//------------------------------// // Tipsy Translocation Troubles Part 2 // Story: The Lyra Laws // by Shinigamimirror //------------------------------// Raven Inkwell was a respectable mare. The eggshell white unicorn was Princess Celestia’s steward and held an important position. With the cutie mark of an Inkwell, her special talent was that of administration. An administrator that could cause the fall of Equestria if she performed her job any less than perfect. The stress would be enough to destroy those with a weak constitution, but not Raven. No, Raven was a seasoned veteran. Living through multiple world ending events with the princess had given her a steel resolve. She was proud of her accomplishments as Celestia’s right hoof mare.  Letting out a powerful sigh, she had found herself in the staff restroom after morning court. She was freshening up in the mirror. Her bun needed a retightening, her glasses had some smudges, and her necktie was slightly askew. Working with nobles and royalty all day put her in the limelight more than she would like so she had to look her best. With her horn glowing, she pulled the scrunchy out of her mane and let the brown locks flow down to her withers. She gave her head a few shakes to loosen it up. While her mane was down, she took her glasses off to wipe them off with a carefully prepared cleaning solution and a cloth embroidered with a fancy “RI” to signify who it belonged to. WIth a few tugs from her magic, she was able to pull her necktie into working order. Before she was able to spray the cleaning solution on her spectacles a bright flash illuminated the restroom. A loud squeak, one that Raven would deny she made, was followed by a loud pop and feminine groaning and a splash. Looking behind her in the mirror she could see cream colored hooves stumbling about in a puddle. She could hear quite a commotion coming from the stall. Raven’s steel resolve let her take in the situation in stride. This was not the first time she had been bombarded with unusual happenings. Working with nobles had her being bothered at all hours of the day by petty requests. She watched in the mirror as the hooves danced about in the puddle with narrowed eyes, trying to put the hooves to a face.. “Boonnnniiieee!” Slurred a familiar voice. Something about the voice told her that she wasn't all there in the head. “I’m in a toilet!” The voice sputtered with an intoxicated drawl, followed by a splash. “Ugh, I’m wet! Get me out!” The mare demanded, followed by the noise of scrambling hooves against porcelain and a few additional splashes and a flush. Water began to gush out from under the stall. “Lyra, calm down. Your horn is sparking. I’m afraid if I touch you it will set you off again!” Another voice tried to placate in a clearly panicked voice. At this point Raven was sure who the culprits were. The two ponies in the stall were notorious for livening things up around the castle. “Lyra.” Raven muttered under her breath. Raven was not surprised in the slightest and prepared herself for another round of insanity. “Bonnie, I don’t care! I’m stuck in a toilet! Get me out of here!” The toilet bound pony nearly screeched. “Okay Okay, hold still.” Bonnie’s voice stressed. This was followed by a few grunts, and the sound of two mares groaning from physical distress. “You need to suck your stomach in. We’re not getting anywhere.” “Are you calling me fat!?”  The Lyra voice protested, followed by another grunt. “Just do it!” Bonnie  “Fine!” With a loud pop, a flush, and a crash, two mares stumbled through the stall and landed on the tiled floor in a heap. With another bright flash and a loud pop, the restroom emptied out and only one occupant remained.  Raven looked at the puddle that had formed on the bathroom floor, blinked a few times, and turned back around to continue cleaning her glasses. She needed to hurry. There was something she needed to bring to the attention of the princess. …… Head chef Bread Basket was coordinating the royal dinner for Princess Celestia in the castle kitchen. Everything was going according to plan. The cheddar broccoli soup was heated to perfection. The fresh baguettes were coming out of the oven, and her subordinates were preparing the entrée of butternut lasagna. Bread took a deep breath through her nose, savoring the smells of another successful dinner.  During her moment of reflection, she heard a crash coming from the larder. Bread Basket’s nostrils flared in distaste. Pests had no place in her kitchen and she moved quickly to the ruckus to catch the rascall that would dare defile her domain. She grabbed a broom with her magic and trotted towards the larder. As she approached she could hear the scrabbling of hooves as puffs of flour escaping from the bottom of the larder door. Bread grunted in dissatisfaction and jerked the door open. A plume of flour dusted her in the face, followed by the sound of struggling. “Bonnie! I can’t see! I’ve gone blind!” A voice lamented. Each syllable was followed by an additional plume of flour and the sound of hooves smacking against a sack. “Lyra! Stop flailing, you’re making it worse! You’re stuck in a sack of flour.” The second voice was followed by coughing and gagging. Bread Basket was sure she recognized the two voices and took a sharp inhale as she was about to tell these two exactly what she thought about the situation. Before she was able to bellow out her grievances, a blob of flour mixed with water shot into her mouth, silencing her. “Bonnie, I’m getting all goopy! It’s getting in my mane!” Lyra screeched. “Would you hold still!?” Bonnie replied. You’re going to make it worse.” “I Can’t! It’s got me!” Another flail from her hooves sent another glob of flour and water mixture hurtling towards Bread, witch nailed her right on the snoot. Bread basket was about to blow her top when a loud pop was heard and the larder grew quiet. As the flour settled, the aftermath of the situation became clear. The large sack of flour looked like it had been trampled and filled with water. Bread huffed, slammed the door, and spluttered the flour out of her mouth, muttering to herself about getting the guards. … Everything was quiet in the royal guard barracks. In the male bay, one thestral guard by the name of Lunar Blade was snoozing peacefully. He kicked in his sleep, and his mouth was shaped into a grin. In his dreams, he was chasing flying mangoes. They were darting around from the sky and disturbing the peace. His duty as a royal guard made it his obligation to enforce the law in the streets of Canterlot. The unregistered fruit flyers were terrifying the citizens and causing mayhem.  “Not on my watch!” He declared while making an interesting bipedal stance with his forehooves on his hips. A cape blew in the breeze behind him. The dark blue stallion with a silver gray mane was the very picture of stallionlyness. He narrowed his dark green slitt pupils at the flitting mangoes trying to terrorize his citizens. Before he could fly off to munch on those dastardly criminals he was blinded by a bright light and heard a pop. What appeared in front of him made his mouth hit the floor. Two figures appeared out of nowhere. One was a light cream mare with a two toned mane of pink and blue. The other was what appeared to be a mixture of flour and water with golden eyes. The lump of flour began to flail and whine, causing the stallion to block his ears with his hooves. “Ugh, I’m so sticky! I’m covered in toilet flour!” The pile of flour moaned. The swinging of appendages slopped blobs of wet flour everywhere, with a blob hitting a mango out of the sky. “Lyra, Just stop!” The cream mare yelled, exasperated. “Every time you get yourself worked up, we end up teleporting somewhere else. Would you just calm down?” The mare pleaded. “Alright, alright.” The flour conceded. “I’m calm.” Lyra slumped, collapsing into a heap. “I’m so tired.” It was at this moment the mare  took a moment to take in her surroundings and made eye contact with Lunar Blade. The Stallion cleared his throat, and put on his most heroic voice. “Excuse me ladies, but the city is in the middle of a mango epidemic. I can escort you to the nearest shelter for your safety.” This was followed by a toothy grin that sparkled. The mare turned back around to her companion and spoke in a hushed tone, one that he could still hear clearly. “Lyra, I was wrong, we need to get out of here.” This was followed by a smack to her horn, a flash of light and a pop. Lunar Blade sat up startled out of his dreams. He looked around the bay, but saw no one. He scratched his head with his hooves, shook his head, and went back to sleep. He mumbled something about flour ponies before succumbing to another snooze.