//------------------------------// // 3- An unfunny joke // Story: Remnants of chaos // by L Morning Star //------------------------------// "BIB BIB" "BE CAREFUL I'M PASSING HAHAHAHA" Discord was having a great time "How come I didn't think of doing this before? Well, a thousand years without being able to do anything but think, they do this I guess." 300 years before Despite the seven hundred years he spent thinking about his master plan it was relatively simple, summon a bunch of creatures destined to spread his chaos, with the beasts acting as his personal army the princesses would be too busy to deal with it and if for some reason miracle they achieved it he would just have to invoke more it was the perfect plan If it wasn't for a little mishap, where would he get such beasts from?, he thought and used what little chaos magic he was able to summon from his prison to search for any creature that met his requirements, but he found nothing, nothing called him attention, he and princesses had already seen everything that Equus had to offer It was then that he had his revelation "if they don't exist I will simply create them" is what chaos does after all, it alters the natural order But again problems arose no matter how much he thought about it he couldn't create the beings he was looking for nothing was chaotic enough or they didn't have the abilities strong enough to spread their chaos or it was impossible for them to stay alive without a constant supply of their magic "You have to accept it, a cake monster with candy cannons is not ideal to face Celestia, in fact knowing her, I would feel sorry for the monster being devoured as soon as it was born" In his search he even ventured into the minds of ponies and Princess Celestia herself, but the scariest thing he found in his nightmares after Nightmare Moon was a headless pony... and that's all. He almost gave up on his plan if it wasn't for the fact that there was still one place to check in the castle, he had been trying to get in with his magic for years, but it was heavily guarded with all sorts of enchantments that normally wouldn't be a problem, if his magic wasn't so weak! Until finally a tendril of her magic made it through "A mirror? DID I DO ALL THIS FOR A FUCKING MIRROR?" He immediately accumulated all the magic he could to destroy the target of his hatred, not caring about the accumulated bad luck, but to his surprise the tendril simply pierced him and for an instant he could distinguish something new, a place he had not been before. Once he recovered he sent another and another and another and even so everything was very blurry he had a hard time focusing things in that strange dimension as if he was somehow rejecting his magic "Interesting" He had to admit, in all of Equus he had seen few things capable of repelling his magic even in such a weakened state. Luckily it was not the real world that interested him but the minds of those who lived there more precisely his nightmares. "Well if I don't find anything worthwhile I can always do things the old fashioned way, the classics never die!" Or so he thought until he entered the first mind he found, it wasn't even a nightmare and chaos and destruction were everywhere. The more minds he explored, the more chaos he found in all manner of forms, he found weapons such as he had never seen before, monsters both peaceful and destructive of all kinds and shapes, with all manner of abilities even his twisted mind was unable to imagine. Until now That's when he made his decision "I LOVED" For fifty years he waited with his plan ready, he was so excited that he didn't even bother to look at that chaotic world again, he wanted to see what those beasts could do with his own eyes and maybe visit that world personally. Present “CHOO CHOO” "That's a Master Truck" "Hush opti no time I'm trying to enjoy my ride in… whatever you are" “Now I am a truck” "Yes yes as you say, now accelerate fully" "To the order " BAAAAANG The truck crashed into the gates of the Canterlot castle and destroyed them easily, surprisingly was left without a scratch, whatever the truck was made of was not simple metal "HA HA HA I think it's time to stretch my legs a little, you can go now opti and spread my chaos!" "Yes Master " The truck took practically no time to accelerate and disappear into the distance, running over anything that was in its path. “Ooow they grew up so fast” He said as he wiped a tear from his eye "Now where was that mirror?" He kept walking through the corridors without a fixed direction until he noticed that there was something strange "HELLO IS THERE ANYONE?" Everything was incredibly quiet for someone who was supposed to be invading a fortress. "Not that I'm complaining, but this is weird, even with how cowardly ponies are in general I was hoping for at least a little bit of entertainment." Willing to solve this mystery, he opened the doors to one of the interior rooms of the castle, but everything was dark, with a suit similar to that of Daring Do and a torch in hand, he ventured into the room Although despite his clothes he wasn't really paying attention to where he was going, that's why he didn't stop until he felt something wet on his feet "Hell those were new feet!" He dropped the torch and proceeded to wipe his feet with saliva until the rolling torch illuminated the source of the puddle. With wide eyes I contemplate the body of the dismembered pony Discord was no stranger to death, he himself had caused brutal deaths and massacres before the princesses managed to unite the three tribes, although it was never for pleasure there was no fun in death, it was simply other times Times that I hoped I would never have to repeat "HERE PLEASE" Suddenly one of the doors on the other side of the room opened and entered a white mare with a black mane and an inkwell with a quill as a cuite mark, she ran towards him as fast as she could until when she got closer she realized who Discord had seen plenty of scared ponies since he broke free from his prison (not that they were that hard to scare) but when he saw the mare's eyes, he saw her desperation, her pure fear as if her intelligence had gone and now she was just an animal trying to flee from a predator She barely noticed when she walked out the same door he had opened moments before. "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING, WE STILL DON'T FINISH PUTTING THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY" Right after hearing that Discord could see a blue cat standing on a floating book that in its right paw held a black pony tail from which the bone stood out, it seemed that it had not been removed cleanly, then he realized the trace crimson that was going in the same direction as the pony he had seen flee moments before "O Master, how happy I am to see you, did you come to play with the castle ponies too?" Only then was he able to recognize the cat as one of his summons. "You did this?" "Yes master, I am Yuumi, his favorite cat" He said so while standing on his hind legs and striking a pose. “Cr-cruumi of course my cat, how have you been?” "It's Yuumi!" He said while puffing out his cheeks and putting on an angry expression. "Yes yes anyway" He honestly didn't remember half of all the things he had summoned in the last few hours. How could he? there were dozens if not hundreds not even he knew for sure "Let me ask you a few questions. What level of violence does your world have?" Yuumi tilted her head as she thought about her answer. "Hmmm, normal?" Discord sighed and tried to ignore the dripping tail the cat was still holding like it was normal. “Let me ask you again, what have been the biggest conflicts that have happened in your world and when were they?” "That should give you an approximation, right?" “!Oh¡ talk about world wars!” Discord felt all the fur on his body stand on end as he heard the two words that should never go together. “Both happened in the last century” "T-two, AND IN A SINGLE CENTURY?!" Suddenly Discor's eyes turned blue and an hourglass appeared and just above it you could read "loading" "But why is the master asking me this?" Since her "master" was not in a position to answer, the cat decided to come to her own conclusions. “Ohhhh I already understood! Master you are diabolical hee hee” Said the cat as she laughed and flew out the nearest window, by the time Discord finally restarted it was already too late the cat was on top of canterlot castle getting ready to deliver her message "ATTENTION TO ALL THOSE CALLED, I HAVE A MESSAGE FROM OUR MASTER" The cat took another breath while much of Canterlot was silent, all the chaos was still present but the difference between now and a few seconds ago was obvious "OUR MASTER DISCORD HAS DECIDED TO BRING WAR TO THIS WORLD, ONE LIKE NOT SEEN IN THIS NOR IN OURS" He had to pause to catch his breath. "DO NOT LIMIT YOURSELVES, LIBERATE, STEAL, BURN, RAPE AND KILL UNTIL YOU ARE SATISFIED BECAUSE THE WAR OF CHAOS STARTS NOW" GRAAAAAA BREEEEEEE CRIIIIIIIIE AUUUUUU All kinds of roars, howls and sounds that the ponies could not identify resounded in unison, then devastation continued with even greater savagery than before and everything could be seen from one of the balconies by his "master" who was hitting himself with force in the face and tearing the hairs from his fur “HOW COULD I BE SO FOOLISH? HOW CAN I THINK OF BRINGING BEINGS FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION WITHOUT FIRST REVIEWING WHAT DIMENSION IS LIKE OR HOW THEY REACT TO MY CHAOS MAGIC?" BAAAAANG His fight with himself was interrupted when a huge explosion hit him and brought down the part of the castle he was in moments ago. "THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN, NOT WHILE I'M ALIVE" It didn't take him long to recover from the attack, it didn't even hurt him "There's Luna, you and your obsession with the real voice of canterlot!" That's what he said, although he actually likes hearing his voice right now "SILENCE, THIS TIME YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR DISCORD" “DO YOU THINK I DIDN'T KNOW? THEY EVEN DESTROYED THE DONUT JOE STORE, SERIOUSLY WHO DOES THAT?" The princess thought it was just another of her ridiculous jokes so she decided not to waste any more time with words and cast the spells she had prepared The temperature dropped to -50 degrees in a second and continued to drop as the ground cracked open and spiked blue chains coiled and pressed around Discord's body, however Discord didn't flinch. His mind was busy thinking that something was off, they both knew that trying to beat him this way was doomed to fail. "Wait a minute, something's missing here. Where's Celestia? Wait, don't tell me she's evacuating the ponies while you distract me, right?" He couldn't help but smile upon discovering the alicorns' plans and that their plan had at least partially succeeded. "Maybe it wasn't such a bad plan, it just needs a little tweaking" Although all those thoughts died the moment he heard the following words from the alicorn "DON'T YOU DARE PRONOUNCE HER NAME, IT'S YOUR FAULT. IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE IS... GAAAAAA" The alicorn stopped while biting her lip hard enough to make it bleed as she tried and failed to stop the tears that fell from her eyes, the draconequus looked at her in disbelief at what she had heard. "This is no longer funny" For the first time in over a thousand years, the smile left her face, she didn't even pay attention or do anything to stop the spells that the alicorn had cast on her again. "Click" In a snap all the spells and the effects they had had on the environment disappeared and Discord stood up while dusting himself off. "Okay, I've had enough of this, it's time to end it!" The draconequus prepared to snap his fingers again, but was interrupted. "OF COURSE YOU WON'T" Normally he would have just ignored them, but he felt a surge of magic so intense that the mere sensation of it forced him to stop and turn around. “THE ELEMENTS, AT WHAT TIME?” Then his gaze shifted to the pink alicorn standing next to them, deactivating her camouflage spell. "AND WHO IS SHE?" His gaze again strayed to the bearers of the elements as they unleashed their power on him, they were the same bearers he had cast his first summons to, but they were different. They still had that look of determination and defiance in their eyes, only now they were mixed with a bit of hatred, they all had wounds on their bodies at different levels, some were bleeding, others had already been partially treated. The main mare had a red dyed bandage on her left eye, the one with rainbow hair had one of her wings turned at an unnatural angle, the one who previously had a stetson had severe burns all over her body, the pink in addition to some bruises had her flaccid mane, Rarity (the one who for some reason was the only one of whom he could remember her name) was deathly pale which was incredible for an already white mare, it seemed that she would faint or die at that very moment and the last (the only who looked relatively unharmed) curiously the most tender and adorable of the six was the one who most hated him with his gaze to the point where he had to cower in fear before his gaze even when a power like that of the elements was directed to him He could do nothing BAAAAAAAAAAANG In a wave with the colors of the rainbow and the draconequus returned to his prison with an expression of fear and if you paid enough attention repentance "Fi- finally over" Rarity said before fainting and being quickly helped by her other friends, while the alicorns breathed heavily due to the large amount of magic they had spent until Cadence finally managed to get enough breath for the question that had been on her mind since she started the day "Has anypony seen Shining?"