//------------------------------//
// 01 Leave the Driving to Us 
// Story: Isekai'd An Hero 
// by Kaidan 
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I don't normally leave my house, but the newest greatest video game ever was released and I would be in line at Gamestop to score an early release copy of the game. Well, sort of early, like nine o'clock, and I'd have to wait in line for at least two hours, but it would be worth it!

I grabbed my backpack and headed down the street from my apartment to the small shopping center. It was cloudy out and might rain soon, and the sun had barely started to set due to the longer summers in the Northwest. Ancient Dragon Magical Schoolgirls Seven was coming out today, and promised to be everything we'd ever wanted from the series. Sure, it took a downturn in the fifth sequel when they had to get woke and include a male character in the all-female cast. However, they'd gotten rid of the loot boxes from the sixth game and promised to only slightly monetize the outfits in this one!

And if you're thinking of judging me for playing a game with a title like Ancient Dragon Magical Schoolgirls Seven, then clearly you're an out of touch boomer. Sure it's a 14 year old school girl, but she's in the body of a ten thousand year old ancient dragon. It's not pervy if you're fantasizing about sticking it in a wrinkly old red dragon anus. At least, that's what the top comment on reddit said.

As I approached the store I noticed an old man with salt and pepper hair and a beard, tapping a foot impatiently at the bus stop. Behind him the line had rounded the corner for the Gamestop, which is a totally legitimate business that still has a reason to exist in 2022. I joined the end of the line and watched as we slowly shuffled forward single-file into a dimly lit under-staffed store clinging to relevance with spit, duct tape, and people brave enough to HODL.

When I passed the old man I noticed him muttering to himself. I stepped a little closer and briefly overheard "it's late, the portal will only be open for another thirty seconds." I laughed and shook my head, when I heard a thump and saw him on the ground clutching his chest. I rolled my eyes, but then I noticed a copy of Ancient Dragon Magical Schoolgirls Seven in his pocket. Mint in box!

No one was paying the old man any notice, like they couldn't even see him. I glanced around one last time to make sure, then stepped forward and pulled the game from his pocket. He looked up at me, "call... an ... ambulance..."

I chuckled, and stepped into the street to head home. Looking around I was shocked no one had noticed. Then a bright light filled the air and I heard a loud honking noise. Before I could turn around my world exploded in pain, the wind was knocked out of me, and the next thing I remember I hit a curb and bounced into a wooden power pole.

There was a snapping noise and I heard someone say before I blacked out, "but not for me..."





I jolted awake and sat up in the middle of a dusty road on a bright sunny day, surrounded by chirping birds and pastel ponies. Compared to artistic websites I visit, this was only like the top fifty of weird things I'd seen. I appeared to be smack dab in the middle of a children's cartoon, one I'd been a fan of nearly a decade ago but had fallen into irrelevance with the creation of TikTok, Fortnight, and my custom Minecraft server mod that made the game all about oviposition. Trust me, being implanted with a creeper egg is really hot if you texture it right.

"Ohmygosh! Are you okay?" A pony asked, appearing in front of me in a flash of pink.

"Pinkie Pie?" I muttered.

"Yep! That's me, but if you know me and I don't know you, does that mean I'm you and you're me?"

"What?"

"You know, like a body snatchers thing. You're obviously not from around here, I mean, where's the fur? And are those fingers? Spike has fingers—"

I drowned her out as I lifted up my arms and examined my hands. Taking stock of my situation it looked like I'd woken up in Ponyville, but as a human. It was just my luck that I'd finally live the dream of being transported to Equestria but not get turned into a pony, even a mud pony would be better than a human. Then again, I had fingers, which meant I could perform a wide variety of services for ponies ranging from benign to bangin'.

"—you're gonna get run over though if you keep sitting out here in the road! We should take you to the city hall so we can get you your free home, job, healthcare, and all that jazz. You couldn't have picked a better place to drop into... wait what's your name?"

"I'm Jake."

"Hi Jake! I'm Pinkie, but you knew that."

I reached out and squeezed her flank, watching the cutie mark jiggle slightly.

"Eep! What are you doing Jake?"

"Oh, I read a story once that ponies liked getting squeezed."

Pinkie shook herself free of my grip. "Oh someone's been doing too much reading from the Adult section of Twilight's library. We better save that for the first date, and I'm totally calling dibs now because you know the rest of my friends are gonna want to be the first to get in bed with a human."

I stood up and brushed some of the dirt off myself with my hands, looking around to notice a few ponies glancing my way with what is best described as bedroom eyes. "Huh, Pinkie, how do you know I'm human?"

"I had a hoof itch, ear twitch, and a snitch which is like a sneeze with an itchy throat. Well, come on this way to the relocation center so we can welcome you to Equestria the right way!"

I nodded, and smelled a familiar scent. It took a moment to place it as the rubber of tires that had been recently driven on, mixed in with a hint of asphalt. I looked around in confusion but didn't see any vehicles.

"Hey, Pinkie," I turned to face her. "Have you—" I stopped as I watched a large bus, with gray brushed aluminum and bright blue racing lines down the side, approached me head-on. A small dog logo was visible as the brights flashed on. I recovered just in time to try and dive to the side, getting clipped by the bus and sent tumbling across the ground.