Sugarcube Corner, like the rest of Ponyville, remained unchanged. I couldn’t shake the ominous feeling I got just standing outside it; the few times I’d been before were always so welcoming. The smell of whatever pleasant pastry is being baked inside made it hard not to walk in and give in to my sweet tooth. However, while there was still the aroma of baking lingering just outside the door, it was different. Still sweet, but artificially so.
Almost… empty.
It made the weight in my gut just a little heavier. I dug my feet into the ground, idly playing with my necklace as I tried to focus on my breathing; all I had to do was take a few steps forward and open the door, that’s it. One of The Cakes will be behind the counter: they’ll take me to Pinkie when I ask. I’ll say something to try to make her feel better and then I’ll leave. I doubt there’s anything I could say that would make her better, but I told Rarity that I’d try; I’ve broken my word enough recently.
In my head, it didn’t sound that bad. So then, why couldn’t I just walk forward and do it?
“All we needed was a few more seconds, Dash! There were only two of them, we could have handled it with no one having ta die! She di-”
“That’s what I’m saying, AJ! There might not have been a couple more seconds! Nothing against Rarity, but when it comes to magic she’s a filly compared to Twilight! Fluttershy could convince a dragon to leave his horde; which doesn’t mean shit when they don’t listen! I don’t like what she did, either. But Chara saved their lives! I’m not saying to forgive her on the spot, just give her a chance to explain what happened.”
I froze as Applejack and Rainbow exited Sugarcube Corner; not quite yelling, more like whisper-shouting. Walking down the steps and not noticing me yet. Applejack stood with her chest puffed out and arms crossed, face to face with Rainbow, who was hovering a few feet off the ground.
For a moment, I wondered why they were trying to be quiet as they argued; they’d never bothered to do so before, nor did the residents of Ponyville mind. It hit me that it was because they didn’t want the others to know what I did, which in all honesty I should have known; There’s no way the ponies here would let me walk around so casually if they knew.
Some part of me was a little grateful, but the shame made that trivial. They didn’t want anyone learning what I did, to be aware of what I was capable of.
They were protecting the ponies of Ponyville, not me.
Applejack saw me out of the corner of her eyes, giving me a sideways glance as her eyes widened. The clear tension wavered for just a moment, as I let out a relieved sigh as she turned to me. “Chara? Yer awake? That’s… good.”
The beating of Rainbow’s wings slowed down as she lowered herself, retracting as soon as her hooves hit the ground. Her arms tightly hugged her sides. “Well, at least Fluttershy won’t have to worry about you waking up anymore. What are you doing here? Figured you’d head straight to Twilight’s.”
Despite the casualness of her words, there was a near tangible weight to them. I felt like I was being interrogated; they were dancing around the topic that was on all our minds, and were well aware that dancing around it wouldn’t make it any easier.
“I…was going to, I just stopped by Rarity’s on the way there, and she,” I dropped my head, losing whatever little composure I held under Applejack’s stern leer. In a weird way, the physical aching in my body was a welcome distraction; the pain was always there, dull and straddling the line between easy to ignore and barely tolerable. Applying some pressure pushed it right to where I had to clench my teeth and try not to groan, but at least it was easy to hide by rubbing my arm or pretending I was scratching an itch. While I didn’t like it, the familiarity of it brought a sense of comfort.
Although I sometimes preferred it to whatever I was feeling, I knew it wasn’t healthy; another thing on the list of changes I have to make at some point. If I was even capable of change anymore.
“Mentioned how Pinkie was doing, and I’m…not exactly in a rush to get to Twilight’s. So,” I caught myself, a question coming to mind that stopped me in my tracks; would they be mad at Rarity for asking me to come here? Probably not, right? Unless I do end up making it worse, then they might be upset at her, and more so at me; I wouldn’t have come if she hadn’t said anything.
Or maybe I was being paranoid. Again.
“I thought I could talk to her. Seeing me awake might help.”
A lie was safer here. I could take it if they got angrier with me; I’d deserve it, even. I’d put enough of a strain on their friendship already.
“Is that right?” Applejack remarked, narrowing her eyes and tightening her lips. “Ya gotta lot of nerve considering yer the reason she’s like that in the first place.”
I flinched, biting my lips as I tried to make myself look as small as I could. “I know. But I have to try.”
“Like how yuh tried to help Pinkie’s family? Or tried to keep yer promise to Fluttershy? Or-”
“AJ.” Rainbow placed her hand on Applejack’s shoulder, firmly gripping it. “I think she gets it, alright? Listen, I’m pissed too, trust me. But she already feels like shit from the looks of it, and all yelling at her does is make you look like the flankhole.” she said with heavy emphasis, pointing a finger at Applejack.
“Hm,” she grunted. Meeting Rainbow’s tense stare with her own, glancing at me once more, then pinching the bridge of her nose and sighing. “Yer right. Granny taught me better than to lose muh temper like that when there’s no point. Regardless, ah can’t just let what she did go like that, Dash. There’s a lot ah can get over and forgive,” Applejack lowered her voice, whispering like she was ashamed just to say it. “Ah don’t know if killing is one of them.”
I couldn’t bring myself to move or say anything; Applejack had every right to be angry with me. It was Rainbow’s reaction that was baffling. She was protective of Fluttershy at times: they were close. I hurt her, bad. Probably made it even worse by not telling her the truth.
Despite that, Rainbow was calm. That unsettled me a lot more than anger would have.
“I’m not asking you to forgive her, Jack. Just hear her out. You remember what Fluttershy said, right? Do it for her, please.”
“I…” I stuttered out, regretting it immediately as it put my right on the spot. I almost entirely forgot what I was going to say. “I know I broke her trust, all of your trust, but I had to. They would ha-”
“Ah don’t wanna hear yer excuses, Chara.” the pitch of her voice remained the same, yet it hardened with the weight of steel. “There ain’t never a good reason to kill, especially when there are other options. Whatever your reasoning, you coulda told us. We coulda come up with something, we coulda tried. All ya had to do was tell us. But ya didn’t. Because ya either didn’t trust us, or ya didn’t think we could handle it.”
Other ponies started to notice. One or two of them stopped and watched, pairs of eyes going first to Applejack, and then landing on me. I felt like they were sticking for much longer than simple curiosity; like they were trying to pierce right into me. It felt just like when I first came here, only this time with a nigh tangible suspicion of why she was yelling at me.
The familiar sickening chill of anxiety creeped up; a creeping shiver went up my back like my sins had become personified. It was tempting to run past AJ and get inside, which I knew would be pointless. There were absolutely ponies inside, rushing in would just direct more attention to myself.
Instead, I clenched my hands and took it. I could do that. For a bit, at least.
“You’re right.” I admitted. “Nothing I can say will work. If you think Pinkie feels the same, and I’ll just make it worse, I’ll go.”
“No, wait, Chara.”
I stopped right as I turned away and heard AJ’s voice, though I couldn’t bring myself to face her again.
“Ah hate to admit it, but yer assumption might have some ground. Pinkie is a lot worse than ah’ve ever seen her, and ah find that more than a little concerning. Nothing ah’ve said has helped despite muh best attempts. Ah reckon that seeing that yer ok, or as ok as you can be, might snap her out of whatever slump she’s in. Just,” she gestured to Rainbow “Rainbow’s gotta be there to help. Ah don’t trust ya, Chara; Ah just can’t. But Rainbow ah can, more than most.”
“...Yeah,” I closed my eyes, trying to pretend I was alone and there weren’t the curious eyes of several ponies on me. “I understand.”
“Then there’s not much else to say.” She adjusted her hat as she faced Rainbow. “Ah’ll be at the farm if ya need me, Dash.”
As soon as Applejack left, the surrounding ponies lost interest; Going back about their days and business with little more than an over the shoulder glance. Rainbow’s wings flickered as she briefly extended them, holding them there for a few seconds before retracting them.
“Thanks, Rainbow. I-”
“That wasn’t for you.” she interjected. “You saved Scootaloo, and maybe you did have whatever reason you thought was good enough for what you did. Right now, that, Fluttershy, and the fact that you already look like you’re one strong breeze from falling over are the only things keeping me from kicking your flank.”
There was no tone of jovialness, no light sardonicism beneath the graveness; she meant each word and had no intention of hiding how she felt behind a veil of friendliness.
Not that I could blame her.
“I know I broke her trust, but I-”
“You broke a lot more than her trust, Chara.” Rainbow’s face sunk into an angry grimace. Walking up to the door and opening it, keeping her back turned to me. “You broke her heart.”
Despite how desperately I tried to think of something, there was nothing I could say to that.
_____
The inside of Sugarcube Corner was much emptier than I’d ever seen, which I found especially odd considering there were more pastry options than I remembered; almost overwhelmingly so. There were all kinds of sizes, flavors, combinations, so much that it could barely fit on the shelves and display cases.
It also looked like they had been trying to sell them as quickly as possible; desperately so with the sale sign right under the cash register. Reading ‘50% off, buy one get one free!’, which had been crossed out with a red marker and replaced with ‘75% off, by one get one free, now with free samples!’.
Despite these attempts, no one was interested. There was only one other pony inside: a stallion sitting in the back with a cup of coffee, a very plain bagel, and a newspaper. Mrs.Cake, seemingly ignorant of this, sat behind the register with a wide smile. One that didn’t quite fit her face, and showed an uncomfortable amount of teeth. It was so stiff and borderline unnatural; there was something so incredibly eerie about it that I just couldn’t place.
I couldn’t tell if something was wrong with her, or if she was just trying to make up for how depressing Sugarcube Corner was.
“Oh, hello Rainbow Dash. Back already? And…” as soon as she saw me, her expression faltered as her eyes went down and then back up. Pursing her lips and leaning forward to get a better look at me. “You!”
“Uh, this is Chara.” Rainbow said with a flick of her wing. “You’ve met before.”
“We have?” The chipper tone was completely absent, replaced with a modicum of confusion and nervousness. “Oh, yes we have! I’m sorry, dearie. I’ve just been very… stressed! You know how it’s been with the kids and Pinkie putting in overtime.”
She awkwardly chuckled, trying to make eye contact with anyone but Rainbow, who wrinkled her brow and straightened her head. “Right. Anyway, is Pinkie still in the back?”
“She was last I checked. I thin-”
“Honey? Could you please take the kids? Just for a few minutes.” Mr. Cake’s voice came from the stairs as he followed, carrying one foal in his arms and the other on his head. Both of which were babbling noisily. He was completely worn out; skin pale with dark bags under his eyes, bowed shoulders, and shuffling his steps as he walked like staying upright was just a struggle. “I haven’t been sleeping well recently and could use a nap; not to mention these headaches have been killing me. Please?”
“In a moment, sweetie.” the sweetness in her voice was so artificial that I could nearly taste it. Her smile looked even more forced as she saw her two children, lips quivering for an easy to miss second. “I’m…helping Rainbow and her friend, and other customers! I promise if you hold on for just a little longer, I’ll be happy to watch my precious little Pound and Pumpkin.”
“But dear I-”
“Please?” she leaned forward and batted her eyes. He glanced at her and then the foals, rubbing his face and giving a reluctant sigh.
“Fine. but-”
“Thank you!”
She kissed him on the cheek, causing him to blush and stutter out something out of my hearing range. Then he began his trek back up the stairs, babies babbling all the way.
“Anywho, dearie. Pinkie’s right in the back; same place she’s been since she got back.”
“Alright,” I followed Rainbow as she began walking towards the walkthrough doors right behind the counter. “Thanks Mrs.C.”
“So,” I whispered as soon as we were on the other side. “Is Mrs.Cake ok?”
“Honestly?” Rainbow said as she glanced down at me. “I have no idea. She’s been weird ever since we got back. AJ thinks it's because of how Pinkie’s been and that she’s trying to make up for how lively she usually is, and that makes sense to me.”
That explanation didn’t sit well with me, but I didn’t have another one to offer. “Yeah, I guess.”
I recognized Pinkie instantly, even though her mane had become completely straight and hung off her head like a silk curtain. The normally vivid pink had dulled; her blue eyes were faded and lifeless. She was standing, kneading some dough while something else was already in the oven. I’d never seen her cook before, but I had always imagined there’d be more dancing or singing. Her movements were instead stiff, precise, and cold. Not even a simple hum was coming from Pinkie’s lips.
Although I had seen her like this before, this didn’t bother me any less.
“Pinkie?” she didn’t respond to Rainbow, continuing as if she were stuck in some unbreakable trance. “Chara woke up. She’s here to see you.”
Like a machine abruptly turned off, Pinkie’s movements ceased. Her head slowly shifted to Rainbow, and then to me. They widened in recognition, then closed as she bit her lower lip. Holding that expression for a few unbearable moments, before opening them and giving a trembling smile that I think was meant to be reassuring.
“I’m…glad you’re ok, Chara.” her voice cracked as she immediately broke eye contact. “While I appreciate you and Dashie coming to check on me, I’m fine, really!”
As she spoke, she tightly gripped the edge of the counter, arms visibly trembling.
“No, Pinkie. You’re not.”
Her forced smile dropped immediately, turning away from us and leaning over the counter. Pinkie didn’t hide behind her hair like Fluttershy often did; instead, it covered most of her face itself, leaving only glimpses. Pinkie’s face was scrunched together to the point of looking painful, chewing on her lip with a trembling chin.
“Pinkie,” I took a single step forward. She noticed and visibly tensed up, moving just a step away from me.”I’m sorry for what happened, and that you had to see it the way you did. I also know an apology can’t make it better. I just want you to know I did it because I didn’t have any other choice.”
Rainbow opened her mouth to say something, stopping herself as she shook her head and just scowled at me in silence.
“You didn’t have a choice?” she asked. “Of course you had a choice. You could have told us why you think you had to do that. We could have handled it! Didn’t you trust us? Didn’t you promise you’d stay with Fluttershy no matter what? You didn’t…” Pinkie choked on her words, gradually getting louder and more shrill. Even as she spoke she didn’t turn to me, keeping her stare locked on the pile of dough she was working on moments prior. “You didn’t have to kill them!”
It was the same thing I was aware of and had been told by the others, but this time hit much deeper in the hushed whisper coming from someone who used to practically radiate joy. The shame spread like a poison, gradually corroding me and wearing down whatever I had left.
“...I know.” I uttered.
“They probably had friends and family. No more parties for them, no more birthdays. They’ll never get to have cute little puppies or make peace with ponies. We never figured out why they were there! If they just wanted to hurt us or were scared, or needed help…” she paused, bringing her hands to her face and rubbing her eyes. “Limestone had to bury them, you know. Or what was left of them. Marble’s been too afraid to leave the house, and my parents probably don’t ever want to see me again. And it's…” she hid her face in her arms, a visible tear drifting down her cheek. “Partly my fault.”
“What?” I blurted without thinking, unable to hide the sheer panic in my voice. Rainbow had a similar reaction; dropping her stiff expression as her arms fell to the side, leaning forward like she wanted to jump forward and comfort her, but was hesitant to do so. “No, no. It wasn’t your fault at all. I’m the-”
“Yes, it is!” she declared, meeting our eyes and pressing her hands against her chest. “I asked for help in the first place! I shouldn’t have even brought it up to Fluttershy, then no one but me would have gone. Maybe they only attacked in the first place because we all came, and thought we were there to just get rid of them. If it was just me, they might still be alive, everyone would still be friends, and my family,” she hunched forward, legs about to give out as she desperately held onto the counter with her free arm. “Wouldn’t hate me.”
I clenched my hands as tightly as I could, using every ounce of restraint not to start crying myself; it wasn’t her fault, but I could never convince her otherwise. I should know. What could I say? The truth would just make it worse; If she learned that I died multiple times on that farm, she would just blame herself even more. Not to mention that if they learned, I had such an ability, that might be the last straw to cut me out entirely.
Even if I wanted to tell the truth here, I couldn’t.
“Pinkie, that wouldn’t have made a difference.” I started, nervously swallowing. “I heard them talking the night before, and they mentioned that they were there to kill your family anyway. Us showing up just made them do it sooner. Asking for help saved them, and you.”
I couldn’t keep eye contact, or even stop myself from fidgeting. I’m sure Rainbow didn’t believe a single letter. However, if Pinkie was just as unconvinced, she didn’t show it.
“Chara,” she muttered. “True or not, that doesn’t make what you did any better. The only time I don’t think about it is when I’m trying to bake, and even then I--” she fell to the floor. Rainbow was by her side in an instant, so quickly that it actually blew most of my hair onto my face. She wrapped a wing around Pinkie, leaning down and placing a hand on her back.
“I haven’t been able to sleep for two days. Mrs.Cake has been trying to act normal but I can tell she’s worried, Mr.Cake has been having to watch Pumpkin and Pound instead of me. I haven’t been able to throw any parties, and my f-family’s probably scared to talk to me. Celestia, Limestone probably hates me. She was avoiding me before that. Now I wouldn’t blame her if she hates me.”
“Pinkie, they’re your family. I’m sure they don’t hate you.” Rainbow whispered to her, attempting a gentle tone that I could tell she didn’t use often.
“She wouldn’t…” I grit my teeth, hesitant for a moment whether I should share what Limestone told me in a previous reset. I may have had to lie about how I heard it, but everything else would be the truth. “Limestone wouldn’t hate you. She couldn’t; she told me herself.”
“...She did?” Pinkie asked as she peered up at me.
“Yeah,” I tried to keep eye contact, which got harder with every word that I uttered from my dry mouth. “She was still awake when I went to the bathroom. I asked her why she was avoiding you, and she… told me it’s because she was jealous of you. Of how happy you are. Limestone,” I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and trying to remember exactly what she said, and prevent my mind from drifting to what happened after. “Hates it there. She was mad at you because you left, for a while. Then she got over it and realized that she just didn’t like being constantly reminded of what life for her might be like if she could leave. Limestone loves you, Pinkie. It’s just hard for her to be around you.”
Rainbow showed no signs of believing me or not. Pinkie, on the other hand, relaxed just a bit.
“She… really said that?” Pinkie asked out loud, dropping her head. “Marble never mentioned anything like that. But she leaves all the time! Every holiday, I don’t understand.”
“I…she said something about never being able to leave there mentally, but I didn’t understand it that well, either.” As I took a step forward, she gradually got to her feet with Rainbow’s help. Tears still streaked her face even though she was no longer actively crying. “Maybe I have no right to say this, but I don’t think your family could hate you, even after that. They care about you as much as your friends, and no one blames you for what happened. So, please, don’t blame yourself. It’s,” I absentmindedly rubbed my necklace, trying to ignore the sticky sensation between my fingers, and how easy it was to recall the feeling of plunging my knife into those Diamond Dogs and watching the life leave their eyes.
“Mine. Only my fault, no one else's.”
“...And you’re ok with that?”
The silence in the room was overbearingly empty. I couldn’t tell if there was genuinely no sound, or if I just had gone temporarily deaf. A handful of times I opened and closed my mouth, trying to say something but unable to bring myself to do so.
“Chara, Rainbow and AJ don’t trust you. Rarity hasn’t left her home since we got back, Fluttershy’s afraid of you, I’m afraid of you! And Twilight’s…” she paused. “I don’t know, none of us know what to do. I don’t want things to be like this, I want to help you. Please, just tell me you wouldn’t do it again. Pinkie Promise me that if we’re ever in a situation like that again, you’ll let us handle it.”
“I…” she was begging me, waiting for me to give her the answer I knew I couldn’t; as much as I hated what I did, I would do it again. I was going to do it again, over and over until they were dead and everyone else was alive. I still would.
Even if everyone came to hate or fear me, and I’m not welcome in Ponyville anymore, I’d do it again. As long as they were all alive, I could accept that.
“Can’t tell you that, Pinkie. I’m sorry.”
“Then,” she physically deflated, her hair covering most of her face except for her mouth. For a lengthy minute, she didn’t speak. Her grip on Rainbow tightening, though if it hurt she didn’t show it.
“I think you should go, then. I have some baking I need to get back to.”
“Pink-”
“Please. I’ll be ok.”
I was completely unconvinced. However, even if I stayed, there was nothing more I could say; nothing that would help, anyway. Rainbow glared at me, her eyes darting between the door and I.
With a last nod, I left Sugarcube Corner, hoping I didn’t make things even worse.
______
I stood outside Golden Oak, wondering if Twilight had already seen me through one of the windows. Or if Spike was inside. He was still afraid of me when I left; if she had told him what happened, any chance of friendship would be crushed.
Not that that would matter if Twilight decided to lock me up.
She was already distrusting of me before what happened on the farm; part of me was surprised she even bothered to heal me in the first place. I would have certainly died if she hadn’t.
Which, thinking about it, would have just led to me resetting and having to do it all again. Over and over until I survived it, and then I’d be here again. Perhaps in less physical pain, maybe even in a timeline where they didn’t witness me kill two of them. It was impossible to say, and pointless to ruminate on.
I’m here now, and the reset point has almost certainly changed.
I raised my hand, tightening my fist as hard as I could to try to stop it from shaking as I knocked on the door. It opened just as quickly, with Twilight on the other side. Her horn was glowing in the same raspberry aura that the door was covered in as it opened.
“Oh, Chara. You’re awake? I guess you’re here for a checkup then?”
“Uhm,” I peeked over her shoulder, seeing that the library was empty and a bit darker than usual. “Yeah. I-if you have the time.”
“All I have is time, lately.” she murmured. Backing away and leaving the door open. “Come on in. I already did daily checks on you, so I doubt much has changed from yesterday, but might as well.”
I expected her to be angry, or afraid, or anything other than the eerie calmness that she exuberated. Even as the magic left the door, her horn remained completely lit. The door felt like it took a lot longer to close than before; its creaking was painfully grating on the ears in the rigid silence.
“Do you want me to-”
“I’m sorry.” She suddenly uttered, taking a few steps away from me as her horn flared.
In an instant, that deathly strong tingling enveloped every inch of me, the weight and density of it pushing down on me to the point of agony with the soreness that was already there. It was lifting me a few feet off the ground as easily as I’ve seen her pick up a book.
I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Adrenaline coursed through me, providing so much raw energy that staying still felt unbearably wrong. The only thing I could hear over my drum-like heartbeat was the sound of my shallow, sharp breaths. My lungs felt hot, each cold inhale like a knife stabbing me from the inside. Despite my best attempts to keep my eyes open, the burning became too much as they closed.
I was not met by darkness.
In its place came a memory. Once again, of Judgment Hall. This time, on the ground rather than in the air. Sans stood in front of me, hands in his pocket with that unwavering grin of his. I couldn’t move, even if I wanted to. Time and time again, I tried to tell myself that I was never actually there. That I was only seeing things through Frisk eyes; it never worked.
It always felt real, every single detail was as vivid as a recent memory: I couldn’t feel any physical sensation from Frisk, as always. But I could feel Sans’ gaze pierce into me. As if he was looking at me instead of him, eyes flashing blue and yellow. No movement, no words, no drop of his mask. Only his magic forcing Frisk to stay on the ground.
“Just give up. I did.”
Tears began rolling down my face, tears that I knew were as black as night. I tried to scream, only to be cut off when Twilight dropped me and I hit the ground instantly. She had really only raised me a few inches, not feet. It didn’t even hurt.
“I was right, unfortunately.” Twilight quavered. Her horn still lit with magic, but dimly so. She brought her hands to the sides of her head, hunching forward and whispering something to herself.
“Everything….okay…going to be…”
I managed to make out a handful of words, all of which were said with a shaking uncertainty. Twilight took in a few deep breaths, each one a little quieter than the last. Soon, she turned to face me again, arms pressing tightly against her body as she clenched her jaw.
“I had to make sure, and that was the best way I could think of to force a quick emotional reaction out of you. I’m sorry I had to do that, really.”
I dug my nails into the cold, wooden floor; my head so low my nose almost touched it. I couldn’t bring myself to speak at first, struggling just to catch my breath. My hand gripped my chest as I winced with each heartbeat.
“Am I,” I raised myself, only managing to get to my knees. “Is my Manik system broken?”
“Yes,” she answered. “You kept pushing yourself for too long, forced your body to use magic it didn’t have. That, on top of all the,” Twilight pressed her lips together, glancing away from me and swallowing, so prominently I could see her throat contract. “Abrasions you had, put your body in a worse state than I was capable of healing even at my best. To be blunt, it would have been better if you stayed asleep; I can’t comprehend how you’re even able to walk around right now with the amount of pain you’re in.”
“Oh, it’s,” I pushed myself to my feet, keeping my head hung so she couldn’t see how scrunched my face was. I hadn’t given myself a chance to relax since I’d left Fluttershy’s; being on the ground and just focusing on my breathing was the moment of relief it’d been begging for. Now that it got it, the aching was worse and my muscles screeched with every movement. I buried my head in the sleeve of my arm, wiping the sludge like substance off my face as I groaned into my arm. “Not that bad. Can you fix it?”
Twilight couldn’t meet my eyes, pressing her lips into a fine line. The only indicator of her thoughts or emotions was her horn: still the strongest source of light in the room, and fluctuating in correlation when I talk.
“I can, maybe. I’d have to look into it, which might take a few days. However, like I mentioned before, restoration is my weakest school. Some scrapes and bruises I can handle, but something this complex? It’s questionable. Even if I could,” her eyes narrowed as they looked at me, forming into a near scowl. “I wouldn’t. You betrayed all of our trust, and used that magic to slaughter the diamond dogs when we could have settled things peacefully. Why would I want to give you the ability to do that again? For all I know, maybe my friends are next!”
I gradually got to my feet, taking a step back as my feet dragged along the floor. Twilight’s voice shaking as it grew in anger shouldn’t have bothered me as much as it did; she had every right to be angry, just as the others did.Still, I wasn’t prepared for any of them to trust me so little that they’d think I would knowingly hurt them.
It hurt to hear a lot more than I could put into words.
“Twilight,” I started. Wondering for a moment if saying anything would even matter. “I wouldn’t do that.”
“And how am I, are any of us, supposed to believe that?” she retorted with a wave of an arm, her magic noticeably spiking. Every fiber of my being wanted to get as far away as possible. If she wanted to, she could pick me up and not let me go. Maybe she even has some kind of silencing spell so the ponies outside wouldn’t be able to hear me. She could drag me down to her lab and keep me there.
There really was nothing stopping her. Nor would there be a point in running. The moment my back was to her she could grab me; when I walked in, what happened to me was no longer in my hands, but hers.
“Because I wouldn’t, Twilight. I care about all of you, really. But…nothing I can say can make you believe me, huh?” I rubbed my hands together, trying to use friction to not feel the stickiness for just a few seconds. “So, then what are you going to do with me?”
“I’ve already,” Twilight started, cutting herself off as she shook her head. “Nothing. I promised Fluttershy I’d help you, and I actually keep my promises.”
“I’m,” I gripped my necklace. “Sorry, Twilight. Really.”
We remained in steep silence. She peered at me with furrowed eyebrows; anger visibly ebbing out as each breath was less noticeable. With each exhale, her magic got a little weaker, and her chest less prominent as it rose and fell.
“Can,” her voice was a bit quieter than before, face evidently flushed. “You take off your shirt? I still need to do a checkup on you and make sure nothing went wrong with your healing.”
“Oh. Uhm,” I slipped off my backpack, placing my necklace on top of it. “That makes sense.” I took it off by the bottom; the burning of each scar got worse the more I moved. I didn’t think they would reopen, but I couldn’t say I’d be surprised if they did.
As soon as my shirt was off, I held my arms behind me, pressing my hand against the bandages covering my wrist. Twilight didn’t see it, instead her attention went straight to my shoulder. She grimaced, and a slight tingling sensation spread from the center of my shoulder to the rest of my arm.
“This…isn’t as bad as I thought it’d be.” she whispered under her breath. “The scarring is very prominent, but I don’t think it was as deep as it looked. This is textbook second-hoof scarring if I’d ever seen it, and it healed well enough.”
Her muttering was so muffled and light that I don’t think she was meaning to actually say any of it. Twilight began to move around to my back. In response, I shifted my arms to my front, trying to keep them out of her sight.
“Oh, Chara.”
Twilight didn’t say anything else, nor did she use her magic. I waited in nail-biting anticipation, my stomach coiling tighter with each second of nothing happening. When I felt that familiar numbing warmth, there was just the tiniest blot of relief among the searing pain.
“How can you still walk? The fact that there’s no nerve, muscle, or bone damage is a Celestia bestowed boon in itself. But the subcutaneous tissue grew too fast and it over scarred, it must be agonizing just to move around. This is,” the tingling stopped. Her hoof steps echoed as she walked back in front of me. “A little beyond me. I can’t do anything for you at this point, not without the risk of doing more damage than what’s already done. I’d have to-”
I wasn’t fast enough. Twilight saw me trying to hide my wrist, before I knew it she was grabbing one of them with her magic and holding it there as I yelped. Despite how suddenly she did it, there was still a tangible restraint. I appreciated that she was making an attempt to be gentle, even if she didn’t want to be helping me in the first place.
“This wasn’t here before. Did,” she lifted the bandage, tilting her head as she half blinked. I watched as she realized what it was. “You do this to yourself?”
I couldn’t face her, or bring myself to respond. My arm limply dropped back to my side. Without a word, I reached for my shirt and put it back on. The fabric was still one of the softest things that’s touched my skin, aside from Harry and Angel’s fur. It was easy to feel just how much effort Rarity put into each fiber, how perfectly it fit me.
Not even it brought a sliver of comfort.
“Please,” I begged. “Don’t tell Fluttershy.”
“...I won’t,” she picked up a quill and a piece of paper from her saddlebag that sat in the center of the room. Holding it just out of my sight as she started scribbling something. “But you will, today. While you still can.”
“While I still can? Twilight,” I quietly picked up my backpack, taking a step back closer to the door. “What are you going to do with me?”
“When we got back, the first thing I did after resting was to write a letter to Celestia about what happened and have Spike send it. Don’t worry, he didn’t see it; I don’t want him anymore afraid of you than he already is.” She carefully rolled the letter, placing it back into the saddlebag along with the quill. “She told me to send her a letter as soon as you were awake and able to move around. And when I did,”
Twilight turned to me, pressing her lips together as she reluctantly opened her eyes. “She’d send a chariot the next day to take you to Canterlot.”