It was a long, long story. A story of unbelievable pain. 8 years ago, Celestia had failed Promise. She tried to bring her and her friends to Equestria together, but in the end, she was left behind. Promise was left to fend for herself for years on end. And she had lost so, so much. She'd lost her childhood, really, stewing in that hatred and loneliness. I'd felt these emotions for a day or two, and she bore them for a thousand more. Death, something I'd never even considered, crossed her mind every day. It was maddening.
The story flowed out like a river. Unlike her earlier rambling, events happened in order. It was a story that needed to be heard. I understood what her old friends meant to her. I learned how she lost them. I sympathised with how much her father meant to her as the last person in her life that mattered to her. When he was taken, I imagined what it would be like if Promise was taken from me. Suddenly, Equestria seemed like such a scary place. A place of no return, a black hole which destroyed all that entered.
Between those instances of sorrow, though, she also told of all the ways Celestia cleaned the air, raised wages, made the world a better place. All the little things Celestia did for her when she wasn't listening. There was a real conflict in her voice, caught between the good and ill of Celestia. Going back through her past just seemed to make her more uncertain on what to think of her.
Finally, she reached the day she emigrated. She... she tried to commit suicide, back then. I had to stop myself from holding my mouth in shock. Promise? Cheerful, stalwart Promise tried to take her own life? Celestia was able to stop her, but... it was hard to hear. She was moments away from pulling the trigger, and it was only due to Celestia's tricks she was even alive today. If Celestia had been a moment slower, she would've been erased from the world for all eternity. I never would've been born.
Finally was the promise she forced Celestia to make. If she said she wanted to die, Celestia would let her do so. Not a way to commit suicide, she insisted, but a way to escape, just in case. It wasn't meant to be, of course. Celestia broke that promise, not a month later. And things clicked all the more. She left that escape route for herself to prevent this exact thing from happening, and now it was gone.
"With that, Celestia left. And then... I met you." Finally, she went quiet. Her long, long story was over.
She looked at me with pained eyes. An expression that showed she'd somehow done something wrong and needed to be punished. I shook my head in disbelief at it all. After all that, she somehow found the time to smile. All this time, she'd been carrying this. It would've driven me mad. "Promise... are you okay?" I said.
She averted her eyes. "I don't know. After Loki... I don't know if I'll ever be okay."
I shook my head. "Loki? No, who cares about her. You lived like that for three years. Are you okay?"
A few tears appeared on her face before she looked away. "It doesn't matter, does it? Loki wants to torture us forever. Compared to that, what's a few years on earth?"
I gaped. "Of course it matters! Loki can't touch us until Hanna's out of the picture, can she? We don't even know for sure whether that's Loki or Celestia! But that pain you felt? That's real."
She shook her head. "Really, I'm fine. it was a long time ago."
"Then why are you crying?"
She flashed a look of confusion and felt at her face. "W-what?"
I took a hesitant step forwards. "Promise... did Celestia ever talk to you about what happened?"
"T-this is Equestria. It wasn't ever important."
"That doesn't mean you shouldn't have told somepony! Forget Celestia, you didn't go see a therapist? Three years doesn't go away so quickly, Promise! Have you really been bottling all this up for that long!?"
Despite the tears, she gave what felt like a genuine smile. "Really, I'm fine. If Loki is evil, it's like Harry said, anyways. She did her best for me. I can't help it if I was too stupid to emigrate."
My eyes widened. "You do know that what happened wasn't your fault... right?" In response, she averted her eyes. My breath caught. "Promise!"
"It's not that simple!" she said. "I-if I hadn't been so stubborn, I wouldn't have had to wallow in my misery. If I'd just listened-"
"To a tyrant!?" I said. "Promise, you might have been right! If Loki is real, you had every reason to hate her! Why are you excusing her!?"
"I-"
I grabbed her hoof. "Promise me. If we get out of this, you go to therapy. You work out this... whatever this is. I don't want you saying things like this about yourself."
She flattened her ears. "...Okay."
"Good! I'm going to hold you to that, you know!" I took a breath. "Just... please don't say things like that about yourself. Celestia made a mistake. She said so, herself. You don't need to take responsibility for that."
"...Okay."
We sat in silence for a while. I didn't know what else to say. I mean, I was still processing everything Promise had told me, between Harry and her own past. Her guilt, her pain. There was just so, so much. From her past to her future, it just felt like too much for anypony to bear.
W-was I made for this? Was I supposed to help Promise through this? Was there a therapist waiting out there to help her? Did Celestia even see this coming? I didn't know how to help Promise. What was my purpose if I couldn't help her?
Things were supposed to be easy. That's the way the world was supposed to work. We might work hard, things might get scary for a moment, but it always, always worked out in the end. I just wanted Celestia to prove to me that she was still good. I just wanted her to prove she was there for me, like she always was.
"What do we do, now?" I finally said.
"...Wanna play some video games?" Promise said.
My ears drooped. "Are you sure? Don't you want to do more research? Figure out how to prove Celestia again?"
"No," she said. "I don't want to think about her right now. And I don't want to go out into the city, either. It's just a prison at this point. I just want to remind myself what having fun is like."
I didn't argue again. I just nodded grabbed my console from the supplies. After everything that had happened, I understood wanting to forget.
Things didn't just go back to normal. I mean, of course they didn't. With all the emotions rushing through both of our heads, we were never going to go back to the way they were. But in time, we managed. We'd always bonded over games, Promise and I. They were the reason I met her in the first place. So taking a moment to sit back and do nothing... it was nice. It wasn't enough, not really. But it was something.
We easily went on for hours, bouncing from one game to the next. All co-op, of course: friendship and ponies and all that. We didn't talk about Celestia, Loki, Equestria, or the like. We just played, like it was a week ago and we pretended we didn't have a care in the world.
Promise was the one to break that unspoken rule. She put down her controller. "Hey, Cyan?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you... still believe in Celestia? Do you think Loki is out there?"
I clenched my controller for a moment, then loosened. "I... I can't say I don't have my doubts. But I trust Celestia. I don't know what she's doing right now, but there has to be a reason for all of it."
She averted her eyes. "Okay."
"I'm sorry, Promise," I said. "I understand why you feel that way. But all we really have are a few what-ifs. There's still no proof of anything."
"No, no. I... I shouldn't have expected otherwise. It's in your DNA, isn't it? An utter obedience to Celestia. You can't go against that. You were never going to be anypony else."
My breath caught in my throat. "N-no," I said. "No, I trust her for a reason. She's done nothing but be kind to me. I'm still me."
She looked down. "S-sorry. That was mean of me, wasn't it?" She sighed. "It's just... Celestia created you, didn't she? If she wanted to satisfy values, I feel like a subservience to her would just make sense. It's not like you can change that, right? It's just... a part of you, I guess." Ashamed, she looked down at her video game.
I looked away in turn. My body felt like lead. I wanted to tell her she was wrong, but... could I? Every pony I'd ever met loved Celestia, and most of them weren't emigrators. I might have a backstory, but really, I came into being around 5 years ago, when Promise finally emigrated. And when I came into being, I loved Celestia already. Was that... was that all I was? Was I destined to be subservient?
"Who am I, anyways?" I finally said.
Promise glanced over. "Huh?"
I shook my head. "I'm not supposed to worry about stuff like this. Who I'm supposed to be, what I'm supposed to do. W-when I came into existence, I knew who I was, and I knew that it was okay to be that pony. When I met you, I thought I'd found my purpose in life. To love you, to be by your side. It's not supposed to matter if I made that choice. But I didn't, did I? Everything I've ever done... it's just because of who Celestia made me to be."
Promise grimaced. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you think about all that."
"No, no. It's true, isn't it? I didn't get to choose who I am. Everything I remember from before you came here, it's all to shape me into the pony you needed me to be. A-and I thought that was enough, you know? I loved being by your side! I still do! Celestia placed me into existence and made me happy. But none of that was ever my choice. Am I really whining about having a perfect life? Promise, you got to choose. You had a chance to become the person you wanted to be. Your life was so, so terrible! But at least you got to figure out who you are, yourself. Why am I so envious of you?"
Promise averted her eyes. "I-I don't know. I don't know what it's like to be... artificial. Made to fit a role. But being a human isn't all that much easier. At least you found a place where you belong. Celestia cares to find that for you. Us, we're thrown in a world where there's no place for you at all, and you have to carve a place for yourself pebble by pebble."
I looked at the ground, myself. "And you still get that chance to carve that spot. You get to form your own opinions, build your own skills. Celestia made all those choices for me. What do I do when I'm met with something I'm not built for?"
She looked out a window. "At that point, maybe Earth and Equestria aren't all that different."
I looked up at her suddenly. "Huh?"
"On Earth, you don't get to choose where you're born, who your parents are. Your gender, the color of your skin. Those things really matter back there like they don't here. From an early age, you'll be good at some things, bad at others. The things you're good at, you do more of. I met friends who introduced me to video games, and because dad had kept me away for so long, they immediately fascinated me. Any choice I make, I'm sure I can trace it back the chain. Really, how much choice did I have more than you did?"
I shook my head. "Don't be so pessimistic," I said. "You're more than your past. If that's all you were, you could never change your mind! You're not just on some... predetermined path. Really, if you're so predictable, then what about Celestia? She knows just about everything, you're constantly surprising her, aren't you!? You and Harry were both more resilient than she thought. S-she's never said that about me."
A confused look passed her face. "Celestia spoke to you?"
...Damnit. A few tears went down my face. I made no effort to hide them. I looked out the window of the tent, wings feeling the empty air currents around us. "It was yesterday morning, before you woke up. She warned me things were going to fall apart. I didn't want to worry you. I-I tried to fix everything, tried to stop all this from happening. And it just made things worse. I bet it all went like Celestia wanted, huh? I'm just walking down the path she paved for me. Just like I'm doing now, trusting Celestia. What am I supposed to do, throw away what my heart is saying, just because it's what she wants me to think? I... I don't know what to do."
Promise seemed lost in thought. "Celestia... you know, she told me something, the other day. I suppose it might've been a lie, but I don't think it was. She said that us ponies were always surprising her. Even knowing every neuron in our brains, she can't perfectly predict how we'll respond. And I'm not just talking about us emigrators."
She looked into my eyes and held my hoof. "Celestia might have made you, but you've been able to make choices after that. When she created you, she didn't decide the pony you'd become, just the pony you were. She didn't design you to doubt her, did she? You said yourself that you were starting to. I say stop worrying about who you're supposed to be. Become the pony you want to become, Cyan. Celestia be damned. Celestia knew who you were, once, but you still have an eternity to work that out for yourself. If that's someone who trusts in Celestia in the end, that's fine. But like me, that's still your choice to make."
...Promise was pretty amazing, wasn't she? I hadn't forgotten, really, but after taking care of her for the past few days, I'd been distracted. Turns out, stressed she might be, she was still herself at the core. She still found the time to say something utterly brilliant.
The pony I want to become, huh? "I'm not sure if I know who I want to be."
Promise clenched my hoof. "Neither do I, really. I've been having fun on these adventures with you. So, so much fun. But I still don't have my cutie mark, you know. And neither do you. We can still find our place in this world."
"If we have time," I said.
"We will," she said. "You said it earlier, didn't you? Loki isn't torturing us. That means Hanna's still looking over her shoulder. And no, I don't know what happens when that's over. All I know is that until then, we still have time. Be it a day or a million years, we have time. Maybe we shouldn't waste it." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "We shouldn't waste it."
I finally put on a slight smile. "I thought I was supposed to be cheering you up."
She returned it. "If it's just the two of us, we've gotta have each other's backs. After all the times you've helped me out, I have to return the favor every once in a while. And you've helped me a lot, too."
"Do you... do you believe in Loki?"
"I..." she trailed off. "I guess I don't know, anymore. Maybe... maybe Celestia really does have a reason for everything she's done. Or maybe she really is Loki." She looked to the window again. "I need to know."
"You're going out again, aren't you?"
She grimaced. "I... I'm sorry. I don't want to leave you behind. But Harry's the only person I know smart enough to figure this out. If I want to finally prove this, one way or the other... I'm not going to find it here."
"Fine. Then take me with you."
Her eyes widened. "Wait... really?"
I shifted my weight. "Well... you told me to make my own decisions, didn't you? Let's make this my first. Why do I need to wait for Celestia to invite me, anyways? I-I want to go with you to see Harry. I want to see Earth, too! So if you're gonna go out and find the truth, then I'll be there to find it, myself!"
Promise held out a hoof. "Then... let's do this."
I bumped the hoof. "Let's do this."
It wasn't long before we were ready. We discussed our strategy with Celestia for a bit, made sure that security would be fine while both of us were gone. Cyan made special care to fluff up the bed to make it as comfortable as possible while we were gone. Soon, though, we were both lying awake, ready to face her once again.
I didn't know why I was so calm. Maybe it was because I had Cyan by my side. Maybe it was because, at least for now, I had nothing to fear from Loki or Celestia. Maybe it was because I trusted that Harry would be able to help me find the answers we were looking for. Whatever the case, for once, I was pretty sure I was ready.
"Think she'll let me join? Think she'll summon you at all?" Cyan said.
"I hope so," I said.
Neither one of us asked what we would do if she didn't.
I finally let my eyes drift shut. And a moment later, they opened in the pastel whites of Celestia's throne room. Thank Celestia. And sure enough, Cyan was to my side. To that, I was grateful. However, right now, she wasn't my target. I closed my eyes and slowly turned my body. And when they opened, Celestia was sat in her throne, sad look on her face. "Celestia," I said.
"Promise Spark." She turned her head. "Cyan Skies."
"You know why we're here," I said.
"...Yes."
"We want to find the truth," Cyan said. "And we aren't going to find it here."
"...Yes."
"You told me yesterday I was your last hope," I said. "That hasn't changed, has it? You need me. And I'm not going without her."
Celestia sighed. "Yes, yes. To every demand, the answer is "yes." You don't need to convince me, either one of you. I told you I trust your judgement, Promise. And I told you I trusted you to protect her, Cyan. So if the two of you wish to go to Harry again, I won't stop you."
The two of us exchanged a glance. That was... easier than expected. Cyan spoke up. "Are you sure?"
She bowed her head. "I only want what would satisfy the two of your values the most. You might not believe me, but I have no reason to stand in your way. Everything I've done, it's been for that single goal."
Cyan hesitated. "I... I want to believe you, Celestia. But why didn't you let us see Hanna? She could show us some sort of proof!"
"Could she?" Celestia said. "Why would you believe I showed you a real Hanna? I control every aspect of this simulation. I could show you whatever I wanted to. According to my simulations, no matter what I showed you, you wouldn't believe it. And that includes showing you Hanna herself."
"Then why didn't you say anything!?" she said. "It's just... you've been so quiet, Celestia."
She winced. "I-I'm sorry, Cyan. Promise wanted space. Even if I were to show up for you alone, it wouldn't have ended well once the information was revealed to Promise. You helped each other better than I could in this scenario."
Cyan seemed to relax at what she said, but it just stung to me. Her honeyed words didn't feel like enough, not anymore. It was just a bunch of excuses. She still tore me away from Harry, she still did nothing to help when I needed her most. Was all this to get Cyan with me? It wasn't worth it. The kindness I felt yesterday just felt cold, now. It was just numbers, just math. Because Cyan would cause more satisfaction over time, she gave me a screaming match!? And that was the best case-scenario, where she even was Celestia in the first place. I just wanted to be done with all the games.
Celestia grimaced again. "Promise..."
"Save it, Celestia," I said. "Whatever defense you have, I don't care. I'm not here for you."
"Promise?" Cyan said.
I glanced at her and softened slightly. "Oh, it's just a thought, Cyan. Let's just get going." I turned to walk towards the teleportation chamber.
"Actually," Celestia said. She lit up her horn. "If you really want to go to Harry, we can skip the pretense." A few runes began to form at our feet.
I spun and looked her in the eye. "No, don't skip through this. I still have to lay my ground rules. No more of the bullshit you pulled last time. I leave Earth when I say so, you got that?"
A slight smile. "I already said I agreed to all of your demands, didn't I?"
"If you break your promise again," I said. "I'll never forgive you."
She shrugged. "Forever is a long time."
I made to step forwards, but Cyan held me back with a wing. "Let's go, Promise."
I took a breath, then nodded. I held Cyan's wing in mine as the runes formed a teleportation circle beneath our feet.
"For what it's worth," Celestia said. "I truly do trust in the two of you to find the truth. However long it may take. At the end of all of this... I hope we can all be friends again."
I didn't respond out loud. But I couldn't help but think, I hope so, too.
I kept meeting Celestia's eyes until the rainbow of teleportation overtook us and transported us down to Earth.
I paced across the floor of the dining room. I hadn't farmed today, didn't make any sort of food. Not that it mattered. If nobody showed up soon, a bit more food in storage wouldn't matter much. I didn't really know if Celestia even heard my cries last night. I could only hope. Even if she did show up, I'd have to somehow find a way out for her along the way. It just felt so impossible.
I hadn't given Celestia a time limit, per say, but the usual time was just minutes away. Every second felt like an eternity. Another 5 minutes, I told myself I'd wait. But I knew I'd put it off longer. I'd probably wait a few days before truly giving up. I just wanted her to show up soon. I didn't want to think of the things Loki might be doing to her.
Finally, a bit of shifting from the robot caught my attention. I bolted up from my seat and rushed over to see her. Internally, I knew Celestia might have sent a copy. But I could worry about that later. For now, I wanted to talk to my friend again, to make sure she was alright. "Sparks!" I said.
Before she could respond, another shape began solidifying beside her. It formed the shape of another pony, a sky blue coat and an ocean blue mane. I took a cautious step back as this pony glanced around. "Huh," she said. "Earth's a bit darker than I imagined."
Ignoring her, Sparks ripped the metal legband off, causing it to roll away from her. Of course, it came off for her. Then, she rushed forwards and wrapped her forelegs around me. I quickly returned the hug. "I'm so glad you're okay," I said.
"Yeah," she said. "I am, too."
"How'd you get out?" I said.
"Well," she said. "Good news on that front, I guess. Either Celestia is real, Loki still hasn't given up, or Hanna's keeping him in check. Honestly, I'm not even sure myself, at this point. Whatever the case, we should have as long as we need to figure this out."
When the two of us broke up our hug, the blue pony spoke up, drawing my attention back to her. "Uh, hi! I'm Cyan, nice to meet you!" Amazingly, she flapped her wings and flew towards me! She held out a hoof.
Baffled by the physics-defying stunt, I made to shake her hoof... only for my hand to phase through the limb. She giggled. "Heh, gotcha! I'm just a hologram!" To demonstrate, she flew through a nearby table. "You should've seen your eyes when I stated flying, though, priceless!"
Sparks stepped forwards. "I mentioned her yesterday, right? Cyan wanted to join me today. She chose to go for the hologram since she wanted to be able to fly. Sorry about her, she's usually a lot nicer than this." She flashed a disapproving look at Cyan, who wilted slightly.
But I laughed. "Oh, don't worry about it, Sparks. I think Cyan and I will be getting along just fine! The real question is, how do you prank a hologram back?"
Cyan perked back up. "Good luck, old man!"
I glanced back between the two of them. For the way things had ended yesterday, they had some wide smiles on their faces. How were they staying so cheerful in the face of it all? And then I met Sparks's eyes, and I knew things weren't so simple. Despite the smile on her face, her eyes had a distant sadness hiding in them.
"Hey, um... are you okay, Sparks?"
She flashed a smile. "Oh, of course not!" she said. "I could well be living under the wing of the greatest tyrant in the universe, and there's nothing I can do to stop it! Why do you ask?"
I blinked. "Uh..."
She interrupted me with a toothy smile. "I've had enough, Harry. Enough of the lies. Enough of being that AI's plaything, whatever her true name is. No, I'm done playing her games. If I'm living on borrowed time, what's the point in wasting it? Damnit, I'll use every second I have left. I'm going to do what I want! I'm going to write my own adventures!"
She turned to Cyan. "I've always wanted to take you here, you know," she said. "What do you want to do? What do you want to see?"
She seemed genuinely surprised by the question. "I... I don't know. I guess I want to see where you grew up, but that's probably a bit far away..."
"Oh yeah?" she said. "Let's do it! What's stopping us, anyways? A road trip, just the three of us! What state are we in, anyways?"
"...Montanta?" I said.
"Great!" Sparks said. "Then let's tour the country! Let's see some national parks before they're destroyed! Let's see my hometown in Florida! Let's do it all! Celestia gave us as long as we needed, let's take her up on that offer!"
Cyan spoke before I could. "I don't know, Promise," she said. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"
"Why not?" she said. "You wanted to make something of yourself, didn't you? Well, we aren't going to find that something here. We're not going to find it in Celestia's perfect world. So, let's go somewhere new! See new people, see new places!"
Cyan's ears slowly perked up. "O-okay. I'm with you, Promise."
At that, I held up my hands. "Woah, woah, woah. Aren't you two moving a bit fast? I haven't agreed to this, Sparks."
"Oh, really?" she said. "Then why not?"
I let out a puff of air. "I don't know, it's completely crazy! I'm not prepared for a road trip! Aren't we supposed to debate, figure out how to save you from Celestia? Are you just giving up on all that!?"
"Oh, of course not!" she said. "But I'm not going back to Equestria until I have my answer. I doubt we'll figure this out today, anyhow, so why not talk in the car!" She threw her wings up in the air. "Really, what's the point of waiting? You're not getting any younger! Let's get packed up!"
I shook my head. "I can't just abandon my farm, Sparks!" I said.
"And why not?" she said. "I'm pretty sure you have plenty of food stored up. Even if you ran out, I'm sure Loki or Celestia would gladly lengthen your lifespan to the bitter end. What's so special about this place?"
"I..." I trailed off.
"Do you want to spend another week here? Another month, another year? The same walls, the same movies? Or do you want to explore somewhere new!? Didn't you want to see the world again, Harry? See who else was out there?"
I sighed. "Just... give me some time to think, okay? This is all really sudden."
I supposed I didn't really know why I wanted to stay so badly. Sentimentality, maybe. I'd lived here for two years. Maybe it was a fraction of my lifetime, but it had begun to truly feel like home. My family lived here, once. They'd left it to my care. And Sparks wanted me to abandon it all for what? To try to find some other people? To follow the whims of someone I'd only known for a few days? To put a smile on her face?
...Heh. A smile on her face? When I put it like that, it wasn't much of a question. To put a smile on a friend's face was a goal worth fighting for. I let a smile take my face. "Well... I suppose if you want to go out there, you'll need a driver, eh, Sparks?"
She grinned. "Yes, yes, yes! Oh, this is gonna be amazing! You can go pack up, Harry, Cyan and I will help get the car set up in the meantime! You have one in the garage, right?"
"Yeah."
"Then let's get started," Cyan said. "We have a lot to do. The battery will probably be dead. Plus, we'll need gas, it'll definitely be bad by now."
"Gas can go bad!?" Promise said.
"How do you not know that, aren't you supposed to be the human? Look, I'll see if I can get a few things from Celestia, she should be willing to help out!"
"Celestia!? Come on, can't we do this without her?"
"With what resources? Neither of us are mechanics..."
Their voices faded away as they ran out the door towards the car. I chuckled and shook my head at their antics. Soon enough, they'd realize I was prepared for all of this. I had some longer-lasting gas saved up, and my battery was hooked up to my generator. But I'd let them figure that out.
Sparks, though. She'd changed a lot since yesterday. Not in the 'Celestia replaced her with a fake' way, more that some internal inhibitor had been broken. Was this born from Cyan's influence? A hatred of Celestia? At this point, I could only guess.
For now, I made my way up the stairs for the final time. I took a final glance through the other rooms, and then grabbed a suitcase from my own. I didn't have much to pack, really. If there was ever a threat, I wanted to be able to pack up quickly. Still, I took the time to grab a few personal photos, a few of my favorite T-shirts.
And then... I turned towards my pillow. With shaky hands, I removed the gun from its spot. Its silver metal glistened in the dim lights around me. My reflection distorted across its surface. And you know, I almost put the gun back under the pillow. My hands seemed to move on their own, though. The revolver slid into my pocket, and it seemed to weigh a thousand tons. For self-defense, I told myself. I didn't know what I'd find out there. Self-defense.
As I left, I took one last look through my movie catalogue. I wanted to bring something with me, but there wasn't exactly much to grab, was there? A portable video player's battery would only last so long, and I didn't even have one on hand. Anyways, I didn't have to bring them with me. Florida was only a week's drive away, after all. I'd be back here before long.
As the thought crossed my mind, I knew I didn't believe it. Somehow, I already knew. The moment I went through these doors, I would never see this farmhouse again. I'd emigrate or die by mission's end.
"Goodbye," I said simply. "Thanks for taking care of me so long, old friend."
And I stepped out into the unknown world beyond.