“Well ah reckon ah ain’t never—”
“Shut up, I hate your accent,” I said to Applejack, pushing her away from me as I woke up. “You were born and raised in Ponyville yet somehow only you have that hick accent, and no one else.”
Applejack sat dumbfounded as I wandered away down the road. As I passed by several ponies I noticed they’d gotten shorter again, only up to my knee. The street was still littered with droppings. At this point between the repeated killings and the constantly nude ponies, I had a horrible case of blue balls. I’d take anything at this point; a cat would be fine too.
As I aimlessly explored the town I came across the white pony I’d seen a few buses ago. “Oh hey, aren’t you an OC? Got anything to help a human stop getting hit by buses?”
“Huh?” The pony rubbed a hoof behind her mane, and was wearing some small saddlebags. They were kind of cute. I could probably pick them up by them, and use them like a sock. “Uh, well I don’t know if I could help with that. You’re almost tall enough to see over the roofs of the houses, and you’re having trouble with buses?”
“Yeah, if I could just find a way to hide or blend in with ponies I bet I could avoid it.”
“Oh! Well, my special talent does happen to be transformations. I’m Spectra.”
“Transformations?” I asked.
“Yep! Pony, unicorn, changeling, or even… feral horse? I won’t judge! If you’ve got an itch you just can’t scratch and twenty-four to forty-eight hours for the slow-burning but oh-so-good transformation to kick in, I’m your gal!”
“Um… I’m not sure I have that long to wait. Plus, no offense, but I’m not sure I want to be a tiny cartoon pony that poops in the middle of the streets.”
“Pfft, don’t knock it ‘til you try it.”
“Got anything that's normal?”
“Nah. Sounds like a Twilight problem. I’m gonna go, don’t really appreciate the way you’re staring at me.”
I blinked. “Oh, right, uh, my bad.” I looked over the nearby roofs towards a small crystal castle and began to head that way. Every pony might be getting smaller, making me relatively larger, but there was still a good chance that Twilight could use her magic to fix this. At the very least, maybe we could just chill in the bubble shield for a few days.
As I approached the castle I saw Twilight stumble outside, shouting a string of profanity across the street at a small dragon who was being helped to move his belongings out of the castle. “You won’t lasht a wheek without me!”
“You pooped right on my bed, and nearly sliced my finger off! I’ll see you in court!”
I gulped as Twilight turned to look at me. “Who the hell are you?” Her laser focused anger seemed to sober her up. “Come to file another complaint? I’ve just had my 500th filed! Plus, I’ve got to try to talk Luna out of her war on wokeness which she thinks means not letting people wake up from sleep anymore! Not to mention I just lost my damn fax machine, so I’m gonna have to hoof letters to Canterlot like a damn Earth pony!”
“I…” This disgruntled student of friendship didn’t at all seem like the Twilight from the show. This could be my last chance to magic my way out of this mess. “I’m a human from Earth. I keep getting hit by a bus, and each time I wake up in a worse Equestria! Please, you’ve got to use magic to fix it!”
“Fix it yourself!” She belched, and took a swig from the almost empty vodka bottle before flinging it at my head. I only barely dodged it. “I’m heading back inside to have a mega-pint of wine!”
The door slammed closed and a shimmering force field erected itself over the castle.
I sighed and noticed a shadow had fallen over me. I looked up expecting to find a cloud. Instead, a tumbling white bus emblazoned with an orange, pink, and blue stripe was plummeting towards me.