//------------------------------// // Episode 4: Upchuck Season // Story: Friendship is Overrated // by Jphyper //------------------------------// Big Windows and Apple Peel stood at the top of the tallest hill of the Generically-Named Apple Farm. “Well, looks like those apples are almost ready!” the young mare commented. “Eeyup,” her brother replied. “You know what that means: all hooves aboard and no slacking off. That means you, too, Apple Peel.” The stallion turned to face his sister, but she was nowhere to be found. “Ponyfeathers.” Friendship is Overrated Episode 4: Upchuck Season The town’s denizens had gathered in front of a podium set up in front of the town hall. As they murmured amongst themselves, Twilight Novel trotted on stage. Clearing her throat, she began to speak into the microphone. “Attention! Quiet down, everyone. Let’s get this meeting started. Since I don’t want to be away from my reading any more than I have to, I present to you: the mayor.” As Twilight left, the mayor trotted up in her place. She was a rather political-looking… You know what? Screw it. I don’t have any ideas on how to make fun of her appearance, so the mayor here looks just like she does in the show. If you don’t like it, you can just click that X on the upper-right corner of your screen. Now back to the story. The politician began to speak: “Let’s see… Okay, first order of business is awards. I have the results for the Apple Peel betting pool right here.” She held up an envelope as an aide carried a bag of coins up to the stage. Opening the envelope, she read the contents, then resumed talking. “Well, this is a surprise. It seems somehow Apple Peel has managed to go an entire week without causing any injuries. That means she wins this week’s pool money!” The orange mare cheered and rushed up to the stage. “Thank ya’ kindly, mayor!” she exclaimed on her way up. However, as she leaped past the last step, she landed on a weak board. The part under her hoof snapped, sending her hoof and that end of the board under the stage. The other end swung up, dislodging a nail and sending it flying straight towards the mayor’s face. She began to scream, “My eye!” This was followed by a string of obscenities as her aide helped her to the hospital. Twilight took the mayor’s place on the podium and took over the meeting. “Correction: make that one injury. That means this week’s pool actually goes to Pukie Pie.” At the sound of her name, the mare hopped up on stage. She was riding a unicycle rigged so a siren would sound as she pedaled. She was juggling a set of fine china and balancing a family of skunks on her head. Without a word, she grabbed the money bag with her teeth and rode off to who-knows-where while everyone else covered their ears in pain from the wails of the siren. “Okay, I’ll give everyone a moment to let their ears stop ringing, then we’ll move on,” Twilight said. The tone in her voice made it clear that she was not happy to be there. Later that day, Twilight Novel spotted Apple Peel as she was heading to her library for some well-earned reading time. “Say, I’ve been hearing the apple harvest is going on right about now…” she mentioned as a conversation opener. “Yeah, Big Windows and the rest of the family are busy gettin’ them apples ready fer market.” “Shouldn’t you be helping?” Twilight asked. “Hmm… nah,” was Apple Peel’s only reply. From the tone in the other mare’s voice, Twilight Novel couldn’t help but feel she was avoiding something. However, she also couldn’t help but feel it wasn’t her problem as she arrived at her destination. As Apple Peel trotted through town looking for something to do, she heard a voice call her name. Curious, she headed over towards the sound. Upon arriving, she was greeted with the sight of an enormous cannon, manned by two pegasi. “Ah, there you are,” Brainbow Bash sighed. “We could use a hoof. It’ll only take a moment.” Apple Peel followed her friend to the back of the cannon. The blue mare continued, “Derpy and I have a bet on which of us can glide the farthest after being shot out of this cannon, but she isn’t strong enough to fire it. You up to it?” The mare didn’t need to be asked twice. After all, who doesn’t like firing an enormous cannon? Brainbow Bash fluttered to the end of the barrel and lowered herself inside. After a muffled confirmation that she was in position, Apple Peel lit the cord. “What are you doing?!” Derpy gasped. “Ah lit the fuse,” the earth pony replied. “That’s not a fuse, it’s a pull rope! This is an air cannon!” the derpster cried. “That would explain why the whole thing’s made of wood…” Meanwhile, the fire had spread from the rope to the rest of the cannon. The sounds of a screaming blue lawyer could be heard from within. “APPLE PEEL, YOU ####### MORON! WHEN I GET OUT, I’M SUING YOUR FLANK FOR EVERY PENNY YOU OWN!!!” The farm pony wisely decided to make herself scarce. Twilight Novel groaned as a knock on the door interrupted her novel just as she had started first clop scene. Placing a bookmark in the book, she rose and answered the door. She was greeted with the sight of a formerly blue pegasus covered in ashes and her mane and feathers singed. “Got a first aid kit?” she asked. After giving some assistance to her legal friend, Twilight Novel headed off to the Generically-Named Apple Farm to investigate the cause of this interruption. After leaving the farm and returning to town, Twilight Novel spotted Apple Peel entering a dance club. She went in after her in an attempt to talk some sense into her. The inside was dark, aside from some strobe lights, glow sticks, and other novelty lights. The music was incredibly loud; she could barely hear herself think, which is good because she was tired of listening to her brain rattling on about who-knows-what. Seriously, does that thing ever shut up? Sometimes, all it seems to want to do is talk. Spotting her target, the unicorn made her way over to the mare. “Apple Peel, we need to talk!” she tried to shout over the noise. “You wanna breed a hawk? Go ask F**kershy, she’s the one to talk to ‘bout breedin’!” the orange mare replied. “No! I need to talk to you!” she tried again. “You need to take a poo? Restroom’s right over there!” she answered, pointing towards a door. “NO! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!” the violet pony screamed. “Oh, okay; what ya wanna talk about?” the apple mare asked. “Your brother and sister are working themselves to the bone! They can’t do this on their own; they need your help!” Twilight yelled. “Did you just call me a whelp?!” the earth pony mare demanded. “HELP! YOU NEED TO HELP!!” Twilight screamed once more. “No way, no how!” Apple Peel replied. “Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time fer lunch. If ya need me, I’ll be at Corn Syrup Corner!” “Don’t worry, Mr. and Mrs. Bake; you can count on us!” Pukie Pie exclaimed. The couple were heading out for dinner at a fancy restaurant, leaving the pink and orange mares alone to watch the shop. “Okay, just don’t burn the place down or anything,” Mr. Bake chuckled as he trotted out the door. “YOU BURNT THE PLACE DOWN?!” Mr. Cake screamed. Behind Pukie stood the blazing structure formerly known as Corn Syrup Corner. In front of her stood the now-imposing stature that is known as Mr. Bake. His wife, standing behind him, was equally intimidating. “B-but it wasn’t my fault! Apple Peel tried to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while I was in the little fillies’ room!” the pink mare protested. “Don’t give me tha- actually, that does make sense, knowing her. All right, Pukie, you’re forgiven,” the yellow stallion stated. “Apple Peel, you wouldn’t have anything to do with Corn Syrup Corner burning down just as I was about to grab a snack, would you?” Twilight Novel asked. The two mares were in the library. The unicorn had walked in to find the other mare sitting at the computer and watching YouPipe videos. “Nope,” she lied. “Apple Peel, you know how much trouble you get into when you’ve got nothing to do,” the purple mare sighed. “Why don’t you go check up on your family,” she suggested, “They probably have most of the hard stuff done by now.” The orange mare had put on headphones, drowning out the unicorn’s words. She growled in frustration and returned to her book. About an hour later, Apple Peel grew bored of the videos and began to feel “frisky”, if you know what I mean. It’s a commonly-known fact that all mares in Etceteria are bisexual and STDs are a myth, so she had no qualms about heading over to F**kershy’s place to ask for some relief. When she arrived at her destination, she found the yellow pegasus tending to some rabbits. “Hey, ‘Shy, whatcha doin’?” she asked. “Breeding rabbits,” the yellow pony replied. “It’s mating season, and I have to make sure only the best traits are passed on to the offspring.” “I didn’t realize you were into genetics,” the farm pony said. “It has something to do with breeding; of course I know about it,” the other mare grumbled. “What do you want?” “Same thing every pony wants when they stop by your place,” Apple Peel answered. “Well, it’ll have to wait until I’m finished here,” F**kershy said. With a sigh, Apple Peel leaned up against a wall. It wasn’t a wall. It was a stack of bunny kennels. The stack fell over into another stack, sending them to the ground like dominoes. Breaking open, they released the bunnies contained within. With a loud cry, they all donned black leather vests and hard helmets, then they hopped onto bunny-sized motorcycles and sped off towards town. “…That was unexpected,” the orange mare said. F**kershy shot her an angry look. It was getting late in the afternoon, and it was time for Apple Peel to head home for the night. F**kershy had been too angry to accommodate her, so she was still feeling funny down there. As she trotted up to the farmhouse, she was greeted with quite a sight. An ambulance was situated out front while the paramedics ware tending to Big Windows. “Big W, what the hay happened?” “I sprained mahself from workin’ too hard,” the stallion replied angrily. Twilight Novel approached from behind with Apple Peel’s sister on her back. “I brought Ayefone back, She has detention all week because she fell asleep in class,” the unicorn said. “Because she was workin’ too hard,” Big Windows added. “Neither of us are in any shape to work the fields. Now you have to finish all by yourself. That leaves you with more than half the acres to havest on your own. If you don’t get it done, Pokeyville starves.” The orange mare fainted. Today’s Moral: If you avoid your responsibilities, they will hunt you down and bite you in the flank. Twilight novel started heading home, desperate to finish that clop scene in her novel. But a feeling emerged in the back of her mind. “Crap, I’m gonna have to do the right thing, aren’t I?” she muttered to herself as she made a mental note to gather her friends in the morning so they could help the distressed lazy orange mare.