“Hello, Pippsqueaks!” Pipp twirled around and smiled at the camera. “What are you up to today? I got a lot of packages from you after the last stream, so I guess today we’ll do some unboxing, but first I’m gonna show you some of my newest dance moves!” She spun around. “Turns out, incorporating wings gives a lot of new opportunities! Thanks for the subs by the way.”
She looked at the chat and froze in mid-air. She blinked, taking a closer look at the messages.
Flapper1234: Hey, Pipp, have you seen Zephyr Heights’ newest streamer?
PrincessPipp#1Fan: Did you know your sister started to stream?
SmolPippsqueak_(she/her): move over Pipp theres new princess in town
milfchaser69: Are u gonna strem with ur mom?
ZippsBiggestFan (The One in Her Lab): You gotta see this, lol
Pipp furrowed her eyebrows. “What? Zipp is streaming? Where?” She grabbed her phone and started to search. “Someone give me the link. A link! Kingdom for a link!”
She looked at the chat, but there were only a few new messages.
TheHottestStuffInTown: It’s not your kingdom, Pipp. After what we watched here, it’ll never be yours.
ZippsBiggestFan (The One in Her Lab): @TheHotttestStuffInTown, over your dead body?
TheHottestStuffInTown: We can neither confirm nor deny.
milfchaser69: oh my r u pipps mom
[milfchaser69 is banned]
Pipp sighed and went back to searching. After a few minutes, she finally found it. “Okay,” she said, splitting the screen to let her Pippsqueaks look at Zipp’s stream. “We’ll do a little reaction stream, I guess. Let’s see what Zipp has in store.”
Zipp’s stream started. Pipp immediately cringed; there were far less cameras in front of Zipp and, as far as she could tell, it wasn’t exactly sixty frames per second. The lighting was off and the interior of Zipp’s lab didn’t exactly provide the best environment for streaming.
“She has a lot to learn,” Pipp said.
“Umm… hello.” Zipp looked at the camera with a nervous smile. “I see there’s already a hundred of you, which is strange, since the previous stream was watched by like, ten ponies…”
“And I’m sure Hitch was one of them.” Pipp rolled her eyes. “Why doesn’t he look at me?” She stared at the chat. “No, ‘u jelly’ is definitely not the right answer.”
“Anyway, it’s cool to see that so many ponies are interested in aerodynamics.” Zipp looked at the large box behind her. “So, after the last stream, I got some mail. By the way, don’t send me used ones. It’s not hygienical.”
“Used what?” Pipp shuddered, remembering the horrors of her own fanmail. Some of the Pippsqueaks could be very… creative. Over the years, she learned to have the guards check the incoming packages, leaving only a few innocent yet embarrassing items to spice up the stream.
Zipp cleared her throat. “As some of you know, when flying at high altitudes, low temperature may become an issue. Thus, warm clothes are necessary in order to avoid freezing your hooves off, hypothermia, and other health problems. However, when performance is also one of your goals, you can’t just put anything on yourself and call it a day. At higher speeds, aerodynamic drag becomes a problem–”
Cringing, Pipp looked at her chat.
SmolPippsqueak_(she/her): did she say “drag”? Can you say that here?
ZippsBiggestFan (The One in Her Lab): @SmolPippsqueak_(she/her) go back to school, geez
Ripp_Pipp: If Haven wasn’t aerodynamic enough, would she be a drag queen?
TheHottestStuffInTown: You’re not banned only because we were amused by this.
Pipp turned to the screen, wondering where Zipp was going with this.
“So, my drag coefficient generally depends on my Mach number–”
“I can mock you under any number,” Pipp muttered.
“– but generally it’s about 0.614519333 and a lot of threes after that,” Zipp said. “However, as we found out during the previous stream, thick woollen socks raise it to 0.8, which is simply unacceptable. The cotton socks ended up with 0.77, which is not ideal either. Today, we’re gonna try more socks, including the ones you sent.”
Pipp froze, her phone nearly slipping out of her hoof. “Try… more… socks?”
Zipp unpacked the first package. “Nice pink striped socks, made of, uhh…” She probed the socks with her hoof. “Something. We’ll have to find out if we want them properly tested.” She put on the socks and pranced in front of the camera, showing first her front legs to it and then turning her back to the screen to show her hind legs. “They’re very comfortable.”
Pipp sat in front of the screen, her face bright red. She could see the chat quickly filling with messages but right now she couldn’t bring herself to pay attention to it.
“Holy shit,” she whispered.
Pipp flew across the corridors of the castle like her mother whenever royal vineyards sent a new shipment of wine. She was rather used to walking and even when she flew, she usually did it at a dignified speed, far too slow for her drag coefficient to become an issue. Now, banking at the turns and narrowly avoiding smearing herself all over the walls, Pipp wasn’t just moving at a great speed. She was speed.
This, as it turned out, proved to be a problem. Pipp scared a bunch of servants and narrowly avoided an inconveniently-placed fruit cart, before bursting through the closed door. This dazzled her for a moment, but despite ages of being unable to fly, pegasi were still evolutionary resistant to concussion, much like woodpeckers, dragons, and Sprout, the latter due to an incredibly thick skull. Thus, Pipp kept flying, until she broke through the door of Zipp’s lab, did a rather erratic barrel roll, entered a flat spin, and crash-landed on the floor.
“You okay there?” Zipp asked, walking to her.
Pipp stood up and rubbed her temples. “I couldn’t stop.”
“Well, that’s basic physics.” Zipp turned to the camera. “Momentum. It’s a product of mass and speed. With great speed comes great responsibility, especially if your mass is also a great factor.”
Pipp tilted her head, trying to comprehend ZIpp’s words. She got nothing, so she looked at her phone; specifically, the chat.
Flapper1234: She said ur fat lol
Pipp furrowed her eyebrows. “Did you imply that I’m fat?”
“No, I said you have great momentum,” Zipp replied. “That’s why, once you get going, it’s hard to stop. Great top speed, great acceleration, handles like a freight train. You should come here more often, I’d teach you aerodynamic braking.”
“I don’t want to learn about it,” Pipp said. “In fact, you’re doing it wrong.”
“What?” Zipp asked, looking at socks she was holding in her hoof. “I’m using the scientific method.”
“I mean streaming, you dumbass.” Pipp sighed and rolled her eyes. “If you’re going to show yourself in sexy socks, make a bit more of a show of that! Interact with the chat more!”
“I have a chat?” Zipp asked.
“Yes! Right here!” Pipp pointed at one of the countless screens behind Zipp’s cameras.
“Ah, these guys.” Zipp looked at the screen. “I thought it was some sort of Trotting Test. Some of them fail.”
Pipp groaned. “You need to talk with them, not to them,” she said. “Say, ‘hello, chat’!”
Zipp smiled sheepishly. “Hello, chat.”
ZippsBiggestFan (The One in Her Lab): Helloooo!!!
PhysicsNerd: Hi, Zipp!
TheCutestSheriff: You look cute, Zipp.
96resahcflim: put ur mom in socks
BoomAndZoom: Hello, your highness.
[96resahcflim is banned]
TheHottestStuffInTown: @BoomAndZoom, would you and Thunder find and arrest this guy? We have a few questions for him.
BoomAndZoom: Aye, aye, your highness
“See?” Pipp said. “They’re mostly friendly. Now, it’s showtime!”
“What showtime?” Zipp asked. “I’m just testing socks in the aerodynamic tunnel because I’m cold.”
“Cold, right,” Pipp rolled her eyes. “I flew as high as I could a few times and I was never cold.”
“Well, you have some more insulation.” Zipp slapped Pipp’s butt and smirked at her.
“Hey!” Pipp stared in horror as the chat overflowed with messages.
Flapper1234: oof
TheCutestSheriff: slap
ItAintEasyBeingIzzy: T H E S L A P
PhysicsNerd: Please tell me you have a clip of this.
ItAintEasyBeingIzzy: P I P P S L A P P
SneakySneakers: I have a clip!
PhysicsNerd: In slow-motion?
BoomAndZoom: @SneakySneakers, we have a job to do!
NotMilfchaser69: did ur mom spank u when u we atgatedgjdngsgjtpeittjtttttttttt
BoomAndZoom: @TheHottestStuffInTown, we got him. He’s fifteen at best.
TheHottestStuffInTown: Show his parents the chat logs. This will be the most appropriate punishment.
“Great.” Pipp turned to Zipp, her face red. “Now I’m gonna be the meme of the week.”
Zipp shrugged. “Aren’t you always the meme of the week?”
Now it was Pipp’s turn for a sheepish smile. “Well, yes, but–”
“You don’t always get to be the butt of the joke, huh?” Zipp deadpanned.
Pipp decided not to even look at how the chat reacted to this, especially since someone just sent her a clip of Zipp slapping her butt. “Hope you’re happy now,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “The comments claim thirty Pippsqueaks got hospitalised due to severe nosebleed.”
“I don’t get it,” Zipp said, looking at the clip. “I just pointed out your insulation, which is a likely reason why you’re not getting cold at high altitudes.”
Pipp looked at Zipp unsurely. “Some of my fans would really like to, uhh… see us together.”
“Well, we’re together right now,” ZIpp said.
“Yeah,” Pipp replied. “Alone in the remote lab, you’re about to put on some sexy socks… Pippsqueaks get wrong ideas, sometimes.” She chuckled.
“How wrong?”
“They write stories about us, Zipp.” Pipp blushed.
“Really?” Zipp asked. “Can I read them?”
“No,” Pipp replied. “Oh great, someone posted a slow motion gif.”
“I always thought it was pronounced jiff’,” Zipp said.
“No, it’s definitely ‘gif’.” Pipp winced, looking at the slow motion footage.
Zipp tilted her head. "it wobbles like Mom's jello birthday cake from last year.”
Pipp gasped. “Never use the words ‘jello birthday cake’ when describing my ass!”
“It looks like cake.” Zipp shrugged.
“ZIpp, for crying out loud!” Pipp cried out loud. “Great, now I want cake.”
“I’d get you some, but I’m way behind with my testing.” Zipp put on the first of the striped socks.
“Speaking of, you need more cameras,” Pipp said. “For better test footage, of course. Tail cam, some closeups…”
Zipp put on another sock. “Hey, the chat is asking what your drag coefficient is!”
“My what?” Pipp asked.
“You know, how aerodynamic you are!” Zipp exclaimed, walking to the aerodynamic tunnel. “As you remember, my drag coefficient is about 0.614519333 and a lot of threes after that. You’re smaller and closer in shape to the ideal horse in vacuum.”
Pipp raised her eyebrows. “What?”
“It’s spherical.”
“Zipp!”
“Anyway, first me, then you.” Zipp put on the last of her socks, accidentally shaking her butt to the camera. Pipp noticed that the amount of viewers increased considerably; there were also more and more donations. Meanwhile, Zipp put on goggles and turned on the large fan at the end of the aerodynamic tunnel. It spun slowly, gradually picking up the pace.
“Those are some great socks, by the way.” Zipp jumped into the air and landed on the floor, then spun around. “Feels like I’m wearing nothing at all!”
Pipp’s wings shot open. She tried to fold them, but it proved way more difficult than she expected. “Zipp, those stories some Pippsqueaks write…”
“What?!” Zipp exclaimed. The fan just reached full speed, Pipp’s voice drowning in the noise.
“Have you ever considered incest?” Pipp asked.
“Invest? No, I’m not gonna invest in your apes again.” Zipp rolled her eyes. “Keep the cameras focused on the tunnel. I’ll need some good footage.”
With these words, Zipp jumped into the aerodynamic tunnel, flapping her wings against the wind. The socks fluttered in the airflow, but Zipp stayed steady, keeping up with the speed for about a minute before switching off the fan.
Zipp flew out of the tunnel and looked at the control panel. “Zero point seven,” she said. “We have a new record, but I think there’s still room for improvement. Like, they shouldn’t flutter like that. Maybe we’ll find socks made of similar fabric, but slightly tighter.” She smirked at Pipp. “Your turn.”
“What?” Pipp asked.
“Your turn in the tunnel,” Zipp replied. “You’ll do this without socks, so we can see your usual drag coefficient.”
Pipp backpedalled. “I don’t think I should–”
“Chicken?” Zipp smirked.
Pipp gulped. She knew that at this very moment all the Pippsqueaks in the chat were practically screaming at her to do it. “Nopony calls me chicken,” she replied, looking into Zipp’s eyes. She then took off, despite her wings still feeling a bit engorged, and flew into the tunnel.
The first gust of wind from the fan hit her like an incoming dragon migration, nearly blowing her off course. Unlike Zipp, she had no goggles, so the wind immediately blinded her. She flapped her wings, trying to fly against it, but it was futile; after a while, she lost control and got pushed back into a conveniently set pile of pillows.
“Did you break something?” Zipp asked.
“I’m fine, thanks for asking,” Pipp replied.
Zipp furrowed her eyebrows. “I mean, there’s some important machinery behind the pillow, so–”
“I said ‘thanks for asking’.” Pipp rolled her eyes. “Don’t make me change my mind.”
Zipp went to the control panel and pushed a few buttons. “So, your drag coefficient is 0.845, which may mean that your flying position at high speeds is suboptimal.”
“You know what else is suboptimal?” Pipp walked to Zipp. “Your– Hey, those are nice!” she exclaimed, noticing that Zipp had managed to change socks. The ones she was wearing now were black and made of silk or some other smooth fabric.
“I know!” ZIpp lifted her leg, revealing pink padding on the underside of the sock, mimicking cat’s paw pads. “They also have this. I guess it’s for improved grip.”
Pipp froze, her wings once again shooting open. “Uhh… I… I left the oven on!” She grabbed her phone. “PonyFans subscribers, there’ll be a livestream there in about two minutes!” Frantically, she hid her phone, took off, and flew out of Zipp’s lab, disappearing in the nearest bathroom.
Zipp shrugged. “What’s PonyFans?” She looked around, realising that Pipp was nowhere to be seen. “Hmm, she told me to interact with the chat more.”
She looked at the chat.
NotMilfchaserISwear_(AllGuardsAreBastards): If u spanked ur mom would it be like jello caek?
Zipp smirked. “Let’s find out.”
Queen Haven watched Pipp’s PonyFans livestream with rather mixed feelings. On one hoof, her daughter definitely was doing what she loved. On the other, she definitely loved herself. On the third hoof, this could be a PR disaster, but her own subjects got so used to it that they hardly cared. For centuries, sex scandals in the royal family were a subject of gossip and entertainment for the whole Zephyr Heights. Pipp was doing what she knew best.
Selling ponies small packages of what they wanted and getting a lot of money from it.
On the fourth hoof, Haven wondered if earth ponies and unicorns would understand this. Still, she couldn’t help but admire Pipp’s stamina. She was pretty sure Zipp would have stopped long before the third climax and called it a day. She definitely didn't eat enough fresh vegetables.
Suddenly, she felt that someone slapped her butt.
“I know it was you, Zipp,” Haven said, barely turning back; just enough to see her daughter with a camera. “No one else would sneak up to spank the royal butt so quietly.”
“It didn’t wobble at all!” Zipp replied. “Also, I think I bruised my hoof.”
“It’s from sitting on this throne,” Haven said. “Heavy is the head that wears the crown and hard is the arse that sits on the throne. Someday, you too will have to milk a coconut with your butt in order to take this place.”
“Really?” Zipp asked.
“Of course.” Haven sighed. “As the tarpans wrote to the Trottoman sultan, ‘what the devil kind of knight are you, that can't slay a hedgehog with your naked arse?’. I’d rather be prepared.”
“A hedgehog?” Zipp shrugged. “I’d prefer a coconut.”
“Me too,” Haven replied. “Thus, I can crush coconuts. And other nuts.”
“Is it why dad is no longer around?”
Haven shrugged. “Go back to testing socks. This is more entertaining.”
Zipp nodded. “Okay, mom!”
When Zipp came back to her lab, Pipp was already there, slightly blushing, slightly sweaty, and more than slightly happy.
“How’s the oven?” Zipp asked.
Pipp raised her eyebrows. “What ov– Ah, right! Well, my oven was burning rather hard when I arrived, and I had to put the flames out.”
Zipp nodded. “Did you do it?”
“I had to put the flames out five times before they stayed put out, so to speak,” Pipp replied. “Also, it was a bit of an emergency, so I didn’t have time to get my, uhh… professional firefighting equipment. I had to use my hooves and so they hurt a bit.”
“Not too bad, I hope?” Zipp looked at Pipp’s hooves before grabbing her socks. She sniffed, then frowned in puzzlement. “Next time ask Thunder to put out the oven fire.”
Pipp shook her head. “I wanted to put out the fire in my oven, not put a bun in it, but that’s a neat idea. I’ll think of it next time. Or maybe you want to put out the flames next time my oven catches fire?”
“Nah, I’m not a great firefighter,” ZIpp said.
“I could get you a uniform.” Pipp chuckled, blushing. “Hitch must have one from the calendar session and Sunny says he’s great when it comes to sudden oven fires.”
“Didn’t your oven burn down completely?” Zipp asked. “I mean, it probably took you a while to arrive…”
“No, I came rather quickly.” Pipp smirked. “The oven survived, though it’s a bit sore right now. Weren’t you supposed to test some more socks?”
“Oh yeah,” Zipp replied. “Those black ones actually brought down the drag coefficient to 0.65, which is great. However, I wonder if I could bring it down even more.”
“I’d like to see you in those.” Pipp produced a pack of purple striped socks.
“Nah, they won’t be more aerodynamic,” Zipp replied, rummaging through the box with socks. “Note the black ones are much smoother.”
“Fine, I’ll put them on myself,” Pipp replied and put the socks on. Standing on three legs, she almost slipped on the floor of Zipp’s lab, its stones smoothened by time and countless ponies who used to come here back when it was an airship station. Pipp, however, had enough grace to not only avoid the fall, but also turn it into an impromptu dance number.
“Nice moves, Pipp,” Zipp said, putting on blue, silky socks.
“Thanks,” Pipp replied, noticing that her Pippsqueaks just donated more bits. “I wonder if I could make this a thing.”
“What?” Zipp asked.
“Dancing while putting on clothes sexily,” Pipp replied. “Do you have any skirts?”
“One, but it has aerodynamic brakes,” Zipp said. “But they don’t work properly and sometimes they deploy on their own.”
“Yes.” Pipp shrugged. “I’ll better get my own skirt.”
“Meanwhile, I’ll test these socks,” Zipp said. “I have good feelings about them.”
She jumped into the aerodynamic tunnel. The control panel beeped, lights flashing when Zipp flew against the gust of wind from the fan. Soon, she turned it off and flew to the screen.
“Well, that’s great!” Zipp exclaimed, jumping in excitement. “0.62! That’s almost like having no socks!”
Pipp grabbed a camera and walked closer to her sister. “Could you jump again? Not everyone saw how great you look in these socks. Also, it seems some Pippsqueaks are into muscles.”
“Odd, they watch you every day.” Zipp shrugged. Pipp opened her mouth, but before she could think of an appropriately savage response, Zipp walked to the box and started packing the socks.
“Okay, we found the best socks for flying at high altitude,” Zipp said to one of the cameras. “Now I’ll need to get more of these and we’ll see each other in the flight school.”
“So that’s it?” Pipp asked. “No more streaming?”
“Nah, I already have an idea in mind,” Zipp replied, walking to the closet in the corner of the lab. “Hooves aren’t the only bits that get cold.”
“Right,” Pipp replied. “So what’s that? Most aerodynamic hats?”
“One day.” Zipp opened the closet. When Pipp looked inside, she froze, her wings shooting open. Then, her feathers twitched and she fainted, hitting the floor like a rather undignified sack of jello cake.
“Huh, seems this surprised her.” Zipp shrugged and turned to the camera. “Anyway, while I’m trying to revive her, stay tuned for the stream next week: in search of the most aerodynamic panties!”