//------------------------------// // 732 - On the Receiving End // Story: Lateral Movement // by Alzrius //------------------------------// For the briefest instant, when Lex woke up, there was hope. He’d been suffering from nightmares for so long that he’d long since ceased to give them any thought, the unpleasantness that came with sleeping simply being another hardship among the many that he’d accepted as simply being part of what his life was now. The only time they’d caused him any consternation during his waking hours was due to the embarrassment that came with others – especially the people he cared about – finding out about his persistent bad dreams. Even now, the thought of crying out in his sleep in front of someone else was like a knife in his gut. Recently, however, his nightmares had been growing worse. That wasn’t particularly surprising; despite the Night Mare’s hints about how he could control his tulpa – the source of his bad dreams – Lex had achieved only the most limited success in doing so, and never while he was asleep. The result was that he was powerless to stop his recent failures, of which there had been many, from being used as fuel to exacerbate his nocturnal torment. And so it was that, in the split-second instance between sleep and wakefulness as he woke up to find himself clutching the icy body of a large wolf, Lex found himself drawing in a sharp breath, hoping that what had happened to Solvei had been nothing more than a particularly horrific dream. But reality was often far worse than any nightmare. “Was that him?” came a voice from somewhere behind him, one that Lex belatedly recognized as being Spinner’s. “Is he waking up?” “Akna,” came Valor’s voice from somewhere in the same direction, “if he’s still mad with grief-” “I know.” With his face pressed against her neck, Lex could feel the adlet shaman’s voice as much as he could hear it, and the confirmation that she wasn’t who he wanted her to be sent a wave of grief so powerful through him that he had to bite his lip to keep from moaning. “If he needs me to, I can be Solvei for him for a little while longer. But I’m worried-” “I’m worried about what we’ll do if he’s not in a state to make food for the rest of us,” cut in Shadow. “Because if he’s not, then we’re going to need to figure out an alternative sooner rather than later.” Silence fell then, and it was only after several heartbeats that Valor spoke up. “Even for you that’s cold, Shadow. You saw how heartbroken he was before, and your-” “It wasn’t just heartbreak,” cut in Mystaria, her voice clipped. “The psychic backlash from feeling a familiar die is supposed to be excruciating, and with how closely they were bound, I’m sure that made it even worse. To expect him to just bounce back from that-” “Look, I know that he’s hurting, but we need food and water!” interrupted Shadow. “And I don’t just mean for us! Woodheart’s not waking up, and I don’t want her to starve to death because the only person who knows how to magic up something to eat is too out of it to do his thing!” “Meep!” added Littleknight, sounding slightly more distant than the others. It was a few seconds before Shadow continued, and when she finally did her tone was unusually pensive. “It’s not like I don’t care about what happened to Solvei, and I get that Lex isn’t just having another freakout, but just because we’re safe right now doesn’t mean everything’s alright. We’re still in a bad spot, and I don’t know how much longer we can keep waiting around like this.” For some reason Shadow’s words stirred up a memory in Lex, pushing past the visceral anguish over what had happened to Solvei, and instead casting his thoughts back to his early days in Vanhoover, when he’d led the everypony under his care to the survivor’s camp just outside the city. Comfy Cozy – the belligerent crystal mare who’d been Lashtada’s priestess – had just lost her husband, Pillowcase, and was too grief-stricken to use her clerical magic to help anyone else. At the time, Produce Aisle had pleaded for sympathy toward the crystal mare, but Lex shown her none. There were still other ponies who were suffering, and her grief was no excuse for her refusing to help them. But now... Now, jeered his tulpa silently, your hypocrisy is on full display at last. You’ve already demonstrated that you’re not able to live up to the standards you’ve set for yourself. Now you can’t even live up to the standards you demand from the ponies you look down on. The accusation stung, but only slightly, the pain of losing Solvei blunting everything else. Although Lex knew that the rogue portion of his mind was right, knew that he had to get up and look after everyone with him, he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Even though Akna wasn’t Solvei, and her presence did nothing to fill the aching gap in his awareness where the winter wolf had been, her closeness eased his pain ever so slightly. With how raw and open the loss was, doing anything to make it worse was more than he could- “I’ll do it,” murmured Thermal Draft, and it was only then that Lex realized that the pegasus was pressing up against him from behind, her wings draped over his sides. “I’ll cast that spell to make food for everyone, so let’s let Lex rest for a little while longer, okay?” “...are you sure that’s a good idea?” Mystaria paused for a moment before continuing. “I mean, that spell is more difficult than the darkvision spell you used earlier, and you struggled with that one. And in your condition-” “I’ll be fine,” interjected the pegasus. “I know I can’t do very much, but I can at least do little things like this...” It was all Lex could do not to wince. That exchange had hurt worse than what his tulpa had said, his grief at losing Solvei not shielding him from the implications of Thermal Draft’s “condition.” Paska had said that it would take some time for his curse to kill her, but once Thermal Draft had started showing symptoms of the malediction, Grisela had remarked that she was succumbing faster than expected. Which meant that this wasn’t like when he’d realized that he’d never see his parents again, or when Sonata had left him. He couldn’t afford to lie in one spot and shut everything out. Thermal Draft was dying, and time was of the essence, since if he couldn’t stop it then not only her life but her soul would be forfeit. Lex wouldn’t have been able to accept anypony meeting such a fate, but for Thermal Draft it was particularly egregious. He’d already failed her, not just once but multiple times; letting Xiriel kill her back in Equestria, and then allowing Prevarius to put her soul in peril here. More than that, his own relationship with her was...undefined, now. Even if that was deliberately the case, he couldn’t pretend that she didn’t warrant special consideration from him; not after the night they’d spent together. Nor could Lex bear the thought of going back to Equestria and telling Cloudbank – who would undoubtedly greet his arrival with a rush of hope that if he had survived Dark Streak’s attack, Thermal Draft had as well – that he’d failed to protect her beloved. As one of the few ponies to have earned Lex’s respect, Cloudbank deserved more than that from him, even if that meant an awkward conversation about what had passed between him and her girlfriend. As unpleasant as that would be, it was far more palatable than losing someone else. I’m so tired of losing everyone I care about. It was that thought which made him release Akna at last, slowly sitting up as he called on his dark magic to let him see without light, gasps coming from around the room as his eyes began to glow green and purple. The barbed wire around his hoof shifted slightly then, the edges pressing against his skin, but he ignored it. Akna had previously told him about the prohibition against creating light in the Shrine, but at the moment Lex couldn’t have cared less about whatever minor religious tenet he was breaking. There were more important concerns. “L-Lex!” Thermal Draft’s wings shot out in surprise, and she gaped as she slowly moved to give him some room, Akna doing the same on his other side. “Are you... I mean...?” “I’m...” Words such as “fine,” “okay,” and “alright” came to mind then, but he couldn’t bring himself to say them out loud, unable to put forward something so ridiculously untrue. Instead, he forced himself to focus on what he needed to do. “I’m going to create food for everyone. Don’t interfere while I’m casting the spell.” She opened her mouth to say something, and the others were already starting to offer their own statements, opinions, and questions, but he had already started making the requisite gestures and necessary pronunciations to conjure up their meal. Once it became clear what he was doing, the others – knowing from experience that it took him several minutes to cast the spell – seemed content to step back, with Thermal Draft using her magic to grant them all darkvision, after which they started various activities of their own. Mystaria and Spinner moved off to a corner, the nun saying something as she pointed to Spinner’s broken lute. Shadow moved to look over Woodheart, petting Littleknight idly as she checked on the comatose mare. And Valor was speaking to Akna, both of them shooting glances his way as they conferred in hushed whispers. Lex paid them no mind, instead focusing on his spell. Not that he needed to concentrate on it particularly hard; it might have been long, but it was rote, and made it easy for his thoughts to turn elsewhere, such as how he’d used the results of this spell to make peace with Solvei when they’d first met... Almost fumbling a gesticulation, Lex forced himself to concentrate on his spell and nothing else, and soon enough there were bowls of porridge and mugs of water spread out across the floor. Spinner gave a minor groan when she saw that he’d conjured the same food as always, but didn’t otherwise say anything as she sat down to eat. Shadow took it upon herself to slowly pour a sip of water into Woodheart’s mouth, petting the druid’s throat with surprising gentleness to make sure she swallowed it before feeding her a bit of porridge. Mystaria gently guided Littleknight to another bowl as she did so, sitting the almiraj down and quietly encouraging him to eat as she took a bowl and mug of her own. Valor and Akna moved to take some as well, but otherwise didn’t cease their quiet conversation. Thermal Draft, for her part, smiled as she moved toward him. “C’mon, let’s dig in.” “You eat,” retorted Lex. “I’ll examine the aura of that curse Paska put on you in the meantime.” Her smile fell away then, replaced by a look of concern. “You should eat something first.” The conversation was vaguely reminiscent of similar exchanges that he’d had with Sonata, and that sent another dull throb of regret through him. “I’m not hungry.” “Lex...” But before she could object to his refusal, Akna padded over to him, Valor in tow. “I’m sorry,” began the adlet shaman, still in wolf form. “I know this is abrupt, but the Keeper wanted to talk to you as soon as you woke up.” “The Keeper can wait,” snapped Lex. “Thermal Draft’s health comes first.” That brought a smile back to the pegasus’ face, but she shook her head. “I appreciate that, but I’m okay. Right now...honestly, I think you should rest some more, but I know you won’t. So instead, you should focus on going through that Rite of...whatever it was called.” “Sublimation,” supplied Akna. “Right. That,” nodded the pegasus. “Go talk to this Keeper or whoever and do what you need to do in order to make sure you get through it okay. I’ll be here when you get back.” Lex was about to protest, but Valor spoke up before he got a word out. “I’d like to go with you. I know I wasn’t invited, but I want to at least have a look around, just in case. And if something happens-” “Nothing will happen,” cut in Akna, before glancing at Lex again. “I mean, there might be some objections to the way his eyes are glowing, but I’m pretty sure that won’t be a problem.” “Well, if it is then I want to help,” insisted Valor. But the forceful tone in her voice drained away as she turned her attention back toward the unicorn in front of her. “The others told me what happened. How you rushed to my aid when you realized I was drowning, and that was why you weren’t there when...” She trailed off, glancing over his shoulder, and Lex glanced behind him just in time to see Thermal Draft – who had moved a few steps back – lower one hoof and assume a nonchalant expression. “What I’m trying to say is, I know I can’t make up for...what happened, but I want to at least do this,” finished Valor. “...fine.” It wasn’t respect for Valor’s offer that made Lex acquiesce to her request. Rather, it was simply that he didn’t want to keep talking about the circumstances surrounding Solvei’s death. Not when the prospect of reviewing what had happened, how his decisions and inability to anticipate and control of the battlefield had resulted in such a disastrous outcome, threatened to send him down into a labyrinth of regret and self-loathing. He’d already spent several days lost in such a quagmire after the secret of his arcane spellcasting had been revealed; he had no desire to go back now. And yet despite that, Valor had nevertheless reminded him that there was one issue he could no longer ignore. He knew it was a mistake, knew that he was currently in no condition to deal with this, but he couldn’t stop himself, the words coming out of his mouth of their own accord. “What happened to Solvei’s body?” Alarmed looks were exchanged between Valor, Akna, and Thermal Draft then, the latter swallowing before she answered. “Lex, you shouldn’t think about that right n-” “What. Happened. To. Her. Body?” “It was frozen together with us,” replied Akna. “The ice she made formed around her, and we were all caught in it, so it was brought here too. That other pony, Mystaria, used a preservation spell on her, and we-” “Take me to her.” He held his wire-wrapped foreleg toward Akna then, making it clear that he wasn’t asking. “Now.” Wincing slightly, the shaman hesitated just for a moment before nodding and walking out the door, Lex following after her.