//------------------------------//
// A Little Heartfelt Hyperbole 
// Story: The Immortal Dream 
// by Czar_Yoshi 
//------------------------------//

I stepped outside Jamjars' apartment, my satchel laden down with everything that might conceivably prove useful, and took a deep breath. It was dusk. Come dawn, I would be returning to Icereach - returning home - and none could say what I might find there.

Time to do everything in my power to prepare.

I closed the door and made for the train station. My first order of business was a visit to Egdelwonk. I wasn't doing this without Corsica, was still undecided about asking Unless, and their unusually omniscient boss seemed like the best way to track them down. Maybe he'd even know something useful about what I was getting myself into.

A short ride later, I stepped off the train onto a busy platform full of mares and stallions wearing suit collars and ties. This was the first time I had traveled deeper into the Ice District during evening rush hour, I realized, and as I tried not to get jostled a realization slowly sank in about how many normal ponies must work here. What did Cold Karma employ, hundreds? Maybe thousands? I tried to eavesdrop, but couldn't catch anything meaningful in the din. Odds were, though, these were layponies, grunts and engineers, whose worries about the capriciousness of their bosses extended only to shifting project deadlines and chances for promotions.

I doubted anyone here even knew a war was coming, let alone was preparing to go to the front lines.

A little shadow swimming helped me through the crowd, my hooves retracing the steps to Egdelwonk's domain. He wouldn't be mad at me for letting Lilith burn his contract, would he? That was the sort of thing that might annoy a sensible pony, but Egdelwonk was anything but, which gave me the strange feeling that he would somehow approve.

I opened the final door, bracing myself for whatever the upside-down office hall from my last visit had been replaced with this time.

It was a royal ballroom, or perhaps a banquet hall. Cylindrical and built inside a tower with a ceiling so high I couldn't make it out, it had a tile floor and several tables set up around the edges, though nothing particularly impossible or eldritch...

Scratch that. The floor tiles were made of perfectly tessellating pentagons. I looked away, lest trying to figure out how they worked caused my brain to implode.

Where was I supposed to go, though? There were no doors...

"Bonjour," a voice said behind me.

I jumped and spun around. "Uwaah! Who-"

It was a chandelier. Dangling from an impossibly long cord, hanging just inches above the floor. "Where would the pony like to go, ho ho?" it asked, rocking back and forth as it talked.

"Errrrrrrrrrrr..." I took a step back. How was it talking? Was it alive? What... "I mean, do you know where Egdelwonk is?"

"To see the boss! Ho ho!" The chandelier bobbed happily up and down. "Climb aboard, ho ho!"

I gave up on understanding reality, climbed on top of the chandelier's golden wire frame, and held onto the cord connecting it to the ceiling. "Oookay..."

"Up we go, ho ho!" The chandelier started to rise like an elevator. "Tra la la la la, la la la-la-la, la la la la laaa..."

It kept singing for several minutes as we rose, floors whooshing past at a dizzying speed. How was there room for this much height in the Ice District? We were already supposed to be near the top, and...

No. Don't think about it, Hallie. Just... don't think about it.

Idly, I noted Procyon floating around, watching the proceedings with morbid fascination.

The chandelier finally slowed to a halt at a half-bridge sticking out into the middle of the tower like an airship dock. "La la laaa, la la la... Oh! We are here, ho ho!"

"Thank... you," I said, gingerly stepping off onto the bridge, taking care not to fall. I looked up. The top of the tower was still too far away to make out.

"A pleasure to serve, ho ho!" The chandelier happily bobbed up and down. "Sayonara!"

It zoomed off into the abyss, leaving me alone once again.

Strip lighting lined the bridge, pulsing in a disco pattern, guiding me toward a heavy, round-topped double door set into the wall. Above it, more neon lighting pulsed, spelling out "THE JANITOR IS IN!" in a font that looked like it belonged on the cover of a comic book.

Gingerly, I stepped up and knocked. The doors retracted sideways into the walls, revealing... the exact same office cubicle where I had first met Egdelwonk. Not a hint of difference.

"Ah-ha!" Egdelwonk noticed me immediately from where he was reclining in a swivel chair, his hind legs on his desk, and snapped the spokes of his batpony wing. "Halcyon, just the mare I wanted to see! Splendiferous timing. Is there any chance you can spare a wee tiniest moment to fill out a customer satisfaction survey about your experience with my new doorman?"

I blinked. "You mean the talking chandelier? Err, I guess?"

"His name is Chandelie-ho, and you say that you can?" Egdelwonk brightened. "Well, too bad, because I don't have one. Now what can the Lord of Ch... I mean, Despotic Dumpster Deacon do for you on this dim and moony evening?"

I summoned all my focus, ignoring everything that had just happened and pushing myself back into the present. "Your... junior dumpster despot corps, or whatever. I'm looking for Corsica, and maybe Unless. You know where they are?"

"Naturally." Egdelwonk shrugged. "This is for that 'go to Icereach and rescue my mom' thing you were just telling the windigo about, is it? Trying to recruit a goon squad to boost your chances going into the unknown?"

I gave him a sharp look. "If you know that much, can't you figure it out for yourself?"

Egdelwonk curled his lower lip in a pout. "That one, I'm afraid I have to guess on. Speaking of which, you were so close to keeping your mouth shut about the reason you wanted to go there in the first place. And then you were all 'Suppose I want to use this teleporter to go back to Icereach, get my mom, blah blah blah' and didn't even gain anything from it!"

"What?" I blinked.

"Honestly, Halcyon..." Egdelwonk waved a wing. "You can have all the magic in the world protecting your head from involuntary tampering, but it won't do a whit of good if you don't have a little more discipline about keeping secrets. Unless you're secretly a fantastic secret-keeper messing up on purpose about things you don't really care about to throw me off your tail, which is a commendable strategy, but if that's the path you've chosen you'll just have to grin and bear it when I get on your case for this."

"I can keep a secret!" I insisted. "I just don't know what you're talking about! How does this relate to Corsica? And why do you keep spying on me?"

"I spy on everyone, Halcyon," Egdelwonk told me flatly. "Sixty percent because I can, and sixty percent for kicks and giggles. And don't be a hypocrite; you came to me for information about your friends. Now let me see, let me see... Unless is currently running errands for Valey in Fort Starlight, Corsica's getting gussied up at a corporate spa... Anyone else you want to snoop on while you're here? Little Princess Coda, perhaps, or dear Leitmotif, or that wayward brother of yours you've forgotten the existence of for the past few days?"

My ears pressed back. Okay, so I hadn't talked to Ansel since we went exploring in the Night District and got arrested together. But still, that was only a few days ago! Even though it felt like an eternity. Less than a week, right?

"You know," Egdelwonk mused, rubbing his goatee, "come to think of it, you never followed up on the quest hook I gave you to investigate that shady weapon hawker who called the cops on you. I'm sure Ansel feels badly about that whole shebang. Who knows, perhaps getting some closure on it would do wonders for your relationship?"

"Don't remind me," I said. "Look, right now I'm pretty loaded down with things I've taken responsibility for and am in a tiny bit of a time crunch. Once I've checked Icereach off my list, gotten Mother safe and figured out where I stand with Jamjars and whether Kitty's still my enemy or we're capable of working together, I'll talk to Ansel and we can go find out why that stuff happened."

Egdelwonk gave me a look that was plainly challenging, though I couldn't parse exactly what he meant.

I shook my head. "I don't wanna deal with the Night District. I've gotta prioritize; I can't do everything. And it's not even raining right now, so I couldn't go down there even if I wanted to."

"Well of course you're never going to find out what you're capable of unless you try." Egdelwonk reached into his recycling bin, pulled out a fresh, clean sheet of paper, and sketched out a complete map of Ironridge with two or three strokes of a pencil. "Here," he said, folding it into a paper airplane and throwing it at me. "Locations of all your friendos. Oh, and while I have you here..." He pulled out three new copies of the contract Lilith had burned, and hoofed them to me. "Excellent thinking with the last one. Want some spares? For all I know they might even ward off windigoes."

I took them absently, still looking at the map. It was a beautiful, immaculate rendition of the city, ruined by crude, childlike crayon sketches of my friends' faces that made them look ugly and angry and stinky too, with little wafting scent lines and a few flies buzzing around. I showed it to him, silently asking why.

"What?" Egdelwonk shrugged. "It's a perfectly good map of where your friends are in the city. That is what you came here for, isn't it? Chop chop!"

I wandered toward the door in a daze. Honestly, at this point I couldn't remember why I came here at all.





After another long, song-filled chandelier ride back to the ground, ho ho, I left Egdelwonk's domain behind, deciding to seek out Corsica first. She was not only my best friend, and not only the one mare who had demonstrated an ability to beat Ludwig, but the closest, too, the map indicating her as being in a sector of the Ice District reserved for employee amenities.

I hadn't found my way here before, though granted, I had only explored once. The sector was built around a cafeteria that was much fancier than the one in Icereach, with curved, wavy walls and stylized bistros and tables in all shapes and sizes backed by real cushioned benches. The benches had their backs to each other, forming raised islands, the smaller of which were decorated with potted plants and the larger ones containing raised walking areas and even more seating.

Who made something this opulent just for their employees? I was a little jealous. The ponies eating here seemed to take everything for granted.

The cafeteria was ringed by a hallway, which was lined on both sides with amenity shops selling all sorts of knickknacks ordinary ponies might use to amuse themselves. I spied a bookstore, but the prices probably were higher than Eaststone Mall. And no matter how I sliced it, I didn't have the time or money for entertainment.

Eventually, I found the salon where Corsica was supposedly waiting. The door was wide open.

"Good evening!" said a cheery receptionist with a chin-length mane and far too much make-up. "What can I do for you, ma'am?"

"Trying to meet up with a friend," I explained. "Her name's Corsica? Unicorn about my age with a pink coat and raspberry mane. Any chance you know her?"

"Corsica..." The receptionist checked a ledger. "I believe your friend is currently in the steam sauna. Would you like me to ask her if she is accepting visitors?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "Tell her it's Halcyon."

The receptionist bowed, gave me a smile, and wandered off down a hallway, her hips swishing aggressively.

I didn't have to wait long. "Miss Corsica was surprised to hear you wanted to join her," the receptionist told me. "But she says you are welcome to do so."

"Thanks," I said, nodding for her to lead the way.

We passed several doors, walking through a clean white hallway, and eventually turned off into a side room containing a few wall-mounted lockers and a doorframe fitted with a heavy curtain. The walls were made of tiles, the ones near the curtain glistening with moisture, and there was a vent in the ceiling. The receptionist bowed again and walked away.

I had never done this before. Uncertainly, I pulled back the curtain with a hoof. "Hello?"

It was sweltering in the chamber beyond, and oppressively damp. Corsica was laying on a bench at the back, her mane wet and droopy, and she lifted her head just enough to blink at me with tired eyes. "You're going to ruin your clothes if you come in here like that, dumb-dumb."

I pulled back out, noticing that one of the locker doors was ajar and contained Corsica's shoes and ear ornaments. I glanced at the hallway. No one was coming... I had no idea what to do. I really wasn't thinking things through today, was I?

In my paralysis, my instincts tried to take over, but they just uselessly clashed and swirled, too. I could leave my coat and boots behind and go in there. I had no idea what the point was, and I didn't like undressing, but Corsica had seen my legs before, and apparently she saw something in sitting in the sauna. Even though Ironridge was supposed to be hot enough on its own without this.

Or, I could do nothing. Talk to her through the curtain. Carry on my way.

...Corsica hadn't looked so good when I peeked in on her, I decided. And even though my life was moving at a breakneck pace, I did technically have all night. Maybe I should take the time with my friend and see what she saw in this.

Quickly and carefully, I undressed save for my bracelet and slipped inside.

"Huh," Corsica said, eyeing me up and down. "You didn't strike me as the type for this."

"I'm not." I stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, feeling like I was in a display case. "I just... wanted to hang out, and stuff. What are you supposed to do in here?"

"Lie down," Corsica instructed. "Stop moving. Feel the heat. Relax. Do nothing."

I tried it.

It was... pretty boring.

I managed for a few more minutes, waiting for Corsica to say something, to do anything, but she really just seemed to be here to lie in a hot, steamy room and do nothing. So, I broke the silence instead.

"You alright?" I asked, shifting my head to look at her.

"No," Corsica grunted. "And you better not be here to ask me to do something. I overdid it on my talent down in that school and barely even have the motivation to lay here and sweat."

"...How long does it usually take?" I whispered. "To get better?"

"No such thing as better," Corsica said bitterly. "I get good enough to walk, and then your dumb butt makes me use it all over again. Forever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever."

Something told me Corsica wasn't feeling up to a raid on Icereach. Something else told me I would just make things worse if I tried to change that.

I needed to go to Icereach. I had to. But if I couldn't make that my goal right now... I closed my eyes, squeezed them shut, and temporarily let that plan go, sent the idea drifting off with the rising curls of steam.

"Anything I can do to help?" I asked, opening my eyes.

"Stop taking risks," Corsica grunted. "Stop making me worry about you. If that's even possible. We can't change who we are. Would be like asking Ansel to understand how girls work."

"Can't change who we are, huh?" I said, looking away. "I'm still trying to figure out who I am."

"Aren't we all," Corsica sighed. "Hard to see the future when we're more worried about today. But that's why I keep you around. You're good at that. Looking at the long term."

I didn't have anything to say.

"What's your plan now?" Corsica asked, weariness penetrating deeply into her voice. "You still got a vision for where we go from here?"

"Err... yeah," I told her. "I wanna leave Ironridge. But first we gotta get everyone important to me to come too. Like Coda and Mother. I think I'm real close to having a way out for all of us, though."

"Your mom?" Corsica raised a sodden eyebrow. "Isn't she back in Icereach?"

"I've got..." I hesitated. "A plan."

"The kind I should be worried about?" Corsica asked.

I gave her a look. "You like that I take initiative and try to seize the future, but not that I take risks that make you worry?"

"That's the problem," Corsica grunted. "There's no way that makes sense. Feels like it's gonna feel like this forever."

"...But it's not, though," I countered, aware that I had no idea what I was talking about and desperately hoping I wouldn't say something wrong. "You feel like that today because your talent's got you in a funk, but it'll be different tomorrow or a week from now. Even though it feels like forever, it will change."

"Sure it will," Corsica sighed, flicking an ear. "I'll feel good enough to use my talent again, and then be stuck right back here again. The eternal curse of being me."

"There's gotta be a better way," I whispered. "What about before you got your talent? What was it like back then?"

My train of thought threatened to fog. I was getting close to a subject that was locked behind my mask. Mentally, I tried to swat the fog away.

"I don't wanna think about it," Corsica moaned. "I was happy, I was ambitious, everything was better! I could commit myself without... without..." She trailed off. "Guess it wasn't a better time for all of us, though. Sorry."

"Nah. Get it off your chest," I urged, feeling slightly uncomfortable, but not because Corsica was bringing up my distant past. It was because she was this out of it, and still more concerned about my feelings than her own.

Corsica just snorted.

The conversation threatened to drop, and my gaze wandered to my blood-red legs. A memory of fear shifted slightly in my stomach. I remembered Procyon talking about how she didn't used to be a very nice pony, and the heavy implications that my legs looked like this because of the way I saw myself because of something I - or my other selves - had done.

"Hey, speaking of back then," I said. "What was I like? I mean, how did you see me? Back before we became friends?"

"What kind of question is that?" Corsica sounded dubious. "Wouldn't you remember better than I would?"

"An important one," I said. "To me. I'm not... I... Can you keep a really big secret?"

Corsica nodded.

I suddenly felt cold despite the sauna's heat, knowing what I was about to say. "I'm not... really..." I swallowed. "Whole, in my mind. Like there are multiple ponies named Halcyon in my head, all independent and stuff. But all the others are kind of buried. Me, I'm the same one you made friends with and have known since the avalanche. But before that, I'm not sure I existed. I have memories, and all, but I feel like my name and body and memories belonged to someone else."

"Dissociative identity disorder?" Corsica was fully paying attention now. "Is that what you're talking about? You think you have that?"

I blinked. "Disso-what? There's a name for it?"

Corsica shrugged, turning her shoulders upright. "I read about it while I was doing a cursory survey of other scientific fields when we first got here. Checking out what kinds of things weren't in Icereach. You know. It was a psychology thing."

I leaned in closer. "What did you read about it? How many ponies have it? Are there specific things that cause it? Is it physical or magical, or purely mental?"

"I skimmed like one paragraph in a summary!" Corsica pulled back. "It's a mental thing, and I don't know how widespread it is. Sometimes it manifests as a coping mechanism for dealing with trauma, so you can frame your memories as having happened to someone else. Other times, it just happens for no reason."

Purely mental, huh? That probably ruled out what I was experiencing, since I had gotten a physical look at a green crystal that apparently represented my mask when it was taken off. And I didn't have any traumatic memories I imagined as having happened to someone else. Though I certainly had a lot of memories that only Procyon and the third me were allowed to know...

"And I dunno how trustworthy the source was, anyway," Corsica huffed. "So don't get your hopes up. Why tell me this, anyway?"

Now that I thought about it, I honestly didn't know. Pretty much everything I was doing tonight was on instinct, wasn't it...? "I just felt like it," I said, truthfully. "And maybe it distracted you from whatever you've got going on. And I was thinking about it since you were talking about the way things used to be, and I'm... not sure how much I can trust what I can remember from back then. Feels like my life completely changed with that avalanche, too."

"You with this, me with my issues, Ansel with amnesia." Corsica shook her head and smiled ruefully. "It's like all three of us died and came back different."

"...Something like that. Yeah."

I looked away. Procyon was nowhere to be seen. There was still a lingering fear, deep down, but it felt almost weaker than before, as if it was giving up on its ability to ever control me. It was without purchase, desperate, piteous and afraid.

If only I could reassure that part of me, instead of scaring it further. But I trusted Corsica with my secret, and she repaid that trust. If this didn't help, I didn't know what would.

At least I was free. I had come a long, long way from thinking of my mask as a disguise the real me was wearing, something I would consciously take off and tweak. In fact, the only reason I still thought of myself as my mask was because I didn't have any better words to use.

And because I had physically seen the mask, held in another me's hooves. But that was neither here nor there.

I took a deep breath. Corsica's mood seemed better than it was before, if only tentatively.

"So you want me to avoid doing stuff that would make you worry about me for a while, yeah?" I glanced back at her.

Corsica met my eyes. "You'd better not be about to ask permission for a dumb plan."

I shrugged. "Guilty as charged. But if you tell me no, I'll listen."

Corsica looked down, conflicted. "Well, spit it out, then."

"I've got a way to get back to Icereach in a hurry," I explained. "And then back here again. I want to go get Mother and bring her back here. Also, I may have accidentally stranded Jamjars there last night by mistake."

Corsica gave me a how'd-you-manage-that look.

"It's complicated," I said. "And the situation in Icereach might be complicated too, which is why I'd want to get in and out as fast as possible. Problem is, it's going to involve getting Ludwig to cooperate."

Corsica slumped back down on her side. "Talk about dumb plans."

I shook my head. "Sorry. Before I saw how out of it you were, I wanted to see if you'd come along too, since you know how to deal with Ludwig. If you veto this, I'll put it off until you say otherwise. But once we've got Mother, I want to leave this city in a hurry. I think I can convince Coda to buy us an airship, and hopefully even join us. We can leave all these machinations behind, and maybe go somewhere we won't be so stressed out all the time, or can get ponies to treat us normally. I know you're real out of it right now and I know you've been having a hard time, and that's why I want to get all our things in order so we can move."

"So what are you asking?" Corsica squinted at me. "For me to come along? I'm not in any condition to do anything productive. Or do you want my blessing to go back there yourself?"

I shrugged. "Anything you can tell me about how to get past Ludwig, I'll use."

Corsica shook her head. "Just tell him he'll clean his own clock if he messes with you. Mention my name. He'll... He'll go along with it." She swallowed. "Or not. Ughhhhhhhhh..."

She rubbed her forehooves down her face. "You alright?" I asked, leaning closer.

"Just trying to think how to outsmart a rules lawyer who twists everything you say against you," Corsica groaned. "Without... ugh. Tell him if he tells you what my talent does, he'll be in for double pain."

I tilted my head. "You're worried he'll try to get revenge on you by telling me about your talent?"

"He knows what it does," Corsica sighed. "Figured it out pretty quick while taking my body for a joy ride. And I would really... rather you not know."

"I already know half of it, don't I?" I gently asked. "About how it drains you like this?"

"That's not the important part," Corsica wetly complained. "You'd never be able to look at me the same if you knew the truth. It's personal."

I grimaced. "I mean, so was telling you about my... you know..."

Wait a minute. Corsica was worried about me learning things about her she didn't want me to know... Technically, I had a way to make myself forget.

Of course, I was actively trying to undermine the wishes of the person who enabled it, and it had been a long time since we consciously worked together to modify what I knew. But still.

"If I learn," I promised, "I'll forget. There's nothing Ludwig can tell me that can stick in my mind if I don't want it to. The various parts of me... We don't all remember the same things, even though our history is mostly shared. I can segregate my memories. One of the buried parts can remember, and I can forget."

Corsica gave me an are-you-crazy look.

I shook my head. "Dead serious."

Corsica sighed. "Sure wish I could do that. Just forget things I didn't want to remember."

I didn't know what to say.

"Guess that makes you lucky," she said. "If you can grow up however you please, and just decide there are some burdens you don't want to carry. Some of us don't have that luxury. We're stuck with our past, and we can't change it. And trying only makes it worse."

"Well..." I bit my lip. "Well... I don't even know what it is I don't know. Maybe you've got issues, but you get to understand them. I don't get to know mine. My other halves don't even think I can handle knowing their issues. And you're telling me you don't think I can handle knowing your issues, either. Am I really so delicate? What if I want to help?"

Corsica got up, stood, walked across the room and grabbed me on the shoulders, her face right up in mine. Her wet hooves felt wrong against my fur.

"You help more than you could know," she said, not letting go. "Do you want to know what I would have done these last two and a half years if I didn't have you to cheerlead and drag me into a project you were enthusiastic about? Do you?"

"Try me," I countered, bracing myself for heartfelt hyperbole.

"Odds are, I'd have tried so hard to do nothing, I'd be a total recluse," Corsica said, stepping back and letting me go. "I didn't figure out how to avoid hurting myself with my talent all at once. Once I initially realized what it was doing, I could avoid triggering it and draining myself, but only by overcompensating and not caring about anything except for caring about nothing. I don't even want to think about what a pony would look like who defined themself by avoiding any sort of emotional investment, especially one as young as me. Odds are, I'd snap and... I dunno. But if I didn't have your enthusiasm and your ability to put up with my grumpy rear, I wouldn't have pushed myself far enough to find my actual boundaries. I might not be smart about my talent, or have the self-control to avoid overusing it. But I at least know now what I'll be getting into without having to run from every shadow and possibility."

My ears pressed back.

"So don't be hard on yourself for being innocent and pure, or wish you were anything but," Corsica said, lighting her horn and turning a valve that made the steam slowly stop coming. "Got it? The way you are now, you can still help ponies like me who have too much on their plates."

For a moment, I stared at her. And then I said, "I bet the other parts of me think exactly the same."

"Huh," Corsica said. "Guess we've got that in common."

I shook my head, getting up as well. "Don't think I'm weak, though. Or that I'll break if someone says the wrong words in my ear. It's not fair that you're carrying more than your fair share, but it's not fair that I'm carrying less, either. If I even am! I've been crippled by random phobias I don't understand and other junk I should be over by now for as long as I can remember. Don't show my legs in public! Don't trust strangers who offer me jobs! And what it's made me want to do, as I grow stronger and figure out who I am, is be someone who can take that all and hold my head up high. The other parts of me don't like that any more than you do, but I'm going to show them a way and it's not going to be a way that involves me being a pretty little face while they sit in the back of my mind and carry the hard stuff."

"Cool." Corsica pulled back the curtain, wrapping her mane in a fresh towel. "Just try to take care of yourself so you don't wind up like me."

"All I ever wanted to do for so many years was be like you," I said. "So don't sell yourself short either."

Corsica actually chuckled. "Whatever. So, who else is coming, and where's this route you found back to Icereach?"

I blinked. "You're coming too?"

"Might as well," Corsica grunted, still not back to her usual self, even though I had clearly talked her out of the worst of her stupor. "Guess your determination is rubbing off on me. I'm serious, though, the harder I push myself when I'm supposed to be resting... If you don't like seeing me like this, try not to do anything stupid. Don't make me get any worse."

I nodded, pulling over a towel for myself as well and focusing on my legs so I could quickly don my boots.

That had been... a conversation. I felt like I was sitting in a field of broken glass, where some massive glass walls had freshly shattered and strewn their pieces every which way.

There were new places I could go, now. New possibilities and new risks I could take, new unknowns to explore. All of it unsafe, but the familiar places were unsafe now too, so I might as well take the chance with something new.

My secrets were out there. A lot of them, some of the ones kept closest to my heart, though certainly not all.

The old status quo was gone, and now there was no room for failure. I would find a new, better one, or I would keep trying until I succeeded, no matter how far I had to search.