Ah, Saturday! A time of relaxation and the full satisfaction of knowing you have no work! I made sure to wake up extra late to get maximum sleep. I was shooting for about ten o'clock, when the little abomination down stairs started to bang its marshmallow hooves on the safe room door. So, I woke up at eight o'clock instead.
Now, I know I didn't act really mad when she woke me up the first time, but no one, AND I MEAN FREAKIN' NO ONE, WHETHER FLUFFY OR HUMAN, TAMPERS WITH MY SATURDAYS.
"WHAT THE FREAK DO YOU WANT, YOU LITTLE RETARD?!?!" I yell as I open the safe room door.
She cowers underneath her blankets and squeaks unintelligible words, while crapping herself in the process.
"SPEAK UP!" Now my rage was fueled even more since I had to clean that crap up.
"I... wuz havin' tummy owchies." she says, still hiding in her blankets.
Note to self: leave food in safe room.
I pick her up by the scruff of her neck, to be met with the inevitable protest of hurt fluff. I dump her on the kitchen floor and pour a minuscule amount of cheerios in her bowl. She looks up at me with sad eyes as if to say "Where's the rest, idiot?" I ignore her and head back to the safe room to clean up the crap that was scared out of her.
After a few minutes she comes to the door of the safe room and looks at me with the same sad eyes, and I just stare at her with the most displeased look on my face. I then just walk out of the room and watch some television. It's only eight thirty. I wanted to sleep in so badly so I don't have to wait so long for the Fluffy Game Show to come on. What is that? Well, its this show where they get about three fluffies and put them on podiums. Then, they ask them questions that are really easy for a one-year old, but hard for a brain filled with fluff. It's funny seeing them try to concentrate and think of an answer. Anyway, at the end of the show, the fluffy with the most points gets some spaghetti and the owner wins five thousand dollars. Everyone wins! And then that makes me wonder.....
"Be back in a few minutes, Yam!" I say, as I put on my jacket to head out the door. "Nuu! Nu weave fwuffy aw by sewf! Wam wan to come!" she says, but is too late. The door slams on her face. A moment later, I'm back with the official Fluffy Game Show training cards. These things are filled with simple questions to test your fluffy to see if they are capable of competing on the game show. I open the box and call for Yam, saying we're going to play a game. She was already running towards me at the sound of the two letters 'p' and 'l'. "Wha we pway, daddeh?" she asks as she quizzically looks at the box. "We're going to play.... um.... Card Game!" I'm so creative with names. She doesn't care, though, and jumps around, cheering.
I hold up the first card with a circle on it. "What shape is this?" I ask. She tilts her head and responds "Wha shayp?" I throw the card on another pile. "What is two plus two?" I say, holding up the card. "Wha tu?" she responds. Throw that one away, getting a bit angry. "Can you read this to daddy?" I say, holding up a card with the sentence "The cat is fat." She looks at it for a solid minute and says "Daddeh wan tickew?" Facepalm. Twenty bucks down the drain for a fluffy that can't even walk correctly. So, I think its time to play some Minecraft. I love the game. Sadly, they stopped the updates this year, because there was just way too much stuff getting added. I do my usual biz, getting my pick and sword and such, and heading down to my mineshaft.
I don't notice it, but Yam is next to me looking at my computer. Apparently, she saw me mining some stone and thought she could do that to with the end tables in my study. She first got her little play hammer from her toy box in her mouth and headed back to the study. She began to bang on the end tables. Now, on these end tables are a priceless vase filled with my grandmother's ashes, and a prized family heirloom made with gold, diamonds, and everything expensive. So, she keeps knocking on the table, and I'm too busy worrying about creepers to even notice. But then I hear it. A final blow with her hammer to the table that sends my grandmother flying off the table.
I swing around with the biggest rage face the world has seen. The vase hits the floor, and luckily, it was still intact! I set down my headphones at give a big sigh of relief, but now focus on Yam. Just before I begin to scold her, though, she hits the vase with her hammer and it tips over. That's when it breaks and the ashes of my grandma are spread all over the carpet. She then has the nerve to walk over and poop on my grandma, and then says "Wook daddeh! Wam use witter box!"
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Yam had no idea what she did wrong. All she did was try to copy daddy's swingy thing with her play tool, and then she found a litter box. She thought daddy would be proud that she used the litter box for the first time! But no, he just said mean words and throws her into the safe room with a bit of food and water. She is as confused as a fluffy pony trying to wrap their head around Global Warming.
When the giant lighty thing in the sky gets all red, daddy comes in. Yam is so happy to see him! She has been in here all lonely and cooped up, and just wants to play! But he then gives her a mean look, and starts to talk with big words that Yam almost can't understand. "Yam," he begins "You've been a naughty girl today. You made me wake up early, and you destroyed what used to be my grandma." Yam does her usual 'I'm-listening-but-don't-understand' tilting of the head. "Since you have been so naughty," he continues "You get no spaghetti for a week." Yam doesn't know how long a week is, but it sounds long. And she won't be getting spaghetti! She starts crying.
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I was able to clean up my grandma and put her in a new vase by the evening. That's when I went to go and scold and punish Yam for what she did. I feel that she doesn't understand, though. Anyway, we'll end the chapter with me going to bed and getting ready for Sunday, the day the world changes.