//------------------------------//
// Opening Up 
// Story: All Smoke, No Mirrors 
// by Jinzou 
//------------------------------//

"The third time!" I slammed my fist down on the table. "The third goddamn test in a row you've failed with her, Jake! Do you even fucking try?"

Jake didn't respond, electing to stare at his socks instead.

"Hey!" I snapped my fingers at his face. "What have we been working on? Eye contact when talking to somebody."

Jake's head rolled up, but his eyes only rose to neck level. His eyes were filled with tears. 

As if that would work. He cried at everything. I mean, I get that he was fifteen, and I'm all for men being able to show emotion, but goddamn dude, grow a spine.

"Eyes, Jake." I reminded.

Jake was silent for a few more moments before meeting my eyes.

"Adam had to rush home and pretend to be our dad to take the call." I tapped the table, doing my best to not shout again. "If they arrange one more parent-student conference, we can't keep up the charade."

Jake stared at the floor again.

I turned around and threw my arms in the air. "I'm not asking you to be a straight A student. I'm just asking you not to get held back again."

Jake muttered something in response.

"Volume." I demanded.

"It's just math…" Jake mumbled. "The rest I'm passing."

"And what were you doing instead of studying?" I frowned. "Off in your room playing with your stupid pitch changer app and giggling to yourself all night? Is that why you look like shit today?"

Fron just a glance you could tell he didn't take self-care as seriously as me. His eyes had dark purple bags, his hair was long and tangled, and he had like, half a mustache and a third of a beard. It was all scraggly and looked awful.

Jake, of course, did not respond. He didn't have to. We both knew that's exactly what he did.

"I'm a senior next year, and then I leave for college." I reminded him. "What are you gonna do when I'm gone?"

Jake muttered something again.

"Give me some goddamn volume." I spat.

"Dad will be here still."

"You gonna expect him to watch you all his life?" I exploded. "He's the acting Sergeant Major right now! We both know he's busy because his unit is fucking trash! You're just gonna stick around home for the rest of your life?! What, do you expect dad to just hold your hand and wipe your ass until he dies?"

Jake let out a loud sob and I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Get your math homework out." I demanded.

Without a word of edgewise, he shuffled toward the door and picked up his backpack, shuffling around in it for a minute before pulling out several crumpled papers. 

Of course we let him have binders, but apparently pulling one out before putting his homework in one was too hard, so all his papers looked like garbage. 

I followed him to the table where he smoothed out the paper and looked at the first problem. 

Basic algebra.

"So walk me through it." I requested.

Jake met my eyes again, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "Are you gonna help me?"

I let out a short sigh. "Yes, Jakey. I'm going to make sure you don't fail out, even if it kills me. But in exchange, I'm enforcing two rules."

Jake looked at his socks again.

"One, before you go to school tomorrow, you're shaving your damn face." I ordered. "And two, at least two hours a day I was to see you studying in the living room. Not your room, because we know you'll goof off. You can spend the time I'm at rugby practice after school playing with your stupid tablet, and I can help if you need it when I come home, okay?"

Jake nodded at the floor.

"Eyes." 

Jake met my eyes, his jaw tensed and eyebrows furrowed.

"Okay." He managed.

Our little moment over, we turned back to the math. 

"So for this one we need to make both sides equal x." Jake explained. "But I still have a lot of problems getting it."





At 0700 Jake made his way out of the bathroom, thankfully clean shaven. 

I had sent him off late last night to get some sleep. It turns out his teacher had assigned him a lot of extra credit in a last ditch attempt to have him pass her class. Of course he didn't do it until last night, with me.

"Mornin'." Jake muttered.

"I left you toast on the table." I turned, forcing a binder into his hand. "I finished your math, make sure you look Mrs. Schafer in the eye when you turn it in and thank her for taking the chance on you. Also, I edited and finished your essay for Mr. Brown. It will have some points taken off considering it was due Monday, but he'll have to deal with it."

"Thank you." Jake choked up. "Hug?"

He reached his arms out, but I stopped him with a finger. 

"You try and hug me and I will twist you like a pretzel." I smirked. "Now get your breakfast and get outta here. See you around five, Jakey."

Jake eagerly stuffed the binder into his backpack and grabbed the toast off the table.

"Video games when you get back?" He called back.

"If you're good and have some progress done on your homework." I promised. "And use the binder! Your homework looks awful!"

The closing of the door was the only thing that answered me. 

With a resigned sigh I turned to my own backpack, and the homework I still had to do, but now didn't have the time. 

Fuck it. My grades would recover.





My eyes shot open.

Dark room. Light behind my head. Noi off to my side. Right, I was checking her for secondary drowning.

Yup. Still a kirin.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried holding onto the dream. It was the first year we'd gone to school in America, and Jake was having such a hard time dealing with the culture shock. I could remember every line on his face, the scar on his lower lip, even the scruffy hair he grew out in high school. I could remember the twisted, guilty smile he always gave me when I bent over backwards for him.

I grit my teeth as the void opened in my heart.

I flashed back to the last time I talked to him. 

He had flunked out of college for the second time and I drove up to get dinner with him. It ended up in a yelling fit as I accused him of never pushing himself hard enough and he finally let loose that the only reason he was going was for me. 

Tears in his eyes, he told me he was happy working at his fast food place, and all the stress of going to a college to get an education he didn't even care about destroyed him. 

Looking back, I should have listened to him. I should have known he was just overspent. I should have relented and tried to find him a place to be happy. I mean, he was dramatic, sure, but never straight up lied to me. That was one of the rules we made.

But the last thing I did was call him a lazy peice of shit.

Even though I knew it wasn't true. I knew he tried harder than anybody else.

But I had been drinking and was angry.

Funny how that same reasoning pops up so often when I shout at him.

I pushed myself to a sitting position. Sunny hadn't made a sound, so I was assuming she was still asleep. Not knowing exactly know how our condition worked, that was a fair enough assumption for me.

Jake just… left that day. He didn't give me a call for two weeks, and before I could fix things, I got dropped here.

I let out a heavy sigh.

Did I do alright with him? God knows I did my best. When dad was busy or not around, I set the rules. I helped with the chores. I cooked Jake meals and helped with his homework. I trashed my social image protecting him at school.

Could I have done better? Probably. I know I could have been nicer, but when he has all the same problems all the time, and never learns? I had to find out what worked for both of us, and we had to scrape by like that. It wasn't really fair for either of us.

I shuffled awkwardly, quietly squeezing past Noi.

There had to be something I could do to keep my mind off this. Of course, my first and only real suggestion was to find peace at the bottom of a bottle, but that's not really a goddamn option anymore.

I sighed as I rubbed my eyes. There was no music. No people awake to talk to. It was too dark to go outside, and not like I could read anyt-

I barely suppressed the facehoof. Work on the language lessons, duh. Hopefully they were still out by the couch.

Wincing as the bedroom door creaked, I snuck out, surprising myself with how well everything seemed lit. I guess I was partially right about the "low light hunter" thing, Sunny had remarkable night vision.

"What do you need, Jenny?" Script's voice called out from the other side of the couch. I almost jumped out of my skin.

"How did you know it was me?" I responded without thinking, totally failing at being sneaky.

"You favor slightly more weight on your bad front leg than Sunny, have a slower walk than Noi, and your hoofsteps aren't loud enough to be Goldie." Script replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"You're good." I complimented.

Script's head popped over the couch, his mane had major bedhead. "I'm a dad. It's my job to know my family."

"I thought you were Noi's stepfather." I took a step closer.

"That's still a dad. I just need to strive to be better than the original."

It's a shame Golden wasn't as cool as Script.

"Mind if I join you?" I hesitated.

"Not at all." Script nodded as I made my way over to the couch next to him, taking a seat. "Can't sleep?"

"Looking for a distraction. Can't stop thinking." I explained. 

"Well if you're looking for the alcohol, it's gone." Script winked and grinned.

I sighed and looked at my hooves. "I know."

Out of my peripherals, I could see one of Script's forelegs lift, then hesitate.

"Can I put my leg around your shoulders or offer you a hug?" He asked softly.

I didn't much care for affection, but to be held by somebody that reminds me so much of my dad?

I mean, I didn't even need to answer, just lean into him, but…

No, I could be seen doing something like that. That's weakness. Bury it down.

Looking up at Script's face determined it. He wasn't my dad. He was just an imposter, and wasn't even the right species.

…

I missed my dad.

Oh god, I missed him.

But he's gone. And that's okay, I said my goodbyes. In fact, he was probably the only person I cared about that I ended on good terms with.

I stared at the floor again as I fought to get my emotion under control. I know that if I did lie against Script and close my eyes, I could probably convince myself it was dad. That I was young again, and he was there to protect me from the world.

"Maybe just… help me with the language stuff until I get tired again?" I choked out.

"Okay." He responded gently, returning all four hooves to the couch. "A little bit, then I want you to go back to bed, okay? You need to sleep."

I straightened my back and nodded. This was the most logical option, not ruled by base emotion.

"Deal." I agreed.

I pulled over the sheets and gazed over my hasty translations. I'd written the sound of the character in English next to the Ponish version, and had about half the page translated.

I picked up the pencil, an unpleasant lemon taste greeting me. That was apparently Noi's favorite. 

Even barring the realization that Noi and I had both slobbered all over this eraser, the fact that it was lemon made it the most disgusting thing I'd yet seen in this world.

I mean really, who chooses lemon as a flavor? I was definitely bunking with a psychopath.

With a sigh, I let go of the pencil.

Jake did not prepare me for Noi. Jake was soft, dependant, and lacking in any creative skills. Noi, however, was the exact opposite. She was far more independent and had creativity basically leaking out of her. She was working on two separate comic books, could somehow draw pretty well (with her mouth), and had a closet full of costumes she'd apparently made with Golden for school plays.

Noi, at roughly… nine years old, I would say, was already a more well rounded and skillful sibling than my brother was at twenty.

A hoof gently poked into my shoulder.

"Hello? Equiis to Jenny, you still there?" Script called quietly.

"Huh?" I blinked, looking up at him.

Script looked down at me, brows furrowed and eyes searching.

"Did you hear anything I just said?" 

"I uhm…" I stalled. "No. I didn't. Sorry, I was kinda distracted."

"Having a hard time paying attention?" Script asked. "If you want to go back to bed that's okay."

"No, I'm not tired, I-" I began to argue. "I'm just… having one of those days, y'know." 

Script took a moment to roll onto his side, fixing me with an expression of uncertainty. 

"Not really, but if you want to talk about something, I'm here."

My vision flicked between his eyes.

"How did you and Golden meet?" 

Script frowned. "Well, I am still held by patient accountability, but I can't tell you we met shortly after Noi was born. Goldie and I were both in the guard, and she came to see me on business."

"Woah woah wait, you were both in the military?"

Script chuckled. "Golden still is. She's what we call a reservist." 

"She's a weekend warrior?" I snorted loudly. "What was she, a proud supply worker?"

"She was artillery, actually." Script's brows narrowed. "Have we not told you? Her weekend this month starts in a couple days."

Oh no, I get to be completely free of Golden for a few days soon, however will I survive?

Probably pretty easily.

"I had no idea. She didn't say anything. It sounds like she has some sort of memory issue."

Script sighed. "Yeah, pretty soon before we met, she had a big fall and had a really bad concussion. They almost kicked her out for it. The injury had the biggest impact on her memory."

"So you were some kind of medic?" I pushed.

"I was actually what they call a Lunar Guide." Script shrugged. "Which is basically like a therapist, but whatever we're told we take with us to the grave. No matter what."

"Wait, you were a chaplain?" I gasped. "Oh, I bet you got all the mares."

"Nope, I had plenty of patients who were stallions."

"No I…" I paused. "I meant you were probably like a marekiller."

"Oh, no." Script shook his head. "I never killed. Never even picked up a weapon. No Lunar Guides do."

I sighed. "It's just a phrase."

"Well, yes." Script replied without a hint of irony. "Phrases are usually delivered in sentences, like you just displayed."

For a few seconds there was abject silence as I stared at Script, trying to tell whether he was joking or not.

"You're killing me here, dude."

Script's eyes shot open.

"What? But you look fine! Is this a kirin thing? Do you need fire to regenerate, or something?!"

"No, I just need vodka." I joked.

"Oh…" Script tapped his chin. "Because alcohol is flammable?"

There was another pregnant silence.

"Script, you good?" 

Script frowned at me. "Well I wouldnt say I'm evil, but that's not important, what do you need? I'll try my best to hel-"

Script trailed off as a look of understanding crossed his face.

"Oh. You weren't being literal, were you?"

"Figure that out all on your own?" I rolled my eyes.

"No, your reactions helped." Script replied unironically.

Maybe he's less like my dad than I thought.





"Rise and shine, fillies!" A familiar sing-song call came.

With a loud groan, Sunny's eyes winched open. She crawled down the bunk bed, and fell to her side.

Sunny and Noi made eye contact. Noi, still in bed, awake and tiredly nuzzling into her pillow, mumbled at us.

"Mornin'."

Sunny responded with a noncommittal grunt.

What darling rays of sunshine.

"Heard that." Sunny grumbled in our head.

"I know." I gave her off a smirk.

"Jerk." Sunny yawned, before pushing me to front. After a couple moments of silence, I gathered she'd gone back to sleep. Or as close as you can come while the body is awake, I guess.

I took a moment to stretch out, feeling how much… better our body seemed to work than my old human one. How all the aches and pains were gone. My joints didn't click anymore. I didn't get those headaches at the top of my head anymore. There was no more lower back pain, no more pain while urinating, and no more cirrhosis.

Plus I didn't need contacts anymore, so that was neat.

But for real, I had been so busy and stressed recently that I never really realized I basically got a free re-do on my physical health. Well, minus the injuries we received over the last few months.

I mean hell, the pain is one of the reasons I kept drinking.

Though… to be honest, that was just an excuse. It was never about the pain. It was about fun. About giving away control.

About being okay just being me.

Hearing a quick knocking on the door again, I shook my head to snap myself out of the daze. I looked up at Noi just to see her eyes wrench open again. She probably had fallen asleep again.

Just like Jakey when he was younger.

I saw Noi's eyes flutter close again. Perhaps she needed the same treatment as he did.

I grabbed the blanket off Noi, pulling it off her and onto the floor next to her bed. Then I lept up onto her bed and crawled in the space between her and the wall.

"Get up or I'm rolling you off, Noi." 

"Mmmh." Noi responded.

Well, can't say I didn't warn her. Burying my muzzle between her and the mattress, I flicked my head up. Noi rolled on to her other side as a result.

"Nooooooo." Noi whined.

"Timmmbeeeer!" I announced triumphantly with another flick, Noi tumbling off her bed and onto her blanket.

"Ugh." Noi pouted. "You suck."

"I did the one time and never again." I joked.

"What?" Noi asked.

"What?" Sunny asked.

"What?" I parroted. "I didn't say anything."

Noi slowly made her way to her hooves and shuffled toward the door. By the time she reached it, I had already thrown it open, and following our new morning routine, led the way to the table.

I took my usual chair, the one closest to the living room, and sat. Script, who was working on something I couldn't see, turned to display a massive plate of delicious looking pancakes, which he slid to the center of the table. A moment later it was joined by a small jug of syrup.

"Dig in!" Script announced.

My god. Actual human food. I must still be dreaming.

I got ready to tell Sunny it was time to eat, but froze.

I could use hoof magic now. 

I picked up the fork, focusing on magnetizing one side to my hoof. Reaching out, I speared two pancakes and dropped them onto my plate.

I paused as I stared at the fork in my hoof. I had reached out with my left hoof, and had been doing so for weeks. But I was right handed.

Sure, Sunny was left handed… hooved? But that shouldn't affect me, right?

"You know, staring at your breakfast isn't eating it." Noi informed me. "Unless that's a kirin thing. Can you eat with your eyes?"

I shook my head, picking up the knife in my right hoof to cut the pancakes. But who eats plain pancakes?

I looked up, focusing on the jug of syrup.

I mean, I somewhat mastered hoof magic, maybe I could try horn magic.

But uh… how?

Several moments passed in silence as I tried to get my horn to respond, staring at the handle of the jug. But no amount of forehead creasing or intense focus made it move.

"Are you sure you can't eat with your eyes?" Noi asked. "You look like you're trying really hard to."

Alright yeah, this is going nowhere.

"No I can't." I sighed. "Can you please pass the syrup?"

"So… dear?" Golden spoke up, watching Script levitate the syrup over my pancakes. "Script and I were speaking, and we'd like to know more about your condition."

Oh, this will be a fun conversation.

"Well there's no definite explanation right now, but it's some sort of dissociative condition." I explained, setting the silverware down.

"Yes..." Golden hesitated, meeting Script's gaze. "The nurse did say something about..."

"Dissacoiative Identity Disorder." I sighed. "That's what I personally thought it was. We haven't been officially diagnosed. And you didn't really grasp what she was saying, did you?"

Golden's eyebrows dissapeared into her mane.

"I'll take that as a no." I snarked, straightening up. "The short of it is that I am a different person inside Sunny's head. When she was young, she had some terrible trauma, and her psyche fragmented and came up with another identity as a coping mechanism. I am one of those. Which is why when you're talking to me, I sound like an adult, but when you talk to Sunny, the original system, she sounds like a proper... eleven year old, or whatever that is in your base."

Script paused for a moment before nodding. "Makes sense. The brain is a powerful thing."

I studied his face. He was in terms with it. My vision swung back over to Golden, who was still processing.

"Congratulations!" I replied in a sarcastic, happy tone. "You get two daughters for the price of one!"

Golden stared at me uncomprehendingly.

"And just wait till I get to my teenager years!" I let out a fake gasp. "Teenager mood swings, puberty, and a penchant to set things on fire? Might as well invest in some asbestos!"

"What..." Golden finally managed. "What's asbestos?"

What a stupid question.





The day passed by pretty normally after that. Noi kept talking about a play date with her best friend, Piña. I found out later that this friend's full name was Piña Colada. How the hell am I supposed to resist the siren call of alcohol when my foster sister's best friend was named after a drink?

Sensing my agitation, Sunny decided to front pretty soon after we left the table. I took the opportunity to review what I knew on Smoky, trying to figure out what we should do about her.

My thoughts flashed back to my very first meeting with her, back in the hospital. There was a lot to unpack from that afternoon.

"That house…" I mentioned to Sunny. "That one we saw burning in that little panic attack we had when Smoky visited you in the hospital. That was a real place you knew, yeah?"

I didn't need Sunny to respond. The sudden wave of bone-chilling fear that instantly sprang up answered the question for me.

"Kiddo, is that tied to the reason you had to leave?"

Another, deeper pang of fear rocked our body. I felt bad for freaking her out, sure… but she had a poison in her heart. It'd do less damage out than in, in the long term.

Besides, if her only crime was arson… I doubt she'd have to flee the area. Something worse had gone on.

"If I tell you…" Sunny's voice came as barely a whisper. "I… need you to promise me something."

"Anything." I responded surely.

"I um… I need you to promise me that whatever happens… even if you somewhat get your old body back and we're separated, or.. or you stay with me forever because we get old together…" Sunny trailed off.

"Yeah?"

Sunny struggled with her words for a moment, then sighed.

"I need you to promise me you will never touch alcohol again."

I…

I mean, I couldn't just lie to her. Not because she can read my thoughts, but… I just couldn't bring myself to. 

The question wasn't if I was strong enough to drop it completely. I couldn't. It was if I could keep fighting it for the rest of my potentially upwards-of-700-years life. If I can not have a single lapse of will for that long.

I mean, some people did really get clean though.

God, look at me, I sound like a dipshit celebrity going to rehab. I could get clean. I was me. I've done way harder shit. I was sober for bootcamp. For a good portion of the training pipeline. I had gotten clean for the things I cared about.

Sure, I had fallen off the wagon every single time, but I could do it again.

And it's not like I particularly wanted to spend the rest of my life half drunk. I mean, I'd already gotten in enough trouble for that. 

I spent a moment studying the wall in front of us, my mind going a million miles per hour.

Even if I could get sober… 

Would I want to?

Drinking was the closest I've come to really feeling at home. And it wasn't like I still had a criminal record here I could get away with it once Sunny became old enough to dri-

No. No, that's the addict talking. I wasn't "the addict" anymore. I was Jenny. 

Just Jenny.

And this time I had a secret weapon.

I had Sunny. 

And if I couldn't get sober for her, then I couldn't get sober for anything.

"I promise you Sunny, I will never drink again."

A wave of warmth sent by Sunny expressed her pride more than her words could ever do justice.

"Okay. I trust you in that. And I realize that's big because it was tough enough to affect you, and you're the most awesomest friend ever."

What a great kid.

"I don't… I really don't wanna talk about this. And I know what you did is big, so I have to. But if any pony or kirin else would have asked, I'd say no, okay?"

"I understand, kid. I appreciate you opening up." I responded in as reassuring a tone as I could.

"Yeah, but you're family now." Sunny replied unabashedly. "And not like Noi and I family. I mean, like me and Smoky family."

All out of ways to stall, Sunny finally sighed and gave in.

"So when the Stream of Silence thing went down, well one, it was right after that… thing with my father. Like, by less than a moon. Anyway, after the stream school kinda shut down."

"How long were you outta school?" I asked.

"Two cycles worth of class."

"You got two free years off school?" I laughed. "Younger me is so jealous."

"Don't be." Sunny gave a short chuckle. "Instead of just restarting fourth grade for us, we had to get like half of third grade too! It stunk!"

I let out a louder laugh but didn't respond.

"Uh, so when classes started again, I had my imaginary friends, right? But everyone else was so weird about them. My friends said I was being too weird, and the teachers were like 'Sunny you need to realize your imaginary friends aren't real' and calling me a liar. And then of course the bullies start calling me a loon and a liar just because. I mean, I defended them. I defended Melody and Orange and King. I was older and they were new!"

"I hate bullies. I'm sorry you had to deal with them." I said.

"Yeah, well one day I was having a particularly bad day." Sunny continued with a defined emphasis on the last three words. "My teacher was telling me that all I had to do was pretend I knew my friends weren't real to stop being picked on. I didn't like this teacher. And so I got so mad that I just started yelling. So long story short, dad invited him for dinner so they could make things all smooth."

"Woah, hold on, you still lived with your dad?" I interrupted.

"No, my father is dead." Sunny replied in the most hilarious monotone. "'Dad' is what I call the kirin that adopted me and Smoky. He was great! His name was Tiger Lily and he always got a lot of jokes on how weird it was and he always laughed."

"Oh, well he sounds nice." I coughed.

"He was big and fat and laughed a lot and I loved him very much." Sunny sighed.

"Hun, what happened to him?" I asked softly.

"I…"

A wave of sorrow shook me as I suddenly found myself shunted into control of the body.

"I…"

It seems the wave was just the vanguard, as moments later I was curling up my body as I drowned in an ocean of emotion.

"I killed him."