thank you!”

<> 

The other day, a few kids received autographs from Dan Marino and other players at a local hotel. Ace dressed like a particularly bad version of a teenager, much to the horror of Fluttershy, who accompanied him on this venture. While the players signed, he checked all their rings yet once again was disappointed to find they all had the stones. Ace groaned as he turned around.

<> 

Ace and Rainbow again tried catching the large man on the track. This time, just as Ace drew near, the man left him in the dust. Rainbow, not abut to be beaten in a race, rushed forward to keep up with him just as Ace finally collapsed from utter exhaustion.

<> 

On Thursday, two big guys finished arm wrestling at a local bar as Ace stepped up to challenge with Applejack alongside him. He spent an undue amount of time preparing his grip, as he checked out the ring. Ace finally got set and gave the ‘Go Ahead’ nod… and was instantly thrown across the room. Applejack walked alongside him and shook her head.

“That there was pathetic,” She spoke disappointed.

“Oh, like you could do better?” Ace scoffed.

Taking him up on his challenge, A.J. approached the table and sat across the big guy.

“How ‘bout takin’ me on partner?” She offered.

“You serious?” The guy chuckled. “Alright doll, don’t worry I’ll take it easy on you.”

A.J. frowned with a death glare on her face as she got ready and locked hands with the guy. With the ‘Go Ahead’ sign, A.J. easily flipped the guy right over the side and through a table. Holding his arm, the guy looked up at her with complete shock as she wiped her hands casaully.

“Don’t ever call me… doll,” Applejack spoke, tipping her hat.

“… Yes ma’am…” The big man squeaked feebly.

<> 

On Friday, Ace drove his car down the highway with Twilight Sparkle and Spike in the backseat when they came upon another former Dolphins member driving along. Ace tried to get a good look at his ring but was unable to.

“So what’s your idea this time, Ace?” Twilight asked.

“This…” Ace replied simply.

Ace suddenly swerved the car, trying to cut the other guy off. Thankfully the man swerved as well.

“Hey loser!” Ace called out. “Why don’t you learn how to drive pal?!”

Ace continued swerving and trying to piss the guy off. Meanwhile, Twilight and Spike held on for dear life in the backseat.

“This is his idea?” Spike asked fearfully. “How exactly is road rage going to get us anywhere?”

As Ace swerved, eventually the guy flipped him off from his car and Ace used his binoculars for a good look at the ring. Unfortunately, his ring, much like all the others, had all its stones intact.

“Damnit!” Ace groaned.

“Okay, his ring is completely intact it seems,” Twilight sighed in relief. “Now can we please get off the highway and… out of the car?”

“Fine!” Ace sighed.

With that, Ace pulled off the highway and began to contemplate his next form of action.

<> 

In a random men’s room, one huge lineman was currently using the urinal. Spike, using the one next to him, nonchalantly tried catching a glimpse of the man’s hands. The Lineman had a very angry look on his face, but after a beat it changed to a ‘come on’ smile. Spike’s eyes widened with utter horror, slowly looking toward the screen.

“Mother…” Spike squeaked.

<> 

Once again, Rainbow raced alongside the same big guy on the track field. Suddenly, Ace ran behind him, a desperate look on his face, pouring a bottle of chloroform into a cloth. He leapt onto the man’s back, smothering him with the cloth and holding on for dear life. The man slowly gave up the fight and collapsed. Ace casually checked the ring, only to walk away disappointed.

“Seriously Ace?” Rainbow asked in disbelief. “Surely there was a better way to do this than committing criminal acts.”

“We’re running out of time and options,” Ace replied, frustrated.

<> 

As the week met it’s end, the entire group met up at Melissa’s house to discuss what had been found so far. Currently, they sat in the backyard in awkward silence (Spike rocking back and forth, muttering to himself) while Melissa looked across toward Ace, who hardly said anything since arriving. No doubt after a week of dead ends, it was pretty clear he was pissed off. Pinkie, being her usual self, was the first to try breaking the awkward silence.

“So… nice weather we’re having, huh?” She asked smiling.

This caused everyone to look toward her with serious, dead-eyed expressions.

“I mean… it’s so nice and warm in Florida,” Pinkie continued. “It gets nice and warm in Equestria too sometimes, but it also gets really cold too. Brr! Does it ever snow in Florida?”

When no response came, all eyes staring at her, Pinkie finally decided to just back down and sit back in her chair. Meanwhile, Melissa decided to talk to Ace.

“Ace, that stone could have come from anywhere,” She informed him. “An earring, a necklace, a pendant even—”

“It came from an ’82 AFC Championship ring,” Ace spoke grumpily.

“Lt. Einhorn thinks it was an animal rights group,” Melissa suggested. “Have you heard of F.A.N.?”

“’Free Animals Now’?” Ace responded sarcastically. “Started in 1982 by Chelsea Gamble, daughter of the famous industrialist, Fisher Gamble? Over half a million members from Florida to Finland? No. Who are they?”

“Okay Ace,” Twilight spoke up. “Let’s just keep our cool here for a minute. Maybe Melissa’s onto something.”

“Di you know that last year they sent letters to 127 college teams, demanding the release of their mascots?” Melissa continued. “At last count—”

“What do you feed your dog?” Ace asked.

Melissa noticed the dog laying at his feet; she groaned to herself as she rubbed her temples. 

“Ah… dog food, why?”

“He’s miserable,” Ace answered.

“I don’t think so, Ace,” Fluttershy said. “He seems alright to me.”

“What are you talking about?” Melissa asked.

“He’s just very unhappy, I feel sorry for him,” Ace replied. “Bad diet, isolated environment. It’s amazing he’s still alive.”

“You’re just mad because your stupid pebble theory didn’t work out and you don’t know how to express your anger!” Melissa argued.

“Yeah?” Ace grinned. “And you’re ugly.”

“Ace!” Rarity gasped in horror.

Everyone could clearly see tensions were getting really high at the moment, and it was nly a matter of time before it boiled over completely.

“I’m not even gonna’ talk to you, please leave!” Melissa demanded.

“What, so you can beat him? Fatty!” Ace retorted

Before the arguing could go further, the sound of the ringing phone inside the house drew Melissa’s attention.

“You… are unbelievable!” She half-growled. “Hiring you was a huge mistake!”

She got up and walked back into the house, slamming the door in the process. This left Ace and the Equestrians all outside with the ponies and Spike looking at Ace quite angrily.

“That was nicely handled!” Twilight spoke sarcastically.

“You know Ace, she’s right about you,” Spike added. “You’re acting like a huge jerk just because you’re upset we haven’t found the supposed ring with the missing stone. You don’t have to take it out on people trying to help you; we’re ‘all’ busting our flanks trying to solve ‘your’ case!”

“You like her, huh?” Ace asked seriously.

“She might be a right stick in the mud sometimes,” Applejack responded. “But she’s at least tryin’ tah help us.”

“Yeah, she’s alright,” Ace nodded in agreement.

“And you certainly were acting like quite the ruffian,” Rarity spoke crossly. “Now you best walk right in that house and apologize to her immediately… or we’ll handle our missing friend case alone.”

“She’s right Ace,” Pinkie nodded. “No pony likes working with a grumpy pants.”

Feeling guilty, Ace nodded in agreement once more before hopping up and walked into the house. The rest of the crew followed closely behind.

“Look Melissa, I uh—”

Ace stopped when he saw Melissa. She sat, holding the phone in her lap. A completely stunned look was upon her face; something was very wrong.

“Miss Melissa, are you alright?” Fluttershy asked concerned. “What happened?”

Melissa whipped a tear running down her face before turning back to her friends.

“It’s… it’s Roger,” She choked out.

“What about him?” Twilight asked. “Did something happen?”

There was a long pause before Melissa finally told the bad news.

“… He’s dead.”

<> 

Later that very same evening, the group found themselves outside a luxury condo complex in Miami. Dozens of police cars and officers ran all around the facility. There were also a variety of news vans, every reporter in the city out to cover the story.

“We’re here live at the Miami Luxury Complex where Roger Podacter, head of operations for the Miami Dolphins, has apparently committed suicide. Allegedly leaping to his death from his own fifteen story apartment.”

Ace, Melissa, and the Equestrians could see Roger Podacter’s body being taken away in the midst of all the chaos, away from the crowds of people and into an ambulance.

“You okay?” Ace asked Melissa.

Melissa nodded bravely as Emilo walked up to join them.

“What’d you find Emilio?” Twilight asked him.

“Podacter, Roger. Routine suicide,” Emilio responded. “He was alone. He’d been drinking. No sign of a struggle. Neighbor heard him scream on the way down. Just your classic fifteen story swan dive.”

Melissa and a few others shuddered as Ace gave Emilio the ‘Way to go!’ look.

“Sorry,” He apologized.

<> 

The group soon entered the apartment complex, catching the elevator to take them up to Roger’s apartment. The whole way up, Melissa tried to make sense of the whole thing.

“It just seems so out of character,” She spoke. “He was going to retire in two years.”

“Did he leave a note or anything that would explain it?” Rainbow asked.

“No,” Emilio shook his head. “That’s nothing unusual. Some do, some don’t. He didn’t.”

When the group finally entered Roger’s apartment, they were immediately bombarded by a bunch of police officers.

“Miss Robinson, this is officer Carlson,” Emilio introduced Melissa.

“Evening, ma’am,” Carlson greeted. “I wonder if you could answer a few questions about the deceased?”

While this went on, Ace and the others slipped away listening in on another conversation. This was between another officer and Podacter’s next door neighbor.

“I told you,” The neighbor explained. “I was across the hall in my apartment, I heard a scream. The door was locked, so I called the manager…”

The manager reiterated her story to the cops, the manager herself appeared as though she were over a hundred years old.

“… The place was empty, except for the damn dog in the other room,” The manager added. “Then I opened the balcony door, looked over the railing, and… splat, bang, pancake time…”

“Well, isn’t that quite a way to word this whole terrible event?” Rarity replied.

Ace studied the scene around him, noticing a bunch of officers coming in and out of the sliding door to the balcony. Strangely enough, he heard no sound from the officers on the outside. Suddenly, he smelled a familiar stench in the air and followed it to a dog cowering in the corner.

“Hey, fella, have a bad night?” He asked the dog calmly.

Fluttershy approached his side and examined the poor animal.

“Oh, the poor dear,” She spoke. “He’s so frightened…”

All of a sudden, the dog started barking. Ace and Fluttershy looked up to two feet, belonging to Einhorn, who stood right in front of them.

“So it’s true,” Ace smiled. “Animals can sense evil.”

“Who let Dr. Dolittle in?” Einhorn asked angrily.

“Ah, Lieutenant,” Emilio stepped in. “He came with Miss Robinson—”

“This is official police business,” Einhorn scowled at Ace. “We’ll let you know if the coroner find any ticks.”

Then Einhorn looked over toward the Equestrians, who stood close by.

“As for the rest of you, I don’t recall calling you as witnesses. Leave now or you will be arrested!”

Many of the cops snickered, while Ace gave another sarcastic chuckle.

“I just thought since Melissa –” Emilio began.

“E, forget it. She’s right,” Ace relented. “Besides, I wouldn’t want someone tracing my steps and pointing out all the mistakes I made. Twilight, care to give me a hand?”

“Sure thing Ace,” Twilight nodded.

“I told you to leave!” Einhorn warned.

“Apologies Lieutenant,” Twilight replied. “But we came to find our missing friend and that’s ‘our’ business.”

The two made their way onto the balcony and began to investigate themselves. Ace observed the side of the balcony which looked down over a lengthy drop to the surface. While he did just that, Twilight took a look for anything else that might have been overlooked. As she studied the scene, something caught her eye.

Approaching a potted plant near the ledge, Twilight knelt down and reached inside. Pulling her hand out, she looked at the tiny, folded piece of paper between her fingers. She quickly hid it in her pocket, as Einhorn made her way out onto the balcony in hot pursuit.

“Oh, so, you don’t think this is an obvious suicide, Mr. Pet Detective?” She asked Ace.

“Well, I wouldn’t say that…” Ace responded. “Lord knows, there is plenty of evidence here to support your theory, except of course that spot of blood on the balcony.”

Einhorn approached the balcony; sure enough, there was a tiny spot of blood. Einhorn glared at a couple nearby cops who merely looked down.

“May I tell you what I think happened?” Ace asked, with a smirk. “Alrighty then!”

Ace moved back into the apartment as he spoke, with Einhorn and Twilight trailing behind him.

“Roger Podacter went out after work,” Ace explained. “He had a few drinks, and he came home. But he wasn’t alone. Someone was with him in this apartment. There was a struggle, and then Roger Podacter was thrown over that balcony. Roger Podacter didn’t commit suicide. He was murdered.”

“You know Ace… that actually sounds like a great theory!” Rarity spoke, impressed.

“Well, that’s a very entertaining theory, but real detectives have to worry about that little thing lawyers call ‘evidence’,” Einhorn countered.

“That’s… also a good point,” Spike pointed out.

“Who’s side are you on?” Rainbow asked.

“Ours, obviously… I’m just saying she has a point.”

“Well, at least one of you has some sense in their heads,” Einhorn smirked.

Ace picked up a lottery ticket on Podacter’s desk and became a condescending kid show host.

“Let’s take a trip to clue corner, shall we?” He announced. “Can anyone tell me why a man buys a lottery ticket on the day he is going to commit suicide? Or why the family pet, suffering from acute canine trauma, clawed at the bedroom door until his paws bled? How about the blood on the railing? I’ll bet if we put our thinking caps on we’ll see that it was the result of the struggle that took place inside this apartment while Mr. Podacter was still alive! NEXT TIME YOU DON’T HAVE A CLUE COME ON BACK TO CLUE CORNER! BOOP!”

Everyone looked toward Einhorn for her response.

“Not a bad try for a pet detective,” She replied. “But not near conclusive enough for us real investigators.

“First, people buy lottery tickets every day. It’s a habit. It doesn’t prove a thing. Second, the dog wasn’t suffering from canine trauma, he was suffering from bladder trauma. Sergeant Neilson found a piss stain as big as Lake Huron near the bed. And third, the blood on the railing. Simple. He doesn’t jump far enough and whacks his head. A fact confirmed by the paramedics who found cuts on his scalp, with traces of a white chalky substance. I.E. plaster from the balcony.”

Einhorn showed Ace the paramedic’s report and everyone, minus the Equestrian heroes, were impressed with Einhorn.

“So much for your murder, Ventura,” Einhorn smirked.

“Uh oh, I think I heard a toilet flush,” Aquado laughed. “Maybe someone lost their turtle?”

Everyone laughed while Ace looked utterly beaten.

“Well, maybe I’m just a little out of my league, here,” Ace admitted, holding out his hand. “Einhorn… good work.”

Einhorn shook Ace’s hand as the Equestrians looked on silently. Ace and Melissa made for the door but were stopped soon as the Equestrian heroes blocked the doorway.

“That’s it?” Spike spoke you. “You’re just giving up?”

“Not quite,” Ace grinned. “There is just ‘one’ more thing, Lieutenant. This man is Roger Podacter’s neighbor. He lives across the hall. He said he heard a scream, is that right, sir?”

“That’s right,” The neighbor nodded.

“And you said you had to open the balcony door when you keyed into the room?” Ace asked the manager.

“Yeah,” The manager agreed.

“You’re certain you had to open this door?” Ace reiterated, walking toward the balcony door.

“What’s the point, Ventura?” Einhorn asked irritated.

Ace stepped outside the balcony and turned back as he grabbed the sliding door.



“Only this… AAAAAWWWWWWWWWW…”

Ace sustained an incredible Pavorati note, while he repeatedly opened and closed the glass door between them. With the door closed, nothing could be heard until finally… he stopped.

“This is double paned, sound-proofed glass,” Ace pointed out, tapping the door. “There’s no way this neighbor could have heard Podacter scream on the way down with this door shut. The scream she heard came from inside this apartment, before Podacter was thrown over the railing! And the murderer closed the door before he left!”

Ace began to celebrate in the only way Ace Ventura could… ‘insanely’.



“Yes! Yesss! I have exorcised the demons! This house is clear. Looser!”

“GET HIM OUTTA HERE!” Einhorn yelled.

Aguado began to push Ace out of the room, while the madman continued to call out ‘Loohooser’. Melissa and the Equestrian heroes continued to follow them out of the apartment before Twilight stopped them dead in their tracks.

“Hold up a minute guys,” She whispered. “I found something back there.”

“What do ya mean Twi?” Applejack asked.

“When Ace and I went out onto the balcony, I saw a crumpled piece of paper in a plant,” Twilight explained. “My guess is that it was strategically placed there by someone else.”

“Who would do that?”

“Only one way to find out I guess,” Twilight responded. “We read it.”

Twilight unfolded the little piece of paper, and everyone looked down to see words written on it which read:

Up and down the fields of time,
Racing towards the finish line 

P.D.

The Equestrians looked toward one another with surprise on their faces. The message had come from their missing friend. How was that even possible? That was the question. Nevertheless, regardless of the possibility, it gave them the one thing they’ve needed just to find him.

Hope…