Dear Princess Celestia, This will be my last letter to you. You should know I have attempted suicide five times. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I wish I would just die. I hate this war. I can't take it any more. Pull me out... please.... I can't do this. All the death, all the blood... Its too god damn much. I'm living in a trench infested with the bodies of changelings. Dirt litters our beds, and what terrifies me the most is that we are sleeping in the beds of dead changelings. Their souls, restless to get revenge on us. I hate knowing that their souls cannot rest because we defile the beds they used to sleep in. There are so many memories here. I wonder what they were? All the joy, all the laughter that happened here. Its amazing because to think, they were made by changelings -the laughter and happiness.- Imagine all the sadness, and hate for us... What stories linger these halls? So many questions, and still no answers.
I regret signing up for this war. I'll admit it. I really do. I regret dragging my friends to that signup station, and forcing them to sign the signup forms. I regret it. I regret it so much. I'm lost without you Princess. I need your guidance. I'm not used to being so... just... so alone. I try to block out everything that happens during the day, but I can't. I can't sleep at night. I need Fluttershy''s voice to go to sleep. Call me crazy but... I think I'm in love with Fluttershy. In love with her voice... and her soothing touch when I'm injured... The way she keeps everything is so neat and tidy, whereas the battlefield is messy and harsh. She's the only light in my darkness. I don't mind getting hit any more because I get to see her. Oh Luna, how will I cope with anything if I lose her? Ugh I'm such a fillyfooler. Hope nopony is spying on me when I'm writing this. Anyway... I've lost everything but hope. Fluttershy is the reason why I still have hope. Always so positive. She was the reason I didn't kill myself. Anyway... I was hoping we would get back for Nightmare Night, but I doubt we can any more.
They call me Private First Class Twilight "Sparkplug" Sparkle. Why they call me Sparkplug, the stars know. I probably got a title because I am an Element of Harmony. My brother has Changed so much. It's no longer "Twi!" or even "sis!" It's now "HEY! YOU!" or "YOU MARE!" I don't even know if he remembers my name. I thought he was supposed to protect me. I thought we were family. I thought he was my Big Brother Best Friend Forever. I thought we were close enough that at least he wouldn't forget my name. The battlefield hurts.
Through my time here, I have found the last puzzle piece to the magic we know as "friendship." This may be my last lesson I ever learn about this ever, so I'll be quick. With friendship comes happiness. Friendships may last forever, but happiness may not. My friends were separated from me the moment we entered the Dead Zone. There is no happiness here. I have a theory on it actually. I'm guessing that it's because the land sucks up happiness. Quite interesting. Land that kills happiness. Anyway, on to other matters. I need to let it out. I cry every night. We are nearing the changeling capital. I don't know what will happen after that. They named their capital "Anarchy." I can't even imagine what the total death toll will be, just for the civilians. I know what they are going through. I have found logs, I have found journals, I have found pictures. They are going through an incredibly rough time. They are starving, and low on morale and ammunition. The guilt for killing them weighs incredibly on me. I can't do this any more. Please end this war. Please.
On to my friends then...
Applejack sits on the top of the hill with the rest of the Apple family recruits. She seems to be alright. She doesn't show many signs of depression or sadness. Enjoyment? A lot. It's practically like taking her to a rodeo. She doesn't understand war like we do though. If we make it out alive, I think she will be the same old Applejack we know. She doesn't see war like we do. She doesn't see the pain and suffering of the front lines. She is far from it. Maybe that's why she seems the same. Poor Rarity, she's also far from the front line, but look at her. She's depressed. Anyway that's for later.
Hoo wee... Pinkie's sanity is lost. Dead, Gone, Kaput. Laughing when she gets shot, laughing when she kills. She can't stop laughing at all. It isn't regular laughing either. It's a more sinister sounding laugh. Almost blowing up the armoury, almost killing the commander in a tent fire... I think her sanity reflects her actions. Dear sweet Princess Luna help us all. Please find us a book Princess Celestia.... Find a spell book that can change her back. I don't think there will be a Ponyville left if she comes back. I don't like this Pinkie at all. I can't see the difference between -if you can call it- "normal" Pinkie, and Pinkamena. Normal Pinkie now talks about making changelings into cupcakes. I hope it's just a side-affect of being here, just like the ground sucking up happiness.
Fluttershy.... Fluttershy.... I don't know. I feel most guilty for dragging her into this war. This war is tearing her emotions apart. I feel like it's my fault whenever she gets sad because she has to see so much death. Half a pony came in one time, still alive. They took him to the intense care section. I swear I heard an "eep" from her when it he first came in. Incredible how much pain some ponies can take. I wonder how she managed to calm him down. I'd rather not ponder about hat at the moment. I hugged her once. It was the first time in the war I felt at peace. Peace is so hard to find here, unless you love seeing changelings in pain. Maybe when I come back... or one of these days I'll confess my love for her. I love her so much....
Rainbow seems to be enjoying her time here. I see her flying overhead when I'm in the trenches sometimes. Egotistical as always. She has become quite a hit with our rookies. She always gets asked about Luna knows what, and when I hear her answer there is always an "awesome" or "epic" and sometimes the infamous "Twenty percent cooler in Ten seconds flat" line somewhere in there. I don't really talk to her very often but I find myself rolling my eyes a lot in a friendly mockery when she talks to me. She definitely has gotten stronger. Muscle development is visible on her legs and her... chest area... Anyway she has proven to be a very capable fighter. I don't know how in Equestria she keeps her cool, but she again is enjoying this war. Quite a lot I might add.
Lastly is Rarity. I rarely see her around (get it? Rarely? Rarity? Hahaha..... ha.... I'm sorry princess life here is difficult and we have very bad jokes too.... always trying to scrap together some happiness....) the trenches. When we do see each other, she is always painted in this weird, green striped pattern. She has a major depression problem. Sometimes I hear her crying at night, just as I am. I can see the sadness in her eyes. It's unbearable having to watch her slug her way to her post. Her legs crying to go back. Her arms begging not to aim. Her hoof, hopelessly trying not to pull that trigger. It hurts to see her in so much pain. She's my friend and I care for her. I think we have the closest relationship now because of this war. We now have so much in common. I don't like seeing my friends in pain. It kills me slowly and painfully.
Please stop this war. Please. End this. It's too much for me to bear. I cannot even stress the amount of pain I have to go through every day. More so, the pain of my friends. I feel like if this war goes on I might be losing some friendships. This war is tearing us apart in every aspect. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. Not being with my friends every day, and not getting to see them everyday hurts me. I cannot stress enough the pain I have to bear every day. I can' stress even more so the pain we cause to the changelings. They have families too. In many aspects they are just like us. My magic is fading away. My happiness is too. Spare the changelings. They attacked us, but we should not be brutes. We should not follow their footsteps. They might be brutes but really, do we want to be put in the same league as them? Do we want to be known as bloodthirsty? I don't. Please head my pleads for this war to end.
Your hopeless, dying student:
Private First Class Twilight "Sparkplug" Sparkle